Change it. There should be no negative feelings when it comes to your daughter. The reminder of your friend is not worth it. The change will be easy, so why not?
Change it, she wont even remember
After reading some of these responses I remember why I don’t ask questions on here some of them were just down right mean and heartless. I’m sorry your best friend turned out to be someone you couldn’t vent to that has to be the worst feeling in the world. As for your daughters name I wouldn’t change it just tell her you saw in somewhere and liked it unless it really makes you upset to hear it. A rose by any other name is still a rose
Put the friendship (or lack thereof) aside for a minute. Do you like the name? I assume you wouldn’t have chosen it as your daughter’s middle name if you hated the name. So if you like it why not just say that you knew someone by that name (a friend at the time if you feel the need to say more) and you liked the name so decided to use it as her middle name. And leave it at that. I think that’s much easier than going through a name change and having to explain that .
Change it, your baby is less than a year old it’s not like she knows what her middle name is right now. I’m sorry you lost a good friend like that.
It’s a middle name, it’s not like her first or last name that she uses daily so it wouldn’t make a huge difference if you changed it. But I’d definitely take this as a learning experience.
I would keep the name and just let her no the main reasons y u gve it to her n the first place because of the kind of friend she was to u from the beginning n mayb wen she gets older if u decide to explain the whole entire story to her then dats ur choice…best of luck to u…hang in there because postpartum is tough keep ur head up n no your not alone many of us moms hve gone through it…ill b praying for u…
You named her when you had god times with your ex friend and that’s how you should remember it not because of bad times know
You have every right to be hurt by the response you got from your “best” friend. No real friend will ever say those things to someone they proclaim to care about. For the sake of giving pple the benefit of doubt, I hope that she herself was in a really bad place and struggling…in order to have uttered such insensitive things. But even then, she should have gained perspective at some point since this happened, realized how hurtful she was…and come back to apologize and perhaps communicate that she herself was down in the dumbs.
All in all, your feelings are valid.
About changing the name, it really depends. If i trully gave my daughter that name specifically because it belonged to my best friend and I wanted to honor and solidify our friendship, and that relationship fell through, especially in a way that hurt and betrayed me, then yes I would change it. If I originally liked the name and my then best friend happened to have it(which was the cherry on top) then I would keep it. ultimately its what you feel comfortable with. You definitely don’t want to be cringing everytime you see/say your little girl’s name though! No, that won’t do. So either redefine the name for both you and your baby, or get rid of it.
Good luck and stay strong.
Just change it you’ll feel better!
I would not change the name. What if you and she reconnect? You liked the name enough to share it with your daughter. Use it as an opportunity to teach her the following poem…your friend was there for a season of your life and you appreciate her for those times. However, not everyone is destined to be there for a lifetime. She was named for the light that person brought you and explain how your daughters light shines too. I harbored similar feelings with friends and one of my besties sends me this poem when I reflect on friends who have left my life. I hope it helps.
If you have the money to change it, then change it. Ultimately the choice is yours and pick something you’re gonna love and you’re gonna love calling her. There’s not a day that goes by that I have any regrets about my daughters name I love calling her by her first and middle name all the time because I think it’s absolutely a treasure if that’s not how you feel about her current name then do what makes you feel good. I honestly wish I knew who you were because I went through the same with my daughter by the time she was four months old being so sick and almost losing her thinking I had postpartum as well and talking to a doctor realizing it wasn’t really postpartum it was just a hard start to first motherhood and the doctor explained me that we all go threw something. Mine was super sick almost lost her at 4 months old I seriously was so sad all the time I thought I made a mistake having a baby. Well 3 years later and I’m fine, she is fine, and life is good. So don’t let this ex friend or postpartum bring you down.
Dude, this is your PPD talking.
Do what you want, because no one gives a shit about middle names anyway, but you’ll get over it and then it wont matter.
And when she asks, which she wont because she wont care about her middle name, you can say it’s a friend you had.
You dont need to make it dramatic.
Even the people we believe will be permanent sometimes turn out to be seasonal. It’s sad, and a friendship split is sometimes more impactful than a romantic split. Buttttt. If I were this mama, I’d do some reflecting on WHY I feel so negative about the connotation of the name. It’s obvious that it is a hurtful situation, but to give power to that feeling (and this much power) is to make yourself absolutely consumed by that negative energy.
Facts of life: Things end. People leave. Everything changes. Constantly. You cannot effectively guard yourself from those things, or barricade your feelings safely away, without sacrificing true bonds.
The best thing you can do for yourself in this situation is work on a better version of yourself who, someday in the distant future, will be able to hear that name and fondly remember the bond you had with that individual, how special that relationship was to have named your child after her. Strive for that in future friendships, and invest yourself wisely. I promise, the right ones always stay. Always.
Goodness gracious it’s not that serious, I’ve never in my life asked my parents why my middle name is Nicole? This just seems so weird and unnecessary lol
I don’t know anyone who has ever asked their parents why they have their name. At most they’ve asked if it meant something cool like my full first name means “pearl” or something. It’s alot cheaper and less time consuming to just let it be. Changing it means you have to go and make sure its changed on everything else and waiting for a new social security number card and a new card for medical insurance. Just not worth it in the end
You might not be friends now, but I’m sure you’ve still got great memories of a friend from your past… that friend is who she’s named after, not the person she turned into.
Don’t let this woman take up anymore of your time. A name change is an expensive, total pain in the ass. You’re letting her consume more of your time if you go change it.
So one day when you find out your friend was having horrible problems that she didn’t tell you because you were going through so much already, and she was just trying to keep her own head above water, are you going to change the name back? Just change it every few years when the mood hits you? Just leave it. You don’t have to give your daughter any magical story of how her name was chosen.
Do it, she’s only 8 months old.
These are your emotions reacting… and your emotions are all over the place right now… nothing is permanent, probably not even your fallout with your friend. It might not seem like it that way, but it’s true.
I promise you, if it ever does come up, the story will be one you will want to remember. Even if it doesn’t ever seem like it now.
I would keep the middle name as a lesson to you and your daughter. You were a good friend and your so called friend was not. You did things the right way & you can teach the things you’ve learnt in life to your daughter. Sometimes friends come and go/take you for granted. It’s just a name. And anyway you might meet someone lovely by that name in the future!
You really dont need anybody’s OK to do this… I see you’re a progressive thinker wanting no issues for your childs future mental health…and having to explain all the drama that goes with it.
(regardless of some peoples comments on here making assumptions that this is petty and to leave it.)…
CHANGE THE NAME!…
You need to be at peace with this, and u wont have it if you’re constantly reminded.
As for everyones comments…how can u say let it be …blah blah blah…when her ex - grl friend had ABSOLUTELY NO compassion for her as she had. That’s Narscasict behaviour right there. Eliminate crap like that from your life, and move on!!.. Your daughter will be none the wiser, its just a middle name!!
1). I am really sorry that happened. That is horrible. 2). Do you really want the hassle of a name change? It sounds like you have more important things to worry about.
Sorry you are having deal with all that, it’s still very early I don’t think it would be too hard to change it if you really wanted to, depending on the name it could also be altered a little without having to legally change it, (example Mary/Marie/Maria)
Keep the name. Maybe she did have a lot going on. At least she was honest.
You could pass it off as the name of someone you loved and admired. Names doesnt always have a deep meaning behind them. Its ok to keep it vague.
I say change it. Now is the time…
IMO I would change it. I gave my son my SO’s dads first name as a middle name (as it is french tradition) only to find out 2 months after my son was born that my SO’s dad was cheating on my MIL with someone the same age as my SO. I was and am still so disgusted by his actions that I am in the process of having my son’s name changed.
I’ve had a friend who changed her baby’s name even after that long of having it and it didn’t change much or confuse people. If she were a lot older and knew her full name then maybe, but lots of adopted kids get new names even as older children. In my opinion, a name is important and something they will have for their whole life. If you feel like you want to change it, then change it. She will be a citizen of society someday, having to write her full name on legal things and own that name. While she is still a baby is the best time to change it. She doesn’t know her full name yet. I say, go with your gut feelings and do what you deem necessary
I think that when she gets older you’ll link your daughters face with the name instead of your deadbeat friend. Time changes everything. Once they grow up they really do bring their own personality to the name. As far as telling her how you came up with it, the story will get less cringe worthy.
7 years is a really long time I bet full of great memories. My bestfriend of 9 years and I went our separate ways when my son was only a little over a year old, she was his godmother and his auntie. I hate the things she did and the reasons we fell apart but I will still tell my son about her because 9 years is a long time.
Just change it
Save yourself the stress and fuck everyone else
Even if you guys work it out
At least you won’t have to worry about your daughters name and any ties you have with it
Use it as a life lesson when she gets older.
Sounds like you have some growing up to do.
In pa, you have a year to change the name, but you have to go to vital records to do. It.
I’d just leave it. Time will heal the pain you have and when you tell your daughter where the name came from you don’t have to elaborate. Just say she’s named after someone you used to know.
Change it. You have up to one year of age to do it for free
Doesnt matter what goes on now, at the time she was someone you loved and trusted. Keep the name and explain to your daughter that she was named after someone you once knew.
Go for it if it makes you that uncomfortable. OR, explain to her about who the person you loved was & why she got that name. The fact that you did love her didn’t change, and when your daughter is older it’ll be a good lesson on how people change & grow apart, but it doesn’t mean we have to forget the past.
It’s just a middle name, change it so you don’t have to always think about that nasty gal from your past!
Change it now! Its just a middle name so she doesnt answer to it.
Just change it! Shes younger and it’s just a middle name!! You deserve to move on and if you have to change a middle name to get it then I say go for it.
Just Google the meaning n use that as the explanation. My best friend was my daughter’s God mother and we fell apart for no good reason. I know how heartbreaking it can be. It’s nothing to do with you needing to grow up as others commented.
It’s only a name, leave it. Who knows you might be friends again.
I wouldn’t change it. It meant something to you when you named her. Maybe, you’ll mend your relationship and become friends again. Or maybe you can tell your daughter that shes names after someone you truly loved at one point
I’m sorry you’re friend wasn’t there for you. Postpartum is no joke. Anyone who’s making comments like “grow up” can kick rocks. That shit is TOUGH. And for her to be so dismissive of your struggle is just plain trash. If it will make you happier, change the name. Now is the time.
If your gonna change it change it before shes older, that feeling wont go away
Change it. Nobody will even remember an 8 month olds full name.
My daughter is 10 and never asked about her middle name nor does she care lol don’t stress about it now, things change
She might not even ask about it? What’s the name? If it’s some popular name she’s prob not going to even question it. My daughters middle name is after my Grandmom who I loved with everything and she hates her middle name but oh well, she can change it when she turns 18. You’re obsessing over something that probably won’t even be an issue unless she decides to go by her middle name or something but that’s HER name it’s not like you’re calling your friend you’re calling your DAUGHTER. Good luck.
Sometimes friends are only friends when you benefit or are doing something for them. Not a nice part of life, but it does happen. As far as her name tell her at the time you had a good friend and wanted to honor her naming your daughter after her, things changed and friends changed. My daughter is named after two friends of mine that I used to be close with now we’re not so close, say hi when we run into each other type now. Never changed my daughter’s name because it’s not just their name it’s hers too and that’s ok.
I named my oldest daughter after my sis 25 years ago anf my sis hasnt spoke to me in 15 years I thought of changing it but I never did My kid knows how my sister hurt me and lives every day to be better than all that
Lessons and blessings
My middle name has no meaning… but if my mom said I named you after a close friend who ended up being a complete two faced bitch… It would be a little tainted for me lol. Either change it or disassociate it with this former friend.
Sounds like you need to grow up
I feel like if it really bothers you that much you should change it. Your daughter is very young so it won’t have an effect on her and everyone around her will have plenty of time to adjust before she could really know what’s going on. I’m sorry about your friend not really being a friend. I definitely know how that goes. I wish you and your baby girl the best!
I would just change it.
It’s terrible, and we all need someone, but we can’t expect others to love the way that we do, or care the way that we did. There is a real possibility that she did have too much on her plate, as a single mom. The fact that you bring up calling her and buying her things seems as though you felt that she owed you her undivided attention in return for your help and concern. It’s quite different when you have children and when you don’t or being a single parent vs. a partnered parent. Friends do what they can for each other, and sometimes they are overwhelmed and can’t be what we want them to be when we need them.
I too wanna change my daughters middle name … she’s 5 and already knows it though. Kinda same situation… I would change it only cost 160$ in Ga but What’s done is done
I think your maybe being a little over dramatic or still experiencing ppd. Sounds like your friend had a lot on her plate and couldn’t take anymore and maybe you shouldn’t blame her and let it ruin your relationship. In any case it’s just a name, if the kid asks why she’s named that way you can just say you used to have a friend with the same name, you don’t have to elaborate. Or you could make something up, some people aren’t named after anybody. It’s not really a problem
Or you could do whatever you want since it’s your daughter’s name and not our place to judge. If it bothers you that much change it and forget about it and her. She was only your friend when she needed you. That’s not a true friend. Good luck!
If you are going to change it … so it now before she gets any older
If it bothers you…do it.
Middle name? I’d change it if it really bothered you but I don’t think it’s necessary
Why did you name her after your friend?
Change her middle name, not a big deal at all
My daughters name got changed when she was 2. I was young and seriously medicated and her middle name was named after her aunt. I didnt like it. It didnt sound or look right so I changed it
Change it…then voila…lifes next problems gonna come at ya💃
If you’re going to change it do it now while she’s still under a year it will be harder to amend her name as she gets older. Do what’s best for you.
My 2 year old has his step dads middle name. I regret that as we are divorcing and it’s not his biological child. Now he wants nothing to do with him and it makes me sad. I will be changing . Do it while she’s young and doesn’t know her name really
It’s just a middle name. It’d be different if you were changing her first name. She won’t know her middle name anyways til she gets a little older anyways.
Think on it for a couple of days. She’s still young so a week of thinking it over won’t hurt. If you still feel that way in a week, then change it. It’s your baby. You shouldn’t have to cringe at your daughters name because of bad memories. You got this love. Just do what you think is best
Just keep the name. Emotions are high and you’re having ppd. Focus on your ppd and not the name of your daughter. 7 years of friendship is basically like a family already so just think of all the good memories y’all shared instead of the bad. Your friend is going through a lot of things too like she said… All relationships needs space. Time will heal everything.
Change it. Do it quickly
If you’re serious about changing it… do it now before she starts school.
I changed my children’s last name to my last name and it was worth every cent.
Petition the court to do a legal name change for a minor.
If this is your biggest problem you are very lucky- let go of your hurt and anger- enjoy your daughter- do what you want to
I’ve known my bff for 20 yrs. I never thought to name my children after her. Our son’s middle name is after my brother in law. My husband & his brother aren’t close anymore but we have no regrets.
I named my eldest daughter with a matching middle name to my 26 years older than me adopted sister.
After I’d had my second child whom I also gave the same middle name in honor of that same sisters deceased son, I was kicked out and excommunicated from my adoptive family with that same sister I’d honored twice telling me she hoped I had my son the same way that she buried her son, alone. Along with an added insult of saying I should have been left to die as a child. So I get that feeling. But in truth, I don’t plan on telling my kids much about their names besides that I named them after people in the bible that I felt showed the best and worst qualities humans are capable of. Noah, for his belief and perseverance in the face of peer pressure and abuse. Sebastian for the strength of character and royal bearing.
Willow for a tree that thought by many to be a sign of sadness that I see as a lasting sign of beauty, temperance and tranquility.
I choose names for what I hope my children might find in life. Peace, happiness, temperance and strength of spirit.
Since me, myself was named by a Mothet who was so lazy she glanced over at the make of my baby furniture and named me after it, I take it more than seriously with what I name my kids.
They deserve the thought, and the depth of knowing how much their names have meant to me.
I’ll carry their names in my heart long after it stops beating.
My ex bullied his new girlfriend into naming their baby after him (I always refused). After he passed away, the first thing she did was change his name. The baby was 1. I supported her fully. (He was not a good person). The kid won’t remember her birth name. It’s not even her full name. Change it if it makes you feel better
Take some more time to really think it over, it’s only her middle name but if it really makes you that uncomfortable then you go ahead and change it. She’s young enough that she won’t remember anyways, do whatever you feel you need to
Don’t worry about the opinion of others if you feel like you should do it you have a valid reason it’s going to be her name for ever you have every right too do so !!
Middle names are rarely used, just remove it asap
Why would it be confusing to others?
Unless it’s written on a school enrolment form or her license, no one would know it unless someone asked.
Just change it.
Have you got a favourite grandmother or Aunt’s name you like as a name sake? or your own as you wrote
Being a middle name and baby not knowing it yet, now is perfect time to change it
She’s a baby. She’ll never know the difference. Middle name is no big deal to change.
If it was her first name I think it may confuse people, but a middle name, I say change it
Change her name!
It’s funny how the girls that say (grow up )are the ones that needs to grow up!
Childish. Grow up. My daughter has my childhood best friends middle name as hers. We are no longer friends but wanting to change it is petty AF
Just leave it alone.
Why are people being so horrible here? You supported her and she didn’t back. It wouldn’t have taken a lot for your friend to have some words of wisdom or compassion even if she did have a lot on as a single mum. Being kind and understanding doesn’t cost anything. If you feel you have to change it, that’s your choice.
Kind of petty, but it’s your choice. You’ll still have to explain it to her one day, so you’re not escaping anything.
A real friend would of been there for you, just like you were there for her. Postpartum is no joke plus having a very sick baby. That’s a lot of stress to deal with.
Screw her and these people telling you to grow up … change the name if you want, I would. No need to have fake people in our lives
I wouldn’t change her name. Who knows your friend could come to her senses and apologize! And or this could be a good story with moral or meaning to tell your daughter later in life…
When I decided to leave my oldest son’s (sperm donor) he was 1 I hated that his middle name was his sperm donor’s first name. Everytime I called him I would spell out his first name so I didn’t have to say his middle too. I did everything in my power to make that stand up dude be apart of his life but he would never come around or do anything. When he was about 3 or 4 I went to court to change his middle and last name, it was a process and cost a good penny but worth it. He went from james paul Morley to james Holden weitz. Then in 2019 after I married the love of my life in 2017 he asked my husband to adopt him and it was awesome.
Oh I completely understand, my friend of 30 years did the same thing to me. She felt her life problems were way more important, and I always helped and guided her, even helped save her marriage, more than once. And when I needed the advice etc . She told me to suck it up. So I told her to go to hell. Change your baby’s middle name. Even if you end up talking again, itc wont be the same.
Change it…yo “friend” was a shitty person. But do remember, ppl don’t treat u with the same loyalty and consideration.
My middle name comes from one of my mums friends, their no longer friends and there’s no issue here.
If you want to change it I see no harm in doing so
Leave it hon. Take the high road with grace and dignity.
You can say you named her after an old friend.