It started a year ago, around Christmas time when my youngest son came into to town with his family. They all stayed at my oldest sons house. Plans were made ahead of time and all of a sudden things changed really fast when they all got to together. I was told to leave them alone and stop treating them like a child. I’m a very devoted grandmother and love my sons and their children very much. I enjoy posting pictures of them on Facebook so me and other grandmothers can share our grandkids. I get scolded for everything I post and I’m always being told about their boundaries and rules I have to follow. I’m always getting accused of trying to include myself into their lives. I don’t know what went wrong but the more I try to repair our relationship the worse it’s getting. I’m being told that I call and text them too much and that I feel entitled to them because I’m their mother. I don’t want to control or stick my nose in their business, all I want is to be treated like I’m still part of their family. Every time I ask the question why I get accused of causing drama. I’ve missed birthday parties this past year and I wasn’t even acknowledged on my birthday this year. My heart hurts and I’m about to just give them what I think they want is for me to leave them alone. Please help me to understand if my expectations of them are too over the edge or I’m just being a typical parent who has been left out. Thanks in advance!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I need advice trying to fix my relationships with two of my sons - Mamas Uncut
Omg i dont have advice for this but im sorry this happened to you. Im single parent and grandparents were very important to my sons. I just hope this wks out for you. Maybe write letters to the grands?? Send bday gifts to see if it helps??
I’m sorry this happening grandparents are so important my best advice I can give you that was given to my mom when me and my sister stopped talking to her for a year.
" them treating you like this is on them one day you won’t be here and their need for you will be massive and they will realize time should’ve been spent love should’ve been given"
I hope this helps a little bit for what it’s worth you seem wonderful & very caring
Sounds like they have some controlling ass women in their life… One thing I’m gonna remind you is you’ll always be their mother and eventually that controlling shit that they’re women does all eventually get old.
I’m so sorry this is happening! You ARE NOT the problem. My mother has my son has her profile picture on fb, post all kinds of things about him, shares my post about him. And I don’t care in the slightest. It’s her grandson, and she’s proud to show him off. Unless you are telling them how to raise their kids, this is just heartbreaking. I have no advice but I’m sorry your goung through thos
There has to be more to the story than this. You sound lovely, like the kind of mother and grand mother people would love to have. Surely there’s a reason they’re being so cold towards you
I would give anything to have my mom be able to call and text me ‘too much’ hope they come around and realize all family is important. Good luck
I would make other arrangements for xmas ,and treat them like they want
If it were me I would just exclude myself from them all . And when U go quiet maybe they might wake up to them selfs and wonder why that is
I’ll treat u like grandma is supposed to be treated mines died so long ago. But look into more activities that include other people close to your age like a senior center and make friends with people who can become like family. I know it probably hurts but u can’t force them I’m sure they’ll start to see rhe errors of their ways. Stop being so available to them at all times see if they like it. Concentrate on making yourself happy o ly u can do that. Good luck
If there’s not more to the story then it sounds like you have some shitty daughter-in-law‘s and ungrateful sons! And honestly I would put your energy into your local children’s centers you know how useful a grandma like you would be there there’s so many kids that would love to have attention and appreciate it!
They’ve said how they wish to be treated and all the things they feel are wrong. I’d take note of the boundaries they have put into place and let them be. They’ve communicated the issues. And the ways they feel would make things better. You’ve chosen not to follow that
I hate that for you, but honestly there’s obviously a lot missing from this story
Have you considered that they tried to take space from you and you kept pushing. It’s a really big boundary’s romp to post their children on social media without their permission, boundaries and rules for their family means you follow them or you aren’t as included, and that’s a natural consequence esp if you haven’t been respectful to their family. And we have all missed out there been a pandemic. Also I noticed you say you only love your sons and their children, what about the rest of their family?!? The partners weren’t included in that and that says a lot. Maybe try backing off and giving them space and treating them like adults as they have already asked you to do those things. But your behavior caused them to pull away…. Now may be good to reflect on the behaviors they’ve pointed out to you and why you continued pushing and being disrespectful. Talk with a professional if necessary.
There is your side and their side but it’s all in how YOU feel. Let them go to you! One day they will ask why don’t you call or text at all and then you may remind them why …you simply did as they wished. It hurts but it will hurt more if you continue to try, so for your sanity and health stop all contact! One day they will regret what has occured because family is everything and as grandkids grow they ask questions! All you can do is love from afar silently, Do not however miss a grandchilds birthday, always send a card or something and keep it at that. I’m sorry you are going through this…it cannot be easy. It’s the only advice I can give, it may not be the greatest but we can’t control what others choose.
If your children are setting up boundaries they don’t want you to cross there is a reason. Somewhere along the line you’ve done something in their eyes where they need you to take a step back. Not trying to be rude but speaking from a child’s point of view who had to set boundaries not to be crossed.
I feel like there is more to the situation. Not that I think she did anything wrong but there are always 3 sides to a story: yours, theirs, and the truth.
Like did they ask you not to post pictures of the children? Some people are very against having their children plastered all over social media. You say they have rules, have you been trying to accommodate their rules or are you walking all over them? Things like this. Again I am not saying she did anything wrong but there is just not enough to not have those questions.
Horrible and nasty why would you want to be around them to treat you like that. Kids or not.!!!
It’s the same with mine. I asked my oldest n he doesn’t have time , my middle one barely talks to me at all , n my youngest lives in NY n he barely calls . They have their own lives is what they say. All I want is to b loved n included like I loved n raised them . I Don’t want to be the center of attention, I just want to b included some times. So it’s not just u Hun n I’m so sorry tht u r going through this as well. . It’s most of the kids these days. It hurts bad n I’m sorry u have to go through this as well. Let’s for each other
What are you leaving out?
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds devastating. You mentioned issues in regards to online posts of your grandchildren and not respecting boundaries and I think those are pretty significant issues. Its important to respect your adult childrens boundaries and to listen to their rules in regard to themselves, their children, and their time. Perhaps some individual therapy could help you with these issues. Hoping you find solutions and love and support.
You sound lovely, but there is a point where its overbearing. My ex MIL is a little overbearing and is part of the reason we got divorced, she wanted them every weekend even when she saw them during the week and constantly bought shit for them when I asked for it to only be holidays and birthday and she ignored me about spilong them with treats before dinner and not having pop and my ex let it happen. She also referred to herself as mother quite a few times and would disrespect me. I’ve had enough of him not standing up for me and when his father also laid hands on me I was done. Give them space, if you’ve done nothing wrong then they will come back, but if you’ve left out part of the story then
I’m so sorry. As a mom of 10 children, Some times you just have to step away. As much as it will hurt. Then one day they will realize that they haven’t heard from you and see what’s going on. I’ve done this with my children when they have told me to leave them alone. I wouldn’t send gifts or anything to them cause who knows if the children would get them. Some ppl don’t want their children on Facebook or any social media.
Paternal grandmother. Such a huge difference.
Reading this just breaks my heart.
This happens often & it’s so sad.
There is something more going on, sounds like there were issues in the past and now that the kids are older, they have set boundaries and you aren’t happy with those boundaries.
Counseling may be a good place to start.
There is something missing from this story. Chances are they set boundaries and you don’t listen. I rarely post any pics of my kids on social media because I don’t feel like the internet is safe. My niece didn’t have a private page and last year some random guy she never met nor had mutual friends with reacted to every single pic she had on her page of her young daughter (5 years at the time). She saw it in her notifications, one right after the other. Totally freaked her out. Some people don’t want to take those chances. Others are just private in their lives. If you broke their boundaries, especially if it happened repeatedly, chances are they were hurt that you would disrespect and disregard something important to them. Take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Hopefully you can still repair the relationship but it sounds like the wounds are still fresh enough for them that they lost trust in you.
It’s hard to really say or give advice because there is always two sides to every story, and in order for me to give you advice or understand where your coming from I’d have to know both sides. Not saying you’re making things up but everyone has a different perception on things and maybe they see things differently than you. Try asking them both to come over and all 3 talk about the way you feel and hear what they have to say and why they feel the way they do.
there must be more to this story,doesn’t make sense,maybe you dont accept the wives or something
This is very very sad. Maybe ask if they will do family counseling with you. Hope you can get it resolved
I would leave them alone and if they come to you say you’re busy and ignore them for awhile. They want you to leave them alone so do that seriously but don’t be rushing back to them once they call you or text you either. If they call/text you let that call go to voicemail if they text you do not respond to it. They’ll see eventually what they doing is wrong to you.
They’re grown. Back off 🤷
My generation tends to be sick of the control, manipulation, and toxicity in our lives from parents and older family members. I set boundaries, that my family refused to adhere to. They didn’t see my kids for months. I refuse to allow them to grow up the way I did. And how was your parenting? I have so many friends who cut family off because of physical, mental, and emotional abuse from their childhood that they haven’t healed from and the person/people who were responsible don’t think they did anything wrong.
Sadly They’ll only understand when your gone and it’s too late I wished my mother was this way but she really don’t care for me or my children
Respect the rules and boundaries they set up period. Clearly they have been broken on more than one time.
Stop trying the repair it and do a forced fixed.
Drop the text and calls down to 1/3 of what you are doing!
Step away. It’s not worth the heartache.
We’ve only heard your side but from your side they sound like 2 very selfish boys!! Would be nice to hear there side tbh xx
There HAS to be more to this story than what you are telling us. Children don’t just set boundaries with their mothers and exclude them from their lives for no reason. I’m sorry that you are going through this but I have a family member who also has had to constantly set boundaries and basically neglect her mother because she is too over bearing and still thinks she can have an opinion on what she does/doesn’t do with her life/spouse/kids/home. Parents often think that they have to be involved in every aspect of their Children’s lives but that’s where all the problems start. They are adults and if you want a healthy relationship with your kids you need to treat them like adults and stop interfering.
I just can’t see that your kids would wake up and decide this one morning. There must be more to this that you either don’t realize or you put your blinders on whatever it is I hope you all can figure it out everyone deserves to have a good family.
This is not okay at all i could never imagine treating my mother like that. I hate to say it cause its absolutely terrible but give them what they want. Leave them alone. Hopefully they will realize what they are missing out on. And how they hurt you. Im sorry but this really gets to me. Bad.
Regardless of how loving and devoted you claim to be, you have clearly left a lot of significant details out of this story. I think there’s much much more to the story! Could be that you create post, like this one that make your kids look like complete assholes?!?! Call me crazy but if I post negative messages about my own kids, they’ll probably get a bit pissed with me and not want me around!!! Stop your nonsense gramma! This post is really unfair of you, as they can’t share their side of why their assholes to you! But somehow I think you might have given us a slight idea!!
You summed up the problem with, I feel entitled. And that you want to post pictures. Sounds like there were boundaries and you felt entitled to cross them.
After you have reached out and been rebuffed, give them what they think they want for awhile. Do post pics with your remaining family. They will come around or you can reach out again after you have given them space
Ungrateful jerks. Karma will suck when it comes back to them.
I would definitely see if they’d be willing to do family counseling. I don’t have contact much with my oldest. I don’t know what their childhood was like but it sounds like they’re protecting themselves and haven’t forgiven you yet. I truly have no idea but my heart hurts for you
Respect their boundaries. We’re only hearing one side of this. This is something that my narcissistic mother would post and she’d get the same sympathy. My NM does not deserve a second thought. Just respect their boundaries. Show them you respect them as adults, as parents, don’t force yourself on them. You’ll cause irreparable damage.
Kids are very selfish these days
Give them what they want…Let them be and go about their business. They showed you they don’t want you involved in their life right now! Let them go be grown.
My brother stopped talking to me years ago because I interrupted him in conversation
They told you their expectations and you’re not listening. They told you what they don’t like, yet you STILL continue to do it. This is on you. Respect their wishes and boundaries or I guarantee you’ll lose the relationship for good
It sounds like you’ve ignored their requests not to share their children on social media without permission. I’m sorry you weren’t included in the changed plans. I would give them some space and stop sharing their children’s pics without permission. At a future time maybe apologize for anything you’ve done and reach out to your daughter in laws to go to lunch or spend time together.
With only one side of the story, the only advice I can give is to find a counselor. I am sure there are reasons for their choices (there are always 2 sides to a story), you may either not realize their or be in denial. A counselor may help you see how you can be apart of their life in a healthy way and help you to learn to respect their boundaries. Boundaries are not about you.
Their children, their rules… so either follow them or don’t be involved at all.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I wish my mother was like you but she disowned me last year when she found out I’m bisexual. She unfriended me on FB and wouldn’t answer me about why. My younger sister said she thinks it’s because I posted on a friend’s FB who came out as gay that he has a confident in me as a friend and fellow LGBTQ person as I’m bisexual. It was after that post that she unfriended me and refused to talk to me at all. She is still friends with me hubby and oldest daughter tho and I’m surprised she hasn’t unfriended her because she is pansexual.
While you sounds like a devoted mother and grandmother, I wonder what you aren’t saying fully. They have clearly defined their boundaries with you. Are you listening to those boundaries? If they tell you they don’t want you posting pictures of their kids with out their permission you should listen to them.
Most of the time children don’t just stop communicating or define these boundaries out of nowhere, they have their reasons. Drop the texting to the bare minimum. Maybe once a week to let them k ow you are thinking of them all and love them. By listening to their boundaries and giving them space, if they feel like they can they will come back to you.
I once cut off an aunt who posts news/photos on FB even if the news I’m sharing is for family only. I had to let her understand that if I share something on the family group chat, it is for family consumption only. Like the news of my pregnancy which I shared with the family, she posts messages of “support” for my delicate condition but I don’t want other people to know yet. And it went on and on, and had to call her out several times. For her, she didn’t do anything wrong but for me, she always cross that boundary.
What ever you did or said, they haven’t forgiven you for it. It, may not be anything you said, or did. Sometimes, young adults want to be grown. JUST leave them alone and let them come too you when the time is right.
Personally I do not like other people sharing pictures of my children on Facebook. I do not know who other people have as friends. There are too many perverted sickos online. I post very little about my children online.
While this is sad and you probably mean well, just give them the space they ask for. Go live your best life.
As someone who cut their own mother off. There is more to the story. It’s seems as if you may have narcissistic tendencies. Adult children don’t cut their parents off for no reason. Did you listen to them and respect their boundaries? Were you too overbearing? Did you think that you knew better and made them feel as if they didn’t know how to do things or were doing it wrong? Did you post photos without their permission? It’s clear here that they have told you where you have gone wrong and given VALID reasons. Let them be for now.
Life is too short. I wake up every morning wishing I could pick up the phone and call my Mom and Dad but I can’t they both our in heaven. And I would have never did anything like this to them. Prayers for you and your family just remember we are not promised tomorrow.
I know that there are two sides to every story and we’re hearing your side. Having said that, it doesn’t seem like you are doing anything different than any other mother/grandmother would do. It seems like your son’s don’t want that. If they have boundaries then you shouldn’t cross them no matter how much you want to.
Typical parent ? Umm no.
Typical Narcissist ? 1,000%
You’re NOT the victim.
I’m sure you’re the cause of therapist bills, though.
Good for them for finally taking a stand. My God lady. Let them live. They’re adults.
Interesting you didn’t mention the spouses/mothers of the grand children. That says a lot.
Grown kids might be busy with their own lives but they certainly don’t push you away unless you did or are doing something that crosses the line.Most kids feel even closer and “understand” their own parents when they become parents themselves so you need to be honest with yourself as to what is going on.Were you a healthy parent to them when they were young?Is there negative history?Are there boundaries you keep ignoring?I just think its strange three adult kids literally don’t want you around much if you are wonderful to them and their families.
Respect what they are asking of you, if you work on YOU and try and meet their needs I am sure they will come around unless there are some things that have happened in the past that makes them not trust you…because if you think about it you can’t be trusted in their eyes they tried talking to you but you continue i am not trying to bring you down at all but sounds like everyone has some stuff to work on and all YOU can do is better Yourself! I understand you love them and your lonely and want to spend time but that is not their fault try and make friends or join a support group and try not to keep posting stuff like this because they will look at it and think my gosh now she is telling everyone so be patient and follow their rules good luck I hope your relationship can be repaired
Devote your time to yourself then. Let them come to you.
This obviously goes beyond pictures you have posted,and assuming by just the wording alone its very self centered, how do you treat you dil’s? Let them live their lives
Want help? Try following the boundaries and rules you’re complaining about without complaint about them.
Yup- don’t bother. I would write a note to each. Re: yes, I AM entitled to certain things as your mother. Disrespect should not be tolerated. Someday the children will want a gramma-unfortunately their parents are denying that to them. Holidays and life in general are about Family. So many people don’t have a family. Stop thinking this is your fault. Good luck
First off- don’t post without permission.
Aside from that, I feel like we don’t know the whole story, something else happened that you’re not including, OR it’s something deeper/older that you may have forgotten but they haven’t and are still holding grudges without actually saying why
Yeah grandma you didn’t once mention the daughter in laws or the mother’s of your grandkids. A lot of times if you have no relationship with his chosen partner then it’s going to be a no from the go, happy wife happy life. You are not his WIFE. Play your role as grandma, you’ve raised your kids enjoy your time to work on you. What did you really do? How far did you overstep the boundaries, until you can openly identify that and own it you all will never be in a good place. Acknowledging the wrong, change your behavior and apologize and mean it
I don’t let other people post pictures of my kids either. Older people have a tendency of adding whoever sends them a friend request and kids have literally been kidnapped from people sharing too much online. That’s a fair boundary to have.
Give them space, when they need you they’ll let you know.
Let us all speak from a good place. Whatever we feel, is real for us. Despite being in the wrong, or not. How this person feels, is valid to her.
They will regret treating you this way I would give anything for my mom or mother in law to care like this but everyone has boundaries but I never stop them from being a grandparent
I feel like you are leaving out a huge part of the story here so that can come off as the victim. That in itself shows your manipulative ways. I am sure you are crossing boundaries and constantly stirring up drama and trouble and then cry and try to play the victim when they’ve had enough and call you on your BS. Yes, you are their mother but you’re not entitled to anything. You need to work on you and be happy with you rather than throwing a pity party all the time and dragging your children into it. Respect your kids and their wishes but more importantly respect yourself.
They sound like ungrateful brats. Is there a Children’s hospital near you or an orphanage you can volunteer at? There are PLENTY of children and parents who would love to have a doting grandmother around
You aren’t doing anything wrong at all you wanna adopt me? I wish I had a mom like that!! Mine has passed away. They are take you for granted big time. I would just make sure it was ok to post them but that’s all. If they can’t give you an actual reason then that’s wrong
I’m sorry …but you raised a couple assholes.
Respect your parents …
Your children missed this memo.
I would take only a little bit of this. The not posting photos of their kids on Facebook you would have to respect. Or ask permission to do so. Anything else, I would tell them off. They are disrespecting you and I wouldn’t tolerate it.
Instead of asking what you did wrong give some space and ask what you can do to make it better. It seems like there is a lot missing here. What they are saying is coming from somewhere. Wether you acted intentionally or not you have upset them for them both to feel the same way. Also their rules and guidelines for their children are such. You may not agree but you do have to respect them.
I feel like I don’t know both sides of the story
Trust me, similar situation with me. Let it give! Do and be the best you can. Give them no reason to judge you. Pray they will come around. Good luck!
I would love to call my Mama just to hear her voice or just to see her to feel her loving hugs and her whispers in my ear telling me ‘I got this and this to shall pass’ and on the other note with posting pictures of your grandchildren on fb without permission that could be the reason why they are upset I will always ask my daughter and my son before I post any pictures of my grandchildren which is not often with all sex trafficking and sick pedophiles and with how the world has changed with the technology of today they have made it a hell of alot more easier for pedophiles and the sex traffickers to pick and choose from millions of children from Facebook to Social Media its like a fucken shopping catalog everyone of my grandbabies are PRICELESS and if any harm that comes at them believe me im going to die or end up in jail or prison and that also includes my children they are my life and the air I breathe and will go to thee end of the earth to protect and keep them safe by any means so if anything you should really consider apologizing for over stepping your boundaries on posting pictures of your grandchildren you want your children to respect you but you to also have to show them same respect so please keep in mind the danger that your putting your grandchildren in with every picture you post good luck with making amends with your family
If they don’t wanna be bothered don’t bother them. If your grandkids are old enough to talk to you on their own just nurture those relationships.
You did nothing wrong. Enjoy you. It will be their loss. I would focus on the grandkids.
This story is VERY incomplete.
This seems like an overbearing mom/grandma trying to play the victim
What was it like for them growing up? Do they have any reason to resent you?
Well first of all, don’t post pictures unless you’re told you can. They are not your children. This sounds like a typical mom who doesn’t understand boundaries and thinks they’ve never done anything wrong even tho it’s been spelled out for them. Listen to them. Learn from it. Maybe get into therapy. But don’t push. You’ll only push them away.
Counselling. It’s the only way it will get better. You need to be able to understand their perspective and vice versa. Only with real understanding Will these issues get better.
Sounds like they on drugs sorry not sorry
Your brats are disgusting
Something happened to make them feel that way. Find out the issue…
To me it sounds like there’s more to the story. Nobody just wakes up and decides one morning they’re not gonna do anything and they’re not gonna bother and everything 360s with the attitude. Something happened and that’s the information that needs to be given. If you feel that you’ve done nothing wrong and what you need to do is everybody has to put on their big girl big boy panties and deal with the situation at hand.
Well you could start by respecting their rules and boundaries. Just bcuz you gave them life doesn’t mean you are unconditionally deserving of their respect. Listen to what they’re telling you and do what you need to to change. Their needs change as they become adults and even more as their becomes spouses and parents. You have to adjust your presence as their needs change. That is what it means to be a parent. Yes, they are your family, but now they have families of their own. Learn your place in their life and don’t push.
So many entitled old people here lmao. If your kids are setting boundaries and you are breaking them than that is why they are treating you this way. Give them some space. Let them know your there if they need you but don’t bother them after that. Give them space, especially if they have families of their own. If your extremely opinionated on their lives that could be another reason as well.
Shoot my mom is gone and my in laws are never involved with my kids I wish my kids had a grandma like u
Idk…I see both sides and feel like part of the story is missing. But I also don’t understand adult kids who keep the grandparents away from their children and stuff like that. My in laws are welcome to post whatever they want in regards to my kid. they are allowed around him whenever they want too.
This is on THEM. And frankly I think it’s a little evil in my opinion. Some parents dream of having devoted parents and grandparents for their children. Just continue to give them space. Also please block them all on social media.
Yeah, I’d back off. Leave them alone for awhile, take a vacation or something. Just up and disappear on them for awhile. Make them miss you.