I need advice on this. So, I have this guy friend. He’s my best friend! We have so much fun together and I trust him, I am comfortable around him, like hanging out with him. He’s been my friend for as long as I can remember. So all of a sudden he’s just madly in love with me. Constantly blowing up my phone and just showing up at my house, bringing me stuff or giving me stuff I don’t ask for. I don’t like him like that at all. Like he’s not even attractive and just all around not my type. I’ve told him this. I told him I don’t like him like that and that I don’t wanna be with anyone but if I do date, I’m never going to date him. We are just friends! He doesn’t get the hint and honestly him Constantly blowing me up and showing up at my house, makes me mad. I don’t like it. If I don’t answer obviously there is a reason but he doesn’t care. He will call or show up anyways. I don’t want to lose my friend but he’s overstepping and being way too pushy and convinced I’m gonna be with him. If I shut him down he gets mad and goes and does dumb crap then tells me about how it made him feel and that’s why he acted like that. Major red flags considering I was in a really abusive relationship before. What do I do? Cut him off? I dont wanna lose my friend… but i also cant deal with this anymore. I mean, he’s been in my life for most of my life! Idk what to do. Am I being paranoid about the way he is acting or… idk I just need an outside perspective. Thanks
Tell him point blank, that you value you your friendship and want to maintain it, but that he also needs to respect your boundaries, and that what he’s doing is endangering the friendship.
Maybe it would be good to take a break for a little while.
It definitely doesn’t sound like he respects your boundaries. I’d def cut him off on that alone, but his feelings might not change or go away. It’s best you end it before things get FURTHER out of hand with him.
Cut off the relationship if it’s inappropriate or uncomfortable. It’s also possible that his “friendship” was based on breaking down your walls to create a relationship. He knows all the things you like, what you dislike, your secrets possibly, and maybe even your family etc. While he may be a good person I’d be highly suspicious of his intentions.
This is like the beginning of a tru crime episode.
If he were your friend he would take no for an answer and let you come around if at some point you wanted to. This is unacceptable behavior.
Major you’re not being paranoid. You’ve been clear and upfront with no leading on and that’s obvious from your post. I understand you don’t want to lose a close friend but sometimes it’s inevitable. Time to cut the friendship off. The way he’s trying to blame you for his actions is not okay.
I would honestly notify police. This sounds like a lifetime movie
I had a mate like this and he become forceful and then went stalker mode . Cut it now why you can before it gets out of control
Tell him you don’t reciprocate his feelings and to make it easier on him you will be going no contact until he heals, is over you, and has found another girlfriend after a period of reflection.
Block him everywhere, avoid him, maybe get some other guy & gal pals, teachers, coaches & other adults (& parents if you are living at home) to look out for you as he might become stalker-ish or otherwise dangerous. Make new friends.
. If he really cares about you, he should respect your boundaries. Make sure you’re safe and be alert because those kinda situations can be worse if they don’t get what they want. Pray for a safety escape plan for you
I went through this exactly with a guy best friend. I did cut him completely out of my life because the situation was turning toxic for us both. After about a year we slowly started reconnecting as friends, and this time he respected the friendship boundaries! We are still best friends to this day again! Bit I had to cut him out of my life for him to truly understand what he was doing was not ok for either of us.
If your guy friend is not listening to your words, actions might be the only way to get through to him.
Best of luck to you both!!
Ok so. First, he has likely felt that way for a while and is just only now making it known, but if you have expressed that you’re not interested in him in that way, then he should respect that and stop making advances. That said, I think it’s sad that you made such a point of saying he’s unattractive. While looks certainly matter to some degree, they shouldn’t be everything. The way you make such a strong point about that, gives me the impression that you must be young. Obviously he isn’t right for you if he can’t respect your boundaries, but I hope you don’t use somebody’s looks as your main criteria for a relationship, moving forward, because it’s a very easy way to end up with somebody who isn’t good to you, just because you like the way they look, or miss out on somebody who could have treated you really well, just because they aren’t a “10” in your eyes. If you find somebody in the future who really is great in every other way, but they maybe aren’t your first choice looks-wise, I would at least give yourself some time to get to know them better, because people usually become more physically attractive to you when you are attracted to who they are as a person. As for the friendship, if somebody can’t respect your boundaries, they’re probably not a friend worth having.
Narcissist behavior. He won’t give up because he wants to win He probably isn’t that nice if he had you in a relationship. End it now before something happens that you will regret
Cut him off. And honestly him just showing up and blowing up your phone are all major stalking red flags. If he can’t respect boundaries he is not a friend worth having.
This happened to me once. My best friend admitted feelings for me and at the time I was interested in someone else so, I rejected him. He said it was fine.
Next day I started getting threats from random people online. Him and his friends calling me vulgar names, sl*tshaming me, threatening to unalive me, etc
Cut him off. If he actually cares about your friendship he’d handle your rejection like an adult and move on which he clearly refuses. Cut him off.
If your talking about him like that, your not his friend. Be honest with him ask him to cool it for a while. You say he’s not attractive, but yet you don’t have a boyfriend and are stringing him along.
Sounds like you need to cut him off and get a restraining order.
You need to cut all ties with him
You have made it extremely clear
It was never going to happen
He has crossed the bridge from friend to stalker
And he won t stop at blowing up your phone and turning up constantly at your place
Many teenage boys don’t have control of their emotions, this can turn south very quickly. Please don’t ignore his behavior, cut him off. Plenty of better friendships to make that can involve respect. I went through this often with guys I knew. One guy was interested in me and we were in college, about 19,20 years old he lost all this weight because he assumed I wouldn’t be interested in him due to his weight. In reality I was oblivious to him even liking me. Anyway he went off the deep end and when our class ended that semester he would send me all these threatening hurtful fb messages saying how he lost so much weight and how he’d never date me now cause he got hot (no he did not get hot…looked better as a fatty) I was like whaaat… guys just think what they want it’s so weird but that made me realize I’d dodged a bullet even for a friendship with this guy. Another guy friend stoked me… after he caught feelings… he’d come on my bus…not his route at all…I had my mom pick me up for a month from school so I could avoid him… and finally this was the most memorable…this guy had me call the cops on him for harassment… he non stop would call my house and threaten to come by and tell my parents that I was being mean to him (rejected his advances) . I disconnected my number. He never came by. but the threat was enough to have me completely stop befriending most guys in general. Point is… rejection is a thing and some guys can’t accept it. It does something to their undeveloped mind…they need lessons early and some need to be embarrassed with those lessons to accept rejection and move on. Please don’t let him just show up. Etc. End that friendship girl… believe me guys are a dime a dozen.
How long has it been going on for firstly days / weeks or longer ?
Ethier was I’d start ignoring the door message every1 saying from now on u need msg me I may b resting busy or going out or out
This isn’t normal I have male friends and they know I wouldn’t Eva go wit them in that way /b together
If u don’t want to lose your friend
I’d certainly distance your self and maybe look at the things u do together alone ie whr u going or wat u watching if u have film days /night or go cinema alone wit him see if this is why he nay have fallen for you *ain’t saying 1 bit u leading him on but that how he may feel depending what activities and whr u do activities together
Shouldn’t have to do this but if u want to stay friends ur going have to do it unfortantly and I would bring up boundaries of your and respect again and if u rhink/catch him flirting remind him u don’t think of him in this way xx
Because he knows you so well, he knows exactly how to manipulate you…. Using guilt trips etc. He either respects your boundaries or he gets cut out of your life. He’s stomping on stalking territory now and we have all seen how that ends. Draw your line and don’t budge because the potential consequences could be devastating. Prepare yourself for the possibility of needing to get a no contact order. Send him something in writing (text or email) and state your position and that he needs to stop doing these things. After that document EVERY SINGLE THING HE DOES TO VIOLATE THAT BOUNDARY. Keep a journal (they are admissible in court). File a police report if necessary (it will be if you need a no contact order) the police will use your documentation as evidence. Don’t delete call logs, screenshot everything. Make sure a friend or family member knows what’s going on and where you’re keeping your journal. This may sound over the top paranoid but I know what I’m talking about on this one. Hope things work out peacefully for you. Stay safe.
How does anyone give honest advice when only knowing 1/3 of a story? It seems exaggerated and for all we know he has always done this and she used it to play him on. We see people take advantage of others all the time. It also says a lot about her personality, he’s not attractive at all, not my type and told him that. There’s always her story,his story and the truth. Just end the communication and be done with it.
Stalker vibes, time to end it before you wind up on an episode of dateline.
Be very careful how you break it off. Sometimes it will escalate the behavior and then possibly becomes dangerous. See if there is a professional you can talk to guide you through this situation and keep you safe. If you have known him for forever do you know his family. See if they can help
Kick him to the curb, he clearly doesn’t want to believe that you aren’t interested and is not respecting your boundaries.
Tell him if he can’t accept those boundaries then it’s best you guys have some space. That’s not right of him to keep pushing you clearly making you uncomfortable. No means no period. And no you are not over reacting. this can turn scary real quick he has no right to overstep like that some guys can’t handle rejection and that is very scary please be safe and cut it off my friend.
FIRST: it’s not all of a sudden…and your relationship will change/cease to exist
You are definitely not being paranoid. He is overstepping your comfort zone. You already flat out told him you are friends and nothing will ever happen between you 2.
Talk to him. Tell him you dint see him romantically just friends. If he can’t respect that then long run you’re better off
He was never a friend to begin with. He only friended you bc he liked you. If you don’t back away now it will get worse when you start dating. I would back away slowly and tell him that you are backing away bc he is acting this way
Tell him to back off and if he continues you may have to file a restraining order because this is insane.
Follow your gut instincts. If somethings feel wrong with him then listen.
Unfortunately it sounds like yoir going to have to distance yourself from him. But I don’t think he’s going to take it well. He’s acting very inappropriately. Might even end up needing a restraining order.
He can’t be that good of a friend if he’s constantly crossing boundaries and making you uncomfortable. You’re truly better off just cutting him off.
I always have thought, girls can’t have guy best friends guys remain friends with a girl to build a relationship as a friend in hopes of it one day being more than that. Definitely seems like she’s seen you as more than a friend I’d be creeped out he’s making you uncomfortable showing up randomly and isn’t getting it that y’all only friends… cut it off
He is not a friend. Friends respect each other’s boundaries and communication which he clearly does not do or even care that he’s making you extremely uncomfortable and forcing himself on you. Things only escalate with guys like that you need to cut things off with him and may possibly have to move and change your number honestly. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that though. Be careful.
I would consider a restraining order tbh
That’s not a friend.
Cut ties immediately.
You have already lost your friend. It is time to cut him out.
No, have another sit down talk with him about this stuff he is doing. Let him know you love y’all friendship but do not like him as a partner or love interest and you don’t won’t to lose him as a friend, but also your privacy and me time is important also. Don’t blow my phone up or just show up at my house
You need to be mega blunt. Tell him if he doesn’t respect your boundaries and insisted on pursuing you in a romantic way you can’t remain friends, and if he values your friendship more than the pursuit of romance he will have to listen. Tell him if he doesn’t respect that then you won’t continue life with him in it. You have to mean it too. It may end up being that way if he can’t suppress his feeling though. Good luck.
You may not be together, but this is an abusive relationship. You need to cut ties and if things continue, contact police.
He was never your friend, he was gaslighting you into a relationship with him.
Not paranoid: those are major red flags.
My advice would be to drop him - the behavior is more than concerning at this point: manipulation, controlling, breaking boundaries, lack of privacy or respect, “acting out” and then blaming you - NO.
From both a psychological and Law Enforcement viewpoint: The behavior is escalating.
It’s time to bail - and document everything just in case (God forbid) you need it.
Unfortunately u gotta let him go. I’ve been thru this so many times with diff men n it always ends the same. No matter what someone’s feelings r gonna be hurt n ppl don’t see past that most times. He will never give up bcuz to him ur leading him on by being his friend. Ur gonna have to cut him lose. It sucks I know it does
Tell him in No under certain terms… firmly!! On the phone… Hey, ? … I need you to listen to me!!
I need a break, no contact for a month… I don’t wanna loose u as my friend but it may come down to that if you can not Respect my wishes… I need space, so back off… here’s ur options do not contact me in any way… I will contact you… ur my friend only… nothing more, now and always… if he want listen to u or cause chaos… then Text it to him… !!
… Ur getting into a sticky mess … !! Nip it off… !
It’s already escalated in to totally inappropriate territory. It’ll only get worse. If you give him an ounce of attention good or bad…its going to spin out of control.
If he’s already crossing boundaries and trying to guilt you for not returning his feelings then you’ve already lost your friend. He’s not accepting just friendship and in everything I’ve seen and been thru that can become dangerous quickly. However ending the friendship in a way he understands could become complicated quickly too. He prepared to file a restraing order and make sure someone else close to you is aware of the situation. If you guys have a mutual friend maybe ask them to help you end the friendship.
If this is all sudden and out of the ordinary behavior it sounds like a mental health crisis. Talk to mutual friends and ask how he’s been acting with and around them.
Here’s a different spin for you all… Honestly, I don’t think this poster is being completely honest. I bet something happened between them to make him think there was more (like kissing, sex, etc.) and now she regrets doing it. Maybe it was just awkward… maybe it just plain out sucked. Whatever the reason… she isn’t being completely open with all the details. I can guarantee it.
Get rid of him he’s not your friend. Men can never be real friends their always waiting for the opportunity to get with you. I don’t believe in platonic relationships it’s bs.
Honest and direct presentation of options - A : Friendzone status with reasonable communication and hang time, B : Complete ghosting with no communication and a possible restraining order, his choice
He’s a looser. Ditch him. Sounds like a stalker.
I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you will probably need to end friendship. I had a great friend like that (not as long as with you two), but he was my only friend in a new state. Hung out daily. He was more caring and kind than any other friend I’d had. Anyway, I found out he told his family I was his girlfriend while we were on a family trip. That made me very upset… especially when his family told me not to “hurt” him! I had to stop the friendship after that. Thankfully he quickly moved on to a relationship with someone else and now has a few kids. Anyway, he may just be desperate for a relationship in general?