I found out my husband has been cheating on me...advice?

I recently found out that my husband of 5 years has been cheating on my for 2.5/3 years. It went on through all three of my pregnancies with multiple women. I have since left because I deserve better than that. HOWEVER, he is refusing to give me my son. We do not have a custody agreement. He refuses to budge of the decision and goes as far as ignoring/blocking me. I am seriously debating taking it to court. My only hang up is, his visa that allows him to be in the US is expired. I do not want him deported because my kids still need a father but I want to have my son and daughter, both full siblings, at the same time.Update: he is completely ignoring any message I send now. He has not asked me a single question about our daughter who is with me. I have called one lawyer but they’re not available for a consultation until June. I will be calling another one in the morning. I appreciate all the advice. I’d like to add that he does not care more my son a majority of the time and it is his parents that do.


Girl, what if he takes your son and leaves the country? Unfortunately it seems like you’ll have to get the courts involved.


Until you have a custody agreement through the courts, he doesn’t have to give you your kid since it’s his child too. If he gets deported, then he gets deported. Call a bunch of lawyers with good ratings and see who can take you on.


I agree wait until your son is with the grandparents only and bring a police office over with you “for safety” they will have to hand him over


I sure hope he didnt leave the states with him! I would be doing a child well check with the police to make sure hes ok!!! Im so sorry.


Yikes…I’d be concerned that he is going to leave the country with your son. You better act fast. Better he be deported than you possibly never seeing your son again! I don’t know what state you are in, but you should probably contact child protection services. His blocking you from contact along with his legal citizenship is potentially posing a threat. Eliminating one parent’s contact and ability to know where or how her child is, is a form of child abuse and CPS can probably act faster than the court system for now. Keep calling lawyers, eventually one of them should recognize the flight threat of the situation and get to work immediately. If a lawyer is too busy until June for a consult, that’s a good indicator that that lawyer’s caseload is too heavy to adequately represent you anyway. Good luck. Being cut off from a child has be very scary. I know cops are not very responsive in domestic disputes, but the fact he has you cut off is not just a domestic dispute, it’s potential child abuse and that is illegal. So honestly, you may need to get the police involved.


You don’t need a lawyer. If the courts aren’t already involved then go to your courthouse immediately and file for custody and file a parenting plan. This will start the ball rolling. If he gets deported that’s on him, but from the sounds of it, he isn’t willing to coparent in a decent manner and certainly doesn’t care about the child he is keeping you from, or he wouldn’t be keeping that child from his own mother. That’s detrimental to the kids. His residential status is less import than your kids’ mental health! He can figure that out himself.


He made his choices without care for you and now you need to make yours. Contact immigration, the police, a lawyer, whoever can help you get your son.


You definitely need an attorney who specializes in family law/custody cases and immigration. If he leaves the country it will be much harder for you. Do this ASAP


Go pick your kid up while the grandparents have him.


Show up when he isn’t there and demand to have your child. The father doesn’t have to give your son to you, but anyone else does!! Explain to the police station what is going on and ask to have an escort in case there is a problem.


Sorry your kid should be more important that a sorry excuse for a man. Do you want your son having him as a role model??? Nope, go to court and he can leave. His visa is a him problem not a you problem. Better get your kid before he leaves and you never see him again

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Oh hell no!! You’re too nice. I’d be perfectly happy sticking whoever on him.


No debate about it. Take him to court. Custody & Visitation agreement will have no bearing on the status of his Visa. They will not ask him about his Visa status nor make him provide a copy when he files his response. Most courts have a self service center & forms you can use to get the ball rolling. At this point he is committing parental alienation which is a big no no because it’s a step away from kidnapping. Fortunately for you, you do have the Visa issue you can use to rattle his cage to get him to file a response declaration. He may get spooked & not file so you may win by default if he doesn’t file a response. Stop trying to fair when he obviously has no regard or respect for your wishes.


How about the threat of taking him to court? If he thinks that taking him to court may get him deported, maybe that will motivate him. If not, then it’s not your problem. File for custody immediately. It would be a different story if he was actively trying to communicate and co-parent with you. But it says a lot that he has the son and shows no concern for the daughter.


Good luck lady. He hasnt got a leg to stand on ( so to speak )

He might be trying to keep the son thinking that that’ll keep him safe from any immigration issues. Show up to the grandparents house with the police and remove the child. The longer you let things go the harder it’ll be.


Hes showing you what a great dad he is I think I wouldn’t be worried about his visa


Be careful he doesn’t flee the country with him. I would file a motion immediately


Do you ever know when your son is with your ex husbands mom without the ex husband? If so, you could always go there and get him. She will HAVE to give him to you whereas the dad, unfortunately, does not have to. Even in a “mother state” that dad still has rights and if dad is there, cops will tell you to take him to court. Idk if you know but you can also call attorneys that are not in your town/city. Most practice in surrounding cities/towns.

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That’s his son also and he has every right to keep him without an agreement in place. And have whoever he decides take care of child.
Court like yesterday and file for emergency custody.


Get to the courts fast and get that custody order. The more time that passes the more likely the courts are to give the father primary custody and you visitation. I was way too lienent and it happened to me. Now I see one of my two children holidays and summers. Often the father won’t follow the order and I will lose out, police can’t help. Court is way too slow :snail: it’s a disaster.

Girl I would be at the door taking my child. Until the courts set up rules nobody will do shit to help you. The same way he took him you can also. I’ve climbed thru window before to get my babies. It’s so damn messy but go get ur baby momma. Just no physical violence.

Never let them have the child until court visitation is set now he can keep the child until then. My first husband did that I didn’t see my son for a year and a half. I would act like you want to get back with let him back in play it for a while then seperate now you know never let the child go with him until court as been set

Of course you get a lawyer and go to court. He has the right to keep the kiddos just as much as you do at this point. Seriously go to court.

Go to the courts and file yourself in the morning.

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He should had thought about his expired visa before withholding your child. That’s his problem. I’d already had him served. Who’s to say he wouldn’t just up and skip countries with yalls son. Girl, hell with what will happen to him… EMERGENCY CUSTODY HEARING YESTERDAY

I had issue with my niece ex same thing wouldnt give them back so we waited till father was gone went got them police couldn’t do anything no custody she filed immediately put police enforced so they can help u on court papers

Who do you care more about him or your child? Why is that even a question. Go to court and fight for your child who cares if he gets deported that’s his lose not yours.
Once you get the kid back you think he’s going to be father of year? He only wants his kid to use as a pawn against you

Honestly you’ll need to get lawyers/courts involved. He’s the kids father and has every right to him as you do.


Sorry, but if he gets deported that’s on him bc I’d be damned if he would keep my child from me. Not to mention if he tries to leave the country with him.

His visa is his responsibility, your child is yours. He sounds irresponsible show him how it works.


Your children do not need a father that treats their mother this way

I would show up at the door with law enforcement present, and demand my child back.


Family court and immigration are two different things. Take him to court. He will be fine.


Go to his place walk in grab your child

He would just have to get deported . :grimacing: I don’t think he can just ignore you. Go to court .

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Go to the school and pick him up early.

Remind him you can easier get him deported so he should play fair to

Call them . His visa is his problem


You need to be careful I was somewhat in the same boat but I called lawyers and police and told me I can’t do anything due to he was the father. But your child always goes first before him and his illegal status. But my daughter will be 16 in 2 months I hate that I missed 15 years of her life and haven’t seen her in 15 years he took off with her to Brazil


Deport his ass !!! He is tearing your kids apart and u will never live in peace with someone like that !

Prayers for you both! Amene

You know if his Parents Have the kids you technically can get him while hes in their care and they can’t withhold him because it’s kidnapping


Girl deport him… he could get your children passports and taken back to his home country :nauseated_face::face_vomiting:

You say the children need their father. Well the father will have to do whatever it takes to stay in the country if he wants to see his kids . I’d be going and getting my kid until he could stay in the country legally.

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Not to be mean but get your head out of your a$$.
Call the courts and set up something NOW
He can take your son and leave and you would really never see him.
THATS YOUR BABY. You do what you have to do.

Call immigration. Hate to say it but if your child was born here and he’s arrested they’ll give the child to you before they deport him


I hope your baby is safe with him, because he should know he’s going to be deported if he effs up & he don’t even care. Very irresponsible parent. Not good

Not to be rude but why would you put yourself in a position like this?

Have him deported b4 he leaves the country w ur child. He will just have to get his visa stuff fixed then he can be there for his kids.

Soooo, you are not married, if u you were he could not be deported…your stalling because you want him back…GET YOUR BEHIND TO COURT, CALL LEGAL AID!!! SRS, AND FILE FOR CUSTODY AND CHILD SUPPORT. WAIT UNTIL YOUR SON IS WITH THE GRANDPARENTS AND GO GET HIM WITH THE POLICE

Your son is more important than his illegal status. Are you his mother or not ??? Fight for your son. This "father " is ok to keep you from him… but you’re not ok to keep him from what seems like a mentally disturbed womnanizing man ? Save your son!


Ngl I’d have his ass deported ASAP cause ain’t no mother fucker keeping my child from me.

Better get to court before he takes your son out of the country and you never see him again


Get his behind deported. Before he leaves the country. No custody order. He don’t have to give him back.

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You can file for emergency custody through the courts. Explain to them you are afraid he is going to take your child(ren) and return to his home country.


Babe, he will be deported regardless. It’s only a matter of timing. Obviously, he’s withholding your son not because he wants time with your son, and loves your son but to hurt you. Do what’s best for your child. It’s tough because you want them to have their dad, but their dad isn’t even asking about the others and kept one away from you. Open yo eyes.


For someone with expired visa, he’s not smart to play that kinda games. Give it to him. If it was the other way around. He will destroy you. Take him to the court. He is stupid for playing those games

By only taking/wanting the male child he’s already told you everything you need to know about him (and his parents), they support patriarchal culturalbeliefs and are toxicto your son and daughter, LAWYER

Whether he gets deported or not shouldn’t be your 1st concern. And how do you that he hasn’t left the country with your son. I would get ahold of immigration asap and get your son back. He wants to play stupid games he can win a stupid prize. Bye bye Felicia

Nah sorry I’d be like give me my son or bye bye you’re getting deported. You were probably used for a green card


Court order! Who cares if he gets deported? Obviously not him if he’s making it this big of a fight. He clearly couldn’t stay faithful and you say his parents are caring for the child in his custody. He doesn’t deserve your consideration.

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An officer can’t take a child from one parent and give him to the other parent BUT if you go get your child with police while the father isn’t there, the grandparents HAVE to give him to you.

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You can’t take your son from him personally since y’all were married and have no established custody. But that doesn’t go for his parents. Go to their house while he’s at work or whatever and take your son. Bring police escort if need be. Also, Take him to court. Don’t put your kids through that because he can’t either do what he needs to or just simply be civil with you and do what’s best for the kids from the jump.

“Why” would you have left your son to begin with and only take your daughter. If your husband has cheated on you and you are ready to move on then what happens to him for letting his visa expire isn’t your responsibility. Your responsibility are your children. Just as he has the rights to have his son , you do also but I’m confused as to “why” leave any of your children behind. You seriously need to speak to an attorney if you aren’t sure of your next steps.

Get emergency custody. I wld give him a warning for having the cops come but if he doesn’t comply then do it. And be obvious: your visa is expired im coming to get him with cops if you don’t give him back. Also in my opinion cops deal with the situation at hand and may not even touch on that anyways


File for emergency custody! If you do not have a custody order in place go talk to the clerk of court about getting a court appointed lawyer to file for custody as well. This could be considered parental kidnapping especially if he is only keeping him because he has an expired visa.

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since you have to go to court, at least to get temporary custody of all of your children, plus child support before you get your divorce & then one parent or the other will get full custody of the children Because if you don’t do this, he can come get the other 2 & there is NOT a damn thing you can do about it, because you don’t have a court order…so get that court order & do it ASAP

Untill you go to court for custody you have no right above the father for custody. Police will not remove the child unless there is a genuine danger ( and if you make up any sort of danger you could well lose both kids ) get court dates set of you want custody

You don’t need a lawyer rn. Go online and print out the appropriate forms for your situation (emergency custody order) and go to the courthouse to file them.
On the grounds He may be a flight risk and try to take the children out of country.
After that has been filed, find a lawyer asap.
Document everything. Every interaction. Keep every text and email.

No court order… go pick him up from daycare and go see a lawyer , don’t let that baby out of your sight until you get a court order, if all else fails have his ass deported :woman_shrugging:t2: his problem not yours. “F*ck around and find out” bye boy!!! “Give me my son or get deported…” it’s not a hard conversation to have…

He won’t be taken from the country even if he gets put on child support. It could actually help him get papers. Don’t fall for that.

Take it to court. He is using his expired visa against you! He knows that you don’t want him deported. Call his bluff.

You need to file for emergency custody ASAP. He could be taking your son out of the country.