How to potty train a girl?

So my 3 yr old daughter is basically fully potty trained. She is in underwear all day and has no accidents with pee! But for some reason she REFUSES to poop on the potty. She will immediately tell me if she pooped and take her underwear off.
She also FREAKS out when it’s time to be wiped. It’s like an exorcism.
Why is she so against pooping in the potty? What can I do different?
I have done time outs taking toy away e.t.c she is unphased by consequences of doing it.


Could try making her clean her own underwear. I know it sounds gross but for some kids potty training that’s what helps. It’s because they don’t want to clean those out again and they start going in the toilet. Make sure she is completely away when flushing. Could be backsplash. My girls I had to say by by poopy, kinda made it a game. Worked great.


Try using positive reinforcement. Instead of taking things away for not doing it, give her things for doing it. Could be as little as sticker chart or big as toys. I would not use candy tho


Maybe she has an infection? Emmy little girl got one when learning to wipe properly and it makes them panic when getting cleaned up because it hurts. See a dr

Pooping can sometimes take longer than learning to pee in the potty. Just have patience and work with her. Don’t punish her for an accident. Instead have her clean her underwear and try positive reinforcement instead


Had the same issue w/ my 5th who’s now 13! Trust me it just takes time they will do it when they are ready

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DO NOT make her clean her own underwear. That is messed up. I had to do that at that age. Clean my own underwear in the toilet. It’s freaking disgusting to do that to your child and it’s traumatizing to them.


Kids always potty train in stages. They learn first to pee in the potty then to poop. :slight_smile:

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I had the same exact problem with my son. It was so frustrating! One day though, out of the blue, he surprised me by secretly pooping in the potty and running out to tell me to come look! He never pooped in diapers again. I think maybe your daughter just isn’t ready yet. Give it some time, and always throw in little comments about how cool it is to poop on the potty. She will get there!


Make a potty poop chart, everytime she poops give a sticker for her to put on the chart.

Next time she poops her pants help her clean it up. You will have to force her hands and she will get messy, but it’s a good way to put the true consequence in her head. I had a little boy I took care of when I was dating his father he was 4 and had the same issue next time he pooped his pants I had him shake the poop out in the toilet then use his hands to rub the poop out enough for the washer in the sink I held his hands to scrub then we afterwards we sanitized the sink and washed our hands it was really effective


I did a small bag of dollar store toys on a hook in the bathroom and gave them as a reward. Try to not make a big deal of it. It was when I stopped trying so hard that the little ones just came around on their own…

Potty trainibg should NEVER be about punishment. Your punishing her for something that is natural she cant help and everyone does… Dont focus on the mistakes only the accomplishments. Thats what Your doing wrong. Shes expecting it to be something to worry about.


Some kids are actually like…afraid of their own poop. Like they don’t understand what it is, and they’ve never really seen it before, so it kind of freaks some kids out. Lol
Never ever punish with potty training!

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My 3 yr old was the same way. She’s been potty trained since she was pretty much 2 but refused to poop in her potty. She would hold it and ask for a diaper and we would give in. Until one day i said no more. She would have to poop and will hold it for 2-3 days until she couldnt. She would throw a fit and I would just try to calm her down and hold her hands as she went. I would tell her if she poops in her potty we can go shopping for a surprise. And that did it - it encouraged her everytime and we had to take her shopping until she grew out of that phase and now goes on her own without any trouble. She is fully potty trained all day and night! Try encouraging your daughter, not by disciplining her.

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Have you looked into Sensory Processing Disorder? This is one of the main symptoms.

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NEVER punish when it come to potty training.
My daughter wore panties and would have accidents, and every time I would clean it up. Throw out her panties and explain that it’s ok. Accidents happen, just try to let mom know before hand. After a week of positive encouragement she just took herself to the bathroom to poop.
If you punish them they will revert and not go forward. You could be the reason she isn’t.

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Oh the joys of potty training. Sometimes kids see poop as a part of themself. You are getting rid of something that belongs to them. Maybe try having her wipe herself, with help, and be patient. Might try the poop book, think it’s called, “everybody poops.”

Don’t discipline her for not pooping in the potty. Have her help you clean her panties and talk with her about it. Try asking her why she doesn’t want to.

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My daughter used to hold it at that age and I would catch her hiding in the corner. Maybe it hurts her? My daughters bowl were too large…even to this day she will hold her poop for two three days until I had to get her on a steady every day dose of laxatives until they became normal.

Not exactly the same problem, but my grandson was completely trained for pee but kept having poop accidents. My hubby and I were going to California and he really wanted to go with us. With his Mom’s permission, I told him he could go but only if he had no accidents for 14 days. If he had accidents, he could not go to California with us. We made a chart and he put a star for each accident free day. It worked, he went to California with us. And no more accidents

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Sigh… really??? You are punishing a 3 year old for not pooping in the potty? I would like to think this is out of ignorance… I really would. However, since you have posted this, I must assume you have some working knowledge of the internet. With that being said I find it appalling that instead of doing 10 minutes of research and helping your child through this, you instead decide the appropriate thing to do is punish her … I just don’t get it…


Don’t punish her for it !! Does she have issues with constipation? Make her sit on toilet , give rewards

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Just keep working on it she will get it. When she goes poo in her undies show her where it goes and have her sit on the potty for a minute.

Flushable wet wipes maybe for the wiping issue my daughter hated tp at first

Some kids have a fear that a major part of their body is falling in that potty. Make sure that she has the ‘opportunity’ to see you use the potty in that way, what went into the potty, and what you do about it. No, it isn’t comfortable. It is the most likely solution for her to learn it without fear. Make sure she isnt dealing with constipation, skin tears, or little kid sized hemorrhoids whi h may be causing pain.

Let her go with you to the bathroom when you poop. Toddlers are monkey see, monkey do.
Dont punish her tho. It might make her feel like pooping is bad and she’ll hold it or hide it.


My son NEVER wet the bed and had maybe 2 pee accidents but it was like pulling teeth to get him to poop in the toilet. He’d scream and cry “get a diaper! get a diaper! I need to poop” :joy: after refusing to diaper him and him finally using it a cpl times he was totally fine

Never punish during potty training. Always reward. I know it’s hard but ignore it as much as possible. Ask her and if she says know then just keep on doing whatever you’re doing. She will come around eventually.

Each kid is different. One of mine loved Barney. We went and got Barney pants. I told him Barney wouldnt be his friend anymore if he pottied on him. Lol it worked.

My little brother did the same thing until he was 6… my mother told my grandmother and one day while my grand was baby sitting us, he pooped his pants. She made him hand wash his crappy undies out in the bathroom sink… while supervising and saying to him “now if you poop in the toilet you wont have to do this ever again” … he never pooped his pants again. Not the sweetest way, but it got the job done. Sometimes you gotta stop being super nice and be an encouraging hardass. And please dont comment rude things to me about my grand, she has passed on and I will not be kind to disrespectful comments.


Does she freak about being wiped no matter what? (Pee or poop?) Maybe something going on down there? Yeast infection? UTI? Something causing pain when she poops/wipes?

I wouldn’t consider that “basically fully potty trained” at all…

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My mom said when I was little I wouldn’t poop anyplace I peed so she had my pee in the big toilet and poop in the potty chair ( I didn’t like the water/pee splashing up on me.) I still have to flush after I pee and before I poop

My 3 year old is the same! When she has to poop, she puts on her pull up and stands in the bathroom until she is done. She freaked out so bad the last time she pooped on the toilet. Honestly, we encourage her to use the potty when she tells us she has to poop, but this will not last forever. She will eventually go on the potty. I’m not worried about it.

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You’re punishing a child that clearly has a problem with being wiped. Do you use wipes, to or something else? If you’re using wipes, maybe they’re burning her. I’ve personally had that problem. I have a spray bottle with water in it near the toilet. I use it to moisten the tp so it’s smoother. I have Crohn’s disease, so I’m raw a lot. Also, this will allow you to spray her bumm if needed.

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I think punishment is not the right way to go about it…it will most likely make her very much resent going poop on the potty and the process would just take longer… instead offer rewards…it may take time but you can and will get it ! Good luck mom

Make her help clean it up

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My daughter did the same. I had actually 1st trained her at 1 1/2 but she got grossed out when she seen her poop in the potty. That was her reason. Finally when she was 3, (i also had a 2 year old) She would pee in the toilet and find a pamper to poop. Then bring me the wipes to clean her and she would put her underwear back on. One day i hid all the pampers. She begged for one but i refused. It took her a while but she finally couldn’t hold it. My cousin assured her she was gonna be okay and that she didnt have to look at her poop. We all cheered and had a lil celebration for her. Next day my 2 year old no longer needed pampers. She followed in her sister’s foot steps.

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My daughter did the same. She’d inform me she needed a diper. I tried everything. Taking her with me. Finally I just said no diper. It took two days but I’d put her in the bathroom I hung out In there with her. But she’s a privacy person. So I just left her in there she’d come out so I’d take her back in. but eventually she couldn’t hold it any longer after day two. She went. Haven’t had an issue yet. I used tough love on that one.

My aunt starts early like as soon as he could hold his head by himself he was set on the toilet after every nap and before and after bed so he wasn’t afraid of it

Usually boys don’t like pooping.
You cannot punish her for pooping in her underwear. That does not help. If she poops in her underwear clean her up, have her help. And use reminders “next time let’s try to make it to the potty” or “our poop goes in the potty not our underwear” or “awe man we missed the potty we have to try harder next time”
Once I stopped yelling and punishing my kid it was a turn around and was happy to use the potty.

Idk… mine kept thinking I’m get sucked in and go down with the poops. @.@

First thing, dont be so cruel to a child who is learning how to take a shit. smdh.

Maybe stop disciplining for potty habits, at 3 she really has no “control” shes just mimicking behaviors taught to her. & No one deserves to be punished over their bodily functions…

A lot of kids dont poop on the toilet because it hurts, & the toilet can be scary to a little when you have to sit there for a while. Have you tried getting her a child sized potty & put it down for her to poop in. & take her to the bathroom with you when you poop & show her, thats where you go, & this is how you get rid of it.

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Quite a common problem, time for adult toilet! If you tried pooping on a potty you would know the problem :joy:

I think they associate poop as being more as a part of themselves. They have a harder time separating from it.

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Try making a treasure box with $ items/toys. Try and explain to her she’ll get a surprise if she uses the potty. Being rewarding encourages her to use the potty. JS it worked for all three of my kids.

My son who will be 4 in July was the same way. It was the craziest thing, but we were at IHOP for breakfast about 6 months ago and he went in with his dad when his dad had to poop. His dad said he watched from every angle as if he was observing magic… the next day… first time and every time since he has pooped on the toilet. :woman_shrugging: Kids!