How to parent out of control kids?

Okay moms…I need some help. My kids are out of control. They are 4 and 3 years old. My kids wont sleep at night. If we fall asleep or if they wake up during the night they will come into my room and “steal” stuff like remotes, phones, ect… we start putting stuff up when we sleep now but I don’t want to lock my door at night on case they really need me.

Its gotten to the point where I recently lost my job because I couldn’t work due to death in the family and leaving because of my kids. My fiance usually watches them while I work but he has medical reasons why he can’t get stressed out. It wouldn’t be so bad if they would listen.

We’ve tried spankings, we’ve tried time outs, we’ve tried explaining to them and talking through things. Its gotten so bad with them coming in my bedroom and going through/taking things even when were gone and they have another babysitter they will find a way to sneak in my room (even when I lock the door) and take stuff.

It makes me not even want to find another job and without working I can only afford my bills nothing extra like for the holidays coming up.

Does it make me a bad parent if I take this time and try to get them in order rather than spending money doing extra stuff for the holidays that they honestly don’t deserve?

I planned on looking for a part time job so I can have more time at home but at this point I’m just tired and I feel like my children need more structure rather than fun for Halloween/Christmas. I’m torn though because they are only small once and I don’t want to miss out on those memories.

Also I would like to add I have two older kids that have been good all year and I don’t want to take away from them for their siblings behavior.


Agreed… fix this now before you have out of control teens. You could use holiday activities as leverage for better behavior??

If u lock the door how they getting in?..older kids maybe?.
If you’re too calm they can take u for granted and muck up. is this the case? Or is it they’re just out of control with no consistancy and Routine in their lives. Somethings missing from this story/scenario.


Look up the DECCO toddler monitor. Hangs on their door and alerts your phone if the door is opened. Doesn’t lock them in so emergencies aren’t an issue

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Definitely no sugar at night they will be bouncing of the walls on sugar & if they are so charged up a good run at the park in the afternoon should tire them out.

You need to talk to their pediatrian asap. I used to babysit a kid that’s the same way he’s 9 now, there’s hotel locks on all outside doors because he’s tried to steal her car, tried to burn the house down, his mothers woke to him standing over her with a knife, already been to the mental hospital twice. He’s so outta control that he has to be locked in his room when everyone is sleeping for safety. One day he removed the door knob and when he was put back in grabbed the bottom of the door and pulled until it snapped… Your kids need professional help.


Consider what you’re earning money for. Necessities and I mean necessities ONLY. Then put the rest in the bank. Save it for your future. Kids have TOO much of ANYTHING.
When they’re nasty, TUNE out!
YES! Lock everything up. Use padlocks and keys. Get rid of ALL the stuff that is not needed. They want you to celebrate Holidays? Don’t be silly. They just WANT. Go to secure park. Run free. Tell them that’s their treat. Bring a book. Sit on a bench & read. All this togetherness of children & kids is nonsense. They see you as a playmate. Not their parent. At home lock your bedroom door. Minimalise everything in your house. They get at it - throw it in the trash and dare the little brats. Don’t yell! Don’t spank! Just say. Take care of their cleanliness & clothes. Feed them what YOU decide. Keep your word! And yes, damn right all this will make you an awesome mother.
TELL them to pick up their stuff. If they don’t then u do it and chuck it. Never mind if it costs $$. Just don’t buy it again. Don’t give them your phone or IPad. Trust me it’ll work. That’s how my kids were raised. You’d be surprised, I was always their dependable cranky mother I wasn’t their playmate.
Take care

My 4 and almost 2 yr old Have been into EVERYTHING lately. They have dumped about 10 bottles of shampoo/dish soap… all condiments in the fridge, boxes of rice and pasta etc… all my makeup, twice, socks down the toilet, and windexed the whole fking house.
Literally all happened while i peed :rofl::rofl::rofl:
But first time ever i got to pee alone so ill call it a win :sweat_smile:
(And yes all items were well out of reach they knocked down the baby gates pulled up chairs, climbed on the counter and into the cabinet)

Hang in there girl i feel ya. Im ready to have a nervous breakdown most days. But my 4yo starts school next week that should help.
I think its cabin fever, stuck with the same ppl all summer same environment.
Theyre so little still and they just love getting a reaction !
Its just a phase (i tell myself as i sip my cold coffee)


I know it sounds crazy but you must start with yourself how are you parenting them how do you talk to them when you finally are ready to discipline them… at the same time they’re still children so it’s daily they must be guiding and leading them you can’t be lazy and you cannot slack …it’s repeated teachings.
3 year olds don’t usually steal so at this point I would talk to a pediatrician but I would also take a parenting class I’m taking one called positive discipline because kids don’t come with instruction books

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At night put a gate up in their doorway, you can still hear them but they can’t get out. And I agree get them on a schedule! Up at a certain time bed a certain time and planned activities during the day

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I understand you need to work. Maybe you should not go back for a few weeks to get your house in order. From top to bottom. There are some excellent ideas on this post. Your children sound bored out of their minds. It’s fixable. The first change might be the boyfriend? I’m going to look up some of these discipline sites. They sound great. Take back your life and power. Let it start with you! Good luck. :blush:

They wont even realize if they get nothing for christmas. There young. Get them checked out by there doctor. R they both in the same room put 1 in bed with u to sleep

They sound like normal 3 and 4 year olds. Maybe talk to your pediatrician about ruling anything more serious out…but sounds like you just need to pick a punishment and stick with when they misbehave.


You have good toddlers if this is your worst complaint.
Ages 3 and 4 come on lol.


You need to take control of your life. Change their diet. No sugar, sodas etc.

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Kids get into things. Expecialy at that age. I wouldnt say its because they are misbehaving. Just put things away. Make sure the kids stay in bed.

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Put baby locks on doors and lock you room


Maybe take the time now to work with them. And in a month or two, get a part time job, and save that money for a few Christmas gifts for them. Few toys & things they need anyway (clothes, books, shoes, ect.) Like everyone else is saying, they are toddlers. They shouldnt be punished with no toys. I understand completely that if you don’t work there will be no gifts but I would work for a little bit for some extra money to get them a little something.

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For the sleeping portion Walmart has melatonin gummies I give them to my kids they’ll be out in an hour it’s a natural thing your body produces so it wont harn them or anything it’s in the vitamin section they’ll be out all night I promise

Have you tried gentle parenting? This group is a great resource for learning how.

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Are they getting to play outside at all? Playing outside does a lot for kids. Including getting them tired so they sleep at night.


They are wanting attention. Ignore them doing bad behavior and start giving them positive attention.


Maybe start a positive chart. Have a goal, like a toy or candy they like. For every night they don’t get up and take things to get or to grab stuff they get to put a sticker on to reach their goal. It has worked for my kids. My daughters are 5 and 6 and still get up to ask for drinks or to snuggle. It takes a bit to get them sleep trained. It will get better as they get a little older.

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Sounds like kids controlling u.Not u controlling kids.Sound a little A.D.D.Maybe get them checked just a thought.


How, without working, are you able to afford your bills? :thinking:
Oh, and dont put them on meds. Thinhs will get better just put your foot down…with them and your fiance. He sounds about as helpful as a box of rocks…doesnt work and cant watch the kids cause he cant be too stressed smh…i hope he has good D to relieve some of your stress at least


It sounds to me your children are seeking attention. Also a 3 and four-year-old does not know how to “steal”! You are making this out like they’re teenagers talking about taking away holidays they don’t even understand that. And how would they get into your room with the door locked I don’t understand that either? Stop putting so much bad negative energy onto your children and try to be more positive and maybe positive things would happen. Do you know how many people that has lost their children that would die to be in your situation!


My mom always said the terrible twos, tiresome threes and fuckin fours :joy::joy:

Get your kids under control. At the age they are it is your fault that they are the way they are. It seems as though you in the past you have not really put a parental effort into it. Stop trying to be the nice guy and deal with the problem. YOU ARE A PARENT, NOT A FRIEND IN THIS SITUATION.

Sounds like a lot of excuses to not work. Go to work sis

Go buy a locking door for your bedroom with a key.

Put a damn lock on your door, high up where they can’t reach it so when you leave them with a sitter, they can’t get in your room. And I don’t really understand when you say they’re stealing stuff. Are they taking your stuff and selling it for crack? No. They’re not ‘stealing’, they’re being kids - be an adult put your shit up. Christ! How do people function??

It would be worth it to talk to the doctor. They may not be able to control themselves. It wouldn’t hurt. It may benefit you and the kids.

Melatonin gummies for kids… I give my son them when he is restless and wanna be up til 3 im the am… It works like a charm

So does your fiance work? If he can’t handle being the stay at home parent, he needs to go to work.


If the kids are getting up in the middle of the night stop putting them in bed early. Tire them out, and put them to bed later. They might sleep in. Get a job working from home if you want to be a stay at home Mother. I definitely would never skip the holidays. Shop at your local church thrift store, or goodwill. The kids need a childhood no matter what. :heart: Have you ever thought about getting them a T.V. in their room. I don’t limit educational cartoons. They learn so much from them. I let Daniel Tiger play all day everyday. It doesn’t stop her from playing. She flutters around playing while it is playing. She is learning as she is playing. A couple of other educational shows I love is Barney, and the new Cat in the Hat They all teach during every episode. :slight_smile: :purple_heart: Educational tablets are good as well. My daughter has one without WiFi. It has games already downloaded on it. :blush:

Maybe a gate for them at night with opening on your side and then during the day move to your bedroom so they can’t go in there. My son at 3 was out of hand so I put him in a daycare center where he had to follow rules and I consulted with them so I maintained the same at home. Single Mom and I had to work. Back then we didn’t have all the gadgets you have now. The only thing he did in my bedroom was try to wear my shoes!! LOL. It was his temper tantrums.

Dollar store for Halloween A mask or those color things for the face. Salvation Army search for ideas for your kids. Sacks or basket work for candy. Christmas Thrift stores, Salvation Army They get allot of donations and won’t cost much. Tree and unbreakable ornaments let them decorate you can arrange later. As kids we loved that. I will say a spank on the butt is not corporal punishment but has to happen at the time cause they forget. Your older kids maybe could get to them if 3 and 4 year olds respect them?