I am starting to resent my best friend

She did not tell you to “move on” :roll_eyes: you wouldn’t be asking this question to random strangers if she said that, u would drop her as a friend instantly … Guarantee u put that part in for dramatic effect …

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She’s not your true friend…fuck that

She sounds like a :mosquito:itch

Tell her you are grieving and that you can cause you lost your baby not her. And tell her if she is truly your friend she would understand.

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Wow what a selfish cow that ain’t no best friend, she should be there to support and comfort you in such times. If that was my bestfriend “what bestfriend” so sorry for loss :heart:

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That’s really cruel of her, move on.

Ignore her and go find a real friend!

She’s very obviously a shit friend. You need time to heal and if she doesn’t get that then she is not a friend at all. At 16 weeks she doesn’t even need to start planning a baby shower yet. Take all the time you need and if that means losing her in the process then maybe it was meant to be. So sorry for your loss.

Wow! :flushed: The audacity! SHE IS NOT A FRIEND, END OF!

I would move on alright move far far away from her heartless snot

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Um yeh wow she needs a reality check! You literally lost your baby and she’s like grow up and help me with mine? You were meant to have babies together!

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Idk why you’d resent her.
She didn’t cause or have anything to do w/ your miscarriage.
If you were a true friend you’d be happy for her.

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I’m sorry for your loss,. You’re allowed to grieve however to resent her is over the top things happen that are out of control… she also has every right to be happy about being pregnant. I’d take a break from hanging out with her until you’re ready to not resent her

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That’s fudged up dude and not the good kind :poop:

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Move on and make a new friend, cause she ain’t the one for you!! Self absorbed much?!?

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U have a right to feel however u feel, u can be happy for ur friend and sad for ur loss at the same time but no one can tell u how to feel or deal. If ur friend isn’t showing u any support or consideration then it doesn’t sound like much of a friendship, sorry for ur loss

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Im sorry your grieving but you’re both in the wrong. Her for saying get over it. Losing a child is not something you get over. You are also wrong- if you cant handle planning a shower for her say you cant but to resent her because you lost your baby and she still has hers. That isnt a good look and neither of you appear to be great friends

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I would just explain you simply can’t do this. You will grieve forever. Tell her you hope she never suffers this kind of pain. And take her advise-move in. You don’t need friends line that

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she doesn’t seem to be very sensitive. Maybe I’m old fashioned but since when did people start planning their own baby showers? It used to be your friends/family would decide to plan the shower–for that matter if they wanted to give you one or not it was their decision and generally it was a surprise shower. I think I would tell her outright how you feel about this–as she seems pretty outspoken herself! Her response will be all you need to hear to decide if she is the kind of best friend you want in your life.

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I don’t have advice of the friend situation but with something more important, you.

Honestly, I would get some counseling so you can grieve healthily and properly in a safe environment that can teach you tools so that you don’t get to the point where you absolutely hate everyone around you that gets to celebrate their pregnancy or child. There nothing wrong with needing some help.

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I think y’all both need to talk. Y’all are both extra emotional right now also so y’all both need to realize that. But if you’re best friends y’all both need to be there for one another.

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I’ve been in this same situation. Me and my best friend found out we were both pregnant a week apart. It was great, until she lost her child and I had a healthy pregnancy. I was there when she lost hers and I supported her. I felt bad that I had a healthy pregnancy and she unfortunately lost hers. I pulled back. I felt like I had to hide my growing belly from her. We are still friends and she had a baby a year later. I just felt guilt and she was wondering why I wasn’t coming around. I understand feeling hurt, however, being pissed at her because she’s pregnant isn’t fair to her. If you are uncomfortable helping her plan things, just be honest with her. It is nobody’s fault that you had a miscarriage (im sorry for your loss), but don’t take it out on her

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I’m sorry but she is not responsible for your miscarriage. You can feel however you want to feel but you shouldn’t try to take away her happiness about things. Just like she shouldn’t be inconsiderate to your feelings.

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Idk why you’d resent her, she didn’t cause the miscarriage. Seeing as how ur in mourning though, her comment about “just moving on” is insensitive. But, you are both adults. Sit her down and tell her how u feel. This feels like something u need to talk to her about

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She’s not your friend anymore. Walk away.

Talk/communicate all this calmly to her, explain to her that if shes your friend she will instinctively understand what youre going through emotionally without you having to explain it to her. Friendship goes BOTH ways, let her know that you too need her understanding right now and love, just as she needs your help.

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Your feelings are EXTREMELY valid. Her telling you to move on is very telling in my opinion. Your best friend should want the best for you. That is still so fresh and I would not be ready to do that either. Having a miscarriage is a terrible life changing thing and she obviously doesn’t understand that. Maybe write her a letter so she can know your feelings because I have a feeling she won’t hear your words if you try to talk to her. Don’t be afraid to take some space.

My sister got pregnant with my niece right after I miscarried and then found out my husband at the time had cancer and the chemo treatment he had to go through would make it next to impossible for us to conceive a child together. I was devastated at my loss and the news that I might never be a mom. It was a realllllly tough time for me. At first I was resentful and angry but then I realized that it was like I wish my sister had lost her baby and I definitely didn’t wish that on her. I politely told her I wasn’t ready to be involved but that I was very happy for her— I just needed time. Eventually I was able to be around her pregnant belly and not be envious or upset. I threw her a beautiful baby shower and my niece is my best friend. The pain of your loss will fade— you just have to allow yourself to feel and mourn. Your friend should be understanding.

So you’re mad that you had a miscarriage and she didn’t basically? I understand your frustration. I’ve never had a miscarriage. But miscarriages are hard. She should be more understanding. But she should put her happiness aside for you. So I don’t see why you feel bitter towards her. But if you feel that way, don’t be her friend.

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First, I’m so sorry for your loss. Pregnancy loss isn’t something you just move on from, it’s been 2 decades since I lost my 1st son and I still think of him and what should have been. Get some counseling if you can. Second, it is completely natural to be a bit jealous that other’s get/stay pregnant so easily. Your feelings are valid and if your friend was much of a friend at all they would understand your need to step back and put some distance in between you for now.

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Wow she’s an insensitive asshole. U can’t move on any faster than at ur own damn pace… And she has no idea what u’re going thru. Miscarriage is a really fucking hard thing to go thru and she’s asking u to celebrate her process while u’re grieving the end of urs!!! You’re not wrong for resenting her for that - but you need to tell her you can’t handle what she’s asking of you. If she can’t handle that then that’s on her… But u need to be open and honest.

Not for nothing but if this person is your best friend they wouldn’t be asking you to plan a baby shower after you just lost your baby that’s number one and number two the fact that she’s telling you to move on should give you all the closure you need this person is no good in your life you take all the time you need to get over this loss

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  1. That’s not your best friend if have any negative feelings towards her!
  2. seek professional help, you are not ok

I’m so glad my sister never came at me sideways after my nephew passed away at 6 months old, I was 6 months.

You have to take your own time to grieve. I was in a similar situation where I started to resent my friend who was pregnant the same time I was when I miscarried. It was irrational and I love her to death and we are still great friends, but I was hurt and needed time to handle it on my own. Your friend does sound insensitive to you about telling you to get over it - it’s been almost 3 years since I had my miscarriage, I have had twins since then, but I still have flashbacks and sadness from the night it happened because it was so traumatic. I miss what could have been sometimes. But I’ve come to terms with my grief and have learned to enjoy things so much more. Honestly her reacting to your loss that way makes me think she’s the problem here. You lost your baby so her telling you to get over it and move on is fucked up in my opinion. She should understand WHY you might not want to help out with the baby shower if she’s your true friend. The civil way to handle it would be to explain to her how you are feeling about your loss and explain why you don’t want to help out with the baby shower. The other option is to tell her to fuck right off. :tipping_hand_woman:t2:

She’s definitely being insensitive, I’ll give you that… But playing devils advocate, maybe she see’s your depression and is trying to pull you out of it by trying to involve you in things. I have the unique perspective of seeing this from both sides. I have been through a miscarriage myself while already raising my 8 month old son & 3 year old daughter (all 3 pregnancies with the same man), so I understand the emotions that come along with a miscarriage. Also, when I was pregnant with my daughter, (my first) my best friend also got pregnant when I was about 6 months along or so, I was excited to be pregnant with our first babies together but then she had a miscarriage before my daughter was born. I know it was really hard for her, and it put me in a tough place because I almost felt guilty being excited about my own pregnancy around her. When my daughter was born she didn’t come and visit at the hospital like I had imagined, but at the same time I understood. It’s really a tough situation because you want to be excited about your own pregnancy, especially your first, and you want your beat friend to be there by your side, but at the same time your hurting for your friend and you almost feel like you have to dim your excitement for yourself around her. Taken out of context it sounds like she is being insensitive, but we also don’t know what things look like from her point of view. Maybe she has seen you slip into a scary depression and as your friend wants to try to pull you out of it but just doesn’t know how to go about it. If she’s never been through a miscarriage herself, she may not understand it enough to realize how impactful it can be and she’s hoping that getting you involved with the excitement & preparation for her coming baby will help you heal… It’s a tough situation… I would suggest allowing yourself time to heal and ket your hormones get back to normal before you let go of a meaningfuk friendship over this. Only you know what her friendship means to you & what kind of friend she is. We can onky speculate. You never want to make life impacting decisions when you are grieving and hormonal. Try to imagine the shoe being on the other foot and ask yourself how you would feel. She is not responsible for your loss and I’m sure she would have preferred you two experiencing this together. Whatever you decide, I wish you healing and peace. :heart:

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My sister in law is best friend we got pregnant at the same time my pregnancy ended at 10 weeks but I was still so happy for her she should not had told you to move on that was cruel but you could look back on this and regret it if your not there for her in one of her best times

You lost your child and she wants you to move on because she needs her baby shower planned :woman_facepalming:t2:. I’m sorry for your loss and that your friend is an insensitive twit. Tell her you’d be happy to attend (if you feel you can) but with your loss it would be too much to plan a baby shower knowing you would’ve been having one too. She’s minimizing your loss and that’s not ok.

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I think people don’t realize how insensitive they are to another’s pain. In truth, you’re both in the wrong. A true friend would recognize your struggle and try to be more considerate of what you just went thru. And you, you should be excited for your friend. Being a friend is doing the uncomfortable sometimes. If it’s not something you can see yourself doing at this time…tell her that.

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First and foremost I’m sorry about your miscarriage I’ve went through it and it sucks. Unfortunately you’re both wrong. She’s not the reason why you miscarried so resenting her is pointless/ridiculous. Sadly life do go on, you can’t go around and rain on other people’s lives simply because of what’s going on in your life.
As per her comment maybe she could’ve been more sensitive about it.
You’re an adult and if you don’t want to be friends with her that’s your choice

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I was the friend who stayed pregnant and two of my best friends lost their babies. I never once told them to get over it because that’s just horrible to say in my opinion. But I either kept talking to them about my pregnancy or didn’t. I had talks with both of them and talked as much or as little about my pregnancy as they wanted. One wanted to hear everything the other didn’t. Both friendships ended up differently. I’m still very close to one and hardly talk to the other now. If she’s your best friend just tell her how you feel about it and how comfortable you are right now with hearing so much of little about her journey. And if she’s your best friend try to always be apart of it. It may be hard at times but you can always take a step back to. And if you’re her best friend then she should completely understand and should be there for you as much as you need also. You both should support each other as each of you go through this. Have a heart to heart conversation

I have 4 angels I never got to hold. I never resented my friends that had successful healthy pregnancies. Maybe it’s time to talk to a professional about your grief.

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First off, both of you are raging with hormones. I believe she is truly sad that you miscarried, and I truly believe deep down you are truly happy she is still pregnant. I think the both of you need to sit down over a beverage and talk about your feelings. Let her know that it is extremely difficult to partake in the planning of her baby shower, because of your loss. Let her know you have feelings of resentment, but you are deep down happy for her and maybe she should have someone else help her plan the shower while you grieve your loss. Communication is the key here. If you two are truly Best Friends you will be able to come to a place that is good for both of you. It is times like this that tests and shows us what is real and what is not.

She sounds very inconsiderate of your feelings and she should not be asking you to help with a baby shower when you lost your child

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Grieve as long as you need to. She is being insensitive.

That’s not a friend, that’s a selfish brat… hell, that’s not even human. You lost a child, from experience myself, that is not something you just move on from. As a woman she should more than understand that, especially if she’s currently with child. Tell her to put herself in your shoes and just imagine for one second she lost her child then had someone tell her to just move on. What she’s doing to you is not okay.

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You are not ready to move on. Seek grief counseling.

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First off. I’m so sorry for your loss. :broken_heart: My sister and I were pregnant at the same time. Our boys were born 25 days apart. My little one was killed in a car accident when he was six weeks old. My nephew will be 17 in May. With that said, big days are hard. Holidays, birthdays, etc. She has never once told me to move on. But has always been supportive. ALWAYS!!! You guys need to find a way to mend this before the baby shower and especially before baby is born or go separate ways. This will be a lifetime of thoughts for you. Baby’s due date, first birthday, first steps, the day her child starts Kindergarten, graduates K and the list goes on and on. Grief is not something you just get over and move on from. Even though she hasn’t experienced this loss first hand if she can’t support you as much as you support her….this relationship isn’t going to last. One last thing, as hard as this is for you…try to be easy on your friend. Again if she has never lost a child, she doesn’t know what you’re going through. :two_hearts: Sorry for rambling. Just some random advice from a momma that’s been there.

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Tell her off and move on :heart:

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First off I am so very sorry for your loss. Secondly, if your friend is not even attempting to understand the trauma you’ve experienced, she’s not your friend. Even if she does not “know” how you feel, being pregnant and imagining losing the baby growing inside her, she should be able to comprehend. You don’t need a narcissist around you right now. Separation would be healthy. Stay blessed doll :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart::heart:

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She sounds very selfish. You just lost your baby. I have been there before. You have the right to feel the way you are feeling. I’m sorry for your loss.

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Move on… from that friendship.

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I suffered 2 miscarriages and the second time 2 girls at my work got pregnant at the same time. I lost my baby and they did not. At time yes I was very very sad when I saw them go through all the joys of being pregnant. But I didnt let that stop me from showing them that I was also very happy for them too. One of the girls had 2 miscarriages as well. So I was very happy that this time everything went perfect for her :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I think you should be there for you friend if she is a true friend. But she should also be more understanding about what you are going through. If you dont want to be friends with her thats up to you. But before you do that maybe you should go talk with someone about what happened and hopefully that helps you. Good luck

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Tell her that you’re hurting and need to take a step back.

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Tell her you need her at this point and cannot help with a baby shower!!!

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I am so sorry for your loss. Why is she in such a hurry to plan her own baby shower? Surely if she was a true friend she would understand what you are going through. Just be honest with her.

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It’s sad that your friend would treat you that way after going through such an emotionally tragic event.
I’m sorry for your loss and that your best friend is self centered and uncaring.

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She sounds a bit insensitive. Have you told her how sad you are?

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I’m of two minds with this:
First, I am truly sorry for your loss, and I know that it must be very difficult for you. I also understand that it takes time to grieve, and your friend isn’t being as understanding or as supportive in your grieving process as she could be. It’s fair that you’re not ready to help her plan a baby shower (it’s actually still pretty early for one anyways) and it’s selfish that she’s insisting. My advice here is to try to force her to use empathy and reverse the situations. If this doesn’t help, then she may not be much of a friend.

But. On the other hand. It’s not fair to resent her for her pregnancy. I’ve been on the receiving end of this…it hurt while I was pregnant. I tried to make sure that I didn’t “flaunt” it and I did try to be considerate. To be honest it didn’t feel like it helped the situation much and that hurt just deepened after my baby was born.
I was already pregnant? what was I supposed to do? Ya know?

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sorry for your loss, She is or was your friend, you need to talk to her, not us about how you feel, She is only over 3 months pregnant, she has about 5 more months before the baby shower, By then, your feelings will be happier for her & you might want to be involved, See a therapist & take one day at a time

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My best friend had a miscarriage and mine continued. I completely let her grieve. I did not push at her. It hurts. What your friend is doing is completely wrong. I would say I need time to grieve and I want you to have a healthy baby but I can’t be apart of this at the moment please understand

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I am so sorry for your loss. Your “friend” needs to stop being selfish. She needs to respect your loss & your feelings. Have you tried talking to her?

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She’s a c u next Tuesday, drop her. How dare she tell you to “move on”? You lost your baby. She’s a self centered person and I don’t know why you would even stay friends with somebody like that.

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I think you wouldn’t feel as much resentment if you’re friend was more supportive in your grieving process. She needs to know you need time and need to step back. A TRUE friend would accept that and not try to force you into anything.

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I am so sorry for your loss :broken_heart: I’ve been there twice :frowning: she doesn’t sound like much of a friend if she’s telling you to move on. Sounds like you should move on in my opinion. I’m so sorry your having to deal with this :pensive:

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Explain that you lost your baby and you love her but it still hurts if she says move on again ask her if it would hurt her if someone had said that to hr right after losing a baby. If she dosen’t understand you need to back up and let yourself heal.

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I was prepared to write something different until you said she told you to move on…I’m sorry for your loss, your friend sounds insensitive :disappointed:

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You both are wrong and both should sit down and talk about it. I’ve been there first hand with a miscarriage and know the hurt and pain, however you can’t resent your best friend bc she still wants you there and wants you beside her every step of the way. Just like she should understand she needs to let you grieve. So sorry for you loss and pray you two can talk and get through it.

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That’s not a friend. I’m an angel mom myself. Join a support group. I’m in a few on Facebook N I’m in therapy. I’m so sorry for your loss and you need your time and space to grieve.

16 weeks pregnant is a little early to start planning a baby shower.

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You need to let her know that your feelings are hurt and at this time you can’t participate in planning her a shower. If she can’t understand that she isn’t a true friend. It doesn’t sound like she’s a true friend anyway telling you to move on from losing a child. Good luck.

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You don’t just move on you learn to cope. This will not go away with a snap of her fingers. You may need some space from her if she can’t understand what your going through.

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My bestfriend and I got pregnant at the same time. I lost my son at 32 weeks and had to deliver him with no heartbeat. I honestly, couldn’t be around her much after that. She never did anything wrong but I couldn’t get past that she had her son and I didn’t have mine. The constant reminder was very hard to cope with. I hate to say that I ended up pushing her away and we weren’t friends anymore. Not everyone knows what it feels like to lose a baby. It’s one of the hardest things a mother ever has to go through. Even 21 years later I still think about the what ifs. She needs to understand that you are grieving and there is NO time limit on that.

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I definitely find that insensitive that she still wants you to plan it. She should’ve come to you and told you that she knows it’s a really sensitive time so if you do not want to be involved in it she will not be upset and completely understands. I would distance myself from her for good. You lost your child. She doesn’t seem to care much.

16 weeks is too early for a baby shower I’d start by saying that…then tell her give you time to grieve! She should be a little more respectful of your situation…

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You move on like she so coldly told you to do & inform her that you are unavailable or not up to the task. You don’t need to explain yourself. She’s being quite insensitive & unsupportive. The shower will get planned without you just fine. Just be prepared for her to bow out. Find a better best friend. That’s exactly what I’d do. It’s taken me 50 years to learn to not let people take advantage of me & walk on me. I won’t have. I may only have a few close friends, but that is fine with me.

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You move on from that friendship. That’s a heartless thing to say to anyone- especially your bestfriend.

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My twin boys are crossed due to neonatal death… you don’t just move along… you cope. Some people you will learn won’t stay on the same journey path as yourself… and that’s okay. Grieving changes us… its not a place to stay permanently, but its permanently a part of us. Surrounded yourself with support people and understand all your emotions are valid. I’m here if you need to talk. When I got pregnant with my rainbow 5years after our loss my BFF didn’t come to my shower… bc our baby was a girl and she couldn’t cope that she never had a girl. We all have our idiosyncrasies. Sending my love and prayers for emotional healing :heart:

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Tell her you will move on when youre ready smh. What a selfish thing to say

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Coming from BOTH sides of this. When I miscarried. My entire family told me to get over it and try again. My SIL. was pregnant as well. And I was forced to be there and do all the things I “should have,” but it was hell for me. And unfortunately. I resented her and even her baby once she was born. Because I felt unvalidated. But once I took. It upon myself to heal ME then and only then could I see where my flaws were. It wasn’t her fault. What I went through. And definitely not her baby’s… I should have been there more out of love and less out of being forced. Because we all go through shit. And it can be scary going into a pregnancy without support from another lady…

I do think it was a bit insensitive how she said to just move on, as that will take time. But you Can choose to heal and still be supportive of her

Nope. Tell her your not doing the baby shower. I would never ask a friend who I know is recently going through this.

You need time to grieve and it can take as long as you need. F her seriously.

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She isn’t a true best friend if she told you to move on & help her. She’s selfish.

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so now people plan and give themselves a shower?

My friend lost her baby at 5 months…we were due at the same time in May…I never ever made any comments about my baby because I knew better about her feelings…We were in about 25…I wanted to share this with her but couldnt…

Sorry for your loss, moving on from something like this is not easy, I’m an angel mum it’s been 8 years for me it’s still hard but it gets easier but not a day goes past I don’t think of my little angel :heartbeat: you really need to sit down with your best friend tell her how you feel and explain you don’t want.to help with planning the baby shower, an true friend will understand and respect your feelings.

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Please give yourself time to heal…maybe someone else could take over for you.!!!

you ultimately have to do what is best for YOUR mental health, I understand your friend needing you, but it sounds like you need to heal and need some distance from her pregnancy, hopefully you can communicate this to her in a firm yet loving way. Maybe once the baby is born and all the hoopla has died down, you can reconnect with your friend and meet the baby…that may even help you with further growth and healing. Take care of yourself first, it isnt selfish, it is self preservation. <3

She is NOT your friend.

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If she cannot be more understanding of this loss she is not worth your friendship. My best friend lost her baby 2 days before she was due and we were pregnant at the same time. She couldn’t even hold mine until he was 1. I never once made her feel bad about that.

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She rude why would she even ask u after what u just went there not a friend

Maybe keep distance til least she had baby for your mental health and hers if she suffers (Talkin from experience) …
For Urs so u have time and don’t see her constantly pregnant and hers so she don’t think u jealous and stuff … Really hard when u n friend(s) r pregnant and one doesn’t have a happy ending …
You don’t have to help her or do anythin if Ur not ready and carnt mentally handle situation seeing a bump it’s your choice
How dare she say that to u about time to move on easy for her to say since she carrying hers still n that just outright plain obnoxious and rude and aragant

Just remember it’s your choice do what makes u feel comfatable and at ease best yuu can b wit gettin Ur head round what has unfortantly happened

I’m so sorry about Ur loss :heavy_heart_exclamation:

Girl, MOVE ON FROM HER!! You need love, respect and comfort right now and if she can not provide those things she’s not your bestie!!

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She sounds really selfish!! Tell her.

Shesnot your friend move on from her not your grief of loosening ur pressings baby

As soon as I read “move on” it was a no for me.

I was terribly bitter when my friend and I got pregnant together and I lost mine but I knew it wasn’t her fault and she was super supportive. If she would have said that to me though… done deal. Byyeee :fu::wave:

A true friend or any person that cares for you, would never say that to you! That is a heartless thing to say to any mother. I am so sorry for your loss and lack of support from your friend :frowning:

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Move on? :face_with_raised_eyebrow: uhhhh bye bye Felicia.

Sorry for your loss, you should take all the time you need for yourself first.

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This is horrible … :cry: my best friend miscarriaged at 10 weeks and I was 15 weeks … I felt horrible and didn’t even want to mention anything about baby… we talked alot about her miscarriage. I said I felt awful for being pregnant… I asked her to be in delivery room with us and she was honored to be… but never once did I tell her to move on… I was always there to listen and totally understood if she didn’t wanna be in delivery room… and then when my little guy was 9 months she found out she was pregnant again and had a happy health little guy… I am sooooo sorry for your loss… and for ur “friend” being sooo inconsiderate :frowning:

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She needs to find someone else to do it that’s not a true friend.

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She being very inconsiderate. My sister and I got pregnant together and she lost her baby. I was afraid to talk about my pregnancy and worried she would resent her niece. I was careful and deliberate w my wording and conversations w her. She never felt that way toward me or my daughter but I would have never rubbed her face in it like this. Talk to her about it. Tell her how much you’re still hurting. I think people that haven’t lost pregnancies don’t understand the grief that comes with it, they think because it was a lost pregnancy we shouldn’t grieve as much, and that’s just not any farther from the truth. You need time to work through the pain, and if not being around other pregnant ladies is the way then you do you!

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You still need to be supportive of your best friend if your a real friend

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