I am wanting to move out of state but my kids father won't let me: Advice?

Y’all are a bunch of assholes. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: learn to be mature and try to help this woman out instead of fucking judging!!! Jesus christ.

I think if the dad is active in his kids lives, then he is right you shouldn’t move cause then he wouldn’t see them. but if not an he’s just being mean about it then I don’t see why not? as long as y’all don’t have no custody agreement.

It is your choice to move not the kid’s. Leave the kids with dad and move. Then you can be a visitor in their life, just how you wanna make him a visitor.


Give them to dad so you can get back on your feet. He is their father as you are their mother. Everyone here knows that he doesn’t have the upper hand and you will be able to do what you want anyways. You just have to be prepared for the questions and the struggle to come once these kids begin to ask the tough questions. You can have the perfect answer but they can and will reach out to their dad with or without your knowledge. Don’t take them away from their father. He has the same rights you do. Court papers don’t remove who he is to these children.


Sometimes being a mom means making tough choices. Sometimes it means hurting yourself to save your kids from being hurt. If he is a good father. Active in their lives on a regular basis pays his support etc then you need to take a serious break and rethink the choice you want to make to take them away. Being a good mom is about thinking of their feelings before your own. Sometimes reevaluation of a situation helps with clarity. Moving into a home with your family may not be the best thing for them. A new state. New home without their own space. New rules etc. on top of losing their routine with dad can be more damaging to young minds. Sometimes doing what is right means making choices that seem impossible to make. Like letting them live with dad if that’s an option so that you can get back on your feet and they’re not being ripped from their lives and tossed into another home with another family. Maybe they can stay with dad. You can work more hours find a better living situation etc in that area so that you don’t have to leave them and dad doesn’t have to lose them. First thing I would do is take a breath and talk to dad. Let him know what you’re feeling and the options that you have considered. You are mom but he is dad and these decisions need to be made together. Not separately. Each of you are equal to the other when to comes to those kids.


If dad is a big part of the kids life a larger conversation needs to happen. You can’t just up and take your kids somewhere especially if dad says no. Could you imagine if he wanted to do the same and you say no but he does it anyway?

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Take it to court. You have to have the parenting plan amended anyways.

My only question is in the custody agreement y’all are only allowed to move so many miles from each

If it’s YOUR only option THEN GO! Don’t let anyone make YOU question YOUR gut, or what YOU need to do. It’s YOUR life, YOUR kids’ lives. Do what YOU need to do for them, and the father will figure out what HE needs to do for them if HE really wants to.

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You cant. You need permission. Also need to show a judge all what you have lined up and that you are capable of providing for them.

If he doesn’t have much to do with the kids then I would just move. It’ll be more difficult if he spends a lot of time with the kids.

If you can’t afford to care for them right now and the dad can then maybe thats the best option. Leave the kids with him and get yourself right.

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You can to to court to get the judges approval to move out of state without dads say

Maybe it’s good Idea for the dad to takeover while you better yourself financially so you can provide for your children :heart: it’s a tough decision. You could go back to school and find a new career. dad have rights to their children to and taking them away can have devastating, long term Consequences. You may live to regret separating your children from him. Good luck :blush:


If no agreement or you have full custody do not tell kids just leave if joint custody make sure update support payment go to housing

Ask Dad if he will help you with your situation.

Nothing you can do unfortunately if he does not approve, the judge can’t do anything since he does not approve. My ex didn’t approve of me moving a little further away and wanted to meet halfway but it was within the 150 miles and the judge told him that and he can come and get her because it showed lack of interest and he just made excuses.

If it’s your only option take it. Why it may sound harsh, sometimes we have to do what’s best for our children and not care about others feelings. If he doesn’t want you to move he’ll step up and help.


In SD where I live, if a custodial parents moves out of the city or state without notifying the non custodial parent, the judges will make you move back. I understand the struggles but legally, you have to follow the law and having an ex that actually wants to be around his kids is something to be thankful for. Check for programs that can help you in all the areas you’re struggling in, join a church, you can make friends there and get financial assistance through them as well. Even if you are able, don’t take your children away from their father who clearly wants to have them around.

Then you can let him take them for awhile to raise on his own until you get established he will probably be very willing to let them go back to you.its important not to create a tug o war with the kids.


If you live in NY you’re stuck. If dad says no you cannot take them by law. You’d have to get his approval

Stephanie Oliver agreed! There’s not enough info, and Latisha, it makes me believe he’s a good father because she didn’t start by posting that he was NOT to justify her moving and also stated she didn’t want to make her kids mad. It sounds like he’s probably a great father! He isn’t responsible for her and the situation she’s in most likely and maybe the kids need to stay with him for a bit so she can get it together. I’m sure she doesn’t want to give up the kids for any amount of time, so why should he??

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I’m a single mama, two kids. My ex filed when our second was born, oldest was two. I had no family and no help, but I wanted my kids to have both parents near by so I didn’t move. I changed jobs to earn more, hired sitters when I needed and found a network of friends/neighbors that I could rely on. It wasn’t alway easy but I am glad I pushed through so the kids had both of us.


I don’t understand why you would move your children away from their father…

So many bitter women to believe fathers deserve no rights and must just shell out money…it’s called share custody and stop being selfish if parent shared custody no money needs given…fathers must maintain roof for himself as well along with his own bills and can give child what child needs child support is for what is lacked or if other parents pays more or there is an absent parent all together…where are your values and morals as both parents are essential in a child’s growth and development and upbringing :ok_hand::ok_hand:


I tried to move out of state. We had joint custody with me having physical custody. Dad was not too involved and had issues but grandparents were. The court ruled I could not move.

If the dad is a good dad, then let him have the children until you get on your feet. If you can’t properly support them on their own, but the father can, then the responsible thing to do is to let them stay with him until you improve your situation. Don’t move the children away because you can’t succeed.

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Work with their father to come up with a solution. Are your children able to stay with dad? Are you able to stay with dad too? You can’t just rip these kids away from their father. I totally understand that you feel miserable but it is not about how you feel. You gotta keep doing what is best for the kids. Best of luck in this situation.

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My dad moved out of state when I was 15 because my mom let him (she had custody and he had visitation every other weekend)…we lost contact after the move and it definitely added to my childhood trauma.

How are finances being spent. Perhaps dad should take kids temporarily so mom can get back on track. Sounds like mom is making an excuse to remove children from dad life

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I went through this …the court said
Permission from a judge
Written Permission from the other parent…
I had primarily physical custody he only had visitation …
You know how I got him to sign? Relinquishing my rights to child support…
And he did it right away …he had never paid anyway

Each case/situation is different BUT…Need a attorney, court order. Best to have it done legally for co- parenting. Kids are resilient. Good luck

All I had to do was write him a certified letter and he had 90 days to petition it in court and he did not. So we moved.

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What kind of custody agreement do you have?


From personal experience: the judge won’t let you move if the father is against it and you both have 50/50 custody. If you move you might have to give up your 50% physical custody if not all custody including legal. Went through the same thing, so I stuck around, sleeping in my car, living in motels until I was able to move in to an apartment. This was 5 years ago.

Idk if you went through courts for custody or not or if you have any paperwork signed saying you are not allowed to take them out of state but if there is nothing signed through courts you should be able to take them out of state.

My daughter went through this. What a nightmare its pretty sad your being told you can’t leave by the same person who left you .

I’m stuck on she has no where to live. Where are you guys staying at then? A car?? A motel?

Why not leave the kids with Dad and you visit them while you get your finances in order?

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Here are your options:

Follow your local/state rules to get approval for a move away.


Let the children live with dad, and you move and get your life together, have the kids during school breaks, video chat daily.

Take it to the couts. That’s really your only option.

U have to do whats best for you and the kids,if bd can’t help u and u family can…make that move

Well take kids and go be with ur family

He can’t stop you from moving sho ant gonna stop me

Jobs and Marriage qualify for the move but you will have to revamp the parenting plan and you will probably be responsible for all airfare or required to meet halfway if within 8 hours.

So why not send kids to the dad til your more stable?
Seems like the logical thing to do.

Prayers for your family