I feel like my boyfriend is being secretive over his phone...advice?

For 4 years of my relationship. I basically have never been able to see in my partners phone. Only once did I get on it while he was standing next to me. And there were photos of women saved and downloaded . There was a conversation he had with his mom where she was trash-talking me, and he pretended not to read it and changed the subject. I asked him about the photos of women and was told his phone is private and they are nice to look at. He is in groups and chat rooms like Discord . He says he will never allow me on his phone because I’ll blow up for no reason. I can’t help but feel there is a wedge between us . It feels secretive. I never have a lock on my phone and don’t mind a person to see what is in there. What are your thoughts and or advice for me ?


Clearly he enjoys looking at other women. You know they’re there you know he’s looking at them. How you handle the situation is up to you if you accept it it will get worse

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If you feel the need to look through your partners phone then you should not be together.

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He’s not your soulmate. Time to move on. If he’s been secretive for 4 years and refuses to let you see his phone then he’s hiding something more than just pictures. And him not sticking up for you towards his mom is also a sign you guys aren’t soulmates.


Run, not walk!!! As far as possible!

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Start acting like him if he wants to play like that then join him.

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Personally I don’t like the insecure checking of phones constantly. My abusive ex did that shit to me a lot though that’s an opposite extreme. BUT if you know he’s got things on there that you find disrespectful and suss and aren’t happy with his explanations or behaviours…isn’t that enough to know this relationship isn’t working? If you’ve told him you have a problem with what’s going on and he’s not doing anything at all to rectify that, then he doesn’t plan on and will keep doing what ever shady things he’s doing. You don’t have to be okay with that.

Sweet heart, run. If he doesn’t make you s priority then you aren’t. Move on. My phone and my man’s phone are always in plain view. We even answer each other’s phone. If you don’t have that you aren’t with the right one.


If he is being secretive he is obviously hiding something

Leave. Like LEAVE the relationship.

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BYE-BYE BOYFRIEND!!! It’s that simple.

Girl your sign all but hit you in the face, all I can say is your worth more. Only boys act like that, go get yourself a man that doesn’t make you question yourself. :heart:


It’s a matter of mutual respect. If you treat yourself (including your phone) like an open book, but he won’t reciprocate, it’s likely that he IS trying to hide something. And even if he ISN’T hiding anything, his outright refusal to share with you when he knows that it would put your mind at ease, is a huge red flag. You’ve got a big decision to make…are you okay with living with secrets, or do you draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough? Only you can decide…trust your gut.


Take the dog to the pound!!!

If you can’t trust your partner, then you have no relationship. Relationships are built on trust, honesty, and support of each other without one or all of those. There is no relationship.


Leave him and stay single.

Umm, if that’s happening then you need to leave. He won’t change. I would leave him in a heartbeat.


Definitely something secretive happening. People act like it’s ridiculous to look at partners phone. Nah don’t need to but if i want to i should be able. If i go to pick up my phone and it’s theirs and they are freaking out or you can’t just get on it to Google or get a pic or some other info because you may need it or left yours on charge or whatever the reason. It’s sus. If they are super against it … It’s likely for a reason. I don’t feel no need to check my husband’s phone but if I wanted to see it, there shouldnt be any issue

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Leave, a MAN will never hide his phone… I understand there is levels of privacy you don’t cross but if he makes it a point to hide his phone or any of that then obviously there is something he is hiding.


Get out while you can, life is too short to deal with disrespect


My advice would be to end the relationship

If he really lives you his life should be an open book.not meaning you should see all his stuff. But if he knows your feeling a little insecure he should open up and make you feel better about it.


Zero reason to be with someone who is secretive about any part of their life. Find a new man.


Grab it and see what happens. If he freaks out just from you holding it then somethings happening.

If he is being secretive with his phone sounds like to me he hiding something. So be secretive back. I don’t understand relationships these days. Some rather cheat instead of just staying single. I’ve definitely had this happen in my past and my gut feeling was right about what he was hiding.

Trust you’re intuition!!!

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He is shady. He doesn’t want u to find what he is hiding. That’s a no for me. I’d be out.


I’d leave. My boyfriend was like this in the beginning of our relationship and has admitted he was doing stupid shit. If I could go back I’m not sure I’d stay through all of that again. It did turn around and now the rule is if I don’t know the passcode cause he changes it, then we automatically agree he’s up to no good. I will say that I don’t check his passcode myself, I just see when he enters it right next to me. I’ve never looked through his phone, his behavior has always just let me know what’s going on. If he’s not willing to cut the crap then I’d be out!

I understand the privacy perspective but at the same time if he’s doing things purposely that he KNOWS will upset you, that’s mean… I definitely would have some trust issues.

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Just run now. “You’ll blow up for no reason” because there are things on there that shouldn’t be, and he knows it. Save yourself anymore heartbreak, and get out! He is not your soulmate, not even close.


“They’re nice to look at” Yep, I’d be done at that point. The disrespect in his response is so blatant. Secrets and relationships never mix. I get having some personal space, but completely hiding things from your significant other is unacceptable.


He pretty much told you there’s stuff on his phone that will cause an issue. Do you need to see the actual proof to move on?


Ew. Why do people want to stay in relationships like this :sob::sob::sob:


It’s obvious he’s doing exactly what your gut is saying. Talking to other women & such.


I don’t like people looking at my phone either. There are way more issues here than a phone

Privacy is great but if you have seen photos of other women that would give me reason to not trust him.


Leave him. Even though he doesn’t want you in his phone, you know what’s going on and haven’t trusted him since you wanted to start looking through his phone.


Allow me to demonstrate what you should do


Put a lock on your phone, see how he likes it🤷🏻‍♀️… that’s the petty route, but honestly, get a new boyfriend

I don’t believe in going thru partners phones. They can’t go thru mine I won’t go thru there’s. People in relationships need to realize when you date someone it doesn’t give you the entitlement to go thru THEIR THINGS!

If you are in a relationship and feel the need to check your partners phone just leave.

They don’t deserve someone thinking they have the right to their things just because they feel insecure.

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If you have to ask, you already know the answer. The fact that you asked about the women in his phone and his reply was “they’re nice to look at”?! Are you kidding? You should have sprinted to the door then.


It’s not even about the phone. It’s his mentality. Same method will apply to other aspects of your relationship.

Get rid of him. Go with tour gut. I will never again trust a man when he says he isn’t hiding anything. My now husband doesn’t hide it and let’s me on it if I ask to do something bc my phone isn’t right there. I’ve never felt the need to go thru his phone I trust him that much. Get rid of the guy.


Run! If you found that stuff just being on his phone briefly then he’s hiding a lot worse that you didn’t find. Leave him


You have no trust in him and he doesn’t want you in his phone so it’s not going to work

Every relationship is different, so it will depend on what YOU deem is acceptable when it comes to devices and internet use. I find the secretive thing to not be okay. People can have their personal space, property, etc and not keep it up like fort Knox.

The groups thing is fine, depending on what he’s doing or saying in them. Many have it just to chat with friends, gamers, others, and so on. It’s usually harmless but things can be going on.

As for the women thing and letting his mother degrade you, unacceptable no matter what. ‘Nice to look at’? Yeah, so is your PARTNER. No, no, no. The degrading needs to explaining.

Sounds like you need to evaluate the relationship and whether it’s healthy for you. Doesn’t sound nice.


That sounds manipulative. Me and my husband both have complete access to each others phones. And he is allowed to look at women. Not local ones tho. And he is respectful, always has been the 10 years we’ve been together. There are no secrets in a relationship. If he’s not doing anything on that phone worth hiding he wouldn’t be hiding it. Period.


I think you know your own answer but just in case - run :running_woman:

kick him to the curb so you can find your special someone

:rofl::rofl::rofl:sorry had to laugh, you must really be desperate for a boyfriend, news flash he ain’t your boyfriend if he has other women on his phone, and your just a convince for him…obviously he doesn’t think your nice to look at…get some self respect and get out!!! Say nothing just leave, he will already know why. Leave him with his phone cuties

A person only needs privacy when they got something to hide.

Girl stop. Go get you a MAN. You got yourself a boy :rofl:

If you can’t touch/look at his phone, that’s all the info you need! There’s obviously things in there he doesn’t want you to see! Sorry you wasted 4 years!

Run run run I didn’t I was stupid for 20 yrs then I left

if you’re asking, you already know. you’d blow up for “no reason” means he’s obviously hiding something that would make you angry or upset. you know the answer to your question. leave him.

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Not being honest. Cannot trust him


Leave ! If u have to come for fb for advice you already have your answer!

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I mean, it’s fine to have a lock on your phone and to not want a partner to just be trying to grab at it and see what’s inside. Your phone is your phone and his phone is his.

It sounds like he’s being a little weird about it, but it might also just be the way you’re presenting it. Maybe you’re constantly asking to see his phone and it’s annoying. It sounds like you have trust issues more than anything. :joy:

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Why are you still with this dude :joy: know your worth & leave.

Grab his phone and smash it with a hammer then tell him go be with your female pictures!!!

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My ex was like that, turns out he was dating others while in like a decade long relationship with me :sweat_smile::rofl:


Yea. Move on. Why put yourself through this misery, when you can find the truthful one.

I’ve never looked at my husband’s phone in 12 years, never once felt the need to. I can guarantee the option to look is available to me tho. Him not wanting to show you, is a huge red flag.


My phone is not locked and same with my SOs phone. We can look at each other’s phone whenever we want. He also has my Facebook password and I have his. We don’t have any secrets between us.


You definitely should just see yourself out of that relationship. It’s so weird to need to go through someone’s phone and if someone were going through my messages with my mom and tripped out they would forsure never have access to my stuff again.


You’ve put up with this for 4 years. Where’s your self respect

Nice to look at :joy::joy::joy: I’d be telling him to fuck right off

Do not elevate your relationship status (marriage/children) unless trust levels and disclosure elevates as well, you dont want to experience more intense anxiety than he’s giving you currently

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My phone is my phone and there is no reason anyone needs to go through it. My DH’s phone is his phone and I have no desire or need to go through it. He is an adult and can make his own decisions. If I can not trust him, we have no business being married.


And you put up with this for 4 yrs?, methinks what else is he hiding?You’re being disrespected big time.Take a hike sweetie

Yeah he’s cheating.
If you don’t want to leave him (you should) do exactly the same, put guys photos on your phone, go into chats and make sure he “accidentally” sees all this on your phone, and see how he likes it… bet you he flips out.


Wow u wasted 4 years on that !!!

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Why go into each other’s phones? If you trust each other then… apparently people hide things… not a good relationship! Married for 16 yrs and no reason for us to do that!

Bc you’ll “blow up for no reason”…no, bc he’s KNOWS there’s stuff on there that he would get upset about if rolls were reversed! Run, love! Get out while you can. Too many red flags and it’s not a good circus :joy:

so…all of the concerns and he is still your BF? why???

Ugh he’s lying and probably cheating on you , grow a backbone just leave him!

An ex did this.
I happened to see a name pop up when he quickly ducked into the shop.
I did some investigating, turns out he was loving a double life and I was the other woman. A trusting and honest relationship would have nothing to hide.
I’ve been with my partner 11 years and we have access to each others everything.

You are worth way more than him. He’s not worthy of your love.

He’s already basically admitted to having stuff on his phone by saying you can’t look at it because you’ll blow up…… get rid

Yeah he’s hiding stuff for a reason.

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Ew. Should have left him the minute you found those photos and he gave that response. I feel like you already know where you stand and what you should do, but if the validation will help, I think you deserve better and should leave him.


My husband and I share biometric access to each other’s phones. We never go through them because we trust each other, but we also have nothing to hide and sometimes we need to get into the other person’s phone for info or a picture or something. Trust your gut.


You already know something is not right. This only happens when there is something being hidden from you. You need to ditch him now if he feels the need to hide things from you.

If u can share all the most deepest intimate parts of your body then a phone is not a problem
I had been through this with multiple men for years before of each long term relationship they would hide there phone and eventually I would find them cheating it was hard leave
Although now that I’m with an amazing man he doesn’t flinch if I’m on his phone he hands it to me and will turn over and go back to sleep
Even then I still find some things I question or uncomfortable about but I also ask and the answer is always worse in my own head then the reality of it with this man due to what I’ve experienced
Find you a man that truly respects you it’s worth it

Leave if I were you this is the kind of thinking that Makes women miserable,damn if I Will stay with him not worth a Pinch of Salt

dating= give me my privacy
long term relationship= we shouldn’t have secrets
married= we have free access to each other’s life


Sorry, but that’s a total red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:. I would not be in that relationship.

Shut up or put up,which one areu

He won’t let u in his phone bc he knows you’ll see the truth, that he’s probably cheating & he’s a POS that’s wasted 4 yrs of ur life‼️ jmho, buttttt🤷🏼‍♀️

Soo many red flags, throw the whole dude away

Ew, gross. Red flags for sure. I’d bounce.

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And why is he your boyfriend?!?

He doesn’t respect you… there’s no trust. End it


You’ve stayed with him after already seeing photos of women, and him trash talking you to his mother?
I mean…. The red flags were there from that point. He told you why he is secretive.
I fail to see why you’re still in this relationship.

Nahhh he is cheating, dump him, there is way better out there that will let you look through their phones without standing next to you. The fact that he let’s his mom trash talk you is another red flag, I highly suggest for your own mental health that you leave him

Personally, I’d dip. It’s not the need to see his phone that’s the issue…it’s the fact you already saw him not standing up for you and that he downloaded pix. That’s enough disrespect for me to see myself out. On the flip side, being able to go thru someone’s phone doesn’t mean they aren’t hiding shit. My ex and I had each other’s passwords, yet, he was talking to other girls on omegle and using incognito tabs.

absolutely not✌🏾 i wouldn’t waste anymore time w that.

I am married I don’t have a lock on phone and my doesn’t have one either when I come home from work or off on the weekends my phone is on the tablet so to me he hinding things that not good I move on

My ex was the same way for 3 and a half years. Found out later down the road he was addicted to porn so I never once saw his phone cause the one time i did I saw messages to other girls.

Listen to some if yall. Sound like kids