I feel like family comes second to my husbands job: Advice?

Life is complicated. Can you move the appointment? If not, do you have a friend or family who can help? And as to the friends gift, was it a group gift? Or had someone reminded him of the date?

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Did he just forget about your birthday? My man tries but cannot remember it for anything. I would ask. Also sometimes work things come up. Happens to all of us. While it’s hard not to take things personally it happens. Talk to him about it. We don’t know him

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Hun pls inbox me if you need to speak. He is being selfish and unreasonable. Its his kids as well. He should also make you and the children a priority. You had a baby recently and need all the love and support from him right now. Taking care of kids isn’t easy and he should play his part.

Wow that is so messed up he got something for his female friend,but nothing for you.As hard this must be to read ,but he for sure doesn’t care much about you.He should be putting his family way for than anything else.

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Maybe a second vehicle

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He has to work, what will you do if he loses his job

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I get the work as he has to work if he’s providing for the family. But getting his female work friend a bday present when he didn’t acknowledge your birthday screams to me that he is cheating :tired_face: I would do some more digging into this work friend

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Communication goes a long way talk to him. Because if it isn’t written on your forehead how is your partner supposed to know what you have to say. Men do go through things too. I’m sure if he didn’t care about you or the kids he wouldn’t be working hard to provide for all of you.

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I would proceed with the priorities that are important to me. Always give him a say when it comes to the kids, and the opportunity to be dad… but it’s on him to show up. Clearly, he has not been there for you as a partner so not sure if I would put any effort into that.

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Family is always number one, BUT work is equally important in the sense that without his job there is no money, no money means you cant pay rent/mortgage, buy food, pay bills ect.

Trust me I get it. My husband works in agronomy- this time if year they are spreading fields all over a 60 mile radius from before the sun comes up until after the sun goes down 7 days a week. My sons. Birthday is in a week and a half and we have to schedule it around his job and sometimes re schedule it last minute because he has to work. Then come fall- we have fall harvest and again he is working 14/16 hour days 7 days a week. Just last week he was up and at work for 40 hours straight.

It sucks, I get it. But its life and needs to be done.

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My hubby works out of town. I have 3 kids in tow all the time every where it is what it is. But the bday thing wouldn’t fly with me.

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My husband puts work first all the time (which is why our kids are 10 years apart) but he ain’t out there buying other people gifts and forgetting my birthday…
Well, there was that one time he forgot my birthday, which is weird because my birthday is 5 days before his birthday, but he only forgot it for a minute, and in that minute he planned a weekend trip with his friends, and when I informed him of their poor timing he totally apologized… and then still asked if he could go on the trip. :sweat_smile: I said yes because we only had one kid at the time and no babies.
Anyway, none of that matters because when I need him for medical stuff, or to take one kid while I handle the other, he steps up. If he didn’t, I sure af wouldn’t have had the second kid with him. Why people have un/underprotected sex right after giving birth, I do not know. Like… that’s a no thank you from me. lol

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As far as the first to another lady and not you…that is unacceptable. As far as work.,… How would you guys make ends meet if he lost his job? If he is able to get the day off, then great…but if he can’t, due to a huge work commitment, then be understanding

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If this happened to my child I would definitely say something.

There are two different things going on here.
Sometimes a job is going to have to come first, as both parents wont always be able to go to every appointment. It just happens. They’re not something that is bad if missed.

The other thing is just wrong, though. Him ignoring your birthday and not wanting to spend time with you, but putting effort into a coworker is not okay.

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Working is putting you first. If he supports you and the kids that is.

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Communication goes a long way. Never make him feel bad for working to provide for your family either. Y’all just need to find a happy medium. With all that said…sounds like maybe something shady is happening. Forgets your bday but gets a work friend a gift?

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Work is putting you and the family first. Employers don’t care that you need help. ( I mean that in a nice way) not trying to be a “Karen” But the whole birthday, not taking you to the movies. That’s not right. Communicate. If you feel that he doesn’t listen to you when you talk maybe you can write a letter to him because sometimes Maybe he doesn’t listen when you speak he hears you but doesn’t listen

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He got his coworker a gift? Absolutely not. I’d be leaving. Work sometimes will have to come first, but if he just isn’t putting effort into the family then I’d leave, especially with him doing for other females… absolutely not.

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My husband works from 2am until after 7pm most days. Why because we have 5 kids still living at home who need a roof and food. I go to school full time and part time. Dual enrolled. He supports us all. If he didnt work and was at every appointment he wouldn’t have a job. Birthdays we always forget. Valentines day I hate. He has a lot on his plate being the only one making the money.

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He has to work I take all three kids to their appointments. Him not getting you anything is beyond wrong . I would confront him I wouldn’t be getting him anything for his birthday. Do him the same

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Tell him to quit and go on some government assistance, see if that helps with having a better relationship. :roll_eyes: obviously joking, damn; he’s providing for his family.

Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed.

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My son has complex medical needs and my husband only takes off work when it’s an emergency or for his surgeries. His little brother always comes along it’s hard but he had to work to pay for those appointments it’s just part of being a mom. It’s hard. The birthday thing I’m so so sorry my husband isn’t good at gifts but tries have you talked to him about how it makes you feel.

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Get yourself a job, pay all the bills and let him stay home. You probably wouldn’t like it

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I would of drawn the line at he got his female co worker a bday present but forgot about you. That would of been my trigger to start a fight and tell him to kick rocks. Like you’re the mother of his children and he can’t acknowledge your birthday or anything but some female who should mean nothing to him gets a present… Nope not around here

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I would be pretty suspicious of his " long work hours" when he can remember another woman’s birthday and get her a gift but not you. I’m guessing he’s not working as much as he would have you believe.

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When it comes to work, yes it has to come first, it is what supports you and your kids too. But the birthday is a whole different ballgame. That shit would not fly period no matter the story line.

He should not be giving gifts to other women unless you are onboard especially when he did not give you a gift. I would say shuck him like a pair of dirty socks. But first get an attorney to give you legal advise.

If you depend on his income and his job is important then you need to give him some slack. You can’t always take off, especially if he’s trying to impress the big bosses. My parents had to take me home from the hospital after I had our second child because my husband had a big meeting with DNR that day. Some things can’t be reschedule.
As for the birthday, set an alarm on his calendar to remind him of birthdays and anniversaries. Put something like, buy flowers or take wife to dinner on it! :joy:

Sounds like he doesnt care about you or the kids, hes probably with the other woman he bought the present for😒

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I kind of understand the mix-up with the appointment. Sometimes I’ll agree to something or schedule an appointment for a particular date and then remember something else is going on so I give him a pass on that BUT the birthday issue, NOPE!! Forgetting your birthday is one thing, I would be upset and share with him how I felt but if my boyfriend, significant other or husband forgot my birthday and then turn around and buy a gift for a female friend for her birthday, ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE! And what’s up with the “one of his female friends”? Once married, your friends of the opposite sex then becomes friends of husband AND wife! We don’t have to be best of friends but I need to be familiar with her AND approve him buying gifts for her. An innocent gesture of a gift can lead to her thinking it’s something else. If I agree on a gift the card will definitely state it’s from the both of us.

I’m sorry he is cheating tbh if you’ve been a stay at home try to find a job get him on child support and, get all of that situated and definitely separate once he has cheated it won’t stop and you will never trust again.

Maybe you want to read what you just wrote and pretend it was a friend who wrote it. Because you do not need to us to tell you what to do specially the last sentence says it all really. You know what you want to do but your afraid of making the decision and want others to tell you its okay. It is okay to do what you feel right for you what ever that is. If you need advise after you made any decision ask for it surround yourself with people you know care about you no matter what you decide because no matter what you need support system.

WAIT, he did not acknowledge your birthday but he acknowledge another woman’s. Oh Hell Naw! Unacceptable! Sweetheart, no way would I put up with that. I understand him, canceling the Dr.'s appointment for work, the big boss doing a walk through, he does need to keep his job. Pick your battles. Most men do work alot and sometimes work seems more important. I have been married 41 years and my husband is a hard worker, damn good provider. We had 3 babies. I have two of our children 1 year apart, the 2nd was born before the first made a year, and he was in the Navy, so he was gone alot. I had no choice, but to it alone. You should be concerned about the possible cheating. I’m stuck on him getting another woman a BD present and ignoring mine. Disrepectful as Hell! He don’t give a Damn about your feelings. No way I would let that go. I sure would not be on Social Media discussing it. That’s what I love about my husband, if something he did upset me he will do everything I’m his power to not do or say it again. That’s unconditionally love. Your husband is suppose to make you feel safe, secure and love. He has always and still protects my heart. That’s why we have a successful marriage. Otherwise what’s the point in being together/married!

Sounds like he is blowing you off for a female coworker. If my husband bought another woman a birthday present and not me then that’s a big RED flag. I would be going to his work to see if he is really at work? I would be checking his phone to see if any texting or phone calls were going on with this woman. does he keep his phone locked? Honestly sounds like he is cheating.
My husband and I keep our phones locked to keep our kids out of our phones but we know each other’s password.

That’s when you put your big girl pants on and do all the stuff that needs to be done yourself. You don’t “NEED” a man to do any of that for you!! If u dont have a car then that’s why they have taxi’s and RCT.

Girl do we have to explain this to you if u didn’t go upside his head when he bought that gift for another woman in forgot your birthday you ain’t ready for these answers :woman_facepalming:t4::woman_facepalming:t4::woman_facepalming:t4:

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First, I think you need to verbally acknowledge that work and everything else comes before YOU! Not just family… His other half! You HAVE to address it with him cz you two are one. Be strong and talk to him… You got this!

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You should be glad your man worries about having a job to support you

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He’s cheating !! Leave him !!!

I get that, my husband works nation wide and is only home 1 weekend a month, we have 4 kids and i do it all alone. Even asked him to find a local job which just started a fight. Go without him

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Sorry he needs to focus on the kids especially making that apt. Id move on he clearly doesnt value you but another woman you sure hes not cheating

Buy a calendar or use your phone. Stop with the excuses.