It feels like my fiancé (or anyone in my life for that matter) doesn’t understand or care how lonely and difficult being a SAHM truly is. Since “this is what I wanted” I’m just supposed to be happy all the time. I have no friends or family close by for support. Fiancé works two jobs literally all day to support us. I’m so grateful to be able to be here for my baby. But I didn’t want to be basically raising her by myself. I have no car and no money of my own. It just feels like I’m screaming and no one can hear me.
Defo hard I have 3 kids and iv been a stay at home mum plus a working mum and both equity as hard, but when my kids where wee and had 2 under school age I went to mother and toddler groups each day, all diff ones and found some lovely friends and it helped the loneliness, look and see if there also gym style classes u can do with ur baby, walking groups, where I stay there’s loads support for parents and kids to do activities together, I know helped me loads when I was at home, I chose to go back to work for my own sanity, yes I didn’t walk away with much afyer child care but mentally helped me and never looked back x
I was in the same situation for about 5 years. And the reason I stayed home mostly was because we didn’t trust our children with other people. My husband was on board with this as well. But that didn’t change the disconnect and loneliness I felt through it all. You’re not alone. About 99% of sahm feel the same way. I had to learn to find things in the moment to cheer me up. I even walked a few miles just to get to a friend’s house. Everyone always told me to hang tight, that it was temporary. I did. And now I’m the one going out for work and my husband works from home and takes care of the kids. I gave up a lot but I wouldn’t change it. I miss them little and and so grateful I had the time with them that I did. You’ll get through this. And remember to always put your needs first. It is not selfish. Happy mom, happy kids.
I know the feeling. I’m a stay at home mom of 3 sometimes 4. My oldest bio is about to be 13. My middle child is 2 and my youngest is 3 months. and my step daughter that we get for the summer is about to be 9. I also care for my grandmother who is wheelchair bound. She’s on dialysis and can’t really do much for herself so she lives with us. It’s hard it really is in fact I went off on my husband when he came home with beer today cause well I’m just mentally and physically exhausted and I need help
I feel you, mama. I’m totally in the same situation. It’s by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I feel like I’m climbing the walls most days, just waiting for DH to come home.
Have you joined any mum and baby groups in the community? I don’t know where you’re based, but in the UK, local libraries etc do rhyme time for the kids where you can go and meet new people with kids and that could lead to friendships? I know it’s not as easy as it sounds, but it helps a little and breaks up the day. What about studying something free online when you’re child is asleep or playing? Something low pressure that you enjoy to take your mind off the loneliness? Or start a home project of some kind?
You never have to be happy all the time, but maybe being a SAHM isn’t for you if you feel sad more than you’re happy. Is there an option for you to go back to work and put your child in nursery/day care?
I’ve done the same. My oldest in the house is 13. I made a decision that this year I’m going to either go back to school this fall or find a job. I’m all done and need to find myself and be around other people that I don’t live with. Good luck and hang in there! It can get wearing but it’s definitely worth it for your baby❤️
Do you have neighbors nearby? Are you within walking distance of a park or library? Can you get a used bike with a child carrier? You can meet other moms at these places.
Do you have a talent you could use to earn a bit of money while the child is asleep? Do you have access to a computer? This mom’s forum may find you some friends or at least let you know you’re not alone.
Anyone with a spouse in the military knows what it’s like to feel like an isolated single mom. Get tips from single moms (and dads) on how to cope. If any live close by, trade off taking care of all the kids so the other parent gets a break, then they do the same for you.
Do you feel less lonely if you can learn something new from a You Tube how-to video? Does hubs need the car all day long or could you use it if you drop him off & pick him up from work?
Are you a member of a religious community? They often have parent groups and people willing to drive others places once in a while. Can you call a charity to see if you could get a donated car?
When does public school start for children in your area? Pre-K at 4? You only have a few years of this before your child is b n school for the bulk of the day.
If you have a set routine each day of awake times, meal times, nap time/s, clean up times, play time, craft times, screen time, reading time, bath time, chore time/s, outdoor time, bed time it makes the days go faster.
Call old friends and family on the phone and reconnect with them. If they work, talk during their lunch or break times, call family during baby’s nap times, other SAHMs while baby is engaged in something.
Same, I can relate and understand.
I hated being a SAHM. I was miserable. Putting my kids in daycare and getting a full time job is one of the best things I did.
I vaguely remember it feeling like solitary confinement but It was all I wanted to go back to once I returned to work and my life got 100x harder. I look back and think wow I had it so easy what the hell was I thinking.
Hindsight is 20/20
You’re right and this time will pass … it’s bitter sweet but it does go by fast and when you look back all the stress and hard times abd all the good you did for your kids will feel like it wasn’t long enough. A great thing though is to find balance and see if you can work part-time or a hobby once or 2x a week. You are Still an individual and you are not just a mom. Finding the balance you will get through this so much easier.
We.raised 5 needed 2 incomes to support them all.my youngest is now 16.2 of my girls are next state over and my son is moving across the countryin.2 mnths.when you work full time it feels like you blink and they are grown.i wish I would have had the opportunity to be home with them.just goes to show grass is always greener on the other side.do what feels best.if that’s working work.
Honestly, others really DON’T get it until they’ve done it. My fiance didn’t until he stayed home while I worked last year. It really changed the way he saw being a SAHM and I get thanked and feel far more appreciated now than I did before. Maybe you could talk to your husband about you getting a small part-time gig, just a couple days a week for a few hours. He might be able to cut down on his time away from home and it gets you out and about, and helps you make some money whether to contribute towards bills or keep for play money.
Reach out to any mom blog. Join a mother’s day out group. Call your library for reading times. Find some arts and crafts to do. You have this fabulous opportunity to live and grow with your child. Literally it doesn’t matter what you do but do something and include your child no matter how young or old they are. YOU ARE NOT Alone. But you have to make yourself available and experience what life has to offer. I really and honestly cherished my time with my kids. Reach out and I will share ideas.
Put baby in daycare and go back to school or get a job?? I feel you! it won’t last forever mama.
I honestly could not stand being a stay at home mom. I was getting depressed and that wasn’t good for anyone.
Mama I hear u. This is very true in my life too. I’m struggling also so I don’t have any advice except to stay strong
Other SAHM totally understand
Not having family nearby for support is very hard, hang in there mama!
Had to be a guy to laugh at this. Sending you all the hugs mama! I understand
First of all, you need to have a serious discussion with your fiance. Let him know how you are feeling and how isolating it is.
Second of all, would he be willing to give up a job so you can work part time?
Just because you don’t work, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have money. He shouldn’t have control over that because staying home IS work and sharing money in that situation is part of partnership.
I would suggest reaching out in local mom groups about finding friends and having playdates. Maybe join a local mom and tot program that you can walk to.
Work on finding an affordable car too.
If he really won’t hear you, go to counseling. Marrying someone who can’t take your feelings into consideration won’t solve your problems
You. Are. NOT. Alone. Other SAHM totally get it. I always say, being a SAHM is overwhelming and understimulating at the same time.