Not pregnancy related, but life related… my grandmother recently suffered a stroke. I have so much on my plate, including my 5 month old daughter. As much as I would like to I unfortunately cannot give her the 24 hour care she needs. We both agreed an assisted living home is the best option for the both of us at this time. We will be moving her in on Monday. My question is how do I deal with this overwhelming guilt that I feel? I feel like a horrible, monster of a granddaughter. Has anyone else been in the same situation?
What about 24 hour care someone come in her own home and take care of her
Assisted living can be wonderful. Both my grandfather’s weren’t to thrilled with the idea, but care became to much. Once there they really thrived and loved it. They could be social and do things again. They really came back to life and were truly happy before they passed. This may turn out to be a, wonderful thing.
To be honest, most assisted living isn’t really all that bad. I work in home care and the guy I work for used to live in assisted living and he basically had a apartment, activities to do, and extra help when needed. They made everyone still feel human and independent.
If you find the right assisted care place then it will be good for both of you.
You are not a monster, your human, and she would not receive the best care if you cannot provide all of your attention, you have made the best decision, you can now fit in visits around your busy life, she will be cared for around the clock in a professional environment by those who are trained to deliver the care she needs. You have put her first by making this decision, you know you cannot provide what she needs and have made a very tough but brave decision. Well done x
My MIL went to assisted living and liked the companionship. Always something to do. Visit often. You baby will be the hit of center.
Just got vist often! Get her. Goodie baskets and things she likes.
I have to balance a 2 1/2 yr old, grandmother with Dementia, and my father just came home a week ago from being in ICU on the ventilator for 7 days and hospitalized another 7. Now my sister in law is in ICU for her diabetes/kidneys. Trust me. I understand the stress. We are just not nursing home people. It’s just not us. If that works for YOU and it’s what’s best for everyone involved then don’t feel bad. Just be very careful who you trust with your loved ones. Be careful in the process of selecting a place. Make sure they know the quality of care you expect up front and don’t let them screw around.
I think an assisted situation is where she will receive the best possible care; and thankfully she will have you to oversee things to make certain the selected home is a good fit for her.
I’m CNA. People feel so guilty take their family members to places like that and hey shouldn’t. You tried. Some people need a lot of care and it wouldn’t be fair to them to not get the care they deserve. Feel happy you are able to take her to a place that can provide the care she needs.
Hey it is best for her.I understand you feel guilty but please dont.
My mother had a stroke two years before I gave birth. I understand how you feel. It’s hard but I try doing it all and it’s so stressful and emotionally chaotic trying to take care of both
Can insurance not pay a 24/7 health nurse to come to her home?
You’re not a monster. It is a lot to take on something like that. I’m sure your grandma doesn’t think this of you. Like some said above, if you can take your time to research places there are good ones out there. good luck
She needs this.pls don’t feel guilty. It’s for her own good
Care facilities are worse then anything right now…get an in care nurse if u can …
My great aunt just moved into an assisted living home and she absolutely loves it. She’s actually doing much better than she was at home (went from completely unable to walk, to taking assisted steps). Now she can also shower more often than we could help her and loves the frequent company the staff and her roommates provide.
My father went to assisted living when he could no longer transfer himself. He had lots of home health before. He knew it was the best solution and he actually enjoyed it. Lots of activities decent food and he had the care he needed. I visited often to make sure he was happy but we both felt it was a good solution.
I have a older sister, and I to put her in a home and she is so happy there she is with people that care for her and helps her live the life she deserves to live.Dont feel bad she is better off, just go see her and let her know you love her. Let God Do the Rest
If she agreed with assisted living, it was ultimately her choice. You are not a monster. She loves you as any grandmother would love their grandchild and I’m sure she knows how hard it would be on you to care for your kids and her. You are doing what is best for her and her health because they can be there to make sure she has what she needs and when she needs it. Please go see her often and make sure that they are taking good care of her. I am so worried about places like that or hospice places because I’ve hearf some bad stories about people being abused in them. People don’t know if their family member is sometimes because they don’t or can’t go see then often
My mom was in one for a short time for rehab and had a stroke there and no one even noticed. Go see her as much as you possibly can. I know it’s hard with a little one, I have a 2.5 yr old and a 19 mo old. It was hard taking them because they are always on the move. Make sure it’s the right place for her and they are giving her the care she needs. If not find a better one. There are some good people at those places who care about what they do, some don’t. Check into the home care as well as some other mentioned. Just figure out what works for everyone and do what you can. Good luck mama!
My grandma got so bad we couldn’t do it my mom was a single mom w 3 kids plus her mother. Her mom would constantly potty herself refuse to take her meds would fight and curse you. It was bad… we had to move her to a nursing home
Just visit she needs professionals to help, I hope she gets better.
You cant take care or her if you cant take care of yourself… always remember that and it helps…
Don’t feel guilty. Just visit her as much as you can.
I had to deal with this kind of thing with my dad. I felt bad I had to put him in that situation BUT I knew that with 2 kids & a full time job I couldn’t care for him like he needed! It was the best decision even if i didn’t like it. You can not like the choice that needs to be made but understand that its still the best for them.
Idk I took care of my grandma from the age of 12 til she passed. Seems hard but…its able to be done regardless of alot of things .
Nothing against what ur doing. It takes a toll on people. Which is understandable. But I would never put anyone in an assiant living or nursing home. To many horror stories about the care providers being abusive
It’s usually doesn’t fall on a grand child shoulders . Life is tough sometimes try to be there as much as you can but don’t feel guilty. Look to God , pray a lot and take that baby and visit a lot . If you’re doing these things you are by no means neglecting her .
If you have her go to a nursing home, make sure to visit her as much as you can…don’t go on the same days or same times…change it up so the staff doesn’t know when you will be there…look up reviews on the facilities in your area…you can see if they have been written up by the state and their rating…
You should not feel guilty it is the best thing for her only thing you can do is visit her as much as possible to make sure she was not being mistreated in any type of way
If it means for her getting care you can’t provide, then you are making the right decision. You can manage the guilt by visiting her as often as possible and seeing she is ok.
Can you apply for in home care service?
Grandma will be just fine with people of her own generation
I do i had to put my mother in nursing home I couldn’t take care of her hardest thing I ever had to do and I still feel guilty.
Maybe you can look into an in home care nurse I don’t know if you did already or it doesn’t work out that way just a thought maybe a baby monitor over night
She is better off being cared for 24/7 by qualified people. I don’t know anyone who could swing this to be honest. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just make sure you go visit as much as you can
As much as it hurts all you can do is remember it’s for her benefit. It’s not that you love her less but she needs more care than you’re currently able to provide. And it would be unfair to not give her that because of the guilt you feel. I know you feel like you’re abandoning her but you’re trying to help make sure she’s in the best situation possible. And assisted living isn’t as serious as a nursing home where she’s basically bed ridden. She can still do daily things and people will check on her and make sure she’s ok. You can still visit and help her as you want to but also know she’s taken care of.
You don’t say how old grandma is. I worked in nursing and found many people really liked the move once they got used to it and found friends.
All you can do is just visit her every day at different hours of the day so you know she’s being properly taken care of.
It is hard. I highly recommend surprise visits often to your grandparent. It will help keep their spirit up AND keep the facility on their toes.
U have no regrets for anything. U can only do what U can do. No more & no less.
Hi , a assisted living faculty, does not give 24 hour care .if she’s not able to get up and walk safely by herself . She’s not safe … If possible in has money to spend , care.com is a good place to find home health care …
Don’t feel guilty
Instead of moving her did u think about having care in her own home as assistant living don’t give 24 hour care