I don't enjoy sex since having kids: Advice?

Before having my 1st child, who is almost four years old soon, my husband and I had a great sex life. I enjoyed it, and we never really had issues. Once I got pregnant, my sex drive dropped, but I didn’t worry since that’s pretty common in pregnancy, and I assumed I’d go back to normal after having my baby. Well, that never happened. After having my child, I can’t enjoy sex. Either I feel nothing at all (as in I don’t feel pleasure or literally don’t even feel him inside), or it’s just painful. I got pregnant with my second who I had in 2019, and I hoped that somehow having her would “fix” my vagina and I will admit I do feel a tad bit more now, but I still can’t enjoy sex! I do now and then get horny, but that instantly goes away once I realize how sex isn’t how it was before kids, so it’s not that I have no sex drive at all. Oral is fine; I can still have an orgasm. Has anyone gone through this? My husband wants me to see a doctor, but I feel like this is something not fixable.


See a dr and work on kegels helps more than u think

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See your doctor, or even a therapist. There are medications on the market for women to help with that, now, too!

My sex drive dropped when I got pregnant with my first too. It’s not uncommon for me to go months between wanting to have sex. I haven’t mentioned it to my doctor, but I probably need to. My problem is it’s impossible for me to get in the mood when I’m stressed or exhausted or anything like that and that describes my life pretty much every day. I’m on my second marriage because my ex husband couldn’t accept my lack of sex drive and things got ugly.

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Kegels will help to ‘tighten’ the muscles. But you should probably talk to your doctor or therapist :slightly_smiling_face:

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Toys!!! Tbh I hate sex if I don’t cum first a silicone bullet vibrator is great that way you can pleasure yourself while he’s balls deep and you stay wet :clap::clap:

Go see a Dr. A lot of females don’t know this but females produce. Testosterone. If it is low then that will make your sex drive go bye bye. Hormones are out of whack anyway bc of pregnancy. . my Dr prescribed me some cream to put on my labia…it worked.


Yr sex drive drops , but comes back, I’d go with toys also lol spice in the bedroom

If you are on any medications, especially antidepressants, they may have the side effect of lowering sex drive. If this applies, talk to the doc who wrote the RX.


Talk to your doctor. Sometimes hormones will be out of sorts and needs medicine to correct.

Go see a doctor and do Kegels and the like.

Also don’t expect anything to be the same after pushing out a few kids. You’re going to have to get reacquainted with the way your body is now.

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Go to the doctor and have your hormones levels checked. It could be something easily fixed.

Same. Part of my problem is I need to do kegels. The other part of my problem is I’m 32, had 2 kids, and I’m bigger than I’ve ever been so I don’t feel attractive which makes me not in the mood a lot. Plus I’m constantly tired and low energy, partly because of having a 4 year old and a 1 year old and because I’m slightly overweight.


I would see a doctor maybe your hormones haven’t balanced out yet …

I would make a appointment with my doctor. This is a fixable issue

Maca pills increased my sex drive like crazy, i took them for something else but it helped our sex life too

I agree with him. Go see a doctor. Maybe even a therapist.

I as a woman i get horney, however fleeting, around ovulation time. I think it’s for everyone naturally occurring. You also retain water, boobs swell, body gets a little thicker for the water weight, and you put off extra phermones at this time. This is supposed to be naturally pleasing to males, to attract them when you are most fertile. You might keep track of ovulation times and start working with those fleeting times. Would be a spontanious surprise, and hot for your man when he isn’t begging. Men begging is not attractive. Once or twice a month for you.

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Be sure to talk with a doctor who is familiar with or specifically focuses on sexual health and wellness. There is SO much more you can do besides Kegels ladies! Every woman deserves to enjoy sex especially after children. If anyone reading is in the Nashville TN area check out the WISH clinic and Brooke Faught, NP.

I got on antidepressants and I’m LOVIN it again!

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Womans testosterone maybe ? Few extra stitches maybe ?


Also embrace how your sex life changes in your relationship. Its never going to be like before. And thats not a bad thing. You know have a deeper relationship with your partner. Embrace the new you and learn how you tick. Its going to be different. See a doctor about your sex drive. But my advice is get to know the new you and flaunt it to your partner.

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If you enjoy oral its probably because you are getting more direct clitoral stimulation…try getting on top so that you can control the pressure on your clitoris and try a grinding motion instead of moving up and down. Maybe you’ve already tried this though. Regardless…HUGS to you!


See a doctor, just because you feel it’s something not fixable, doesnt mean it isn’t fixable. After all, you aren’t a doctor :slight_smile:

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I have 2 kids never have had a problem. I go up and down with my moods if I want it or not . But I can feel everything

Your husband is right, you need to see a doctor

Sex is a use it or lose it thing imo. Work on pelvic floor not just kegels, there’s good YouTube videos of it.it sounds like tension and poor muscle tone.

Maybe seeing a doctor would help… cause there could be something actually to blame for penetration causing actual discomfort or even pain.
It sucks but In North America, we have very poor postpartum care and education from our doctors and nurses. We have our baby, the check up not long after… but if your not looking for information or reporting postpartum issues… you’ll just go on thinking this is your life now, or that there aren’t things you can do.
It may be worthy to look into kegel exercises, to rebuild your pelvic floor… every woman is different and every birth is different, maybe you had some pelvic floor damage that never healed properly after your first ! In which case kegel exercises would benefit you and increase pleasure during penetration… there are so many things you can do actually that can help. And we aren’t taught these things in postpartum care, it could be hormonal, it could be a physical thing, either way you should start with your doctor and building up your pelvic floor and go from there.

Well this is just up my alley… I have the same issue well had… I went to my Obgyn 4 times and complained about the same issues after she looked at my insides and made sure we were ok there I have been seeing a rehab therapist for pelvic floor rehabilitation and internal simulation. It’s worked out for me just know your body and don’t give up

Maybe penetration just isn’t your thing :woman_shrugging:t3: clitoral stimulation is most effective for most women to achieve an orgasm anyway. Maybe have your husband incorporate that more into your sex life. Also if things in the bedroom aren’t arousing and fun you’re less likely to get the blood flowing where you want. Try something new :wink:

It might just be a hormonal problem, so check it out with a doctor. But it could also just be that you’re tired, because being a parent can be exhausted and stressful. Or it could even be your relationship with your husband. You may want to examine the emotional and physical aspects of your relationship with him, and how supportive he is in and out of the bedroom. And if he’s pressuring you into sex when you don’t want it, it’ll make you want it less.

Are you on BC? I noticed the same with myself and I finally removed my BC now I feel normal again!

Speak to a doctor. Maybe even a therapist. Practice kegels. Try new positions. Make it a date night. Check out a toy shop together and see if there’s anything you’d want to try together. There ARE options. You just have to be willing to look at them instead of just giving up.

My daughter is 2 years old and i still have trouble getting into sex . I hardly have a sex drive which has caused ALOT of fights and tension . I feel like my sex life is slipping away .

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