I’m stuck and need advice

I have been with my wife for 5 about years. We are an interracial blended family. When we first started talking I found out a week into it our relationship was based on lies…. A LOT of lies (on her part). As you can see we moved past that. About four to five months in our relationship my wife called my kids some harsh racial slurs. We fought about it for about a year until she finally just stopped. The fights usually ended with for making the statement “ your taking things to personally and I never meant it the way you felt I meant it”. We again worked it out and moved past it. This didn’t stop her from treating my kids like her red headed step child and it boiled my blood! It sucked… you see I had already grown a connection with her kids. She was never around and I stepped in for them. So leaving those kids just wasn’t an option for me. It got to the point that when we would have conversation about her being more involved with the family I was told “if you don’t like it… there’s the door” but the moment I would get to steppin she would hit me with the… well your not taking my car, my kids (because we ended up having 2 kids together), or my phone since she paid the bill. Also, I must add that I moved 24 hours from my family to be with this woman. So for me I had no where to go. When I would bring it up to her mom, she just made it seem like I shouldn’t have any issues and that what she was calling my kids was a sign of endearment. So I stayed thinking it was me with the issue.

Fast forward to this year. I decided I was tired of living like this and started working on me, getting in touch with a different side I never new was there. When I started standing up for myself and doing things I wanted I was called selfish. I finally decided I was done with the marriage and started making my way out, I was getting phone calls and messages begging me not to leave her and to just give her another chance and that she would seek help. So I finally threw in the towel and gave her that chance. She went to counseling for about 3 months and when she felt I wasn’t going anywhere dropped it! She has slowly started back those same behaviors I refused to tolerate, but has changed in other ways significantly! I am on here because a strong part of me still feels like I need to walk away even after the changes. Can someone explain this to me. Is it my gut that’s telling me this is truly over even in the “good” times?

If your gut is telling you to walk away then walk away. It’s very gross she had the nerve to call your children names & act like it was okay or have it seem like a term of “endearment”. Personally, it’s one thing to be mean to me but when it comes to my children it’s a completely different story, so that would’ve been the reason for me leaving. It’s good she’s trying & actually went to counseling but I feel like she’s emotionally abusing you by using things against you to make you stay as well as crying when you actually try to leave.

Sir, you had me at “slurs” towards your children. Your partner sounds selfish and toxic. She won’t even try to make it work, and that’s real sad. You have a right to your shared children if you leave. If you don’t have income, find some and get out for you and your childrens sanity. I’ve done it as a single disabled mom with limited income and unable to ever leave my home. I got a Qlink phone, dont go out, dont do nothing…but I got my baby boy, a roof, and phone for emergencies.