I am married and have a crush on someone...advice?

I’ve been in this relationship with so for about a little over 4 years. We have one child together and it was great from the start. We get married in a month. But here lately I just feel like I’m the only one doing anything at home. We both work. I’ve asked him for help multiple times and all he says is okay I will and never does. He just sits on his butt and drinks beer. Now I’ve felt just drained and exhausted for the past few months. Here recently this guy came out of nowhere and started talking to me and I never felt like such a girl with the biggest crush. I don’t want to ruin anything based on a what if. What should I do? I’m at a total loss and can’t talk to anyone where I live because everyone knows him


First pretend your “crush” doesn’t exist. You’re infatuated by him due to the lack of attention & effort from your partner.

You could tell your partner you’d rather be single than to be married & feel single or feel like you’re his mother. In a healthy relationship you support one another while maintaining your individuality. Talking about this should notttt lead to a fight. There should be no opponents. It’s a discussion to prevent separation & rebuild a stable foundation for your marriage.

Always remember…it’s not the words that fix everything. It’s the actions made with genuine intention for a healthier future together


You are not married to this man yet (but playing married). Many men don’t help around the house (not all but many).
When you and your current partner started out, did he just sit on his butt?
Love isn’t just a feeling, love isn’t just if they pull there own weight it’s a decision that you make EVER day!
If you have a wondering eye, best to move on now. Of course your choice your decision but the grass isn’t always greener in the other side.

You shouldn’t end your current relationship based on a crush you have…but you should really reconsider getting married if you’re willing to leave him for someone else.
Relationships go through their ups and downs. And there will often be someone you “spark” with, especially in those down times. I don’t believe in “the one” – there will always be other choices out there. The question is whether you’re fully committed to the choice you’ve already made. Either way though, new guy isn’t “the one”. He’s a symptom of how you’re feeling.


Even if u have feeling for someone else, the only reason ur thinking of acting on it is because ur in a troublesome spot. If things were perfect, you’d probably look the other way. Marriage takes work and effort. If he’s not putting the work in u need to tell him how u feel over and over, try different approaches, stop doing all the chores. Let’s those dishes and laundry pile up.


You have two separate but related issues…you’re unhappy with your fiancé partnership (or lack off)…and you have a crush (maybe partially due to the latter issue but we all gotta take accountability for our actions/choices). My take is that you will never be able to work on the relationship you are currently in if you leave the opportunity to get caught up in a crush. I’d avoid all contact with crush if possible. I’d also have a real heart to heart with my fiance about how I’m feeling and would absolutely not get married until the issues you mentioned are resolved. Good luck Mama :heart:

Either cancel your wedding or quit talking to this new guy and work on your current relationship.


How old are you? Grow up and act like a married woman.

1 Like

So, you are in a fake relationship and posting it on facebook…if your not happy get out…period your not married…but don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire and quit being a manaholic…depend on yourself to create a good life, then find some to share it…it won’t be as easy to settle.


Your married…get a divorce if youre gonna be with other people (regardless of a what if). You are unhappy, you have expressed that, he isnt changing so move on.

1 Like

If you are already feeling this way, do not get married. This isn’t about the new guy. You aren’t satisfied in your relationship. It will never work.

1 Like

So ask yourself. If the roles were reversed how would you feel? Would you want him to lead you on, while holding feelings for someone else or would you want him to leave the relationship. Give him the same respect you’d wish to have IF the roles were reversed.

  • Forget the new guy for now. He’s a symptom, not the disease.
  • Don’t get married.
  • Go to counseling, preferably together, alone if he won’t go.
  • Once you figure out what you want and what you’ll tolerate, proceed accordingly.
  • When people show you who they are, believe them.
  • Don’t expect people to change who they are.

Marriage is hard work. Are you willing to break up your family over chores? Men are dense :laughing: you have to tell them things many times in many different ways before it sinks in. It sounds like you need to sit down and have a serious discussion with your fiancee. Don’t go looking for greener pastures or you might find yourself always looking for that greener patch.

You need to leave your partner. I think the moment you see someone else romantically it’s over whether it’s because of the state of the relationship or not. If he isn’t willing to work on the relationship then it won’t get better but don’t jump into something else. Make yourself happy, get sorted and then maybe you’ll run into the right person x


You control your own thoughts. STOP entertaining the idea of someone else. Look at the REASON why you’re feeling this way. You said it yourself. You’re drained. You fiancé is not treating you like a partner… THAT’S the problem. So fix that. Talk to your man and tell him that you need to speak to a couples counselor asap before you marry him. See what he says and if he’s willing to do that.
If not, then don’t marry him. If he is, then you damn well better put in the effort.
Garuntee your current man was once “new and shiny” and made you feel like a woman at first. So what makes you think that anyone new won’t turn out that way too.
There is a problem. Having a “crush” is a SYMPTOM of the problem. Find a solution to the problem and the symptom will dissappear.

Grass on the other side isn’t always greener. If this guy keeps talking to you then he is either just being nice or he wants more. If he wants more than don’t fall for it because he will also persuade another woman. Stay safe in your lane.


Instead of being a cheater, get a divorce. Even tho you feel like he doesn’t help much around the house or with you or the kid or whatever it is doesn’t mean he deserves to be cheated on. Low key kinda hope a nice woman comes out of nowhere for him and he gets to experience the same thing. Seems to me like things might already be ruined if you have your eyes on another man. :melting_face:

1 Like

You already know what you are getting with lazy no help partner. By all means stay with baby’s daddy and give up any hope of finding happiness.

you either leave or u leave your crush alone. there’s no in between that makes this right. if your husband isn’t being a husband you leave. not toddle between the two.

1 Like

You’re not married if you’re getting married in a month.

If you’re considering the 2nd guy, leave the 1st guy. He’s not the one for you. If he was, the 2nd guy wouldn’t even be an afterthought.

But then again, it sounds like your interested in the 2nd guy because you’re not getting what you want/need at home and if that’s the case, marrying the 1st guy is just going to leave you in an unhappy and miserable marriage.

1 Like

There so many questions you need to ask the new guy??!! One is if he wants kids? Tell him you have a child! Tell your man to get up and start helping or your out. I sure wouldn’t get married now, at least for now till you’re sure what you want or who you want! If this new guy makes you happy then your relationship now then you know what to do. Do pros and cons. Figure out your self first. You must be aware that the new guy may only want one thing and that’s it. You need to have a serious conversation.

1 Like

Girl, run. From both. Your with a man child and guess what? Your crush guy will turn in to the same take you for granted man after a couple years too. I guarantee your fiance didn’t start out not helping out and not treating you well when you first started dating right? The same with crush guy. Other people always look better because you don’t live with them and see the flaws and deal with them on a regular basis. Kinda like a guy will cheat and be like “see she doesn’t nag me or complain about what I’m not doing” because yeah duh, she’s not picking up his dirty underwear everyday. When it stops being exciting get together in hotel rooms or whatever they both learn pretty quick it’s not awesome anymore. Seriously tell your man you have now what expectations you have and ask what his are. If you both agree, cool, if not also cool, bounce. Give time limits on actual participation and if he doesn’t in an appropriate time frame, get out now!!! He doesn’t even have you yet and already treating you like a maid? He’s not going to be better after your married, actually he ll be worse. Again RUN!!!

Go and talk to a couples councillor together and on your own they can help you talk to each other .
Maybe you should postpone the wedding until you are 100% sure .

Tell your man the 1950’s called and want their domestic slave policy back and you aint signing the dotted line, the crush can wait

1 Like

You definitely shouldn’t get married, any time soon!! Especially having these feelings for another guy!!

1 Like

The grass isn’t greener on the other side , the grass is green where you water it …


You should stick to your vowels lol. This crush could do the same thing in a year or two.

Just know that he probably wants to hit it and quit it. You have a child and a husband. No sane dude wants to come on to a woman with a child and husband unless he thinks he can just have a fwb type situation.


Talk to him, or leave…don’t be a cheater….

1 Like

Crush aside, you will regret marrying a drunk for the rest of your life. Drop that and don’t let him gaslight his way into staying

If you have a crush on this new guy, your current guy is not for you.

1 Like

What you should do is go and STFD. Shame on you

Well. You’re being just as big of a piece of crap as us women complain about men who are cheaters. There is no difference just because you’re a woman. You’re cheating!!! That’s disgusting behavior. Your about to get married and talking to another dude. You need to call this wedding off, I’m not on your side with this you need to be fair to the man who is about to marry you. Your not gonna be happy married to him your not happy right now.

Your fiance’s behavior likely won’t change when you get married. It’ll probably get worse. But you also need to realize that just because the grass LOOKS greener on the other side doesn’t mean it is. I think before you jump into or entertain this other guy as an option, you need to make damn sure your current relationship is beyond saving. Talk to your fiance and set boundaries. Tell him this is so important to you, that if he’s not willing to put in the same effort into your every day lives as you do, your not intetrsted in getting married or staying in this relationship. And tell him this time, words don’t mean anything if they aren’t backed up by action, he can say he will all he wants, but it means nothing. And therein lies the problem. If you say you’re gonna do something, then do it. For instance, if you say you’re gonna make dinner… but don’t, he would be upset. If you say you’re gonna pay a bill, but don’t, same thing. This isn’t any different. The rest is up to him to follow through. If he doesn’t, there’s your answer. No one can hold him accountable other than you. I would give him a deadline. If he doesn’t do it, then you can walk away with a clear conscience. But a crush certainly isn’t a reason to go burning bridges for something you don’t know.

So why does the caption say she’s married already? Also why are you coming up with excuses for emotionally cheating? The first thing you do is blame him and say the bad things HE DID so you don’t look as bad. Don’t marry the dude. Do him a favor

You should communicate with your soon to be husband. You shouldn’t be entertaining other people. Tell your fiance how you’re feeling and stop talking to your " crush "


I’ve heard the quote and I can’t remember who said it, but they said if you have two people you fall in love with pick the second one because if you were truly in love with the first one, you would’ve never fall in love with the second one


What you are feeling for this other man, the attention he gives you, is what lacks in your marriage. It takes 2 to make a happy home. Try everything, make him quit drinking and be active in the family. Tell him you can no longer live in is this situation. If you 2 can’t compromise, then consider that next option. DO NOT CHEAT. It will only make your marriage where it cannot be repaired.

1 Like

Your soon to be husband sounds like he has some mental health problems right now. And your finding attention from someone else… I suggest having a conversation and asking how is he feeling, me and my husband went through a lot and it sounds similar. He was battling mental health. The 2nd guy has no respect for you if he thinks and you think this is okay

1 Like

Honestly, if you are thinking about being with someone other than the one you gave your vow to you are already cheating… you can decide to not cheat any further to not betray yourself and the one you claimed to love till death do you part… but it is up to you. The phrase “the grass is greener on the other side” is true but it’s only greener because it is fake. If you have any feelings for the one you married I suggest you stop all communication with this other person and work on who you want to be in your relationship with your spouse because it will only start to heal when you acknowledge your faults… it takes two… always… the failure can’t ALL be on your spouse… fix yourself then…You can work on fixing your marriage.

Please don’t jump from one relationship to another , specially if you have children.If you have to leave do it respecting yourself. Communication is very important. :pray:GL

If youve asked for change and it’s being ignored then believe what he is telling/showing you. How he is now is how he will always be. Men only change when they want to and they only change for a person they value enough/can’t bare to lose. A crush is not stability though and running off directly to another guy that may or may not care for you fully is extremely risky, especially with a child in the mix. You and your SO need to have a major talk about what is and is not acceptable if, IF, you choose to follow through with the marriage. If being a full partner isn’t something he can be to you then you need to come to terms with being a single mother and leave that situation. Everyone, woman or man, deserves a partner that is truly a partner…not just a glorified roommate.

If your current man is not willing to help out with anything now it will never change, get used to your whole life being that way if you marry him. If you have feelings for someone else then you shouldn’t get married.

This is what’s wrong now a days, people don’t work on anything long enough to want that to survive. Seen too many fairytale wedding but once the fairytale ends & the really live responsibilities or the tiredness or laziness comes into place the other is quick to run. I’m sure that with the time you’ve had with your child’s father you’d see how he is. Sit and speak with him regarding how you truly feel. Take a dare night to go out to truly talk with each other. Go from there don’t think anything else out here us any better than what you have at home. You have a child to think of also. Had this been your partner and you’d find out you would be furious.

The puppy love stage is fleeting. I’m sure it feels good now, but you would likely have issues and disagreements with that person later down the road (if anything even came from it) too. My advice would be to communicate with your significant other and cut off communication with this guy. You have to actually sit down and discuss issues with eachother and find a way to compromise. If you’re not able to do that, I would definitely put off getting married.

Let’s cut straight through the bull​:poop:. It appears that you were okay with your relationship UNTIL you met this crush. Now a month before your wedding, you’re having second thoughts. You should go ahead and cancel the wedding. It’s EXTREMELY obvious that you aren’t ready for marriage. If you were you would NOT be entertaining a crush. :woman_shrugging:t4:

don’t marry that guy kick him to the curb and do what makes you happy

Wow first off all no hate but you need not to get married if you can already say you have a crush on someone else how would you feel if your boyfriend talked like that about another women I think it’s time to take a hard look at your relationship

Try marriage counseling. Bc if things were perfect at home you wouldn’t notice anyone else. Does he have low testosterone? Depression. Try and fix your marriage first

The beer, not helping out, and disrespect of your position only gets worse.

You say your married but yet call it "this relationship "?:roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: leave …ur done obviously

You’re trying to justify cheating due on your so not helping out, that is not ok. Either work it out properly or leave current guy before going for the next guy

If he does nothing but sit and drink beer, don’t marry him.

Any relationship will have issues the moment you let someone else into your marriage. Just ask yourself this, why are you marrying your spouse?

Oh shit. This is a husband / 4 year old. Have one and it does not get better

Maybe you aren’t ready for marriage?