I feel like I am failing as a mother: Advice?

I feel like I’m failing. I have a 10-day old baby. He cries when he wakes up (really gassy) and during diaper changes. The dr just put him on acid reflux meds (hoping they help). Is he up all night crying and thinking maybe from lying flat on his back? I’ve tried everything. But I end up falling asleep holding him, and I don’t want to do that. I’m not getting much sleep at all—roughly 2 hours a night since he’s been born. I was breastfeeding, but my boobs both got infected from clogged milk ducts, and I was pumping, but I couldn’t keep up, and when he’s up most of the night, I don’t have time to pump. His dad works, So nights are all on me. Even though days are on me too, and I work from home and homeschool my daughter as well. It’s hard. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.


You are doing a great job… you love them and that’s all that matters :heart:

Maybe he has colic or his food isnt setting well with his tummy. There are ways to hold them that helps. Look up online. But sounds like food issues.??

How long has he been on the meds?
You’re doing awesome! Its only been a short while, you and your baby will find a groove :heart: stay strong

My 2nd born cried until 1 year and 8 months. None of the others did that

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My 2nd baby had crying issues due to being gassy. He slept 75% of the time in his baby car seat tucked in with a blanket on top of him. Since he was in a reclining position and extra warm he slept better than the first month or so

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5S’s. Side, swaddle. Ssh, swing and suck. Look it up on YouTube. Saved my sanity with my colic baby.

Give the meds time to work. Don’t feel bad if you can’t breast feed. Baby feels your stress so just do what you need to take care of him and not over stress your self

Maybe colic. My son was like that too and chamomile tea was a life saver.

You’ve got this mama! My oldest was a colic baby. We had our fair share of rough nights. Honestly it took his pediatrician changing his formula to get him to sleep. But I feel you! I was a single mom and the only way we got any sleep was for me to sleep in the recliner with him on my chest. Babies can be a challenge but they can sense your tension too. So when you’re frustrated and tense, baby also gets frustrated and tense. Hold on mama, this too shall pass :heart:

When the babies dad gets home hand him off for a few hours so you can get some rest. Shower, sleep, eat. Have family over to help you if you need. Stay positive, you have a beautiful blessing.

It’s too bad his dad can’t get some family leave. I hope things get better for you. Are you still sick?

Is there any family that could come help? My biggest issue with my 2nd child was not reaching out. I became depressed and it was rough.

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Could be a dairy allergy. Get some probiotic drops and put them in the night time bottle

Get a wedge sold at Walmart baby section and I am sure other baby stores. I have acid reflux and I use a wedge it works great .

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Gripe water helped us tremendously.


Try gripe water. It’s a miracle water.


From the issues you are describing it sounds like he could have oral ties. Research and see. But all symptoms for you with breastfeeding and what you’re describing with him are tie symptoms.

We give our boy gas drops before EVERY bottle and we ordered him a warmie off of Amazon that we put on his tummy when he seems extra gassy and those seem to help tremendously

Keep trying different formulas. With one of mine, some random Kroger brand worked the best. (As the Dr for samples, they usually have them so you don’t have to spend a ton).

Belly rubs, and leg crunches to hopefully move the gas along, and most importantly, give yourself a break! You’re not failing, youre doing great.

You are a great mom…
Look at Hyland Homeopathic remedies. Use lavender cream for calming.

You’re doing great! You’re feeding him, loving on him, you’re doing everything to keep him happy. My kids all 4 slept on their bellies. 2 had to be on gentle ease formula and those same 2 ALWAYS had gas relief drops in their bottles.

My first born had stomach issues it took finding the right formula and acid reflux medicine. Give the meds time. You’ll find the right formula for him. You’ve got this, stay positive.

For the gas try moving baby’s legs like riding a bike

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Do not doubt yourself you know bub better than anyone!! You are not a failure we all have been thought stuff as mothers all you can do is make it better!!

Has this been happening since being on formula?
Being bottle fed try diffrent formulas to get the right one his only 10 days old its something to do with his intake that is making him so gassy and sore it too 4 diffrent formulas to find the right on for my son and he was very gassy and always sore …

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My sons was like that as well! Swaddling helps as well as having him sleep on an incline. Make sure you burp him really well and often after each ounce. Smaller and more frequent feedings may help as well… Colic calm was a life saver for us! I wish I would of found it earlier. Its OTC and homeopathic but helps instantly! It will take time for the meds to work usually after 2 weeks you should notice a difference . Formula change might be needed its common that acid reflux is caused from a dairy/soy allergy. Your not failing mama! Its hard! You got this and he is lucky to have you! :heart:

Try a chiropractor. I thought it was crazy when I got told that but when I brought my son who is now 4 he was a completely different baby. He went from being how you are describing your baby to sleeping amazing and having less gas problems. Keep your chin up cause you are amazing


Breath. Fed is fed. If you are using a bottle try one with the bags so you can take the air out (Playtex). Burp, patting baby’s him and back and back rubs help baby bring up gas. Warm baths help with gas pains and swaddling with baby’s knees bent to belly help. Also a good old fashioned baby swing helps with colic.

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2 of mine had acid reflux. On nutrimegen. Keep them up for awhile after feeding and wait like 5 minutes or so before burping so they have time to settle. When they can sit up it got better

First of all…you are not failing …it’s a big adjustment…be easy on yourself …breathe…:heart:
Keep an eye on what you eat as well. My daughter in law cut out all dairy in her diet (dr ordered) and it did wonders for nursing her babe …baby calmed right down

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It might be worth trying this.

I used probiotics for my daughter they worked awesome

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We all feel like we’re failing at some point. But you’re not. But just keep trucking along.

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Why r ppl laughing tho


This too shall pass . Hang in there ! I know it’s sooo hard . You will one day sleep again !

Our baby was the same way. At 2 months we got a sample of Similac Alimentum from her doctor and it was a NIGHT AND DAY difference. Like a totally different baby. Just food for thought. :blush:

My kids were colicky we drove around all nite finally my peds doc said to try1/4teasoon rice baby cereal mix into spoon of formula make thin like formula feed with spoon try small amount at first the baby have full belly sips of formula between spoons works miracle s

Defintley keep him elevated when sleeping, i always put a pillow underneath the crib mattress on the end he slept on

Its normal!! Hang in there its hard to have a baby! Try gas relief drops as people suggested, worked for my little one!! Hang in there. It gets easier i promise. Sleep whenever little one is sleeping during the day. Good luck

You can elevate him during the day by rolling up a swaddle blanket and putting it behind him in his rocker

Get the windy to help relieve gas it was a life saver he may have colic

You are doing a great job! Welcome to the world of having a baby. I went through the same thing. I was so tired and deprived of sleep I started hallucinating. It will get better I promise. :green_heart:

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That was my daughter as well. Swaddling helped but I did co sleeping (I know what the dr say but this is what worked for me). She was tested for hirshsprungs disease because she was always gassy and didn’t poop much. They found her to have a milk protein allergy and reflux switch meds and formula (my milk stopped coming in after six days) and she did much better.

Could be colic aswell as reflux… My sister twins were like this there were on reflux and colic meds…She bought them sleep curve moses basket mattress it helps to position baby better so less discomfort

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If I’m understanding correctly you are breastfeeding and pumping in between feeding sessions. Although you may not see it you may have an oversupply of breastmilk and this can contribute to reflux in babies. You should consult a lactation specialist for further advise.

I felt like that after I brought our daughter home. I tried breastfeeding. But, she didn’t want to latch on. I bottle feed her. The only way I could get her to settle down was snuggling with her. I did fall asleep with her on me. But, I also fell asleep with her next to me. Our daughter became colicky. So, we gave her gripe water.

Try mommy’s bliss gripe water. It worked wonders for my oldest who had colic

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Colic!!! My daughter had it and I thought I would lose my mind. We used gas drops and leg exercises, white noise, various formulas. I found that she was worse with the premixed formula. We used powder and switched her to Carnation Good Start (without asking the doctor). She seemed to do better…but at 6 months, it was like a switch flipped. She was way better. All kids are different, but that’s what worked for us. Hang in there…it will get better.

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That first month is always the hardest. Hang in there and sleep while the baby sleeps. It’ll get easier.

Have you tried to put something under the mattress to elevate his head. Also swaddling him for bed too.

Try gripe water. It worked for my oldest! But always remember you’re doing an amazing job momma. Keep it up

Have you brought him to a chiropractor. It helps.


Ask a friend or family member to help you our too.

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These were a life saver.

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My almost 4 month old had what the drs thought was just gas. They had me switch bottles, switch formulas, give him gripe water, mylicon , prune juice, and sugar water and he was still “gassy”. I switched pediatricians bc I felt they weren’t taking it seriously enough and the new pediatrician tested him immediately and turns out he has a milk protein allergy and possibly reflux and had microscopic blood in his stool. Trust your gut if it seems like more than just gas and he is inconsolable for long periods I would have him tested to be sure! It has made a HUGE difference in my son since we found out and made the necessary changes. Good luck I hope he feels better!

Sweetheart, you are doing just fine! Falling asleep with baby in our arms has happened to pretty much all of us. They cry, we cry. We think we are messing it all up; but after a few weeks, it all settles and we get our rhythm. Maybe see if changing to a gentleease formula works better. My grandbaby has been going through the same; pulling her knees up after she eats, crying in discomfort, spitting up. We changed the formula and she seems better most of the time. You need a chance to sleep for several hours. I hope there is someone close that can allow you that. Dont be afraid to ask, and don’t feel like its wrong to do. You are much better for your baby when you can rest and by the 10th day, I know you are running on fumes. Every mom remembers well and would love to help you! God bless and know that it gets a little more manageable soon!

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I had to swaddle my baby boy fairly tight. He was colic, and acid reflux.

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Try gripe water
And also with reflex it would be worse laying flat my son had it and we used both these suggestions

Amazon has supplements for clogged milk ducts that are amazing. Give the baby water weekly my mom is a nurse and she says thats what they are lacking. Try and warm the milk that helps with gas and helps them sleep longer along with a bath at bedtime its never too early to start a regime. I have two daughters being homeschooled. And a new baby as well it will get better and ask your husband to help at night mines works too and also helps he played a part he need to give u some assistance as well.

Tight swaddling will help tons but make surehe cant break out of it (dont want him to pull the blanket over his face). If he has acid reflux, try elevating his head while he is sleeping… no pillows or anything like that, but maybe put bricks or something similar under one side of the crib so it will have a slight tilt.

May also be a formula issue. My son went through 3 different formulas. Milk based caused fussiness and bloody/mucusy stools. Soy caused fussiness and extreme spit up. Ended up with alimentum.

Talk to your pediatrician!! It sounds like colic, and both of my boys had it!! It will get better I promise!! But mama, don’t forget to take care of you too!! Those babies need you, so talk to your husband and figure out a better schedule!! Even if it’s on Friday, and Saturday night off, so you can catch up on your sleep!! Good luck :purple_heart:

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First off you’re not failing as a mother. Being a parent is HARD. If you have to switch to formula that’s not failing, that’s recognizing your baby needs something different and not forcing your body to do something it can not. I tried breastfeeding exclusively for a few months and I was miserable. All my time was spent with my son on my boob or pumping, and he still wasn’t getting enough. I started supplementing with formula and my life was SO much better. It took so much pressure off me. I also started to use gripe water for my oldest. He was up every two hours screaming in pain and once we used the gripe water he stopped crying. You’re doing a great job mama :heart: keep up the good work.

Try a colic type formula if need be. Enfamil GentleEase was a life saver for me and is working well for my first grandbaby. And look into bottles made for reducing colic. There are several great brands out there. You got this!!

I dealt with colic and reflux. Bounce, on side of bed, bounce when your walking around, white noise, dark lights.

This helped sooo much when my daughter was a newborn

Day dreamer! Or a boppy lounger. Our daughters reflux was so bad you could hear her choke and we’d have to go farting for the room. So we had her sleep on those instead and immediately it was better. Dr was told and agreed since the risk of her of asphyxiation was higher than other risks

it takes a while but ull figure it out
ur not failing
your doing great
when my baby little only one out of 5 was like that i switched to liguid formula the can u put half water and she was a whole different baby hope this helps
and tap water

I had this same problem with my daughter about that age my friend recommended and chiropractor that specializes with babies took her in (her birth was traumatic for her) and found out her head wasn’t evenly sitting on what they call the plate he did some massages and got her straight as all these things are connected and she was like a new kid

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Sounds like your kicking ass to me :wink:

Try a swaddle, or a few kinds!

My son had GERD when he was a newborn.we bought him a wedge and his doctor showed me how to roll a blanket to put under his bum so he didn’t slide or roll. Don’t lay baby flat within an hour after eating, we ended up getting an acid reflux med and going to gentle ease formula. I don’t want to discourage you but it lasted until he was 6 months old.

Rub his stomach. Clock wise. It help

You are doing great mama! Newborns are tough and they don’t come with instructions. Burp baby, get some gas drops, maybe that windy thing from the nose fredia people, and bike the legs of the baby (if you haven’t already tried this things). Also here’s a hot take. Dad can get up once or twice during the night. You need sleep to functions and 2 hours isn’t cutting it. Right now your job is your kiddo and your husband wouldn’t expect you to go to work on 2 hours of sleep otherwise. Keep up the good work!

Sounds colic hun! I’ve been there it takes a really strong support system to not get sleep deprived from it. Helped doing long burps after feedings and keeping them upright as much as possible. Baby wearing will help so much if they allow it

Youre not failing, You’re learning! Try the chiropractor and gripe water, with a good saddle!

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Iet Mom or Mother in law help for night or too god bless you l did lot a walking back in front

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Just remember, this too shall pass.

awww hun, you are not failing. my son cried during almost every diaper change for the first 2 months! he just hated it. try soy formula or see if your doctor will approve enfamil AR. you are doing everything you can and you just got a tough baby, this isn’t your fault. :two_hearts:


Stop beating yourself up!! You are doing fine. Some babies cry more than others. Some if my kids I nursed longer than the others. Life happens. Do what you can to take care of yourself. Then you will be able to take care of the kids better. Hope this helps

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My daughters pediatrician had me put a pillow under her mattress and it propped her up enough to ease the reflux

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My daughter always needed to be double wrapped or swaddled- the halo wrap was awesome and then another blanket she would finally sleep- she was also a very colicky baby- its tough but you got this!

Do the bicycle motion with his legs. That helped us a lot.

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I’ve had the bicycle motion help and also pushing both legs against the belly and bringing them back down for a bit also a slight prop up could help.My sisters youngest had colic and she used gas drops and gripe water with the formula also which seemed to work wonders. Hope your days and nights get easier hunny… you got this!

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My son had acid reflux sooooo bad! My first advice…when he does sleep, you catch a nap. Allow 20 minutes of bath time…every…single…day…(he’s 7 now, and this is still my rule) . I tried everything, expensive formulas, medication, nothing worked. Now I’m no doc but this is what I did, and he’s a very healthy boy. I took him off of everything. He was 3 months old. Started on whole milk with cereal, and baby food(made my own without all the preservatives). Acid reflux completely stopped! Again, some momma’s will say this is not good. But I’m his momma and I made this decision to try it per older generation recommendations .

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If I’m reading this correctly he’s on formula now. Change formulas to a sensitive tummy blend. My son was the same way the first week and we switched to a sensitive tummy formula and the gas pain stopped immediately.

Try plumping him up with a blanket or a pillow os his moses basket my wee girl had acid reflux I changed her to a hungry baby cow an gate depending on where you live of you could get it. An put 2 drops of infacol in the bottle an stair the milk with a spoon do not shake the bottle as your putting air bubbles on to it. He could be a very hungry baby an will need thicker milk.

If you want mail me in private I know exactly how you feel now my wee girl is 5 xx

Have you gotten him checked for a lip/tongue tie? With him crying so much and you getting clogged milk ducts, im wondering maybe if he’s having a hard time nursing? Please dont beat yourself up, momma! The first couple of weeks home are always the hardest!

You need to ask for help. I’m sure any family member can help you. Take some time to yourself and relax, sleep, get a massage, nails done and dinner all to yourself. Get kids on a schedule even the baby. Especially a feeding schedule.

Don’t be afraid to use formula. You need sleep and fed is best. You can try a sensitive tummy one as I did my kids had terrible reflux. We do what we can for sleep. Reach out to a family member to watch the baby to get a few :sleeping: if you can. Hang in there it will be a blur soon.

My daughter had this acid reflux to the point she looked like she was choking. It was very scary. She slept in a travel swing the 1st 6-8 weeks. A pediatrician told me to put a little bit of rice baby cereal in her bottle every other feeding. Yes even at a couple of weeks old. She’s 12 now and amazing. Do what you feel will help and what works for you.

You’re not failing! I got so little sleep with my first that I swear I was falling into some sort of psychosis. My only advice is try to get comfortable asking people for help. The first few months are survival mode, so just make it through. They don’t hand out trophies. The only person expecting you to be the world’s most perfect mother is you. Give yourself some grace :two_hearts: You’ll get through it and you’ll even be able to laugh about it a little when they grow.

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Mylicon gas drops are life with a fussy/gassy/reflux baby. All 3 of mine had terrible reflux and gas. They all had to be on Enfamil nutramigen, acid meds and a little mylicon in every bottle.

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Rub some crisco on his belly area

NB boppy lounger! Hands down life changer! My sons NICU dr told me to get it for him. He slept on it every night never rolled off etc (I also gift it to my friends when they’re pregnant and they love it) it made a tremendous difference and he slept so much better and was so much happier! We have a king bed and fit perfectly between us and it also eased the fear of one of us accidentally rolling on the baby.

This is when you call on family and friends. Have someone come stay over once or twice a week to help out at night. Have someone else come for a day or 2. First 3 months are the worst with colicky babies. It’s not forever though. Do you call on your village, honey. That’s what they’re there for.

My boys were what they thought “reflux” babies turn out they are lactose intolerant. Really gassy, crying a lot. If the reflux mess do no difference ask your Dr to do a,simple stool test.
Big hugs to you x your doing q great job

With my first daughter the hospital thought she was colic. It ended up I wasn’t producing enough and when I switched her to formula she stopped. (We were in the hospital for almost an entire week) if it’s not that, it may be possibly your not using the right nipples when you pump and use a bottle to feed. They thought my second daughter had acid reflux but she just didn’t have the right nipple flow. Once we changed that everything else changed.

A wedge may help as well, not only will it help with acid reflux it will help with any type of sinus drainage.

Also my youngest who the doctors thoight had acid reflux also had a cow’s milk allergy and we had to switch to a soy based formula. Maybe try changing your diet and see if that helps at all.

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If the baby is gassy get a baby hot water bottle heat it in microwave put baby on tummy with the hot water bottle. It will sooth and baby will feel better and so will you.

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Possibly change formula

Use Similac pro total comfort, it has a purple top works great :+1:

You need some help. Any family members that can give you some relief.