How to get out of the roommate phase?

my husband and i have been married for 7 years and lately i feel like we are just roommates rather than partners…how do we get out of this funk??


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to get out of the roommate phase?

Follow the 2 rule…

Date night every 2 weeks
Couple weekend getaway every 2 months
Couple vacation every 2 years.

Also, we did a reconnect technique where you purposely, and passionately french kiss your partner for 1 minute a day, for 30 days. You’d be amazed at the results of that one.


Well it depends on the “why” of your situation. Are you roommates bc life just busy and y’all lost your way? Then shake up your “normal”. Or is it bc of deeper issues that need addressing. If it issues don’t rug-sweep and pretend everything’s fine bc they won’t stay hidden forever. Fix it now!


Plan a date night, over night or weekend getaway!! Amazing things happen when you get the chance to step out of the mommy/daddy role and back into who you guys are as individuals. Been together 14 years and married for 8. Continuing to have date nights and try something new together has kept us going strong.


Date night at least once a month, make time for yourselfs at least once a week to sit and talk etc
Couple night or weekend away every 2/3 months and holiday once a year


Plan date nights and never ever get to comfortable cuz it will drain your relationship

If you’re both comfy with the arrangement enjoy it as is if not both of you together plan a date night or weekend or whatever suits you both :hugs:

Date, be playful, have fun with each other someone posted the sets of 2 above.

Ummm divorce N run… Pft roommate gtfo been there


Date! Communicate! Laugh! Become friends again. Loosen up with one another and make time for just you two. Idc if it’s a movie and popcorn. It matters


This is how I feel lately

Honestly…we go buy some sexy clothes and new toys to try out.

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Plan a weekend getaway or date night of some sort where u both get dressed up and go out. My husband and I we have kids so its a little harder to do because of needing to find a sitter but we plan date nights and getaways for just me and him so we can have some one on one time without our kids. It helps to keep the relationship flowing we also take time to try and learn something new about the other also because u should be able to learn something new about ur partner each day or year depending. My husband and I have been together 16yrs but married for 11yrs. We kiss everyday he comes home from work and every night when we lay down in bed for the night we kiss goodnight. We snuggle each other every night or i will just lay in his arms as we go to sleep. Any time one of us leaves we kiss each other bye before leaving house. Randomly through the day we will hug each other or give each other a kiss. My husband will randomly hold my hand as we each sit in our recliners. If we feel we are starting to distance each other a bit to where we aren’t doing any of that then we say ok we need a night out together and if we can’t get a sitter for us to have night out then we use that time to spice things up a bit in the bedroom instead once the kids are in bed for the night. But occasionally ill dress up for my husband in some lingerie or sometimes we will take a trip to the adult store together and we’ll pick out an outfit together or ill ask him what lingerie he likes better or what he might want to see me in. There has to still be some mystery to a relationship because if u know absolutely everything about them and can’t find something new u never knew before then that means ur relationship is at a stand still and there is no improvement opportunities to keeping it alive and going. U also need to be able to come up with something new everyday u really love about ur partner that keeps u attracted to them and love them. If u can’t then again that means changes need to be made somewhere because u are hitting a stand still. There is still hope u both just need to be willing to put the effort forward together. When u make ur date night pretend like u aren’t married that he is coming to pick u up for the date like when u were only dating where u both get ready and hubby comes to the door and knocks or rings bell to pick you up. He will be seeing u for date for first time dressed up because he won’t see u getting ready so it’ll be more special and more of a surprise. Also like someone else said u can passionately kiss each other for a little while it does do wonders. But yes also take time out sit and talk about each of ur days as well. I do that with my husband everyday its taking interest in each others days by doing that.

Get naked! Unless you normally do that with room mates, then I don’t know.

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Rule to live by: Don’t get comfortable.

If you want different results, do the opposite of what you’ve been doing!


Stop using a condom, you’re married, not practicing safe sex on each other.

You know what helps. I give my husband random long hugs, remind him I love him. Kisses randomly. Sometimes a date night is not possible, but it does help to show that affection. I feel like most couples experience this especially with kids, it’s busy and stressful and sometimes feel like both of you are just passing by eachother.


If it’s not possible to go out on date nights often, you can definitely have a date night at home! My husband and I live over an hour from anyone that can babysit our daughter. So almost all of the time, date night isn’t possible unless we bring our toddler along. Also my mother in law lives with us. Complete alone time is rare. So we do date nights at home sometimes. Our favorite thing lately is once our daughter is asleep, he sets up our front porch with the tv, some candles, and puts blankets and pillows on our porch swing. We watch horror movies together and we can spend some romantic time together.

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It’s the 7 yr itch. That is a true thing. Date each other again. Get to know one another again…more than likely you have both changed more than you realize. If you have kids, make your partner a priority. Much of how you feel, he likely does too. Wondering how you got there…the answer is life and our focus changes drastically as we get older. You were in love before, you can get there again, but you BOTH have to work at it

We have four kids and my husband is a truck driver we definitely have no families or anyone to watch the kids but we make it work

Communicate. Like. Sit down and stare into each other’s eyes and really convey how you are feeling and then allow him the same thing. Idk. That’s what me and my husband have done for 7 years we’ve been married.

Communication is key, talk to each other about how your feeling when that does happen. Plan a date night and have it set for once a week every 2 weeks once a month whatever you are able to do. Take some time to put phones away at night and talk or snuggle and have sexy time.

Effort! It’s so easy to get in routine and caught up in the stressful parts of life that you forget what got you there in the first place. You have to water your grass if you want it to grow!

Water your own grass and watch it grow :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart_eyes:


Date night.
You have to continuously date your partner. That’s the only difference between friends and partners.

Date nights. Spice it up in the bedroom. Couples retreats or massages

Date nights. Make time for the two of you. Ya’ll have gotten based just on living.

Talk about it ! ! He’s ur partner ! !

You have to take time for each other. When you were dating, you sat beside each other. So who moved?

Pretty much same. We are parents that live together as we scream at each other in arguments. It’s so heartbreaking. Following :heart:



I read or watched a show and a theory they explained was having sex for a month straight. Every night no excuses. Helps you get closer to one on another. It worked for my husband and I.

What worked for my husband and I was we went away for a weekend to a place with no cell phone service or Wi-Fi ( we went to the woods and camped) where we didn’t have distractions we were forced to open up, talk and we even acted like teenagers with making out all the time. Now we do plan things together, have those deep talks about what we are feeling. We are also spontaneous when it comes to sex, acting out and just go do something even as simple going for a drive and looking at nature. The biggest thing is the no phones for us and spending time. We also have 2 kids so we do plan family days but when we don’t have kids, we make sure we do things together.

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Your individual therapist can help you establish some emotional independence and give you some direction with communication skills.

All these go out on dates and all vacations yes it’s nice but theirs more than that feeling loved and giving love is the most important Talking is important Feeling each other is important I’m here with you cause that’s exactly how I feel with my man it’s like why do I have to ask for love why can’t we just show each other I tried but he shuts down Im not understanding

I’ve been married for 18 years with 5 kids at home. We are still in the “honeymoon” phase as people call it. When my husband gets home from work, doesn’t matter what I am doing, I stop for couple minutes and just make out with my husband. (That alone does amazing things) we flirt constantly, we compliment (and mean it) each other. Once a week, we’ll be sure to remind one another of something that was done that we appreciated whether over a drink or a tea in the backyard after the kids have gone to bed. We make time for intimacy because sex is a HUGE part of a relationship. My husband and I are trying the two challenge of sex everyday for two weeks, no excuses. I’ll tell you it’s been a fantastic week and a half and BOTH of us have WAY different attitudes.

Date night! Don’t give up. Marriage takes work.

Have you ever heard of the love dare?? It’s an amazing book! Begin with that and watch how it changes everything!

You have to find ways to reconnect again. Some good suggestions on here. Communicate but don’t wait. Don’t be afraid to make the first step.

When he gets home and gets in the shower….join him and soap him down!!!

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