I got a job and now my husband is telling me I do not have to work...advice?

I just need to vent not looking for advice but my partner/father of my son has made jokes about leaving me if I don’t get a job( I’ve been a stay at home mom since my son was born so about 14 months) so I got a small part time job so we can have extra cash and now when I’m about to start working soon he’s been telling me I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. And I was proud of myself for getting the job cause it’s always been hard for me I have social anxiety and stuff so interviews and stuff are my worst night mare and I haven’t gotten a single positive thing said to me about it. Maybe this is stupid and complainy but it’s jsut really frustrating when I’m trying and all he does it question it and say it’s not gonna be good enough but idk it’s just a crappy feeling and I don’t really feel any support about it

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Keep the job mama… You need to do it for you, you are proud of yourself and your should be… this needs to be YOUR decision! I also would have a hard time trusting him after he made those kinds of jokes. I quit my job for the father of my youngest, I was engaged to him, he didn’t want me working after I became pregnant, and it was a huge mistake, he used it to trap me and control me

Girl keep your job . I’m proud of you I know exactly how hard it is just to do interviews I’m the same way . Sounds like he’s gonna complain either way …

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Keep your job and stop letting him manipulate and control you. I encourage you to even take a break from him completely and find yourself again. You’re so much more then being dependent and someone incredibly manipulating.

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I was a SAHM for 5 years … never have been so deep in depression and PPD and getting a job 100% turned that around . Sounds like to me he either doesn’t want any responsiblities as far as kids and he is financially abusing you . Once you get some money for yourself you have some freedom and by him saying you shouldn’t work is him controlling you . Depending on your income and state you can put your kid in daycare and you can get assistance for that . There are options . Fight for your mental health !!! Do not allow him to control your life anymore !!!

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Well well well…so you called his bluff, and now he’s backpedaling. Good for you! Keep the job, seriously consider marriage counseling, and get ready for a bumpy ride with the Mr.

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Definitely keep yr job!! Based off very brief info he sounds like a narcissist I could be totally off so please don’t take offense. Either way I’d highly suggest keeping it. It’s part time, extra cash, your mental health will thrive on the break

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You need to work this job. Do it for you and your future which as callus as it sounds he may not be around in the future. You will gain strength from working, changing jobs, practice with interviews and being around people you can observe and learn from. Do this for you. It just may save you one day.

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You’ll probably love it. Do what makes you happy. Just because he says something don’t mean you have to stay home. Be proud of yourself. You should be. Good luck mama.

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Keep ur job, maybe u 2 can work things out better, after a few weeks an a few pay checks. GOOD LUCK :four_leaf_clover:

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First and fore most… your feelings are valid and you should never feel like you’re just complaining or stupid. You’re a human and you’re allowed to feel how you feel, no one can take that from you. You SHOULD be proud of yourself regardless. Even if you hadn’t got the job. You went out there and tried. But you DID get the job and OWN IT. if you have the time and means to work it, DO IT. Things don’t happen for no reason. Second… you are a MOTHER. you made and brought a human into this world. You ARE good enough and that is also something no one else can take from you. You’ve spent the last 14 months + 10 months pregnant doing something for someone else and you need to be YOU outside of a wife and mother. We tend to lose ourselves in those identities. Even if he isn’t proud of you, I’m sure your child will be one day for doing the damn thing. You got this mama.

No you don’t have to work, you.want to.work and there is a different and be very proud and continue to go to work you don’t quit after putting yourself throu the extra anxiety and while your at it u can tell him there’s no more negative talk about your working and that’s that. Best of luck

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Keep the job, i agree do it for yourself, I think you will love getting out of the house and earning your own money. Good luck♥️

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My boyfriend tried the same sh!t with me. Told me “I’m not gonna make rent, how soon can you get childcare set up”. So I got a part time I ob that worked around his schedule. He tried telling me it wasn’t going to be enough to “only bring ~200 a month” but I’m actually gonna make closer to 1200 :joy: He’s not so keen to tell me it “isn’t enough” now since he saw a paycheck and saved his a$$. Also planning on putting a bit at a time back just in case. :woman_shrugging: Make sure you keep some back for YOU, mama. Don’t let him rule all of your finances. Obviously help with bills or groceries etc stuff for the kid(s) but also for YOU. :two_hearts: Congrats on the job!

It’s really important not to be completely dependent upon anyone else. People often let us down. He doesn’t sound very nice. You are doing well, being a mother and working. Always have a ‘back up’ plan- just in case.

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Keep the job! Sounds like he would prefer that you NEED him if you aren’t working. And since he’s only your partner, what are you going to do if he leaves you and you have no job to take care of your kid?

Do something for you, a part time position will allow you meet new folks and have some adult me time. Plus the extra money will be a plus

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Been there, done this, didn’t even need to read your whole post…. Keep the job. PLEASE DO NOT become financially dependent on this man. You will regret it and be at his constant mercy if you do.

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Congratulations on your new job! Just work, you might love it. You should be proud of yourself. You overcame something that you feared and it paid off

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Bravo to you for facing your fears and getting a job!!! Congratulations!!:champagne: :tada::+1:t3: :clap:

Keep that job, open a bank account in YOUR NAME ONLY (he said y’all don’t need the money, right?) in a DIFFERENT bank from the one you use now and save it for if you ever need to get out of the relationship.

Have enough for a lawyer & 2 months rent just in case. If there’s any left over, treat yo’ self! Tell him it’s an emergency fund and neither of you are to touch it.

And define what an emergency is, such as horrible medical bills for your child, eviction or your home burns down with no place else to go. NOT for date nights, groceries, a trip, or an inconvenience. Treat the money like it’s not there.

$10,000 should cover everything in a separation/divorce, maybe less depending on cost of lawyers & housing where you live, whether he wants to be an a-hole & fight you in court. In that case, remind him legal fights mean all your $$ goes to lawyers and you’re left with $0. If you split amicably, mediators are cheaper, but be sure their work will be accepted in court so you don’t have to pay a lawyer too. Custody is usually 50-50 unless there are extenuating circumstances. If you fight about that, money all goes to lawyers.

Once you have more than $1000 in your account, put 1/2 of it ($500) in a 3-month Certificate of Deposit (CD). After that matures & you didn’t need it, put that $500 in a 6-month CD. After you have $5,000 saved and you didn’t need to touch the money, put $2500 in a 1-year CD, $1,000 in a 6-month CD & $500 in a 3-month CD, which gives you direct access to $1,000. If you need more money right away, it shouldn’t be too much penalty to get to the $500, and only a little more to break the terms of the $1,000 6-month CD before it comes due.

If you’ve been doing OK without tapping into the money, once you get past $5,000 look into investing in mutual funds. Read about them online. It takes $2,500 to open a T. Rowe Price or Vanguard account (the best no-fee ones for those new to the stock market). it should bring you a much better return on investment over the long term. Think 3 years and don’t look at the daily or monthly rate fluctuations in value or you’ll drive yourself crazy. Once a quarter ir once a year is enough

Mutual funds combine your money with lots of other investors’ money and they buy stock for all of you and when they make money you get your share of the profit. If they lose, you take your share of the loss, but over time it’s how people earn wealth. If you keep a minimum (probably $2,500) you may be able to pull money out of your account if you need it suddenly, or you can close the account if you need it all.

Most accounts are fairly balanced, but you can sometimes choose various funds with different degrees of risk or different types of investments.

Keep the records for tax purposes, as you will have to declare any income made from investing. The folks who run the funds and pick the stocks to buy & sell will know way more than you or I and it’s pretty safe place for money you don’t need right away. But ch co interest rates because they’ve been pretty high for CDs lately too.

Look into filing taxes separately. You might come out ahead, or not, so figure it out both ways. Decide who gets to claim your little one for the best return, or alternate years.

Do NOT put his name on the savings or investment accounts and do NOT give him access. You can show him statements if he thinks you’re doing something shady.

Who handles the finances in your family? Who makes financial decisions? Do you have full access to all his accounts? He might like the extra money but not like that he doesn’t have complete control over you.

I hope you have a wonderful marriage and this switcheroo is your hubs’ only weirdness, but make sure you NEVER have to be dependent on a man. Even if you have family with money who can help you out, it’s good to have your own.

You can also negotiate that he can have his own account with a set amount in it for himself, just be sure he’s always got enough in the household accounts to pay all the bills.

You are not married, keep the job, Ditch the partner, sounds like he’s an indecisive control freak. Learn to support yourself, get your own place, make yourself happy instead of depending on someone else to do it. If you were happy, you would of never posted this…:thinking:

Congratulations! I have really bad social anxiety too so I get it. For your sanity keep your job. He sounds really controlling and to be honest seems like he’s going to pick on you no matter what you choose. Shame on him.

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I personally had an ex do this as a tactic to build me up then tear me down. Not saying that’s how your person is. I didn’t have my own vehicle so I would get griped at for not working then when I would get a job he would tell me “you don’t have to take the bus today I will take you”. Then intentionally make me late or get mad when I wanted to leave early to make sure I would get to the bus and stuff (walking )

Even if it isn’t like that money for things is nice. You get more adult time and stuff too…

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My thought is go to trade school so you can get a career in case he ever does leave.

Keep your job! You will need just incase he keeps acting that way. Start saving money now. You gotta do what makes you happy

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Now he knows he has to do most of the work now and he’s changed his mind. Lol :joy:

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The 1950’s called and they want your husband back, the next thing you’ll encounter is him pissing about childcare costs and your work expences not penciling out for the family and blah blah, hold your ground

Keep the job. Mine started out that way and then I became financially dependent on him and that’s when real abuse started. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Work and you’re being selfish don’t and you’re not contributing. Do what makes you comfortable

He doesn’t want to have to take care of his kid. Think about it.
Keep that job girl. And congratulations :tada:

Having a job is a good thing and something you should be proud of. If he doesn’t want you to work he shouldn’t have made jackass comments about it.

You do what’s best for you and your child! And congrats on the job!!

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Keep your job and tell him that you will leave him if he keeps controlling you.
Stand up to him

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Keep the job, do it for you and have the independence you sound like your going to need. You may not see it yet but that job will be your freedom and you will grow as your own person and you will thrive for you and your child/ren. If he’s not happy that you are building a future he knows where the door is

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Keep the job. You need some independence and feeling of accomplishment.

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Narcissist ex used to do the same to me

Keep ur job. If you have to leave him you’re gonna need the cash

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Stand ur ground. Good for u. Go ahead n work.

Congrats on new job go to work u will feel different

Keep job work part time. Keep your independence. I like knowing I bought my own. Stuff so ppl can’t take it.

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He’s a narcissistic. He threatened to leave you if you don’t get a job, now you got a job and he said you don’t have to work. What happen if you don’t quit this job. Is he gna threaten you again. He can’t make up his mind. So please keep your job just in case you’ll need financial support if something happens.

Keep your job. Good for you. Some independence will make you feel good about your self . That’s what hes going to hate.

Is your son going to have to go to daycare? If that’s the issue maybe he’s saying that because if the son is going to be in daycare and you are working pt he’s probably thinking it’s not worth it as the money that you make would all go to daycare.

Keep your job you will enjoy it

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Keep your job. Get rid of the guy.

Keep it. You need to have a life outside of husband and baby

Sounds like your partner is a Narcissist.
I’m not just saying that… I really mean a clinical Narcissist.
I just got out of a 8-year relationship, my ex-husband, the father of my children.
I know now that he is a stereotypical Narcissist.
They will degrade your hard work, sabotage any job you may have; and if that’s not enough they’ll create a smear campaign to make you feel bad.
Narcissists want control at all times. The fact that you have a job outside the house, means he can’t control every single minute of your life anymore. Trying to make you feel guilty, and keep you stuck at home with a child(ren).

I had no idea what a Narcissist was until I left. When I was finally away from such a mentally, emotionally, & financially abusive relationship I researched the symptoms I described above. My Ex did the exact same thing, I helped run his construction company (w/o pay),
while raising our two Special Needs children.

He always complained, saying I didn’t work enough, and we needed more money.
When I finally got a part-time job, that was less than 20 hours a week he complained… Even freaking out when I got a bonus. I got the same bonus as my other coworkers in the office. My Ex claimed I must have “slept with my boss” to get such a bonus. He degraded the situation and said obviously that’s the only way I would be able to earn a bonus so quickly.

Hopefully your partner is just joking, and you don’t have the nightmare that I lived through. If you are even slightly feeling the way I described, run quickly.

As you mentioned you are not looking for advice, you just want to vent out…

  1. Feel free to express yourself without fear of being judged
  2. Congratulations on fighting your fear and doing what makes you happy
  3. Don’t stop veloeving yourself, you are doing great.
  4. Take care. Contact me if needed

Nah keep the job. He seems like he’s manipulating you

Work. Do it for YOU and enjoy it… This give you the opportunity to make new friends… meet new people and make money. Enjoy…

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He enjoyed making you feel inadequate. It was never about the job, it was about his control and manipulation. Keep your job! Be proud of yourself! It will never be enough for him which is why you should cheer yourself on. I’m proud of you!
Now he’s telling you it isn’t good enough because he doesn’t like that you changed the cards up. He’s saying you don’t need a job so that you’ll quit and he can hang that over your head too. “You couldn’t even keep this job” etc.
Don’t let him have the satisfaction. And when he talks about how it isn’t good enough, tell him that you guess YOUR money isn’t good enough either and keep that ish. Do with that what you will.

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Congratulations on your new job and a massive well done for getting over your personal hurdles to secure one! You’re clearly awesome, so keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let him stop you or make you feel like it’s not a big achievement, because it is x

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Been there. Keep your job. It’s a trap to get you to give up on the job so he can keep using it to abuse you. If you don’t have a job you don’t have a way to support yourself and he knows that.

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There are a lot of red flags here. I would definitely take the job. This isn’t the sort of man I would want to feel completely financially dependent on.

You need your Independence keep your job it’s one of the best feelings you could ever have good job girl keep on keeping on!!

Keep your job…no matter how crappy he gets. And not only keep your job…but grow a career. If you lose him because he can’t control you… then you have gained so much more.

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People are so quick to be negatively judgmental towards your husband. This could be his love language in telling you that “I got you and I know how hard it is for you to go out be social. And if you are uncomfortable then you don’t have to work. I got you babe.” Don’t be so quick to be harsh towards him. There are some men that are in their clumsy male way trying to protect their wives.

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I say keep the job if you truly want it. It’s only part time and extra money never hurt anyone . He proud :muscle:t2: you should be . And congrats on getting the job.

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Keep your job! You will be an even better person!!

Getting out there in the work force even for a couple days a week or so, will build your confidence tremendously… Don’t allow anyone to hold you back from being a more Powerful You!:heart:

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He’s doing this because he knows he’ll lose control once you start getting your freedom. He’s now worried that you’ll see how he treats you is wrong and will leave him. Keep the job and lose the man seriously. You can do way better than having a man making you feeling bad for not having a job then turns around and makes you feel bad for getting a job. That’s not okay at all imo.

It never had anything to do with you having a job, he was just looking for a reason to control you. Now that you’re working, he’s starting to realize you might not need him. Keep this job for you, and question how much your partner actually respects you. I mean that in the nicest way. :purple_heart:

Please keep your job, and try to save back some money for yourself just in case you might decide to leave his hateful ass. He is trying to manipulate you.

All these woman saying he is manipulating her and she should leave… blah blah blah. This is one aspect of their relationship and it’s a possibility that he felt guilty for teasing her about getting a job so maybe he is just trying to make sure she knows that she doesn’t “have” to work. Yes he should be more supportive but I think she just needs to tell him how she feels and talk out.

If you like the job keep it. Extra money is nice but what’s even nicer sometimes is adult conversations lol

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Maybe he doesn’t want to watch you son while you are at work?

Keep the job. It’ll make you feel better, trust.