I am so hurt because my 4 and half year old does not want to live with me but wants to live with his grandparents, uncles, aunt,and dad because he doesn’t have do anything such as pick up his toys. Go to bed when it is time go bed. I know he will not get the care he needs like going medical appointments and etc. All because I have rules and stuff. I am so confused on what to do about this situation because they have no room for him over there. He sleeps in his grandparents bedroom with them. I need some advice on what to do. He has ODD and ADHD. He is on meds.
First of all you have the power ,the right and responsibility to take Care of him.What does a 4year
He is too young to legally make that choice,kids can say things they don’t really mean or fully understand. Breath and try talking to the other family members about making some rules for him at their houses.
He’s 4. Of course he wants to go where the fun is. You’re the momma though. You know what’s best for him.
I let my son go live with his dad, his siblings lived with me, he lasted 4 weeks and asked to come back as he saw how differently his step mum treated her own(not my husband’s) children. He had my kids every second weekend (with hers) and I had hers weekend in between. Worked well and we shared all 7 over the school holidays too. They became and still are good friends
For real!!! You are the mother not he .
He is absolutely NOT old enough to make that decision.
Every kid in the world would love to live where they have less or none rules .
He’s 4. They all say stuff like that sometimes. You don’t base a decision like custody on what a 4 year old wants. They don’t have the development to make that kind of choice for themselves.
Does he just live with you
Have you and his dad split?
I could be sooo wrong on this but Mayb someone has said this to him asked him if he wants to stay with them.
He’s 4 and you are the mother!
I couldn’t imagine my kids going else were.
Stand your ground NO is NO
Are you capable of looking after him on your own, if not he’s probably better off where he is. But if you are…he’s 4, he doesn’t get a choice. Even a judge wouldn’t put much stock in what he wants because he’s to young to know what’s best for him. Provided there’s no abuse happening.
You’re doing great Mama, keep your head up and keep being consistent with him. I know it’s a struggle
Oh honey, he’s 4. He doesn’t need to go live with them unless you need him too. He’s too little to make that decision. Period. Tell him when he’s 18 he can.
My daughter would say “i dont want mama i want papa” when i tell her no . Its what children do , would i go on market place and search for a new mama? NO . He is 4 , he is your son not your friend . He doesnt like rules , so he chooses the wild and free option where he gets babied .
Children needs rules and needs to start learning responsibility early , do we like those? NO , but does it make us a good character of person one day? YES .
He’s 4. You gave birth to him , you have the brain to make sane smart rational decisions. Then if you know it’s not something you accept. Don’t do it . He’s 4. He can’t choose for himself, his brain isn’t fully developed to know what he needs. Your mom! Stand your ground.
He is 4 they don’t like rules
But you tell him when he is a big man ( like grandpa or his uncles ) he can do what he wants , but your his mom and that’s not how things work.
Tell the family members if they can’t follow your rules then you will have to limit their time together .
Family is to help and love you both not make your life harder .
Your kids are not suppose to
Be your friends until they are well into being an adult , they have plenty of them be his parent .
First of all, he’s 4! He doesn’t get to say where he wants to live! Unless your an unfit mother and he gets taken from you, You are where he belongs and stays with!
He’s 4, he doesn’t get to decide. That’s the way it work. I hate the Justice system/courts, but there’s a LOT going on here, and you all might benefit from some early intervention before it’s too late. Wishing you the very best .
If you live with your parents then you need your own place.
Regardless of any diagnosis he is still a child and needs rules,stability with fairness from his parent/s
He doesn’t get to make these choices as he is a child.
If your parents interfere then you need to have a discussion with them.
I also suggest you go to some parenting courses and get some help for yourself and your son.
As an adhd mom I feel it my daughter said the same thing to me but to her dad’s she soon changed her mind your son is 4 not old enough to understand anything and is most likely being influenced by the other side ignore it keep doing what you are doing
Yea… You are doing a good job then. You are the parent. Not the friend. And he is 4. He has barely learned to do anything. You are the boss applesauce.
I can’t even believe a 4 year old could make that decision.
Or I guess I can’t wrap my head around a 4yr old even thinking something like that
Be his mom and tell him no, of course he wants to go where it’s always fun/play time and no responsibilities he’s 4… but he doesn’t get to decide those thing for himself you do so you can help shape the person he is going to be when he is older
OMG!! Grow a pair and be an adult. I don’t care if he is 4 or 17.
This is a normal childhood thing, all kids think it will be better elsewhere but in reality would miss you too long to stay away for very long and would want to come home. Everyone else would have to enforce boundaries if the child lived there full time and they would soon see that the grass isn’t greener x
WTH? Who cares what a 4 year old wants?? You don’t get to make decisions for what’s best for you at 4. Geez you have a hard road ahead if this is a real concern. You may want to check into some parental support services.Or therapy to see why you need for your 4 years old to always be ok with the rules
He’s to young to have a say so, and depending on what state you live in grandparents have no right unless your unfit or dead, I’d make him stay with you, if they let him do whatever he wants he will end up getting on the wrong path in life!
Girl please tell him to pick up them toys and go sit down somewhere and be quiet he’s a baby you’re mom he doesn’t have a say in where he wants to live. Assert control over him and make him respect you don’t let him start that
At 4 he doesn’t get to make choices like that all because he doesn’t want to pick up after himself. My children did the same but were a bit older and didn’t need certain medical requirements so i let them go. It killed me but they were not babies at the time. They ended up coming home ofc yeah they figured out no one does it better than mum does
He’s 4. End of sentence. You are his mother, he does not get to choose where he wants to live. If he was 13/16/18 sure. But not 4! Be the good mom you sound like, and tell him no…
He’s 4…he is not capable of making that decision on his own. You are his mama and you have a say until he can understand the situation better and know what he REALLY wants.
please understand a 4 year old has no clue what is best and is usually repeating behavior they are seeing first hand.
You have all the power to change that and take control. Why aren’t you? He’s 4 not 16. Take him home and take care of him.
That’s awfully young for even thinking something like that! It seems that your bond with that child is very weak, and in desperate need of repair. You should work with the child and strengthen that bond before it’s too late!
My 2 children told me the same thing at the same age… 12 yrs later and they are still telling me … but here we are all still living together and loving one another. Please get used to hearing this, it is normal childhood development and boundary testing. Just about every mother hears this on many occasions. Please don’t get yourself wound up or break your own heart over what sounds like a little boy who is just pissed off he can’t rule the house his way. Big hugs
You shouldn’t need no advice on this. He’s 4 the answer is no.Your the mom and need to act like it your the one should be making the decision not your 4 year old. To be honest I can’t believe you even posted this needing advice because 4 year old doesn’t.
Omg hes 4, he has no choice far out person.
He is too young to know what is best for him. You are the grown up and his Mum. You are the one who makes him brush his teeth, eat what is good for him and go to bed at the right time. When he visits his grand parents they spoil him. They are more fun than you because he doesn’t understand that he gets special treatment from them because he is only with them for a short time. Don’t take it personally. At that age my daughter wanted to live with her favourite cartoon character because Mummy wouldn’t let her eat sweets instead of breakfast. She also has ADHD along with autism, but was never on meds. I have no doubt you are doing a great job. You must remember at that age you cannot be his buddy and do what he wants. You have to be his Mum and make decisions for him because he is too young to make them for himself, which is exactly what you are doing. When he is older he will thank you for it.
Wait until he says he hates you…that’ll break your heart.
He doesn’t get what he wants just to get out learning responsibilities. Esp when they don’t have space for him. So t give in to a child at 4yo this will start a dangerous road for kiddo.
He’s 4, you are his mother. He’s not the boss. Be his mother not his friend. Do what’s right and just say no!
He is just a baby where did he even get the idea of living with someone else and why does he think it’s an option… I think he has been asked if seeds have planted in his little brain… rules are dumb for any kids but that’s life. Show him THATS LIFE mama. Dont doubt yourself, u are what’s best for him, rules and all.
He’s 4 lmao he doesn’t get to make these decisions.
At 4? Lady hour tripping worh odd and adhd …. Your kid is high like all the time… wanna know how ik I was one of those
I can’t believe you are even thinking about it he is a child, that’s why parents make the decision not them , grandparents always spoil them that’s why he wants to go there
Whos the mom here…hes4 not 40 not tryn b rude but talk to him explain the situation to him ,again ur the mom wish u luck!!
I know you don’t want my opinion!!!
He’s 4.5 yrs? When did it become ok for them to make big life decisions such as where they live??
I dont think this post is real.
You don’t get to choose that at 41/2 years old
And like you said no rules etc will be why he wants to
That’s not a reason
Hopefully they are on board explaining this to him
He’s 4. Not his choice on where he wants to go or if he wants to do chores or not tbh. Put your foot down and reenforce your rules. If kid doesn’t want to follow the rules then I would take away overnight stays anywhere. I would straight tell him, I love you and you have rules for a reason. They keep you safe and teach you life skills you will need later. I know you want to have more fun, everyone does, BUT everyone also have their own chores and responsibilities too. I know you want to be a big kid BUT to be a big kid you have to earn overnights, earn fun, and to do that rules are to be followed and chores done.
If you’re actually considering bowing down to a four year olds wishes maybe he is better off there tbh
He’s 4. He’s just upset that you have rules. I think you’re over thinking this. Sending hugs mama!!
You lost me when you say “ 4 years in a half” … you are overreacting… my son is 5 and once in a while he tells me he wants to live with grandma because she gives him ice cream all the time…. Or sometimes when he is upset he tells me he is going to leave and live in the streets bc he doesn’t want to eat dinner but candy instead Honestly I think you are being too dramatic… my son believes he is spiderman , and not because of that I am going to be worried… you are being really dramatic over nothing. And also, I think for an almost 5 years old to be in meds… I don’t know. I don’t think is right… but … it’s your son.
When mine were 4, they wanted to jump out of a plane but we said no cause yanno, they’re 4
He’s 4 he doesn’t understand mamma don’t take it to heart all kids say that at some point when their young to be at the place they have no chores, it sounds bad but at 4 he doesn’t understand so he doesn’t get a choice not to mention it’s a TERRIBLE decision to have him on med that YOUNG girl he’s a baby at that are you serious? Don’t wanna be the one to say it but shame on you honestly, there are only 2 meds approved by the FDA for add that AREN’T a narcotic/ controlled substance I literally had this EXACT conversation with my 11 almost 12 year olds doctor YESTERDAY and i obviously chose the non narcotic, you need parenting classes
My 7 year old talks me that all the time for the exact same reason
Ummmlol hes way to young to be having a say in that. They can’t decide till their like 15.
Woah woah so many things I like want to say about all this, (especially him already being on meds at that young) but I don’t want to be judgey.
So I guess I’ll only comment on the fact that he’s 4. A 4 year old is not capable of making those kinds of huge, emotionally involved decisions.
He may be saying that, but you always have to do right by your baby. And if he’ll get better care with you full time, he needs to stay with you.
When he’s older, he can choose where he wants to live. A child that young is not capable of making a well informed decision as big as this.
Your 4.5 year old being on meds for ODD and ADHD is the first thought to consider in this equation; his brain is developing and subjugating it to man made medications will alter its growth and development. The next thought is, you can’t let your kids hurt your feelings or parenthood is going to be a long road. If he wants to spend time with grandparents- let him, they won’t be around forever and time is a limited gift. But just because he wants to spend time does not mean he has to live there. You are the parent and you make the rules. Teaching him that concept now will save you strife later on in your lives. I say these things out of love and support as a fellow parent, not out of judgement or condemnation. (I say that because tones are hard to tell online) I wish you the best of luck
Why is he on meds at 4? My son has adhd and ASD and he’s 9 and still no meds - I don’t want to be judgey but that’s awfully young for such strong medications with so many side effects?
Also, at 4 they don’t have a clue what’s best for them, you have to be the adult and be strong and just say no.
My 6yo daughter changes her mind on the regular about who she wants to live with, it changes with the weather as we say I just say tough titties you live here
You are his parent and his primary care giver. At 4 years old he is nowhere near capable of making those sorts of decisions. What you says goes - end of story
You said your so lives with you ? ODD is usually connected to lack of parenting skills. Your putting all the blame on everyone and shouldn’t be. Maybe he’d be better off in the other home while taking a parenting course
Girl bye…don’t be a pushover and stand firm or that child will run you the rest of your life.
Just laugh when he says that and distract him from the subject…the more you buy into it…the more he learns to manipulate. I doubt it has anything to do with his diagnoses. Keep a steady ship , no negotiation.
He’s on meds at 4? I carnt see it being for adhd because there is a 6 year old rule I believe… However if u have custody they carnt just take him… So say listen to me boyo ur not going no where and if ya dunt tidy ya room u won’t be going visiting anyone
4 year olds don’t get to make those decisions. He comes home and he has to sleep for his health, go to his appts etc.
He is four. I will never say keep a child from having a healthy relationship with dad and extended family as long as its safe and he’s cared for, but he doesn’t decide where he lives unless there is abuse in one of his homes. If I let my kids decide where they lived when they were 4 I would be visiting one in the primate exhibit at the zoo, one at Walmart and one on the park swings.
Um, he’s 4? Don’t let him have control? There’s a reason why judges don’t appoint custody based solely on the thoughts of a 4 year old. When my kids were 4, they wanted to run away to the North Pole to live with Santa so they didn’t have to go to school and could eat cookies instead of broccoli. Focus on being his parent and not his friend. If I hear my kids say “I HATE it here!” “You suck, MOM!” Or, my favorite, “But when we’re at Dads house…!!” - I know I’m doing my job properly. Rules. Consistency. Boundaries. If going over to his grandparents house is causing issues with your boundaries, control the situation and don’t let him back over there.
4 year olds don’t get to decide where they live.
He’s literally 4 years old seriously
Year old know anyway.Who is the parent here you or your family. If you dont start giving them responsibility and rules thier lives are going to be in Chaos
Is he staying there now? I’m not sure I understand what you are saying. If you 4.5 lives with you and is saying, I want to live with my dad. You can say, on weekends and vacations. If he is already at dads, why? Also, just because he lives somewhere else doesn’t mean you’re giving up rights. Make those doctors appointments and put your big girl panties on and co parent.
Umm he’s 4 at 4 my son wanted to go live with Spiderman lol. He’s a baby he can’t make that decision
Be the parent and tell um suck it up buttercup my children will not leave my house till they are 18 if you do not put your foot down now you will have an even harder time when the kids older
Correct me is I’m wrong but he’s FOUR! Pretty sure YOU are suppose to be the mom and parent. Maybe he should be there if you think a 4 year old is who makes decisions?
He can’t decide where to live till he is 13-16 years old and even then, it’s up for a judge to decide what’s actually best for the child.
You’re kidding me right
Don’t take offense by it. You raise him right. When￼ he needs a break then he can go visit. Sorry little one, you are not moving anywhere. I suggest you get over it. Show t￼he little guy a-little more love. Try to have some fun with him too. But him moving is out of the question,
He’s a 4 years old who probably repeating word he’s heard he doesn’t even understand what he’s saying…try having your 13 years old say it…and then actually do it or try having them tell you they hate you and wish you were dead…
My now 6 year old decided at the start of the year that he did not want to move house with me and my partner and that he would rather stay with his dad. Him living with his dad lasted 3 weeks, in those 3 weeks I seen him on weekends. His behaviour changed drastically at school and his teachers said he became a child they hadn’t seen before, behavioural issues and outbursts of anger. He is now living with us full-time. Although I feel awful for letting him live with his dad and letting him have that choice it was the best option for us at the time due to the behaviours at home and the anger outbursts that weren’t safe for my newborn.
Now when his angry he will tell me he hates me and that he wants to go back and live with his dad but I tell him he doesn’t have that choice anymore because we did it once and at the end of the day he really wanted to be living with me. This was all over him having rules at my house, having to pick up after himself, having a bed time, and when my daughter was born it was due to him not having as much attention as he did as an only child.
Kids say that to get out of cleaning up toys. Show no emotion when he says it because if you give it attention it will reinforce the behavior.
You can’t take it personally…he’s just mad…kids always wanna stay where they can get away with the most, not necessarily where is best for them…they’re kids and they’re ignorant
Come on be the parent… the child needs a parent not a best friend.
He is only 4. It isn’t his choice to live there with these other people. You and the father are not together? Get a custody and visitation order immediately. A 4 year old doesn’t decide to move because he doesn’t want to pick up his toys.
A 4 year old on meds? That’s a fat no right there in my opinion. All kids want to go where they have less rules this really shouldn’t bother you.
I don’t even know where to start . So I’m gonna shut up and read the comments coz wow
Umm… unless there’s legal affairs/complexities involved in this, I’m not sure at 4 you can decide such a big, permanent decision.
As a genx parent and grandparent you don’t want my tough love advice I promise u that… I’ll just say I was a single mom to 2 kids. My kids never got in trouble. They graduated. They respected me. They had rules and chores. If all that was followed there was fun to be had. There was always love. I was their friend’s favorite mom and my house was their favorite hangout. But there were rules. Their parents would say to me how do u get him to help ur son w lawn work if he spends the weekend? He won’t do at home!! And I’d say. Cause if they don’t follow the rules and help out a little they can’t stay. If they do then we’re gonna have fun playing board games, video games, watching movies, cooking, fishing, camping, hiking, going to fairs, parks, road trips. As long as they behave and don’t act a fool we’re gonna laugh and have a great time. You can have rules and show tough love without being a bully or being mean. Ps my son was ADD and bipolar on meds my daughter ADHD on meds so I get it
All kids say that
When both my kids(adults now)
Were always saying that
I wouldn’t worry about it
If your son don’t like Kindergarten next year will you allow him to quit school??
If your son don’t like brushing his teeth will you let him quit brushing his teeth??
You are his mother and you will be making all his choices in life until he is 17/18 then he can start making his own decisions. Both you and your son need family Therapy to work through this together. I am a mom of a 30 year old daughter who is an RN and a 22 year old son who is Active Duty in the Army, currently deployed. My kids didn’t always like me in the teen years but I had to be their mom, now that my kids are grown and have successful careers we are best of friends and they choose to spend time with mom & dad.Growing up they had NO choice!!
PS Therapy is very helpful, I had to get Therapy when my daughter moved out the house at 22 years old because I was lost without her. I also had to seek Therapy when my son joined the Army right after HS Graduation at 17 years old, my life always revolved around my kids and work so I was lost in life because there were no more practices, games or competitions. The last few years I have learned how to focus on myself and how to enjoy life again with my husband.
How can you even consider that… I wouldn’t give 2 fs as to what he wants. He’s your kid your the parent…What’s wrong with you
Umm, what?!!! I honestly think some of these posts aren’t real at all
Is this real? This can’t be real….
Honestly!!! How are there people on here reacting with a laughing emoji!!! Seriously to each one of you who has done that, you are vile! This is a worrying situation for a mum who is clearly upset as it involves her CHILD . Some people seriously need to grow the f*#k up!!!
He’s 4… he doesn’t get to make that decision… sure it sucks that he said that. I’m sure that hurt your feelings. My 4 yr old has told me he’s gna run away to his grandma’s house (literally a block away )because I told him we had to do chores and schoolwork before he could play outside. Mine is very literal and likes to know the “why” of everything… so I explained that yes, I understand that cleaning up isn’t super fun and sometimes mom doesn’t want to do it either but it’s part of being a family and part of him becoming a big boy. Plus, if we work together we can get it done faster. (So there’s a lesson in responsibility and teamwork)
One hour with a stupid child… he’d be fixed!
He is way to young, to make that choice, of where he’s gonna live. You keep him…your showing him structure and how to be a respectful child, he will some day respect and appreciate that, from you!! And he will have a higher chance of being a respectful/responsible adult
Too young to make decisions. Sit with him and explain why he has rules and why he has to clean up. It may help. My 3½ yr old cleans up with no fight now because we sat him down and explained why he needed to keep his room clean. He understood and now always cleans his room. From their point of view, its not fun. So you make it fun. You explain. You are the parent
Lady he is 4! Your raising him right! Don’t ever doubt yourself. You got this.
When my child was 4, they wanted to ride the dog like a horse and paint my walls with chocolate syrup.
You stay being the best mom you are and keep consistency and love in your home. Kids are always going to want to do the fun things and not the important things they may think are “boring”…that’s where your love, foundation and consistency will shine and I promise as they get older, they realize who will be there for them and who’s only around for a good time.
Tell him that he is staying with you and that he will learn manners, responsibilities and respect. Add that you love him and understand how he feels, but that he’s too young to make life decisions. End of discussion.