My husband and I are very frugal. Or atleast I am I guess. Cause I never realized how much he spends on him yet I cannot spend anything on me. For some reason I finally caught on. And Hes constantly spending money on pretty much anything he wants. Random 2500 for a car we dont need. Another 200 to tint the windows for that car. 600 for a riding lawn mower we dont need (our rental has a contract with a lawn company), and atleast every 2 weeks he goes and spends no less than 60 at the barber (their friends and he always OVERLY tips him). I havent even had my hair cut in over a year. Last night the wife of one of our friend couples invited me to get a pedicure today. Infront of them he said sure! Hed stay at home with our 3yr old and 7mo so i could go. Even gave the ok to take an extra hour to go get a coffee or something to 1111 for a new table cloth “no”. He did give me 100 the other day “for me” but the kids needed new easter clothes so thats what it went to. I feel so neglected. And i have no way of expressing that without him making it a fight.
Brace yourself for the fight, and have that conversation!
A person will only do what you allow!
I couldn’t imagine having to ask if I could spend money even when I didn’t work for 11 years. You’re married so regardless if one income or 2 it belongs to both of you. Just my opinion & I’ve been married for almost 18 years. My husband even tells everyone it’s our money & I can buy whatever I want. By the way of course we make sure our bills are paid first.
What money is he spending? Yours or his ?
I can’t imagine myself having to wait for a man to give me money to buy anything I need or want
The way I’m looking at this is, men NEED to be told what’s up. You want something, you just gotta point blank say it. He can’t read your mind. And if you can, leave his expenses out of the convo, or for a seperate time. That way, no fights.
Put your foot down. You can’t confront the man you married!? Sure you can! Stop walking on egg shells!
Why don’t you have access to a joint bank account? Keep the books in your family and add up his silly purchases and tell him you deserve the same amount to spend on whatever you want.
Are you an acquiescent doormat? If you need help standing up for yourself go to counseling. It should be covered by your health insurance. Or are you a martyr? Why didn’t you get your hair done with the money he gave you and then ask for more for Easter outfits? Learn assertiveness skills and stop complaining about your lot. Good resources for getting skills on speaking up to get what you need and want are women’s centers, family services organizations, plus online classes, tutorials and You Tube videos, CD courses, and adult education programs. You might also benefit from martial arts.
Assuming you are a stay at home mom. If so, how long did you plan to stay out of the workforce? I’d make a plan to prepare for employment and get a job in the near future. Never depend on a man for your existence. Have enough saved for a good lawyer and money to live on so you never have to be stuck in a bad relationship.
Start today on the path of getting what you want. Remember, you are your children’s teacher on how to be treated, and you don’t want them accepting mistreatment. You got this!
He’s selfish and inconsiderate and I’m sure he does more awful rings beyond money. I reccomend divorce lol honestly put your foot down. If you can’t express yourself to the person you’re married to, what is the point? This isn’t the 1950s you don’t have to stay with a jerk because you have no options.
Do you work, do you bring in money, if not get some money from him, go get your hair cut, a mani pedi…and go shopping. The car he bought is NOT YOURS, ITS JUST HIS, so, be just you. Sounds like your already a single mom…
I truly wish this post was worded better, it kind of seems like your husband is the bad guy but at the very beginning you stated that you were frugal which leaves me confused.
Is it your decision to not spend money on yourself or is it cause there’s not enough?! You complain of not being able to get a haircut over a year but then get upset when your husband volunteer to watch the kids so you can get a pedicure.
Why don’t you seat down with your spouse and come up with a budget plan that way everyone needs are met
Stop depending on him financially and get your own income.
I’m at Stay at home mom and spend whatever I need to on myself as long as bills are paid first. My husband don’t mind
Then a fight it needs to be. I would be mad I’ve the haircut, why does he need to get one every two weeks? Times are rough and the economy is awful and what’s good for the goose is good for the gander
U said u can’t express it without it becoming a fight well sister make it a fight If u don’t fight for urself who else is going to I’ve been there and I kept quiet until I couldn’t anymore u just may be surprised at how brave u actually are
If a man wants he will my man gives me spending mine all the time he just hands me money for the bills he wants to sorry he doesn’t do this on own considering you never ask for anything but like someone says ask him or talk to him this is why I make my own money period so no one can tell me how to use it
I work in DV. This is a form of financial abuse. Recklessly spending money affects both of you. It could be simply a lack of impulse control on his end and not necessarily coming from a place of malicious intent, however your phrasing about him “letting” you spend money/do things is making me think there is an element of power and control here. At best, you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about it. At worst, it may be time to think what his intentions truly are and if he’s good for you. My advice would be to talk to him about it, coming not from a place of blame but a place of concern over both of your financial wellbeing and your mental health, and see how he reacts. If he becomes angry, defensive, or even tries to turn the situation on you, there may be a bigger problem here.
You either need to fight, or leave. That is unacceptable, controlling behavior. He gave the ok to stay longer for coffee? Those are his kids too. I would have told him I was getting coffee, without asking. Tbh, you’re probably going to be miserable, until you leave him.
U should be frugal,except,when it comes to yourself.get your hair cut,get those nails and toes done.if you can’t do something for yourself what the bother
You work as a mother,a wife, a caregiver.you too deserve it.
Doesn’t seem like he asks permission. Why are you?
it’s called control. then he’ll be taking away your self worth(looks like it’s happening already), become verbally, emotionally and yes, physically abusive. put some money on the side every now & then-you’ll need it. praying for you & your children. been there, went through it. it doesn’t get better.
Did the kids really need new Easter clothes? Sometimes, we act like martyrs, then feel neglected or abused. I will assume that you are a sahm with no income of your own, otherwise he wouldn’t be “giving” you money and allowing you to have a day out. My advice, get a job; even a part time job gives you the freedom to not be dependent on your husband and resent where he’s spending money that he makes. No place do you say that your family is struggling to make ends meet or that anyone is doing without anything, just that you resent him spending money on things that he wants. GET A JOB, GET A LIFE AND GET OVER THE MARTYRDOM.
He is controlling ! Run !
Sit down and discuss a monthly budget. Cover all bills plus a buffer for smaller, unexpected items that come up every month (Easter clothes, something at school, an unexpected prescription, etc). Include money deposited into an emergency savings fund should you lose your jobs.
THEN BEFORE discussing fun money, discuss long term financial goals, such as college savings for the kids and retirement savings. I recommend doing this with a financial advisor, since I’m guessing this will be a first time discussion. Then discuss fun money in your monthly budgets.
My father had no clue how much basics cost for his four kids. My three brothers were all highly active; 2 were over 6 feet tall. They are a lot and outgrew a lot of clothes. Even with hand-me-downs, costs added up fast. When my mother had to buy wedding or birthday gifts, she squeezed it out of her monthly allowance instead of asking him for extra. He would’ve given it to her; he just really didn’t know.
U laid the ground now give him the boot
It’s called a budget. You guys need to sit down and discuss finances. What comes in? What comes out? What’s going to saving? Retirement? Kids college? Bills? Kids clothes? After that- you can figure out your fun money. Both should be even.
You can spend money on yourself and ask hubby to cover some expenses for the kids. Honestly it sounds like he has poor budgeting skills or issues with impulse control. But that shouldn’t mean you have to ask permission or feel guilty about spending some money on you. Quite often us mums naturally prioritise everyone else and quietly want someone to do that for us…but you need to remember…he is dad and husband…he is perfectly capable of spending time with his kids alone and doesn’t know something is an issue unless you tell him.
If the household budget is also an issue here, that needs to be discussed separately to reign in some of the excessive spending. Rather than telling him don’t do this…focus on financial goals you both would like and a sensible amount of spending money per month for you both.
This doesn’t need to be a fight. But it will turn in to one if you let your emotions dictate what needs to be sensible conversation.
I need…
I would like…
Can we…
I will be…
Just lay it down and talk to him.
Good luck 
I don’t know what “1111 for a new tablecloth “no”” means, but I don’t understand why you feel neglected. He’s telling you to go spend money on yourself, and you’re choosing not to in order to spend it on the kids or something else? The kids NEED new Easter clothes? I love a good Easter dress, but what’s the point of buying a new set of clothes for one day? That could’ve been thrifted.
Are you calling it overspending because you can’t afford it or because he is spending more than you?
What you two need to do is work on a budget. Budget in the necessities: food, fuel, etc. then allot money for each of you to spend for fun. Once that money is earmarked for you, you won’t have the guilt of “overspending” because you’ve already set it aside for yourself. You also need to have a threshold where any purchase over a certain amount gets decided on together.
Your problems run way deeper than mere frugality, your husband is “livin large” and medicating by doing recreational shopping, you are renting, have children (without college funds?) and many other “needs” it would appear while he seems to in “wants” mode, thats either due to immaturity or narcissistic and coercive financial abuse
I guess I’m the odd one out here but kids don’t NEED Easter clothes you should have spent the money on yourself which is what he gave you it for… Do you have a job? Or why do you have to ask for money? If no I’d still ask to be sure we’d be ok on bills etc for the month but you also shouldn’t deprive yourself on things you want for yourself either I’d be getting myself a job so I didn’t have to ask for anything
Get the hell out of there ,he seems like a ass hole Run 
He does not value you. It’s that simple
Get a Damn job!!! Jeesh. You want equality??? Then both WORK !!!
Some people are asking if you work. It doesn’t matter. If you SAH with your babies you are contributing to something he’d otherwise have to pay for. Figure out what a full time (24 hours, 365) nanny, maid & cook would cost in your area. Half of that should be your money. Subtract half the bills. Tell him that’s what he owes you.
BTW $100 on 2 outfits for a baby & toddler is not frugal. Shop second hand. They’re little, most clothes especially dressy clothes are worn once then discarded. You could’ve gotten a dress or suit for like $5-10 at a thrift store. Maybe even less if you go in their half off days. Shop clearance. Buy a size up & save it for next year.