I caught my husband and best friend sending texts to each other...advice?

I’m so upset this time last year I caught my husband and ex besfriends sending inappropriate messages to each other that’s all that I can think about no as far as I know they have not spoken since his cousins funeral a few months ago ( his cousin was her husband) anyways I can’t shake the feeling of them talking behind my back off my emotions are everywhere cause I keep repeating those messages in my head and deep down I wanted to leave him right then and there and I even told him I was going to leav when it first happened here I am a year later and I do not have any trust in him at all I love him but I do not trust him at all how could I after that I just don’t know what to do I’m stuck between leaving and staying


I’m so sorry you went through that. Healing and trust can come back but there’s so many factors that should be considered. How has he been with you since all of that happened, has he apologized and consciously worked on your trust again, do you have children, can he do anything that will make you feel more comfortable so you know it’s over, have you discussed boundaries?

This might be a great time to consider marriage counseling. There’s also a great book called After the Affair that may help. Good luck.


You have your answer. Deep down you know what you need to do. It’ll be hard but for your own peace of mind just do it.


I would leave him. If he loved you he wouldn’t be doing that


Trust your instincts. Get rid of both of them. I do not say that lightly, I am a big believer in the sanctity of marriage. I went through the same thing and it was hurtful and humiliating. I had been friends with that person since kindergarten, that heartbreak was two fold. Starting over in my forties was not easy but I did it and I am SO glad I did. I went through terrible depression but I survived and thrived. Had I not left I would not be living the life I have now. I love my life, I have a partner who loves me and I trust implicitly. Never thought that would be possible. You deserve better. :heart:


Once trust is broken its gone. And not leaving when it happens means you have moved past this he has your the only one suffering


Trust your instincts. If it feels off, it’s definitely off. Don’t let them gaslight you.


Trust is really hard to get back once it’s broken. If it’s been a year and it’s still affecting you this much, it’s not gonna get better. Leave and be happy x


Listen to your instincts
Unfortunately once trust is broken is hard to ever get back

1 Like

So go. Seems pretty simple.

If you love him try counciling. Both of you. If he loves you he will go without hesitation. If not get out. If you don’'t have God in your life you need him. He will never disappoint you.


As a guy who only wanted his ex emotionally and physically in every manner. Dude messed up. Confrontation is a must. The trust won’t be the same but some level can be regained.

You need to leave because it’s harder to stay x

If the trust is gone love alone isn’t enough tbh. Time to go.


Definitely feel you on being stuck when you love someone it’s hard to just walk away even after they’ve hurt you the heart is tricky and sometimes your heart make your mind weak

Leave. A relationship isn’t going to work if you have no trust in him.

They both disrespected you on a major level and what’s to say no he knows you let him get away with it that he won’t do it again

1 Like

Once the trust it’s gone it’s hard to get back
Either forgive him or walk away. It’s only your choice

Listen to your gut feeling. … and just leave him.


It’s not easy as people think to just leave. I’m sorry and I truly can say I know how you feel. Except it wasn’t someone I know. Only you know what you need to do. My health and depression is alot of my reason for being here and not leaving. Another is finances. We are married 21 years today. Don’t live miserably if you are young and able to move on if that’s what you want to do. You won’t get those years back. Prayers for you

Healing comes in waves. It can take years to get past the replays in your head. If measures have been made to fix the situation on his end, I say give yourself more time to heal. If nothing has changed or reassurance isn’t being given, it may be time to pack up. First step should be finding your own peace. That can be counseling, or even finding what helps clear your mind.

1 Like

Focus on your intuition. I’ve learned to listen to my gut more often rather than go against it. 99.9% it was right.

You may fear the unknown of what your life will look like without him. Just know you will get through it!

You deserve someone who is willing to invest in your relationship to give you the love you deserve. Someone who can respect your boundaries (like not message other women, especially your friend). Definitely would be disconnecting from both of them. You don’t need that energy in your life.

1 Like

Just leave, you’ll never treat him the same

1 Like

Trust your feelings x wish i did xx

Why should you leave kick him out?

Awww so sorry. Once trust is lost its never the same. And you will question everything


I’ve always been the type of you don’t have trust you have nothing. This is the second time you have caught him doing this that shows he has no respect for you just leave.


Once you start questioning “staying” vs leaving, always leave. You’re done your body just hasn’t caught up yet.


Girl leave !!!
For a marriage, relationship or friendship to work and be successful love is NOT ENOUGH, you can not be happy if you can’t trust those who are close to you , specially a spouse .
If he was inappropriate with your best friend and decide to betray his cousin he is not worthy.
You deserve better

1 Like

You have to seek counseling or this is going to eat you up

1 Like

Tell him there’s the door because trust me if they are texting they sexting and not on the phone.

Leave. This is a waste of your time at this point. You likely will never get past this and it’s just not worthy of your energy time and emotions anymore. There’s so many other men in the world willing to treat you right.


If your partner has t done anything to work on themself and the damage they did to the marriage then it’s time to go. If they have actually done the hard hard work and you guys haven’t been able to move past it then it’s time to move on. Sometimes the damage is just too destructive. If you have children then work on being good coparents.

1 Like

With no trust you have noithing so I would leave,you would always be wondering and really there’s no reason to be sending each other those types of texts

1 Like

Just leave you shouldn’t always be second guessing

Anyone can give you advice. But if you’re here asking for advice, and you’re struggling whether to leave or not, then you’re not ready to leave him. You will leave when you’re ready and trust you won’t ask anyone for any advice on how to do it and you won’t care of anyone’s feelings. Sending you love because it’s a shitty feeling and you deserve better. Hugs.

Nah, get rid of both. Total disrespect

Broken trust is devastating. Wish i had some great advice or fix. Sometimes love isn’t a reason to continue to be in a relationship. I do think trust can be rebuilt but this takes a long time, transparency, counseling, and him making moves that allow you to trust again. You checking his phone secretly, or wondering constantly, is not going to help things.


Following unfortunately but diff circumstances but for 3 years LG was 4 month old and 2 times been * am pregnant 1 mc and pregnant now 22 weeks 1 day
I don’t know what to do but I don’t trust him at all and he knows thus by how I am found out 2.5 weeks go x
nk position to be in :pensive::roll_eyes:
I ain’t been an angel but pregnant :100: hav and he done this 2 times n 2 pregnancy’s even after mc *hence my retaliation after 1st time and he started 2nd before I even did mine

If you have to even question it, I think the right choice is to leave. Of course it won’t be the easy choice, but the right one. I gave my ex husband a 2nd chance after he cheated on me, before we got married. I found out he was talking to an 18yo (he was 28) while going through house arrest and me bringing him to probation check in weekly because he had no license. He was a real catch🤣. So I divorced him and found out after he cheated on me multiple times. Even through his xbox. But let me tell you, it was SUCH a hard decision. Even though I knew it was right. But a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I couldn’t trust him. I was always wondering who he was talking to, where he was going, who was he hanging with. It was too stressful. We’ve been divorced almost 10 years now and let me tell you, my life is SO much better. While he is still out doing the same thing to different girls.

LEAVE . It’s obvious that he’s cheating on you

She ever seen Madea? Ole girl stayed w her husband in a wheel chair just to fuck him up…me personally? I agree with that :partying_face: unless you’re nice, then I’d just leave :innocent:

Marriage counseling STAT! Find out with an objective third party what’s true and what’s not, work with the professional to help assess whether or not your marriage could be repaired or if it’s broken beyond repair.

Also assess how well you could live on your own financially. Do you or could you work at a job that would pay enough for rent, etc.? If you retain your current home, can you afford it? Don’t forget property taxes and repairs/upkeep if you own. You may want to wait to become more self sufficient before you divorce if it would put you in financial distress. Be sure you understand all the family finances (upkeep, repairs, investments, other assets) first.

If you have children, be sure you think about the ramifications and logistics of divorce as a parent too.

I’m sorry. You may also want to work with your own psychologist to deal better with the betrayal so it doesn’t consume your life.

Leave ESPECIALLY if you don’t have kids or anything else. Leave now.

Well actually she isn’t your best friend, cause if she was she wouldn’t be messing around with your husband!! You already know what you need to do, if you can’t forgive him and they are still seeing each, girl run, cause he is just a boy and she is a hoe!! You don’t need either of them!! There are other men in the world waiting for a good woman!! Good with whatever you decide to,?cause it takes a strong woman to forgive a man for cheating and it takes a stronger woman to walk away!!

Once the trust is broken I don’t think it can ever be the same. Leaving is always hard but I think in the long run it will be the best thing to do as you can move on. My ex didn’t text my mates but he would text every other Karen and Sharon it went on our whole relationship and I decided I couldn’t trust him at all. Everytime he was on his phone or mentioned a woman from work I’d think he was cheating and it became toxic so I left. for me it never got better the damage was done and I’m much happier now. Good luck with what ever you choose to do x

Once that trust is broken it will never be the same again. Every time he is texting, you’ll think about it. Anytime he goes places and is gone longer than you think it should take, you’ll worry about it. For me, deep down in my brain, the thought of him and said person being together once i said goodbye kept me in the relationship much longer than I ever should of been. I realized that I wasn’t even in love with him anymore, I just wanted him to choose me. Leave him for sure.

My first thought would be if he can do that with your best friend someone so close to you, who else has he done that too??

1 Like

I guess it would depend on what the texts said.

Don’t get how people say they love someone but don’t trust them I think love and trust go hand and hand!

Love yourself enough to walk away. You deserve better.

He’s not trustworthy at all and apparently an attention seeker and has no respect for you. As to a best friend doing that to you; she’s not your best friend! Let her know that as well!

1 Like

If you’ve been trying for a year and you still feel the same, love yourself enough to get out of a relationship that doesn’t bring you happiness.

Some people are able to move past infidelity, while some can’t. You can leave this relationship knowing you genuinely did try to be one of those that can move past, and it’s okay that you can’t.

Leaving is so much easier said than done, so please at least start looking into programs in your area that could assist with you wanting to leave, even if you feel you won’t need these programs or services. It is always a good idea to at least have that knowledge in your back pocket, just in case.

I’ve been in your shoes way more times than I will ever care to admit. Do what took me way too long to do, and love yourself enough to leave. You deserve someone who makes you feel like the queen you are


Walk away. The trust was broken. That’s hard to mend. Save yourself and walk away.

You don’t trust him - you don’t love him - the right way. His lack of respect for you is another issue. Four pillars of a loving relationship are - accountability, responsibility, respect and loyalty - this is reinforced, growth, and family is only possible through complete and honest communication. You’ve lost two pillars and have holes in your walls - the heart and soul you have inside are in danger of being crushed. :v:t4::sunflower::feather:

There is no relationship without trust.

Let them both go. :clap:

Two Strikes! You waiting for three? I sure would not wait

The question is do you love him or are you IN love with him? I have been in your shoes a time or two and I can honestly say I love my ex, but not in love with him.

I’ve been exactly where you are with my kids father and my ex best friend as well. It was one of the hardest experiences I’ve went through. I had to leave the situation because I knew I would never be able to move past the betrayal. It is so hard to know what the right move to make is. Trust is everything. I promise you will come out stronger on the other side. Sending hugs and Prayers your way!

:speaking_head:throw them both in the trash! :wastebasket::put_litter_in_its_place:

1 Like

Couples therapy will help you determine that. It will either help you mend the relationship ors break it completely. I highly recommend.

Instincts don’t lie, if he has done it before and think he is doing it again confront him. Whatever your gut tells you is what you should listen to. Our hearts only cause us trouble, listen to your gut

My ex husband and best friend were in a relationship with eachother for months before I found out. He was unfaithful though out our entire marriage but that was my breaking point. Packed all his stuff and threw it outside and changed all the locks, that was 8 years ago and I don’t regret it for a minute. They were together for a few years after that but ultimately he ended up doing the same exact thing to her.

My words of wisdom are …,.You don’t cheat if you are happy and most people only stay because they don’t want to be alone or have kids together or financially can’t make it on their own. You are worth more than that. And just because you forgive them and stay doesn’t mean you will ever trust them again and without trust you have nothing. Time to move on sweetie


You refer to her as your EX best friend. It’s time to refer to him as your EX husband!

LEAVE, ans font walk, RUN!!!
you will NEVER get over this and you Deserve Better!
And dump that back stabbing friend for surw as well!

Allow me to demonstrate what you should do:

If a relationship brings more heartache, stress and mistrust than it does happiness, it is time to leave

I’m sorry you went through that. Please do yourself the favor and leave. He has no respect for you and didn’t care when he was sending the messages. If you left her you can leave him. There is someone out there that will treat you and only you like the only girl in the world. Love yourself!

I think OP’s feelings are irrelevant to this. If they feel like they can’t trust thier partner then either confront the partner in a safe setting or leave. Trust and communication are the absolute bedrock of any relationship, without those there is no relationship.

I was in a similar situation, and stayed. Take it from me… leave! Now here I am, 10 yrs later, going through hell with a divorce! The trust will NEVER come back! You may push it to the back of your mind, but it’ll always be there!

I’d leave. I did when my I found texts between my ex husband & his ex girlfriend. And sure enough, he cheated on me.

What has he done or haven’t done in the past year? Has there been any changes in his behavior? Have either of you gone to counseling?
Healing takes time and if you are unable to get past what happened, there is no point in you staying in the relationship.

If you can’t forgive him and let him earn the trust back then you need to just leave. There’s no reason staying and making you both unhappy

Only you can make that decision, but once the trust is broken that would be the end for me. And that so called friend is not your friend at all.

If she’s your ex best friend then he should be your ex husband as well.

Leave and heal for ur own sanity

Not worth your sanity love , walk away you deserve better !

If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. Until you leave, you will never feel whole again, you will always question yourself and him.

A relationship with no trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it for as long as you’d like but it isn’t going to go anywhere.

I never understood why women forgive the partner but not the best friend… you should have got rid of them both

I’m sorry hun !

Once trust is broken its never the same. Theres no shame in leaving him. It’s his fault, he chose to do what he did.
Once again im sorry you had to no through this BS!

Leave. Your not being true to yourself. You may love him but those feelings don’t go away. They both betrayed your trust. You deserve better. I caught my kids dad Snapchatting my best friend when our daughter was 4 months old. I never felt so betrayed in my life. Now they are married.

Not having that trust will drive you crazy! I suggest leaving for your mental health and if it wants it to work he will earn ur trust back and yall can get back together when your ready if he don’t he never cared at least you will know you have something worth fighting for and he will find out 2 things you won’t put up with it and if he really loves you

Grab her ex and take off from there. Hah. But honestly leave because u will not get any trust back. Especially after this long. There is no excuse. Cheaters are pussys.

For me it depends on the message content. If it was nude pics etc… no way.