I found my husband flirting with women on snapchat: Advice?

So 2m ago I had found my husband had been “flirting” with girls on snap . Nothing serious. Just testing the waters …being dumb af. He tried to delete it and not tell me due to my really bad anxiety when it comes to trust. He knew it would a problem for me. Which it has since I found out. I had been in a previous relationship for 8 years that was nothing but lies. Toxic. Now fast forward I’ve struggled to learn to trust again . 2 years into our relationship he won me over. 2 years ! Now 10 years later I’m back in that mode. Can’t shake it. Nd frankly when I’m in this mode it makes me feel horrible to even think he’d continue. Or in my mind I’m not pretty enough or good enough anymore. Or he’s tired of me nd this life. which is not the case! After He finally admitted it. His reasoning behind hiding it was he didn’t want to hurt me bc he knew this would be the result. He knows he’s broken my trust. And now I struggle all the time. My question is how tf do I even get out of this funk nd move forward. Bc he is a amazing husband. Worships the ground I walk on and is a great father nd provider. We have built everything we have from nothing to now. So throwing in the towel isn’t a option for either of us. We are much in love. And i jus can’t shake this feeling. Im not sure what im asking maybe jus looking for someone to ask what would or what do u do when u get in this feeling?! I don’t want to feel lik this anymore.


“Nothing serious.” That mentality and shrugging it off as why you’re in the position you are in now. There’s no really nice way to say this. He is not “much in love” or “worships the ground you walk on” because he would never have done this if he loved you etc. He’s gaslighting you. He’s made it clear how he feels. I’d leave sadly.


If he was such an amazing husband as you say and he worships the ground you walk on he wouldn’t of flirted with any girls on Snapchat. It’s that simple. And if you guys are so in love as you claim than he wouldn’t of done it.


If he really did worship you than he wouldn’t be flirting with other woman and use the cop out of he didn’t want to hurt you meaning he knew it would hurt you and still wanted to explore other options in these other women. Love yourself and go to counseling for your trust issues maybe moving on is the best thing if you can’t trust a man who intentionally broke your trust. Don’t give him the opportunity to actual cheat on you. Men only test the waters if they’re looking to jump in


That feeling you have is your gut instinct telling you something is NOT right. Trust that instinct. In my opinion and experience if he was worried about hurting you he wouldn’t have put you in that position. Iv been cheated on. I forgave but cannot forget. Cant pick up where things left off. Literally had to start over and the trust is hard. I promised myself I would not be with someone if i have to be worried……and I wont live like that. Best of luck to you.


He wouldn’t be testing the waters if he was so in love with you . I’m not the type of oh second chances just move on when someone cheats . Whether he physically cheated or not emotional cheating is a thing . Your man should never even think about it .


He was was a amazing husband and worship the ground you walk on why was he " testing the water"
He only confessed because you found out .if you didn’t he would still be doing it .what else has he done that you don’t know about …I’m sorry but once trust is broken the relationship is broken and you will always forever have that voice in your head asking " is he"


He wouldn’t test the waters if he worshipped the ground you walked in and was a great husband


Sweetheart you are so confused. Because any man that is an amazing husband, worships the ground you walk on and is a great father isn’t going to be flirting with other women. I’m sorry they just aren’t. Sounds like he’s got you believe exactly what he wants you to.


He might be an amazing husband but he sounds like he could also just be an amazing friend :woman_shrugging:t3:

If my SO did this I’d instantly say we are done because there should be no reason to look elsewhere.

We CHOOSE each other every day. A “real” husband would communicate the hard stuff. Even words like “I’m feeling like I need more and I’m not getting it from you. Let’s figure out how we can meet so I don’t feel like I need to look outside of our relationship because what I’m missing I truly want it from you”

Communication is HARD but absolutely the key to making it work.

We are all human and like attention and to feel the butterflies… but we can still get that from the person we are with but it takes work :heart:


You say he kept it from you cuz he knew you’d be upset
Yet he still was flirting knowing you get upset
So why would he do that
He has broken your trust
I would feel same as you
Like yO dude WTF


Sorry to be harsh but I think your delusional. You might be ‘very much in love’ but he isn’t. You don’t do this to someone your in love with. He hid it because he didn’t want to get caught, end of story. Your literally making excuses for him.


I don’t understand why they do it. If They know its gonna end in this result - you not trusting them anymore. Relationship break down. And insecurity creeping in but that’s because of them! They act like ots our reaction that’s the problem. It’s not it’s their behaviour.


Weird how he worships the ground you walk on and is an amazing husband but still flirts with other woman knowing it would hurt you and then tries to hide it. So throwing it in the towel isn’t an option I guess you’ll have to accept the fact that he’s going to emotionally cheat on you?


If he did it once he will continue to lie and hide things from you. He will just find a different way to do it with yet another excuse once you busy him again. If he was a great husband it wouldn’t of even crossed his mind to do that to you. PERIOD… using your anxiety as a so called REASON to not tell you is bs.


I commend you for not opting to automatic divorce. Some men really do it for attention. :roll_eyes: others well, we may never know if he acted on it. If he is willing to change, as in go to therapy/counseling, provide more reassurance, etc etc then maybe there is a chance for him to fix what he has broken.


So he knew it would cause you distrust and hurt, yet he did it anyways. Add to that he was sneaky about it? No, he doesn’t worship the ground you walk on, he just puts on a good show for you. He was testing the waters, plain and simple.


Snapchat chats/pictures delete automatically after 24 hours… I’d hate to know what was already deleted before you seen he was using it.


I’m sorry but how can you be much in love and he’s “testing” the waters with other women KNOWING what your reaction would be. :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

1 Like

He was in the wrong. If he really cares he would delete the app (Mostly teenagers on there anyways, grow up). Maybe marriage counseling? You’ve been disrespected and I wouldn’t trust him anymore either. The relationship will never be the same again.


Unpopular opinion: I completely understand why you don’t want to just “leave” and I do think it’s 100% possible to work through this. It just takes both people putting in the effort to fix it. Find what works best for you whether it be counseling, discussing how you feel, or even just taking a little vacation together to reflect on everything and decide what you both want. While I won’t excuse this behavior, I do think people make honest mistakes. I just personally wouldn’t give up on my entire life unless it continued to happen after you’ve told him how it makes you feel.


A person male or female dosen’t accidentally Flirt online, FB, Snap chat whatever site it is !! That takes a conscience decision to engage with someone online. Pick yourself up and move forward, with or without him, but please just stop doubting yourself! You are smart, you are beautiful,you are worthy. Take Can’t out of your vocabulary! You can do anything you want too. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TOO! Good luck.

1 Like

Snapchat is the new way to cheat and the MOST obvious :rofl: As soon as you open whatever is sent, it disappears. Nothing is saved. It’s the easiest way to be a cheater. Why is he flirting with girls when he’s MARRIED?!! GROSS. If your gut is saying something, trust it. Too many women stay thinking something with change and guess what? It’ll be 10 years later and there you still are. Leave while you can!!

1 Like

Maybe this is about how he feels about himself……his issues they affect you due to the relationship. Have a good long frank discussion about how he feels about himself at this point?
With regards to you I would say the trust anxiety issues are in a loop that needs to be broken look into personal/systemic constellation therapy this can help to stop looping about something that happened years ago but as soon as you feel any threat it all comes back……similar to PTSD. Good Luck none of us are perfect relationships need work and after 10 years maybe some new direction energy mine defo needs to be assessed regularly……where are we where are we going are we happy…. It’s difficult to begin with but with practice becomes a valuable asset in a relationship……none of us want boring mundane lives or relationships by communicating frankly one little change can bring the energy back 🩷🌸

Have you tried some therapy ? It’s hard to break cycles when you’ve been in bad relationships and also hard to know what is what. A good therapist could really help. Sadly it sounds like he is making this about your insecurities and not that he betrayed your trust… I agree that there is for sure some gaslighting going on here. This isn’t a you problem, it’s a him problem. Plus a man who is so in love doesn’t test the waters. :disappointed: Best of luck to you.

1 Like

The first red flag was that he tried to delete it because of your reaction due to your anxiety, and then it followed with he was hiding it, because he knew this would happen. How about he was hiding it because he’s in the wrong, and he was trying to delete it because he knew he was doing something wrong. You keep blaming this on your anxiety in yourself, but that’s just not the case.  It seems like he hasn’t taken the blame upon himself what she really needs to be held accountable for and realize


You are blinded by stupidity. Leave him, kick him out. If he loved you so much or whatever he wouldn’t have cheated. Yes flirting, snapping is cheating! Snaps delete. You never know if he sent dirty pics or the chicks did. Which I’m sure they did. He did this to hurt you. He knew it would. He’s manipulating you to make you think it’s your fault he cheated. Girl come on, you’re too old for this bs.

The foundation of a marriage is communication and trust. Now you have neither. Obviously he doesn’t worship the ground you walk on because if he did he would not be flirting with other women. He did this on his phone. What is he doing when he is out by himself ? Men that flirt take it to the next level ! But you won’t know because he tells you he loves you only. It’s your life. I have been down that road and believe me it get worst and you finally either have to live in misery or get out of the relationship

Testing the waters means you’re seeing how warm it is before you dive in. There’s no more to be said. However, if you are adamant it can work, consider the couples therapy. The fact that you’re doubting yourself, asking if you’re pretty enough? He’s already robbing you of the self confidence you had to rebuild. Plus he pretty much smashed the trust by even engaging in CHATS! You clearly are intelligent and loving and you deserve better :green_heart:


You may be so in love. But it doesn’t sound like that’s mutual. If he’s cheating, he don’t love you the way you think he does. He may just be comfortable

1 Like

Why would he do it in the first place?? Boy bye

Soooo, he knows you have trust issues. And what did he do? Betray that trust and flirt online? Really a lousy husband and person in general. You need therapy for you! This is easy to say since I’m not in your shoes. I think you get yourself together (literally and figuratively) and move onto someone/something that is going to respect you and love you and not “test the waters”. You deserve soooo much better.

He didn’t tell you because he was hoping you’d never know. If he were worried it would hurt you and he cared. He wouldn’t have done it. Now you’ve not only allowed it you’ve condoned it and your entire insecurity is about to get dumped in your lap because he’s going to do it again and the reason then will be because you don’t have any self esteem. Lived it, never again


Does he worship the ground you walk on? Is he an amazing husband? Because, frankly if he did, he wouldn’t have done that to you. I think you really need to reevaluate your relationship and your relationship with your husband.

Depends how far he tested the waters. Then u both need to sat down ,talk and see what direction u are going?

1 Like

He’s got you bubbling in one pot while he eats out of the other………so sorry to be so blunt but Ive been in your shoes it’s horrible I walked away and it was literally the best thing I have ever done and yes I had 3 children under 7

1 Like

So when someone betrays your trust it’s not your “job” to get over it or get past it. It’s the person who broke your trust’s responsibility to rebuild the trust and make sure that you’re being reassured. Also, be ok with where you are, recognize why and don’t chastise yourself for feeling how you feel as it is valid. Be patient and as long as he’s willing to rebuild and repair you’ll get there.

1 Like

Husband? Testing the waters? No. You should be his only lake, stream, ocean, bay, sea, puddle…

1 Like
  1. He’s not an amazing husband. If he was he wouldn’t be entertaining other women.
  2. He doesn’t worship the ground you walk on because he would never disrespect you like that if he did.
  3. He’s not as inlove with you as you think he is because if he was he’d never do anything to risk losing you.

You feel like this because you HAVE been betrayed. Emotional cheating is just as damaging as physical cheating. Its not about you being pretty enough. Its about him. I know stunning women whose husbands cheated. Go alone to a good counselor and let them help you find your way back in or out of your marriage. If you decide to stay then your husband can come to counseling too. If he wont, by then you should be strong enough to kick him to the curb.
You havent been married long. But it is so true tigers dont change their stripes. Im betting hes cheated before you even met him and hasnt changed. And doesnt intend to.

Girl, that’s more red flags than a circus. He is being emotionally manipulating and you’re falling right into it. Please leave, its only going to get worse from here. If he loved you like you think he does, he would have never done it in the first place.

1 Like

Delete all stupid apps. Shame he was a low life. Would he have told you if you hadn’t found out? Probably not. Once trust is broke it’s hard to recover. He’ll have to show you that he can be trusted again. Make sure you aren’t wearing blinders.

Honey, first things first a man that loves you doesn’t do this … period. He knows what this would do to you and he still did it. He does not worship the ground you walk on, he is just another guy being a whore and you deserve better.
Take what’s left of your self respect and dignity and walk.

If you are going to forgive and move on you have to do just that. Snapchat would clearly be gone and trust would have to be rebuilt.

Leave… He knows you will continue to tolerate this. Total manipulation.

Let me just say that it is NOT YOUR FAULT that you don’t trust some people. That falls on the people who broke your trust not you. Trust is easily broken and in my opinion almost impossible to rebuild. Do not let them tell you that you not trusting them is the problem, the behavior that broke the trust is a problem. Please do not let people gaslight you into thinking that your feeling are invalid and wrong. They are your feelings for a reason and nobody can just flip a switch and change them! Be strong!

1 Like

If you thought you had anxiety before after reading these comments it will through the roof. Get off social media and see a therapist.

Nothing serious…… girl…. He wouldn’t be my husband any longer.

1 Like

Maybe he just screwed up!! He told you or you found out?? How’s he been since? Your going to have those feelings till he gains back trust. I wouldn’t rush to divorce. But I would have a long talk with him. Guys look, guys like attention (so do women) if it was some harmless flirting (do I still have “it” at 40)
Then it may be fine. I’m sure it scared the bejesus out of him. If every man who flirted with a woman got dragged to counseling oh my wouldn’t that be something. And I’m in NO way making a excuse for him!!! I had a cheater. But divorce isn’t always the answer. He just might really regret what he did.

Men only test the waters they’re planning to jump in given the opportunity. If he is truly in love with you & worships the ground you walk on like you say then I’m sorry but you wouldn’t be going through this. Him knowing that it would hurt you & he still done it speaks volumes.


He crossed boundaries then lied. Then said he lied because of how he knew you’d react ( anyone would react that way). He’s gaslighting you. Let him go. He can be a good dad but a lousy partner. You deserve better.


You all should come to an agreement on both not having snapchat. Also I’ve learned communication is the key. If he isn’t hearing from you that his wanted,loved and etc… then he maybe trying to find that elsewhere.

Counseling. Couples counseling and individual counseling for both of you. Couples counseling should help you communicate better and have a better understanding of each other. Individual therapy will help him figure out why he did it and hopefully, make him never do it again. Individual counseling will also help you heal from all the trauma from your previous relationship and help you determine what feelings are warranted in the current situation and whats just past trauma. That’s really going to be your only way forward. It will take work (from both of you), you both just have to decide if it’s worth the work to you.

Lmao girl he is NOT an amazing husband when he’s cheating. Because, while yes what’s cheating is different for each couple, he went behind your back and flirted with other women and tried to delete the shit and lie. He’s made you feel like trash. He KNEW it would hurt you AND HE STILL DID IT. Please have some more self respect and leave

If he was that in love with you he wouldn’t be flirting with girls period. He doesn’t love or respect you and by putting up with it and staying he will do it again.

1 Like

The only way you’re gonna feel secure is seeing HIS CHANGED BEHAVIOR. And not only that, changed CONSISTENT behavior. The lying and hiding are problem too. If he knew it would hurt you, but continued to do it anyways, WHY? What was he getting from it? One of you needs to create a hard boundary here. And if it were me, his snapchat would be gone. But this is also a conversation you should have where you tell him, to his face, exactly how you feel and what his behavior has done to you. Clearly he can’t control his behavior, so it has to go. He needs to understand that YOU aren’t the problem here, but he also needs to think about WHY he is doing this. Is it validation? Attention? Make him dig deep here and do some self reflection to figure out why he is doing this. Instead of coming to you, he sought it somewhere else. That in itself IS a huge red flag and needs to be talked about and addressed. DON’T get caught in the we have a great marriage line. Marriage takes work, and if he has a need that’s not getting met, this is how affairs start. Address it in depth together and do the work. Don’t brush it under the rug.

You’re never going to shake that feeling. Time will help heal you, however in the back of your mind you’ll always be wondering why. You will just have to learn to deal with those intrusive thoughts as they come if you want to continue to make it work.

1 Like

Leave his ass. He knew what he was doing and how you would feel AND did it anyway. Pull the wool from over your eyes and take a step back and analyze what really happened. He thought he could see what else was out there before he officially left you for someone else. He clearly puts on a good show for you to even think this was a “mistake”. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

Yeah he’s not amazing and you’re trying to convince yourself that he is. You’re obviously intelligent so stop fighting with your instincts and ditch him. Move on.

1 Like

Are you both in love-or are you? I personally don’t think someone who truly loves or respects you would be flirting with other people. That’s the first step to stepping outside of your marriage. Maybe counseling would be a good idea for the both of you, if divorce isn’t an option in your minds.

If he was much in love, as you say, he wouldn’t be flirting.

1 Like

Trust your gut… he did it for a reason and will most likely continue to do it just hide it better…

1 Like

If you think that flirting with other women on snap (or anywhere) and “very much in love” go in the same paragraph, you have a very wrong idea of what love is.


Maybe you can go to therapy to help? If you think he’s so amazing, maybe therapy can help you get through your anxiety.

All I wanna add is: I don’t deal with flirting. Flirting is the gate and eff that. Especially if he hid it.

If you were shipped the ground, you walk on, he wouldn’t be flirting with other women.

1 Like

If he worshipped the ground you walked on, he wouldn’t be looking around for other women.


No reason for grown adults, especially not single ones to even have “snap”

He doesn’t respect you period. Men don’t flirt with other women for no reason… he has a motive.

He should be putting his feelings towards you and not towards other women

Once trust is broken you’re relationship will never be the same. It’s like a dark cloud hanging over you.

He’s not a great husband if he did something knowing it was gunna hurt you. You women have got to stop making excuses for the things men do! Married men are not supposed to be testing waters or talking to women because they are bored.

What? If he worships the ground you walk on then he wouldn’t be flirting with other girls. Trust me there is more or going to be more cause he knows you aren’t going anywhere.


GET RID OF HIM. YESTERDAY. The gateway drug… harmless chatter. You’re worth more than what he is offering girl… :no_entry_sign::muscle::bouquet:

1 Like

This is all on him. And not you. He is the ass, not you. If you want to continue to feel this way , stay with him. If you want what is is doing to you… LEAVE. And see a therapist

Amazing husbands who are much in love and worship the ground their wives walk on don’t flirt with other women on Snapchat.
So here’s the question you’re asking: is my current lifestyle worth having a philandering husband?
Is it?

1 Like

Have him delete his social media accounts. That will be a good first step…

Sorry, but no he’s not an amazing husband if he is flirting with other women.

1 Like

Testing waters is enough for me to leave no matter how long you’ve been together


A "good husband " wouldn’t be flirting and testing waters… just saying

1 Like

He is a great husband for flirting with other women, knowing it would hurt you…?

He needs to remove all apps as “you can’t trust him” if he’s flirting with other girls online.

If he wanted to text other people maybe you should do the same, see how he likes it

People don’t change. Screw second chances and therapy. There are eight billion people on the planet. You have options. Good luck :+1:

1 Like

You may try both couples and individual therapy for both of you,

My advice: Lose the husband :+1:t2:

I think this video sums it up for me…

:trophy: award to his acting skills …


Have you seen the movie two can play those games?

Yeah he’s a creep,no making better

My Opinion, if he truly was in love with u, and worships the group u walk on… He absolutely wouldn’t have flirted or did anything to another female. No matter who.
Maybe if ull are wanting to stay together. Get marriage counseling or therapy?
That feeling is ur gut telling u something.
If it were me I’d be getting to the real results of what he physically to someone else.

As far as building ulls place together that is material things all that is replaceable. IF I HAVE TRUST ISSUES WITH MY PARTNER THAN ID BE LEAVING. I can’t n won’t stay anywhere or with anyone that I feel something in my gut.

  1. Get counseling
  2. Hiding things/lying is distrustful behavior so you have reasons to distrust him, your feelings are very very valid

You really don’t know what all he’s done. Most of the time when people get caught doing something wrong, it isn’t their first time. He’s been “testing the waters” more often than you think and therefore he let his guard down thinking you wouldn’t look… He is cheating light.

1 Like

You’re lying to yourself. Listen to yourself. Re-read what you typed. He KNEW it would hurt you and HE DID IT ANYWAYS. He knew you had trust issues due to past issues like this and HE DID IT ANYWAYS. He is not “much in love”. He does not “worship the ground you walk on”. And he is NOT setting a good example for his children ie. being an “amazing” father.

1 Like

An amazing husband who worships the ground you walk on doesn’t flirt with other women then hide it from you.

1 Like

Yeah no. He did it knowing it would hurt you. Then hid it from you. Then you say “he finally admitted it” which sounds like he denied it at first (assumption based on chosen words). Did he ever explain why he even did it in the first place? All I see is him lying out his, well you know…


You both need to go to counseling.
He needs to find why he was flirting in the first places if he “knew” how your response would be and loves you unconditionally then why did he do it.
Stay strong

Amazing husband’s don’t flirt with other women!!! I’m sure he didn’t want u to find out that what he was doing. Cheaters don’t want to be caught!!!

1 Like

Would counseling help sorry it’s the only thing that I can think of

I do not know , but if I’m in love with someone the way you said you guys are I will not be texting no body to test not damn water .
What if one of that women replied to him and wanted to go further?
Seems to me like you are in denial of what is really going on and doesn’t want to lose the “ perfect “ marriage life you think have .
Let me tell you something honey , writing someone to test the waters is some kind of cheating, but because there’s no way to you to accept it or walk away you might consider some marriage counseling .

Lots of Men need constant reassurance that they are still wanted…not for me really…I’d be gone.

1 Like