Dad seeking advice to help breastfeeding mother.
Can I submit a question even though I’m not a mama? My wife and I just had our second baby. She is four weeks old. We also have a 3.5 yr old boy. She is breastfeeding, so she spends most of her time with the baby, and I spend most of the time taking care of our son. Since my wife is breastfeeding, she barely gets any sleep. Constantly feeding and she is barely pumping enough to keep baby fed to making a stockpile isn’t working so far. How can I help her get some sleep, or what are some things I can do to help? I feel so helpless with my useless nipples. I already take care of the chores, and primary care of our toddler and also work full time, but man she is so tired. What would you recommend?
It sounds like you are already doing a wonderful job! The first few months is always little sleep but try and let her take a nap when you get off work or on your off days.
Literally love this post!
I’d suggest she reach out to her doctor and see if there is anything she can take/eat etc to help increase her supply so that a stock pile is possible and you can take over a feeding or two when she needs to sleep. It’s hard, you are wonderful for helping your wife out as much as you are, best of luck.
Get her some breast shells they are like little cups that she can wear and collect the let down while she’s nursing on the other side using them helped me collect over 45 Oz when I couldn’t pump
Awww this is so sweet.
Make sure she’s drinking plenty of water and maybe some kind of lactation cookies to help boost her supply.
tell her to get a haakaa to catch her letdown! it helps many mamas start a stock of breastmilk. other than that, there really isn’t much, sadly. try giving her oats, cookies, bars, oatmeal, etc and make sure she stays hydrated.
Breastfeeding was too much for me. I switched to formula and everything was smooth sailing from there. Not to discourage or anything… maybe just Express to your wife that she doesn’t have to breastfeed and no matter what you’ll support her either way
Until she has enough to pump and allow you to feed through the night, you could ~ supplement formula. It’s an option. A Fed baby is best…
Try and have her pump the other breast while she is feeding. It helps stimulate and produce more (at least in my case). She will be tired until a small stock pile is set up. Nap when the baby naps. And if she isn’t against it, maybe try supplementing formula at night so you can help out? Maybe get her some mother’s milk tea, or lactation cookies to build supply. You can’t help much at night if it’s with feedings until she has a stock pile or wants to supplement unfortunately
Love this! Such a caring husband you are. This tea helps with milk production, you can get it at Walmart
You can ask her what she needs and how she’s feeling. Buy some blue Gatorade and maybe get some milky mama treats. They boost supply and might get her ahead so she can take some time to sleep and baby could get a bigger feeding. But also be supportive of the idea that if she’s not making enough you might need to supplement and a a fed baby is best
You are doing an amaizing job what a top man you are I love this post so much. Plenty of water and maybe take baby out in pram or car inbetween feeds so she can nap? X
I think you’re doing great. That’s amazing. But she’ll get through. We all do. We are amazing that way
First off… Awwww this is so sweet of you! Second, the Spectra breast pump is a lifesaver! Most insurance companies will cover a different brand and from personal experience they aren’t very good. There’s supplements she can try to take and staying hydrated and eating right will help. I’ll post some things I used. I hope it helps and I hope she gets some rest (and you too!)
My husband was the BIGGEST help. I was solely pumping but every time I pumped he would take the milk and store it and go ahead and wash my pump parts. Seriously. It doesn’t seem like a lot of help but it was.
Can’t help w breast feeding but kudos for even asking! Sounds like u do a lot and that helps more than u realize! Esp helping w the toddler Bc they r non stop. Always remember a happy healthy baby is a fed baby! Doesn’t matter if it’s breast or formula! Hope someone has some ideas for u w the BF! Best of luck
Tell her she is doing a fabulous job! It might give her the motivation she needs to make it thru the day-one tired breastfeeding mama.
Ps sounds like she has a great husband, so give yourself a pat on the back too! Good job!
Absolutely love this post between feeds, encourage her to rest and you watch the kiddos if you can! She can also try to pump enough milk during the day for a night feed to allow her to sleep through one feed? Ask her what would help her the most also! Honestly, sounds like you are doing everything that you can which helps A LOT!!
A good diet helps a lot. Not only does she need to nourish your baby, but also herself. Greens work wonders.
Make sure she has plenty of fruit and water close by and snacks that she loves.put on her favourite show so she can watch while she feeds maybe get a mobile hairdresser or massage therapist to the house if it’s what she wants keep the happy hormones up
Maybe do something to make her feel loved. You are both prob wrapped up in your kids her emotions might be a little low. Maybe a 2 hour date to the movies. Or draw her a bath. Run her back, even while breastfeeding. Rub her feet. Write her a love letter. Make her laugh
You are an amazing husband and father for doing what you are doing and I assure you she is thankful! Lots of Water, oatmeal, carrots, yams, and dark leafy greens help boost supply, sesame seeds do as well. She will get a good routine down and until then I know she appreciates all you are doing!
Oatmeal helps with supply if she likes oatmeal, walmart also has lactation cookies and brownies in the baby section.
Your doing great! I’d suggest to get some lactation cookies and tea, can be found at co-ops and I believe even in Walmart… it’ll help her produce more milk…
just keep the baby in between feedings so that she can take naps if nothing else…
Check on renting her a hospital grade breast pump. Most hospitals have them at the hospital pharmacy. She can pump both breasts at the same time to build up a supply of pumped milk so you can take some feedings. My lactation consultant said hospital grade breast pumps are so much better. Great job dad!!! Keep doing what you’re doing and telling your wife how amazing she is and how much you love her.
Make sure she is eating too!! Momma- needs to eat to make a lot of milk.
I don’t have anything to add but may you be blessed. You’re a wonderful man for all you do. <3
I’m sorry I don’t have any advice but it’s pretty clear she is a lucky women. Unfortunately babies are just exhausting but it seems like you are doing everything you can already… I wish I had this
Do not use Gatorade! BODY ARMOR is great for supply increase!!! Plus I think you are doing great! Just the name of the game when it comes to no sleep and regulating a new little one breastfeeding
Have her pump so u can bottle feed. So she can sleep
My husband will change babies diaper after I feed him. He will also sit and rub my neck and shoulders while I nurse. Just be there to support her is so helpful.
If you want to go to walmart and go to the baby section and look for the lactaion cookies. I used them in the begining and it helped me out. Also drink lots of fluid
Bring her water, food, change diapers, help with bath time. Watch baby when the baby isn’t being fed so she can nap
When I was nursing I pumped one breast while baby nursed on other one to get stockpile up, I alternated and with baby only nursing from one side at the time it worked. I also used a manual pump as I got a few ounces more than an electric pump… And i stored it in 2 oz so none went to waste and you can always warm up more
Shes blessed to have you everything has been said
Plis continue and God will continue to shower you and your family extraodinary blesseings
Good job Dad! Even asking and caring is great!
Oh my gosh, first of all I am breastfeeding twins and I wish my husband would even give a crap to ask a question like this.
Help her keep hydrated. Make sure she eats well and keep good snacks around the house.
Make her oatmeal.
Gatorade also helps with production. I saw someone mentioned lactation cookies and there are recipes online in addition to purchasing at a store.
Make sure she has time to shower. Take the baby as much as she will let you.
Tell her that she’s doing great. Just keep caring.
Good for you! Shes very lucky to have all your help. Wishing you guys the best!
Pace feed, so give baby 1 ounce of breastmilk every 1-3 hours for when doing bottles.
Also get your wife to join this group! It’s a great support system and has so many helpful tips!
I read somewhere that even if she gets up at night, you can get up too and ask if she needs water, a snack, or anything at all. I feel like that is so helpful. With the baby taking her time and attention, having someone help her would be a big deal.
Have her increase flyids . There is a tea called mother tea and eat oatmeal. Nursing can be intense be supportive as you have been.
Definitely help make sure she is fed! When she’s feeding her always offer her some water or coconut water(which helps to keep her hydrated this boosting her supply). Offer to let watch the little ones so she can take 30 minutes to go shower or take a bath. If she’s pumping, help her keep the pumping supplies clean(that was always a huge hassle for me). I second the haakaa thing. It’s crazy how much milk is lost when women are nursing because it just goes into a breast pad. Offer to help with the little ones so she can take a nap. Maybe try cooking dinner some nights or order out so she wont have that on her mind! She might be using the wrong flanges for her pump so double check that. Maybe try a hand pump too? Some women don’t respond as well to electric pumps. Lactation cookies are super helpful too! It’s hard work breast feeding! I commend you for stepping up and trying your best to find ways to help her!! Unfortunately there’s not a whole lot you can do to help her get more rest. When the baby gets older, she’ll start sleeping through the night more often. The first two months are so hard😭
Honestly…she needs to just get through it. After 2 months she will get some relief, but breastfeeding the first 2 months is zero sleep. I had a hard time as well.
Ask her doctor if she can take fenugreek. I think that’s how you spell it. She’ll smell like syrup but it sure does make the milk supply go up
Ive been eating lactation cookies, drinking a ton of water, and trying to eat as healthy as possible. Also i try to pump one side while baby is nursing, also try to pump both sides while she naps. Night wise, i swaddle her to feed and she temds to sleep alot better. (3-5 hours). Feeding on demand will also help supply. But it seems she has a great supportive hisband which is helpful as it is. (I get how hard it is, i have a 3 yr old 5 yr old and a just turned 1 month old). (Also the haaka silicon pump thing is awesome, i attach it to the opposite side as she feeds and since its not like a pump theres zero noise)
Her supply is still stabilizing and sounds like baby is cluster feeding, if baby isn’t hungry and just need daiper change and cuddles see if you can do those give her some extra time to rest
No advice but it warms my heart to see this dad being a dad and being helpful!
Buy her in some Ice cream! It is great for boosting milk supply!!
As a very tired breastfeesing mother of an 8 week old who is still getting very little sleep, I want to start out by saying that you are amazing for wanting to help her get some sleep. What kinds of pump does she have? I have the spectra 2 and it works great. Have her keep pumping and feeding. It takes a few days to increase supply, but have her make sure she fully empties the breast when she pumps. There is also the haaka silicone pump that collects letdown on the oposite breast while you are feeding. Sometimes you are able to get more out with that and it invovles very little work. The lactation cookies out there helped to boost my supply, however I had to stop taking them because the brewers yeast in them made my baby super fussy and gassy, so be a little careful with those. Good luck!
Look up lactation recipes! There are recipess that help create milk so she can stockpile and you can take over some night feedings.
Just support her efforts. Her pumping or not doesn’t mean you cant help unless there is milk.
Say 'hun he’s good. He nursed for 45 min. Let me take him into the livingroom for 2 hours while you rest. They don’t JUST need boobs.
Alot of Breastfeeding is the need for comfort and closeness. Daddies just need to figure out their own way to comfort babe. So figure it out. Does he like to rock? Or bounce, or walk or snuggle on your chest so he can feel you breath. My husband is a better swaddler than me by far because he didn’t have boobs to soothe baby lol.
Say babe feed the baby, the toddler is asleep then when baby is fed go sit with him and figure out what the key to keeping him quiet is. Give her a good 2-3 hours that’s probably all she needs to make it work!
Momma of 6 here!
Dear Dad , see if the Doc can ok some formula to help you in ,And mom can take a nap and do somthinģ with you son good luck 🙋
First off… you are amazing human for recognizing this. When I was breastfeeding the best thing my ex husband did was get up and get the baby for me to feed and then stay up and make sure he was changed and back asleep etc. Offer her food, snacks etc while she feeds or stay up and watch a tv show y’all like etc. Also, when you get home and have showered or whatever offer to take both while she takes a nap or whatever she wants to do. Kudos to you tho for recognizing her tiredness and what else.
The first 3 months are the hardest… I breastfed for 2 and a half years! Just know it does get better, don’t let her quit on a bad day… just ask frequently if she needs a drink, or snack, or offer to take baby after a feeding so she can lie down and get some rest. Breastfeeding can be exhausting, and made me so tired, I always felt completely drained after every feeding for the first several months. Just try to allow her to take frequent small naps in between feedings as needed. And just keep supporting her and letting her know you’re there to help as much as you can! It’s amazing to me that you’re the husband and care enough to ask a question like this! She’s definitely got a good one
I would make her lactation cookies/bites you can find lots of easy fast treats for her. Make sure she’s drinking lots of water. Let her sleep when baby sleeps when you get home from work.
I just want to says wow! That’s awesome your writing this post looking for help! I applaud you, because a lot of men don’t care at all. Lots of good advice on here!
I’m not sure what you could do that you’re not already doing to get her more sleep, but perhaps there is another family member who could get involved for a few hours here and there. Sounds like you both need a break. Also… maybe you could gently let her know that breastfeeding is awesome for bonding, but it’s not more important than sleep and the ability to function. Being overtired will kill her milk supply just as quickly as not breastfeeding. If she’s not producing enough to be able to rest in between feedings, supplement with a bottle, or maybe formula out of a syringe (if she doesn’t want baby to learn about the ease of bottle feeding). I was there in March. After several weeks of sleepless nights and regular pumping, and feedings, and sobbing, and an ever dwindling milk supply, I decided to save breastfeeding for when I couldn’t calm him otherwise. It was a tasty and healthy snack between SOME bottles and bonding time for us, but I got my sleep at night. And it was no different than my first, when my breasts had failed me previously. She’s a very healthy 10 year old now though. We’ve been to the doctor for sick visits maybe 2 or 3 times her whole life, and her brother is 5 months and a healthy 20lbs already. It’s nice if you can do it, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of one’s sanity. And beleive me, it was HARD to give up, especially this time when I tried EVERYTHING to make it work! But it made all the difference in the world to my basic existence, which made all the difference to my family, who needed me healthy and happy, more than my son needed breastmilk.
Have her pump after nursing. It will increase production, stay super hydrated, eat healthy. Oats help supply too
Alternate with formula feedings. A lot of babies don’t consume enough breast milk to satisfy them.
Making sure she’s hydrated is big too!!! Props to you dad!!! There is a lactation cookie that’s helped some local girls here produce more. Making dad feeds easier. And maybe suggest supplementing with formula, so you can help out without her being pressured to produce. Obviously we are just suggesting and fully support the choice tou folks make.
My sister in law was told to drink a beer to up her supply believe it or not it worked wonders.
My husband made me choc chip oatmeal cookies (lactation recipe) regularly and always had a stockpile of body armour drinks and water for me.
you’re doing great dad! i suggest after she feeds the baby, change her diaper and rock or bounce the baby so she can get some sleep. also swaddling the baby can help them sleep longer!
I use to take supplement from the chemist. Fenugeek or something like that.
Tell her to try Milky Mama, LLC !! Their emergency brownies saved me with my son
Way to go Dad!! If your not comfortable making lactation cookies you can buy them online. Make sure she’s drinking lots of water and try some skin to skin with the baby to comfort them while Momma sleeps. If the baby is eating every two hours them Momma should be napping while you and your 3.5 yr old are bonding with the baby.
Co sleeping. I did that with my 5 th child cause it was the only way I got sleep. I nursed,and when,baby slept I slept…
What a great husband and daddy
Just the simple fact that you care so much to ask is probably all the support she needs. Amazing!
I was in the same boat with just not producing enough, my SO tried to convince me to supplement with formula so he could help with the feedings - I didn’t want to, I’d had my heart set on breastfeeding only but he finally convinced me and that night I had my first 6 hour sleep in a few weeks and so much stress lifted. Me and baby are both much happier now - I can sleep and she can eat her fill!
Just tell her how proud of her you are and what an amazing job she’s doing. Maybe tell her to go get a pedicure to relax a little bit, but if you tell her how proud of her you are, it goes a LONG way
You are doing a great job! Maybe when she has to nurse so night burp baby and change baby for her and get her a drink or food at night if she is hungry. During the day when she sits down to nurse ask her if you can get anything for her like a drink of water or food or CHAPSTICK lol or a burp cloth a shoulder rub etc… anytime you see the baby needs a diaper or clothes changed just do it for her even if she is getting up to do it take the baby and do it. Just these few things will give her extra time to herself
Wow! I don’t have any advice I didn’t know partners like you existed. You are already doing way more than my SO has ever done he just calls being exhausted from nursing, caring for a toddler, 8 and 14 yr olds by myself an excuse to be lazy you are already 1000× better than most of us wind up with, shes lucky.
Do both breastfeed and formula. Its what I do and it’s helped a lot. It wasn’t the original plan at first but we had latching issues and fears of jaundice so we needed to be sure baby boy was fed.
She needs to learn to hand express also with pumping milk to keep her supply going.
I’m in the same situation, (made me think at first my hubby wrote this haha)…our new baby is 3 weeks old and I’m struggling to get enough sleep, feed the baby, pump, take care of my other 2 kiddos. I’ve never had a great supply of milk and gave up breastfeeding with my other two but this time I wanted to try longer. I ordered the emergency brownies from milky mama and I can def tell a difference. I’m able to pump a few ounces instead of just drops now. I would have her give milky mama a try and also drink a ton of water, try not to stress and sleep when she can. Good luck
massages always out me to sleep - use the milk she pumps to let her sleep run her a bath and try to give her some her time … even with no sleep a little me time goes a long way
Yep agreed, formula feed aswell, congratulations to you both , try not to stress,
Get better nipples! Geez why do men have to make this so hard.
- You’re great for posting this!
- If you can, at the beginning when it was really hard to nurse my partner would rub my back/shoulders depending on how I was sitting. Being relaxed helps you make more milk and it was awesome for bonding. It made me feel so supported and loved when I needed it most.
Look into the MikaMicky Bedside Sleeper on Amazon. It’s been a lifesaver for me and it’s under $200.
I recommend you become a public speaker on how to treat women. She’s a lucky lady to have you
Awww so sweet what a great guy!
Your so sweet the best! Hard find good guy n your wife’s hit the jackpot!
WOW super jealous!! Supplement with formula, check in your area to see if anyone has a stockpile of frozen breast milk they’d like to get rid of
Massage herrrrr all the time
First of all, I wanna say you are such a wonderful hubby!!!
At the beginning of our breastfeeding journey, we had the same issue. I was exhausted as a first time mum, and we had no family supports as I came from another country, and his family lives far away from us. So my hubby took one day off every one week or two weeks, so I could sleep between feeding time.
Best thing my hubby did when I was nursing was taking care of the night changes and also getting up in the morning (our daughter was and still is an early riser)
You can look into donor milk to help supplement. And you can take over a feed or 2 and maybe she can get a 6 hour stretch at night and get a nap somewhere else in there. I have 5 children and an 8 week old that just got out of the NICU. You can do it. I am full time pumping and and part time breastfeeding. And kudos to you for helping as much as you do and wanting to help her rest more. It does get easier and if she stays on it and her supply will increase.
What a lucky lady she is and such a good dad too…my 3 were c sections and my husband did nothing not a thing…shes very lucky to have you…
I have no input for this other than how truly amazing you are! What a fab dad and partner. I would have killed to have such great support when my little man was born. Well done you!
I found night feeds. I expressed he gave her the feed. Nicu baby and wanted us all to have sleep. She learnt from hospital bottle and breast so no confusion as knew no different. Maybe take over when you get home from work. You sound a fantastic dad.
I just want to tell you you’re an excellent husband and father for stepping up and doing those things to help her!! A lot of men don’t, keep being an awesome hubby n daddy, you have no idea how much what you’re already doing is helping her!!
Can I borrow you for like…3 years?! Holy cow. My SO has useless nipples AND doesn’t help with anything let alone our 2 1/2 year old!
Sounds like your doing great already. Just getting up to get the pump at night or to even hold the baby while she slept and breastfed would be great. Dont feel ashamed or guilty for consudering formula. I breastfed as long as i could and i eventually had to do formula since he was losing weight.
Bring her food offer to feed her. Bring her water lots of it never let her cup be empty water helps supply a lot. Be supportive and remind her often she’s doing a great job. Rub her shoulders breast feeding is hard on them. Don’t push formula if she’s determined to.breast feed chia seeds are what I used to boost supply they left me engorged by am
My husband went through the same feelings!
Take the baby out of the room. When he needs to nurse- change him and bring him to her. Then take him when they’re done.
Great man. I suggest giving formula evening and night. Breastfeed during day. Dont think baby is getting enough to eat from breastfeeding