I’m not happy in my relationship anymore. I’ve tried to hide it and fight it for a few years now but it’s so plain and obvious now that it’s hard to deny anymore. I do have love for him and care for him deeply. I have young children with my fiancé and we were always so close. It was us against the world. My daughter is a huge daddy’s girl. My fiancé isn’t and hasn’t been in the right state of mind lately. Very stressed about everything and he worries all the time. I feel like he is so emotionally unstable and I keep saying everything is fine but I’m just not happy. How can I possibly break up a family? I only work part time and couldn’t imagine raising these kids on my own. My fiancé would probably go off the deep end. My daughter is already dealing with her own issues. I’m not happy but I can try to put on a happy face and deal with it for the sake of the kids. But to tell him I can’t do it anymore and separate would devastate everyone. Idk what to do anymore. Has anyone gone through this?
Uh you need to reread your own words and listen to yourself… you’re not happy. If you’re not happy go. You have ONE life use it to be happy!
Find a income based appartment, apply and go from there… Kids need a happy mom, not one who tries to keep a perfect family while you’re unhappy. Put yourself and your kids first
You can’t stay “for the kids”. It’ll only hurt the kids. And it’s our job as parents to set the example of what a healthy relationship looks like.
I would try Couples therapy or something
If you are not happy your children will never be happy either
What if the tables were turned an you were going through a rough spot? Would you want him to give up on you? YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY WITH ANYONE IF YOU ARENT HAPPY WITH YOURSELF! People don’t make it to 50 yrs by giving up on each other. Build together or build alone. Is he a bad person? Is he bad to your kids? Or are you tired of dealing with a broken man?
Find a cheaper place to live, he needs to seek some help and see a councilor to help him with himself, if your able to work full time it will bring more money into the home.
I’m sorry that’s happening, but if you care to try, then both of you need to try and fix what’s happening.
You need to be happy, but you said that you feel your man is unstable and off, so he needs help.
Look if you want to keep trying than counseling is best. Both individual and couples. So you guys can work on issues by yourself and as a team.
But if you’re really not happy and don’t want to keep going on with it then you need to leave.
Go to counseling together. He might be afraid to open up to you about something and might be more comfortable if there is a third party there.
You cant stay in an unhappy situation just because of your children although I will say if the relationship is worth fighting for maybe try to talk to him and try to figure out a way to rekindle the love
you need to tell him to how you feel. Adk him to seek help, meds something for his stress. My husband was crabby, mad and full of anxiety most days. I told him he better get meds or I am not dealing with it any more. He did. I know when he doesn’t take it too. I remind him to take it. If he doesn’t want help and hes violent maybe its ti.e yo move on. plus you are not always going to be happy. Something might not be right with you as well and you shine a dim loght in him. I do with my husband at times.
Go to counseling if you are wanting things to work out. If not than leave.
What about like therapy or something? If you know he is stressed or depressed and clearly there is some sorta communication break between the two of you, a real way to try to fix it would be counseling. If you are really already certain that you are done then you just have to do it and stop wasting time. But if you really don’t want to break up your family then taking a step to get help would be a great thing, even if it ends up not working out, at least you gave it your best shot. But just hiding your feelings and staying unhappy while not really taking an action to make it better will only hurt all of you even more in the long rung.
Try couples therapy before deciding to change your family dynamics. I would get your daughter into therapy as well if she already has problems b.c if you do decide to leave then she is going to be a million times worse.
It sounds like it’s worth seeing a counselor.
People are so quick to give up on each other. It’s not always Sunshine. People go through rough patches and the fact that you want to give up on him so easily I think shows more about you
Also look into the 5 love Languages book and see if both of you are not communicating the right way.
Tell him how you are feeling, that you aren’t happy with how things are, his unstable behavior/attitude and say some things gotta change or its going to have to end…
Going thru this now!!! And I’m 4 months pregnant… I make all the money tho, just can’t make myself leave
I guess I’m the lone dissenter
To ruin how many lives because you’re “not happy” seems selfish to me. If you have a home, your life is stable, and you’re safe, maybe do some work to figure out how you can make things better and stay. There’s no guarantee what’s around the bend is any better, and it’s often worse. I’m an old, experienced person with several relationships behind me. I know whereof I speak. Your kids should come first in my opinion. I know what you’re feeling. I struggle with the same things.
For me, it’s worth having my family intact.
I was married for 23 years and with him for 25 years but I started for the kids for a long time till I could not take any more .and I divorce him and my kids knew it all the time I did not know.in the long run my kids was not happy either.he would not leave us a lone and it was bad I had to make him leave us a lone .I did not have a lot of money but I made it work for me and my family …you can do this if you want to for you and your family…it is up to you …
Or try to talk to him about it and work together to figure out what needs to happen to get back to normal.
There’s not enough info to really tell you exactly what to do. But I will say pretending to be happy and that things are okay is not beneficial to anyone. Perhaps he can resolve some of the things you’re unhappy with if you’re upfront with him?
Relationships are never, ever sunshine and rainbows all the time and that’s not going to matter who you’re with🤷♀️ It sounds like you guys were really good. How long have you been feeling this way? When you see those old, wrinkly couples that are together 50 years or whatever, it’s because they stuck with each other… through good or bad! Have you 2 even explored therapy and that? That would be my first thought long long before leaving, I’m just saying. It sounds like you both need some work individually and obviously then couples as well. Ultimately no 1 else can tell you what decision to make here🤷♀️ This one’s on you and only you
Before breaking up the family, try couples therapy and individual therapy for you both. After a few months, if you still feel the same way, separate amicably. Do 50/50 custody of the kids, and co parent together.
Do counseling b4 you make a decision! You have to talk with someone who is looking at this from a different prospective. My first though was why is he your husband why haven’t you married him after all these years? That might be your answer!
Get counseling for you and your family.
Try everything to fix it. Both of you. Im a single mom bc we didnt try. We gave up.
Right I’m sick of this. You have every right to be happy. You’ve been unhappy for years, nothing is improving. I suggest asking about counseling but I doubt he would go for it from what you’ve said and if he doesn’t then you leave. Even if you just can’t do this anymore. It’s fine. Be happy, your kids needs a happy mother and you deserve it. You’ve fought for your family enough but you’ve got to be happy too. Ridiculous some of these comments.
Everyone goes through something that temporarily OR permanently changes them. I’m currently going through PPD and severe anxiety. I am SO thankful my husband hasn’t given up on me. when things get tough, we talk things out. Let each other know what’s bothering us and how we can get through/fix it.
If you don’t let him know what’s bothering you, he won’t know that things need changed or fixed. Look at it this way, If you were going through a rough time, how would you feel if he gave up on you?! Would you want him to leave and have you go through whatever you are going through alone?! Like I said, talk to your man, girl!! He needs you to be honest and upfront with him.
If he doesn’t try to fix things after talking to him, then leave!!
I have wanted so many times to end it. To walk away and give up. But people are too quick to just throw it all away like it meant nothing. And I didn’t wanna be a statistic or just another baby mama. I wanted my family. So I did whatever I needed to do to make sure I had just that. We worked on things together, we worked on ourselves (because let’s face it our happiness shouldn’t be based solely off of others or relationships), and we worked on us as a family. It wasn’t easy. It took time. It was holy hell some days. But we are finally in a better place. Happier, healthier, more stable. Don’t just throw things away build a future from the scraps and make it a masterpiece.
Unless the relationship is unhealthy as in abuse (emotional, physical or sexual) seek a counselor and work to make it right. Relationships are very hard and u have to be brutally honest with each other (out of love) to make it work. Trust me I have been there and separating is way harder than but up front and honest with him. He has to know how u feel and vice versa. Now if he is unstable and abusive u need to do what is best for you and your kids. Seek professional help before making any decisions (unless u are in harm)
Ask him if he wants to go to counseling first do that for a little while if nothing changes then leave your kids need happiness and they already probably feel the tense between you two which is not healthy for your children a lot of people say stay because of the children that’s not true and it’s very unhealthy I did it for 6 years and I would never do it again just because I wanted my family so if I were you I would try counseling if it doesn’t work then pack your kids and you and leave and do 50/50 and try to do co-parenting some couples work better being broke up and co-parenting and then they do to be together. And don’t feel bad about it either you deserve happiness and so your children and so does your fiance
Try telling him you need to do couples therapy or you’re gone
If he goes or not you definatly need counceling.
You said your fiance is stressed/depressed atm and i dont think breaking up the family will make it better for him or your children. Instead of just thinking about feelings try to be considerate to your childrens feelings too, try to help your fiance to cope with depression and help him build a happier environment for your family. It takes two to tango! Have a deep communication with him im sure theres nothing couldnt be solve with a proper communication. Goodbless girl.
He maybe depressed and needs serotonin
My husband was like that then he went to therapy and meds and is like the way he was when we first met he was depressed
You may need counseling. Ive been married for 30 years. Love comes & goes. Also, the definition of love changes over the years. You can’t expect to be head over heals for someone forever! Loves defitition changes. I’ll always be in love with my husband, but now it’s a comfortable love.
Never put your children in the middle ever
I think you guys need to talk and maybe u having some depression too. Maybe thier more going on here than u know.
Definitely see if he will agree to relationship counseling and individual counseling for you both and your daughter. It helps a lot!!
Go to counseling and see if that can help.
You know mental health in men isn’t talked about enough. Women expect help and encouragement through their mental health but the moment a man has a problem most of us are just “unhappy and need to leave” perhaps help him get the help he needs. Then maybe, things will change? Talk to him, get him help. Take care of yourself as well. Make time for you, let him make time for himself, make time for your relationship. The grass isn’t greener on the other side. Grass is green where you water it.
Men deal with depression a very different way. Generally seeming distant or quiet with some outbursts. We dont sit and cry or want to talk about it. Depending on his age he may have the beginning stages of low-T as well. Both problems create similar symptoms and are easily managed. Long term relationships are not easy there will always be highs and lows. The important thing is always be working on it, even in the good times because it makes the hard times easier. If he is your fiance prior to figuring out if you want to split or get married I would recommend marriage counseling as well as having the other issues previously stated checked out. Just remember it’s not always 50/50 in the hardest of times is when you find out what your relationship is really made of.