I would have him tested for adhd and autism and behavioral problems my son was diagnosed with adhd at 5 and as he got older he got worse to where he has a psychologist now and is on meds plus now my son is 13 he was just diagnosed with autism so his behavior had gotten worse that I’m and him are part of groups tht help with kids like him its alot to deal with I’ve been doing it for a long time with my son and its stressful but he is getting all the help he can get to be a functioning person in society when he gets older so I would get ur son tested for those things it will probably help and u will knw how to handle him better!!! Good luck.
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I find with our 4-year old that when are getting ready to leave anywhere, especially the playground, we give her a “10 minute warning.” Then 5, 3, 1 minute. This has been hugely helpful! Good luck!
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Our daughter at 4 was kinda like that and she threw one fit in a grocery store aisle-- so what my husband and I did was told her fine and we left her of course watching her from the ends of the aisle so no took the monster. One lady yelled at my husband for leaving her kicking and screaming in the aisle. When she figured out we weren’t there she went nuts and stopped screaming and the calling for us. Which we waited for a little while before finding her so to speak. It happened at a park once too and we just left her there – you might ask when you are at a friends home if it’s okay if you leave her and walk out that door and move the car a few places up and wait and see, for now she under someone else’s rule --she might see things different if you do that a few times.
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He’s 4. His brain is still developing. He’s still testing boundaries. Do not use physical punishment. Consistency is key which it sounds like you’re great at. Ten minutes before leaving let him know and then at 5min. Count down if you need but when it’s time to go it’s time to go. If the countdown doesn’t work by itself give a choice in addition to the countdown (like leave willingly like a big boy or mom will help you leave)
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Kids need consistency and you’re all over the place. There could be a million reasons why he’s like that, he’s not “trying” to be "defiant,’ he’s 4🙄 see a behavioral therapist and maybe look into ADHD/odd or see if there’s something underlying going on.
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I found that setting a routine nap schedule helped. When my kiddos got too tired it was like this.
Video him and tell him you’re going to show his friends how he acts ( or a teacher or whoever it would embarrass him to have see it )
Or point and say everyone’s staring at you because you’re acting like that . My girls would get so embarrassed
Decide on the one method you find most reception ( it doesn’t have to be super effective at first) and stick with that one method. Enforce it like hell. Be consistent. Even when he’s not losing it, even when he is. Changing the rules won’t help you or him understand what’s coming next. Let him know the rules don’t change regardless of his attitude towards them.
See if you can get him evaluated. Sometimes there’s an underlying behavior disorder, even at that young age and behavioral services with a BC and BHT is a complete life savor. It helps your kids with coping strategies and teaches
you the tools to implement, too. Voice your concerns with your pediatrician and ask for a referral to either a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist/psychologist. My oldest daughter was like this literally since since out the womb and she had a general conduct disorder when I first got her evaluated to get services at 3 and now has adhd which we’re just managing with behavioral services. I know it’s hard but just think of it as a little kid who can’t regulate their emotions. It’s a learned skill! Get him the help now:)
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Spank that butt.
I only say this because that’s what worked for my 3yo. We didn’t do spankings but once we tried every other option, that’s what did the trick. And I don’t spank hard at all.
Its very typical for that age , they are learning how to push boundaries so u have to make more and firmer boundaries ! When my kids went thru this I got advice of talking to them and setting boundaries and expectations about it before we went and giving warnings . Example: listen buddy I love taking u to the park but when we have to leave I’ll give u a warning 10 mins before , then 5 minutes, then 2 minutes. And when I say its time to go after u have to come with me like a good boy . If u keep having a tantrum when we leave places I won’t bring u back ok? cause thats not ok If u leave when it’s time we can keep coming back
Laying it out before hand and giving warnings on when we r leaving really helped my kids cause talking them down when they were tantruming never really works out they just are too worked up for it to sink in …of course this didn’t work right away …I just did it everytime consistently and if they were bad when we left after that I didn’t take them back for a while and when they would ask to go back I would tell them why were weren’t gonna go . Let them be sad about it for a bit …then they would ask another day and I would lay out the boundaries and expectations again and give it another shot …eventually we got thru it !!
The people who laugh reacted are literally dumb. 
y’all weird for that
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Stay consistent! Pick a form of punishment YOU believe in and ALWAYS follow through. Ask him one single time and then punish. Don’t give warnings unless it is a new behavior.
When my kids tell me no, after being asked to do something, they get a pop in the mouth. They would NEVER scream at me, as their dad would NEVER allow them to do so. Of course your child is going to throw a fit when it’s time to come in. You’re taking him from the awesome outside world and all those fun activities you mentioned, back inside. I’d throw a fit too. LOL. It’s just part of being a kid. Just be consistent in what you do and say.
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Try “If-Then” statements
If you want to go to … this weekend… then we have to … right now"
Or “Do you-then” statements
Do you want to have a popsicle? Then we have to go home"
Try replacing what you’re “taking away” with something else he really likes at a later time.
My son is 4, he is autistic. This method we learned from his BCBA and it does work most of the time.
Most children cannot regulate their emotions, from small emotions to big emotions. Things we don’t believe are a huge deal, to them- it’s massive. Seek help from a Board Certified Behavioral Therapist. Or even a Registered Behavioral Therapist.
Seek an appointment with a developmental pediatrician, have an Autism evaluation performed. He may qualify for ABA Therapy. Not sure where you’re located but some ABA clinics require the child to have been diagnosed with Austism in order to receive services, some ABA clinics do not require the diagnosis.
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4 is when it gets real. Lol
It’s really hard to say. At that age is could just be normal push back… if you notice other things like a speech delay or tip toe walking or not engaging with other children I would keep in mind and maybe mention to your pediatrician about Autism… but for now keep working on identifying emotions and how to work thru them. You are not alone
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Have you tried turning him off and back on again?
Honestly, I think it’s just a phase. I’ve been a daycare teacher of that age group for seven years and have seen plenty of kids such as your son.
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Kids that age are basically going through it hormonally. The six months leading up to their bday gets increasingly hostile. Then after their bday they calm down for about six months. Rinse and repeat until around six. Once I learned it was hormones I stopped taking their behavior so personal, I wasn’t a bad mom and they weren’t bad kids. Also some people have reactions to chocolate that kinda mimic manic behavior. I stopped giving one of the kids chocolate for using the potty and what a difference. 
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No wonder this world is in the places is everybody over analyzes everything it’s a four year old throwing a tantrum spank that little honey it will stop
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People talk about the terrible 2’s, they forget to warn about the ferocious 4’s.
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Sounds like you’re describing my son to a T. We have recently made an appointment to be tested for ADHD. I would advise you to do the same so you can learn how to help him and parent easier if he were to have it. Good luck to you and I hope you find your answers. I definitely understand you and you are never alone!
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Warn him and then spank his behind
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He is having transition issues. It takes some kids longer to process a transition. Set expectations before you go. Say we are going to play at tbe park for awhile then we are going home or whatever is next. Mommy wants needs you to leave when asked. 5-10 minutes before you leave set the timer on your phone and say we are leaving when the timer says. Then use positive reinforcement if you leave like a big boy you can have…whatever reward you decide. If he throws a fit walk away. Remove your attention and say we are leaving. You can come when you stop. Walk away. It’s tough but effective if you stick to it.
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Remember to use a paddle and never your hands because you love with your hands and he can hate the paddle
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That’s why I don’t post lol. I ask a simple mom question and get attacked and laughed at. Cool guys 
Thanks for the ones that were respectful and answered my question.
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You may have to give yourself a time out with him. If you’re planning to go somewhere fun and he acts out, change of plans. We aren’t going now.
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My daughter was like this… I did what I could but she would never do what I asked and would scream “Mommy I said UH UH!” She would hit and kick. She was ok at daycare pretty much. At home she was ok until I asked her to do something. As she got older we got professional help but it didn’t make a difference. She was skipping school in elementary school. Hanging out with older kids, sneaking out, drinking, running with gangs at 13… She gave up 3 beautiful babies after much domestic trouble… She’s 45 now and after incarnations still acts like a gang banger and into drugs and the thug life. I’m 64 and very weary. I did everything I could but she proved that she was going to do exactly what she wanted to do and there was nothing I could do about it.
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4 years old with an IPAD &
ATV? I think the problem is pretty clear.
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That sounds like every 4 year old boy i have ever met lol … he’s still a kid trying to learn life . Children can get overstimulated and start acting crazy . Maybe you could find something that will help him with transitioning when it’s time to leave or stop doing things . My oldest struggled with transitioning a lot! I want to get him tested for adhd but his pediatrician said we have to wait until he’s 5 .
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This isint the 60’s not everything needs to be met with the paddle.
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Have him checked out physically and check for diabetes
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l get paid over $190 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $19593 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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My almost 4 year old will start a fit and I’ll remind him I won’t take him anywhere if he acts a fool. Earlier we was at Walmart and he wanted firecrackers and went to a fit and I said I wouldn’t buy him shit for 4th of July if he acts out and he said sorry mama. I get alot of sorry mama
Who is the parent ?? I am assuming that either patent is bigger and stronger than a 4 year old. I just picked up my temper tantrum throwing child and either put ( her) in the car and let her scream it out… or took her home and put her in her room. After it was over, we would talk.
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My 5 year old daughter does the SAME DANG THING!
At 3 or 4, he should never have an iPad. It teaches children that they get what they want at the tap of a button. Is he in preschool? He needs structure and boundaries. Preschool teaches that. Parenting classes can help also.
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First ignore everyone saying to spank/hit your child. You don’t hit other adults to get what you want out of them, why a child? Yes they are smaller but they are people who have still developing brains and you are going to do more harm than good. This is from someone who was beaten almost daily growing up “for my own good” I still have issues with regulating emotions and I’m 35…
My 4 year old is doing this too. We are actually going to have him evaluated for Autism/ ADHD especially since he has some other issues. Basically we just want to figure our how/why his brain works so we don’t do what’s best for him to get him able to help himself. Good luck, I’m wishing you the best with your child. They can test your patience but I think they are worth the work
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My daughter was doing all of that and I put her in therapy at 6 and at 7 she was diagnosed with ADHD and the diagnosis list keeps growing and so do the medications
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Sometimes a lot of people have a lot of advice but honesty unless if you live in somebody else’s shoes you really might not have all the perfect answers I have boundaries I have rules I have consequences and expectations my daughter didn’t have a computer or a tablet or laptop or a game system or any of that until she was 11 and the pandemic hit. And I limit electronic time. and I’m currently waiting for a spot to open up at a 10-day outpatient program for my daughter unless you live in somebody else’s shoes you really don’t know what could help their child it could run deeper than just an attitude problem
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Swat him on the behind with your hand.
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My girl will also be 4 in August and we’re going through the same thing. It’s a phase. It will pass.
He stays home ontill he can behave. If he throws a fit you pick him up and leave right then. Be consistant.
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My son has ASD and I found the absolute best way to transition is setting a 5 min timer. It allows him to prepare for the change. My son used to throw the same tantrums at transitions and now when the timer goes off, he will just hand me the tablet without me even asking. The key is ALWAYS being consistent, always transitioning activity when the google home or Alexa timer goes off. No bargaining. 5 mins is 5 mins. Good luck… I feel your frustration as I know it, oh so well 
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Something else to think about is sometimes people don’t realize the link between processed food and sugar and all the crap that they put in foods the healthier you eat the better… all that junk really does affect behavior
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Start acting like a parent!!!4 yrs old and he runs the show…
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I gave my children a 10 minute warning that it would be time to leave. I think it’s the age, but stick to your rules and they will soon realize you mean business.
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Get him in to see a behavioral specialist
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put hi. in karate, it teaches self control, respect, discipline. it’s amazing
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When i was in labor with my first… my ob said “hun, it’s not the terrible twos, it’s not the wiley threes, its the f*****g fours,” she was not lying… hand in there and remain consistent
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People really mad when you say to spank your child. We get it, that’s not your way of parenting but being mad at someone else’s way of parenting isn’t your place. There’s discipline and then there’s child abuse.
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Did he just have a schedule change and/or is he sleeping enough
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Sounds like a normal 4 yo who is learning to deal with his big emotions to me…
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I think you tried everything maybe it is time to swat his ass
Hey OP, seriously, just turn off the notifications for this thread. Go find a gentle/conscious parenting group, where you can get decent advice from parents who actually GAF, instead of half of the comments shitting on you and the other half telling you to beat your freaking 3 year old.
Hang in there, OP. It’s a tough age, but I promise you it will get better.
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Have u whooped his ass 
I’ve never seen a kid that age
Not be like that
Try spanking him
When he does it
Regardless of where you are
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Tan that butt you don’t have to beat him but show him who’s boss better now before it’s to late
The f**king fours were thee WORST. It will get better, but man I didn’t know if we would make it through 4 (they are now 5 and it’s getting easier) hang in there
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Same…u not alone. Your doing great mom. It will pass.
He needs a therapist. This is a behavioral problem that you need professional support and help with!! It will relieve both parents and child.
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This comment section. Yikes. A bunch of child abusers here. Listen, it’s frustrating to deal with as a parent, but your child is acting completely normal for their age. Look into early childhood development and behavior. Just keep being gentle and try to keep your cool through this phase. Easier said than done, I know. I have a newly 3 year old, if that says anything lol. Look into co-regulation. I promise, physically punishing your toddler in any way is NOT going to help nor stop this behavior and you’ll just be teaching them bad habits and unhealthy ways to deal with their own emotions. Adults who hit children are not regulated, they need to practice regulating themselves before they try to get a much younger and underdeveloped brain to be regulated. Hitting will not teach regulation. Try “time ins”. Different things work for different families (not including physical punishment/abuse).
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I would personally give him a smack on the ass. I also would empty his room of EVERYTHING except his bed, pillow, and blanket, and tell him he behaves like that he is in his room for a set amount of time. Bag or box up all his toys and electronics and sit him down and explain that when he learns to act like a nice person he can start earning stuff back (and lose it again if relapses). Be his mother - not a door mat.
Been there myself with a my strong minded youngest son. Truly it’s a Rollercoaster and one way won’t always be the answer. I will say I do notice when he is eating healthier options and going to bed earlier he is much easier to handle. People think I’m crazy but my 9 and 10 year olds go to bed at 730 with the exception of Saturdays and most days they put themselves to bed before that time. If I start them headed to bed sooner they don’t look at the clock and fight me. They’re just exhausted from being up early and during school they have that and sports and summer time they are in a summer camp that they have so much fun the entire time. Praying you find some things that work for you and him! Don’t beat yourself up and don’t think anything is wrong with him. All kids are different some more challenging then others. Just remember his strong willed mind will get him far once he learns to control it and your his momma that was hand picked for him…you’ll find the answer.
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Ah the fuck you fours lol
It gets better when they get 6 about 7
sounds like ADDHD N DISPLIN DEFIANCE have peds dr check him out might need meds for a few years before school starts
We set alarms on our phone along with verbal warnings like “5 more minutes!” It worked for us, just throwing that out there. Good luck mama!!!
I’ve been there with all 3 of my kids. He is a typical 3 year old right now and doesn’t understand what he is feeling or the way to express it without screaming. Here is what worked for me and my kids, when you go someplace or are about to leave someplace give them a warning saying ok we have 20 mins before we leave (I would start with a big number like that to start with or they might freak out when it actually comes time to leave) and then when it hits 15 mins let them know ok we will be leaving/going home/ going inside in 15 mine. Make sure they acknowledge they they heard you and have them repeat the amount of mins till said then is going to happen. Then do the same thing with 10 mins and then 5 mins and then when it’s time to leave say ok it’s 0 mins and time to do whatever it is. Keep doing that anytime you are outside of the house and you can also utilize it for inside the house with things. This way he will get into the routine of hearing it and knows what is going to happen.
My kids lived on routine and hated transitions from one thing to another and struggled really bad with them so we did this same thing. My 2 oldest therapist for OT and PT and even the speech therapist used that from transitions for them.
Hope this helps and makes sense
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It sounds like it’s time for a therapist to see him. Make sure he hasn’t got any underlying issues. I’m not sure how much of this gentle parenting stuff I swallow. We have an awful lot of nasty, disrespectful young people these days and I believe it’s because there was no real discipline in their lives. I’m not saying you have to beat your children, there’s a difference between discipline and abuse. I have my questions as to whether spanking will do any good with a 4 year old. I think that will just add to their anger because they can’t express themselves to begin with. I think the answer is to stop the stimuli. When my kids would get worked up when they were little, there was nothing I could do except put them to bed. Put some water in a sippy cup and put them to bed. Hold the bedroom door closed if you have to. Let them get rid of all of that anger, then go to sleep for awhile. That’s probably half their problem right there. They’re tired. When they would fall asleep, I would let go of the door and when they got up they could come out and I would fix a meal. Then we’d sit down and cuddle awhile and maybe watch a TV show. That would be the end of it for the day. I don’t know what gets into young’uns at that age. Too much stimuli for them and not enough rest sometimes I think. Hang in there. They do grow up. Faster than you think.
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I’m glad I don’t have you alls kids. My kids never acted like this…At all.
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Hey! Try looking up gentle parenting group on facebook they have amazing adv
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My mom would have tore our butts up if we did that! We always respected her! Spare the rod ,spoil the child!
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A few swift whacks to that behind and bet he gonna figure it out
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My great grandchildren call me Madea! Watch the movies with Madea!
My son had a bad temper at that age. We had to get creative when it was time to go. Like help me find your shoes in the car. Now that we found them, it’s time to go. The LOOK never worked with him, and trying to trick him did not always work. Definitely figure out if certain foods affect him. And don’t skip naps. I made all of them take a quiet time until they were 5 or 6. They could read or play quietly on their bed. Most of the time they fell asleep.
Going through the same! My son will also be 4 in August! He’s definitely going through a phase but I have noticed he copies what other children do. We will get through this. Take time for yourself as much as you can!
I recommend PCIT. Did wonders for my daughter at that age.
What’s a 3 yr old doing with an ipad?
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Keep doing all the thing’s, keep showing him its not how we behave and it he will learn with time and this phase will pass.
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First of all, whoever laughed at this post is rude ASF. Secondly, you are not failing as a mom. I promise you that. My son turned 4 in March and he used to be similar to this, but not quite as bad as you describe. He is starting to outgrow it now thankfully because for awhile he was becoming very hard to handle and I dreaded taking him anywhere. He is the youngest of 3 children and I admit I have spoiled him to an extent. He is my only son and my baby and he is a complete mamas boy. When his behavior started to get out of control, I stopped with the spoiling. I started getting very stern with him. What helps is allowing them to have their tantrum and completely ignoring it. Then once they start to calm down, we discuss what the issue is. It’s very hard at first because my son is relentless. He would throw a fit forever because he is very stubborn. Over time the fits got shorter and shorter because I don’t budge on giving him any attention until he stops. When he explains why he is upset, mad, etc then we can go from there and figure out ways to fix the problem. It’s a long hard road but you have to be consistent. Stick with the same punishments even if they don’t seem to work at first. Stick with giving him zero attention until he calms down. Be consistent always. Things will work out. It’s a tough age. Good luck.
My 4 year old is so tough to deal with. He has big emotions for a little person 
last resort, daddy woops his butt (I can’t do that because I just didn’t bring them into this world to do that) I’m not against it but I just have a hard time raising my hands to my kids and my husband always asks why are you getting your butt wooped? And has him say why so he knows. And then he has to sit on his bed for 10 min to think about it and calm down. Then afterwards I go talk to him about why we don’t act like that and what else we can do when we don’t get our way. (Punch a pillow, scream into a pillow etc) taking everything away is also an option too. I’ve done that alot
Kid needs a good spanking.
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Schools still use a paddle on the behind for kids that keep on acting up🤷♀️Just saying. Let him run over you now he going to make you wish you didn’t when he gets a teenager.
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My 3 year old is similar. What helps with the time restraints or needing to leave, I give warnings… 10 minutes and we have to turn off the video and leave, 5 minutes and we have to leave, even 1 minute. And she’s much more receptive at least in that area! Good luck
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Talk to your pediatrician.
It’s the age. He’s learning to push and test boundaries. Use a timer for everything… it’s a good warning system and helps them to remember they only have x amount of time. Timeout doesn’t work with my 4yr old…she just gets back up and starts at it again. I include her in decisions
example…you can watch this show for 2 more minutes or we can go outside and play for a little while. You can have an apple or fruit bites those are your options. If she’s acting out in public, I warn her that we will leave if she doesn’t knock it off. If she continues, I immediately remove her from the situation. No warning, we just get up and leave. When we get to the car, I explain to her that she was being Xtra and mommy won’t tolerate her behavior. If she’s screaming and carrying on, I wait her out and then talk to her about acceptable behaviors and acting nasty doesn’t get her what she wants. Most of this is just consistency and routine. If you’re consistent, they get better with time. Truly tho at 4 this is normal. If it’s excessive and you’re starting to truly worry about him, discuss it with his dr
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My autistic son has adhd/ odd and is so defiant of everything i say and has meltdowns like this.
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This is why personally, I don’t believe in gentle parenting. It doesn’t always work.
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You’ve got to teach him that there is a certain way to behave in public, an adult acting in the manner your son does, would probably end up either in jail or in a mental hospital. My son had the exact bad attitude yours does. We would take certain privileges away, such as no more video games until such n such time, or you cant go to your friends house or vise versa because of your behavior, if you don’t like it, then work in changing your behavior. There is a certain way we behave in public in the real world, if you are upset about something, then we can talk about it in a civilized manner.
It is nothing more, then a battle of wills, and yours has to be stronger. Trust me I feel what you are going through. Good luck
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Pmt. You can get trained on line. Parent management training. Google it
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I think it’s different for EVERY kid. For us we take away a toy and have a talk about it.
Don’t tell him you’re leaving just casually walk to the car and go. Maybe that will work.
OMG, people!!! All this is perfectly normal (although inappropriate) behavior for a preschooler. He does not need a therapist! He needs his mom and dad to figure out what works while being firm and consistent. All kids are different, it just takes time.
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Seriously??? Bust some ass teach him! U are the parent! Teach respect now, or bail them out of jail later!!
Sorry not sorry but a good ole spank is where it lies with me! Works wonders!!
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My mom walked us into the woods behind our house and told us if we didn’t behave she was going to make is live out there withe snakes and spiders. Worked for a little while anyway…lol…
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Wow these comments.
Look into O.D.D or A.S.D if it seems like the terrible 2s never ended there is something more going on and Regardless of what people think can’t beat your child in to having a more functioning brain you literally do the opposite
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I agree w/Lisa Lynn Dupin. Today’s youth don’t respect warnings, but they’d think twice bout what it means when ya act outta line after a good ol fashion butt whuppin…
My son was exactly like this, it got to the point I broke down and explained everything to his Dr who then did a bunch of tests and screenings. He turned out to have adhd and o.d.d. I was told by my kids Dr that if the behavior continues to get gradually worse and persists for over 6 months it is best to get him seen as it could be a multitude of things that could cause the behavior. Things ranging from health issues like diabetes and thyroid problems to genetics to mental/brain issues. His behavior started around age 3/4 and finally got him diagnosed at almost 6 years old. I got alot of backlash from other parents because “it’s normal behavior for a child” when in fact I trusted my gut and it turned out it actually wasn’t normal behavior. It got to the point that his behavior was affecting his and my quality of life.
At any rate if you as his parents are concerned about his behavior talk to yours or your kids Dr and explain exactly what is happening!
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