I want to trust but have anxiety: Thoughts?

I just recently was able to make my relationship official (with a title) but have been acting bf/gf for two years. I have been faithful and loyal for those two years, even without the title. I caught him messaging a “friend,” and I called him out on it. He said, “I guess it’s one thing to say, and another to act.” Meaning he’s only ever said things to this person and has never seen them and hung out…I explained to him that it hurt me. I told him that if he talks to her that it needs to stay at a friend zone level. He agreed. However, my anxiety is going through the roof. My heart is so broken, but I still love him. Then he changed his password to his phone, and he hasn’t changed it for two years…why now? So many red flags; my heart is like, give him a chance even tho you hurt. But my anxiety is all over the place!!!


Sorry hunny . It may be time to accept that it is what it appears to be .


Why would he change the password on his phone after two years? Cause he’s hiding something that’s why 🤷


He’s talking to another chick. That’s cheating even if nothing physical happened. He changed his password because he doesn’t want to get caught. No wonder you have trust issues. You deserve so much better. Don’t let this man destroy you. :heart:


I know it’s easier said then done, but seriously…this is going to end one way. Inevitably. I am sorry. You need to start accepting it…


He told you that to keep you on standby while he tests the waters elsewhere. Do you want to be just the safety net? I didn’t think so.

I am so sorry. I wish there was a way to make this better for you. :two_hearts:


How old are you? I ask because I was able to do a 4 month stretch without “titles” at 19- with a guy that ended up habitually cheating, btw. But now that I’m almost 40 ain’t nobody got time for that. He sounds like a cheater. He was able to cheat on a technicality for 2 years because y’all weren’t official. Now he has to hide it.


Been there done that. There’s a reason you guys weren’t in a “relationship” He got everything he wanted from you with no actual commitment. He could talk to whoever because there was no title. You don’t have anxiety it’s womens intuition. He is absolutely talking to other women you know that. He’s not going to tell you about seeing them until you catch him. Then it’s I met her but we didn’t do anything. Until you catch him. Then it’s I’m sorry I’m never do it again. Until you catch him. Run now!! You deserve better. Don’t waste your life.


Yes I would leave ! It hurts falling for the wrong one :point_up:t5: but theirs always a better MAN out there that will be :100: with you and would never even think to entertain any other female while committed :ok_hand:t5:

2 years & you just now got a title ??? F THAT , move on & find someone better !!!


If he’s changed the password & you know this by having to check his phone, I think you already know what the solution is. He may not be physically cheating but there are other definitions of cheating & it’s almost a given that he’s not being faithful.


Do yourself a favor and just end things with him now.

Honestly beating yourself over it is the worst thing, you can legit drive yourself crazy. Once trust is broken, it’s nearly impossible to get back. You’ll have always that thought somewhere in the back of your mind. It honestly sucks.

Please get out while you can :confused:

Sorry but you are going to have alot more anxiety and heartache if you don’t call it quits you officially are calling him your boyfriend and now people know that you two are a couple and before now they didn’t so ever who he is talking to or texting he don’t want them to find out because this has probably been happening or going on with this chic before now

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Sorry red flag throw the whole man out before you get deeper and deeper in with this man because in the long run sounds like he’s playing you and if he was taking to another chick that’s cheating and if he’s changing password he has something more to hide there’s probably more than just talking

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being honest right now. you get caught doing some shady bs, then change your password? You have no intention of changing anything, you still shady, and changing your password proves it. If you ain’t trying to be shady, you’d hand the phone over and give the password up. If not? byeeeeeee

Two things here.
Changing his password after you talk to him about this friend is a huge red flag.
Second, he clearly stated that he only said things but never met up with her. What things were being said?! If they were things outside of the friendly type, I would consider it cheating. Flirting, talking dirty… cheating to me.


You tell him how you feel about it & he changes his password? He is definitely guilty of something!!! My ex did the same to me, but I was stupid and stayed with him, only for him to dump me for the girl he was talking to a month later. But within that month he was making sure he had a real chance with the other girl before dumping me.
So as hard as it is, its time to walk away!!!


Something doesn’t seem on the up &up

If he was :100: for you it would not have takin 2 years to make it “official”… As much as you may love him and want this it only going to hurt more later.


He is a cheater. Flat out. If a guy really wants you and only you, he’s tying it down looong before a 2 year mark.


You deserve better!!

Go with your gut men cant hide crap a woman always knows he just acts differently. Leave him if you feel the trust is gone

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Girl, no. Cut that off. You deserve better then that! If you have been giving him your self for 2 years and he wont even give it a title you should walk tf away! Not going to lie I have been in those shoes, and I gave him 6 months to figure it out. After seeing him blatantly ignore me in a bar and entertain another chick i was done. It was a slap in the face and my heart was broke all at once. I deserved better, and you do too!

Get out now before ur stuck🚩

Love comes and love goes. I think he needs to decide if he wants to be in the same kind of relationship he does. If you have b.f pen together for 2 years it sounds to me he is keeping his options open. You don’t really think she is just a telephone buddy so you . Find some friends, go have some fun

Sorry that boy doesn’t want you. It does not take someone two years to call another person their bf/gf. You are nothing more than a fwb to him.

Go with your gut feeling because you are probably right

You don’t have anxiety. He’s lying and being sneaky. You caught him doing this. What haven’t you caught him doing? I speak from experience, you’ll never know AND THAT’S ON HIM. not you.

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I think you need a cuddle and a good friend and get yourself a safe place this is hard you will be ok it’s not love if it hurts

Took you 2 years to get comfortable enough to give it a title for a reason. Either because he wasn’t it and you just wanted him to be, or because you have a history of picking the wrong guys and you know it. Not everything needs a rational explanation. Yes, it can be hard to tell anxiety/paranoia/past trauma from gut instincts, but it’s never 2-years hard. In the future, if you don’t know after 6 months that you really want to commit to someone – move on. Doesn’t even matter why, could be you - could be them. After 6 months you’re wasting everyone’s time. Say “thank you, next!” and trust that when the right guy walks into your life you will recognize him. For real. Women are good at knowing things instinctually. Unfortunately, we are just as good at dismissing our feelings as the world likes to tell us that we are “crazy” or “overly emotional” or “unreasonable”. So what? Be true to your gut, unreasonable or not.

Go with your gut.Red flags he changed his code.Hes hiding something.Walk away now.You deserve better.

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My ex used 2 delete all things from his phone (if he wasn’t drunk enuf 2 4get) but ya can’t delete ur Google history.

Sounds like you have more interest than he does in having a relationship. Let it go. If you have to work so hard to get a relationship out of this it’s too much work

Anyone who would’ve kept me stringing along for 2 YEARS would’ve been gone long before he let us “make it official”…just saying. That’s a big enough red flag for me.


He doesn’t care about you. People who care about you, wouldn’t do things to disrespect and hurt you like that.


Don’t waste your life on someone who after TWO WHOLE YEARS didn’t even wanna put a title and just now did. He isn’t going to change. Not trying to be rude or harsh but he is probably doing that to all the other girls he is talking to.

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Nope. Get out of there girlfriend… like you should have 1.5 years ago after he wouldn’t make it official.

Ask him about the password… I have to use a long password (letters and numbers) on my phone for work. Apple has always let you repeat the password until recently… just don’t want you to overthink the password change if it wasn’t intentional.

Well your heart is stupid and your anxiety is reading bathe warning signals correctly. You only just now discovered something that he would have continued with so now he has to do it “secretly “ so he’s not going to stop and he will be mad that you asked him to stop. He’s not really taking relationships seriously with either of you. You are going to have to decide how much you value yourself. You went 2 years doing the right thing and he did the minimum. So… as hard as it it you absolutely need to love someone who is at your level and takes care of your heart and eases your conscience not adds stress.

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You’re having anxiety because you’re ignoring what your brain is telling you. It’s your body’s way of telling you something is off, trust your beautiful instincts love. They are strong and intuitive.


This sounds toxic. Someone who truly cares for you would help you through your anxiety, not make it worse. My husband and I dated for a year before we got married and he wanted to know everything he could to help me and my anxiety. Find you a person who will do THAT for you.

There’s all kinds of red flags here. If it took 2 years to gain that title either you were a side piece or he knew he could string you along without much of a commitment. Do yourself a favor and find someone who you’re their first choice, someone who doesn’t want to spend another minute without you


Be done with that crap.

If he knows about your fears and doesnt do anything to ease those fears than he doesnt respect you and you need to consider leaving

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Dudes perspective…your a side piece…get out

When my ex and I were together I had the same issue. Except he worked with this girl. He always told me that his phone was his “personal space”. Tho he was good at hiding it. Until he blatantly would delete messages infront of me and his phone would go off like crazy if he was in another room. We were together for 2 years when I saw the messages between them two. He said it was a joke and to see if I was reading his messages. But that was amongst other things he would do. If your gut/anxiety is telling you something then I’d listen to it. You’ll always have an intuition that somethings wrong or off before actually happening. I’ve learned to trust it. Granted he might have had to change his password for some reason but you never know until you ask. If your anxiety is way too high to you for a 2 year relationship then maybe you should look at not staying.

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Hell no. This is a huge red flag. A good man will give you his password and never make you wonder. Save yourself the heartache and move on hunny!

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That’s not anxiety, that’s intuition. The fact that you said you were recently “able to make your relationship official” let’s me know this relationship is one sided. Walk away and don’t speak to this man. Sit back and see how hard he is willing to fight for you. My guess is he won’t. If you are the one maintaining the relationship, it’s not mutual. Walk away.

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Dont put yourself through the heartache. There are men out there you can actual trust. You know you deserve better.

He either gives his password or forget it. If you’re not hiding something, you have no reason not to give your password. Ask for it, if he says no, move on.