How do you handle the screaming and fighting associated with Autism?

I just wanted to know how parents deal with the constant screaming and fighting—being mean to animals and others. I feel like I’m constantly going all day trying to calm him down or get him to stop being mean to his siblings and pets. It’s getting to the point where I can’t even keep my house clean anymore, and I break down crying because I feel like it’s always a mess, and I get really embarrassed when people show up outta nowhere or if I forget and the place is a mess the kids are bouncing off the walls. I never get a day to myself.


Honestly I feel you there. My son is 7 now and his pediatrician said it’s definitely autism, but we’re on the waiting list to get him to the specialist which takes almost 2 years. He gets really mean to his brother and scratches him when I’m not looking just because he “made him mad”. He’s very good with his words but social and emotional is where the struggle is for him. What I’ve learned to do is tire him out by taking long walks or taking my kids to the park and letting him run it out. He’s usually pretty good afterwards but it varies.

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Try heavy work or something weighted.

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It kind of depends on your child and thier limits and abilities.
Try consulting with your childs therapists. They are often wonderful sources of information and can help tremendously

I know the entire meds debate pushes everyones buttons but sometimes they can be a big help

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I feel like I could of written this myself, I have no advice because I’m going through the same thing, it’s so hard and so exhausting. Hugs to you xx

I would slap their butts n make then sit


First of all, if he can’t be safe with pets, you rehome the pets. -period-
My daughter made the choice to kick her baby brother in the face (which I witnessed and punished her for) and replace the cat’s water with sprite, all in one day. When I noticed a yellowish tint to the cat water and asked about it, she confessed. I told her right then and there that no matter how much I love her if she is going to continuously put the members of our household in danger she couldn’t live with us, and that she was never to do anything like that again. She has shoved her brother, taken his toys, and carelessly dropped him while playing (he’s a toddler, not an infant) but she’s never kicked him again. She has also not gone anywhere near the cat’s food or water since.
Your child should be in therapy. In some places, if you qualify, you can get the therapy and wraparound services for free, along with respite care 1 or 2 days a week. Wraparound should provide a behavior therapist or a BSC who will meet with you regularly, in the home, to discuss ways to change and control the child’s dangerous and negative behaviors. If the doctor is recommending certain medications, then it’s past time to engage with that. Hurting others cannot be tolerated, even if it’s not malicious. That is where the line needs to be. You need help. Get help, and take the help offered.


I’m going through it with my daughter and we are trying out a weighted vest it helps but she knows that’s it helps and hates to put it on but she is strating to get more violent towards kids at school and it’s a struggle big time

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We are a adhd/high anxiety house kind of and I notice a huge difference if the house is clean with minimal stuff. So I got rid of and purged a ton of stuff to just make things easier and I definitely brings the stress down in the house.


You should check my out my nephews mom my nephew has autism and she is amazing with him!! I’m sure she could help you maneuver through some of the autism life!

They have group thatom have auto spectrum kids it a good group

I work with children on the autism spectrum. First advice I can give is reinforce good behavior. Let them know you see it. The more you reinforce good behavior the likely they are to continue it especially if it’s a big item they love. Second is to keep your language short. Sometimes they don’t understand long lectures. Give easy to follow directions some good ones are “hands to yourself”, “ready hands”, “quiet mouth”. Always praise and reward when they follow those instructions. Keep things consistent as a schedule and structure is super helpful. You can make a handy chart and work on them knowing the expectations to gain a reward. I have lots of other tips feel free to pm me :blush:


You’re asking the wrong question. The question should be, what brings him to the point of screaming and fighting? He is having a meltdown. It’s not his fault. Why is he always having them? Something is bothering him. You’ll just have to find out what that this is.


My brother had a trampoline in his room that he used to released tension. The key was seeing the need to release tension before he lost control so we could direct him to the trampoline.

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If you’re not part of it already, join the sensory processing disorder parent group, I suggest you do so. It’s been a lot of help.

Autistic children are reacting to stimulus they cannot deal with. They act out, out of inability to process what is happening. You need to get him help, at school, at a therapist. They can also show you how to cope, how to distract, how to calm him down. The sooner you start, the sooner you will all be happier. Check with your local school district for special needs kids, they should be able to direct you to resources to help.

My son is Level 3/non-verbal/severe behaviors. CBD has helped immensely! We also have him on anxiety meds and attending ABA therapy. It’s been a year since we gave in and medicated him, we have no regrets!! It’s gotten so much better and because he’s not self harming as much, he’s taking the time to show me what he needs or I have time to figure it out because he’s slightly more patient. As for pets, we decided it was best for him to be an animal free home. Reach out to your center. In Colorado we have TRE and they help with resources/finding the right therapies etc good luck mama you are not alone :heart:

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With my adhd/spd/ocd/ anxiety kid, who LOVES to glass shatteringly scream, I cover my own ears and say, “oh ow ow! That hurts mommas ears! Ow ow!”
A lot of the time he was just screaming to get that sensory input. Hella frustrating.
When it was meltdown or defiance related it was - you can calm down here or in your bedroom, which would you like?
Or, you can scream outside or in your bedroom, which would you like.

I learned not to treat my asd daughter any differently then her siblings. She is punished for the same things they are in the same way. Autism doesn’t equal inability to learn and function. It means they have to work harder and need more support. You must have to be consistent and train yourself and much as the child.

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You may qualify for an occupational therapist or/and an autism specialist? It would be best to check with their paediatrician for a referral. They can help teach children appropriate social cues and how to use their grips correctly. My kids always did a version of play therapy. The kids love it and the therapists are able to give tips based upon your child. Montessori schools are also excellent at letting a child learn in their own ways. Your paediatrician will know what therapist may help your child. I also suggest looking into music and play therapy. It can teach coping mechanisms.

Counseling, applied behavior therapy, speech therapy for communication, occupational therapy for sensory issues, equine therapy, swimming, there is so much, yoga ball, stress balls, legos, going on long walks, noise canceling head phones, etc.

He needs a safe place to release tension. My son has autism. My biggest worries was his behaviors when having a meltdown. He’d destroy the house, hurt himself, then hurt others. School has a solid routine and I built one around that for my own home. Trampoline, a tight wrap or blanket he can lay in, maybe outside time. Find something that is positive for stimulation that he enjoys to redirect. It’s all about redirection and finding something he can use to release the tension. Maybe see whats causing these behaviors so you can go one step ahead. It’s a lot of work. My son is one of 6 children here. So I know the work that is put in.

The question is what is triggering the meltdowns??? What is he trying to tell u? How can u help him cope w what’s bothering him? Remember their brains don’t work or process things like ours do sometimes its just too much for them they don’t know how to explain something or a feeling and it bothers them so much to the point of a meltdown

Take a deep breath momma. My son is autistic and he is 14. He is starting to calm down. To get through the bad days we would work on a reward to give him something to work for to focus on to hold his anger. A tight sweatshirt or weighed blanket also helps. As for your home take it one day at a time and dont sweat the small things. Family and friends will understand. When the day is done take a hot bath. You got this. It does get easier. And remember take one day at a time

There are medications that can help with aggressive behaviors. I finally had to turn to that when I simply had no other options and my oldest son purposely pushed my middle son off the trampoline and broke his arm. As someone who had tried literally everything else, I would recommend the medicine. It helped but unfortunately he has now had to quit taking them. In order to get them, you have to see a psychiatrist and we live an hour away from any services like that. I just finally had to make the call that him missing so much school to see a psychiatrist that wasn’t helping was more detrimental to his success than the going without medication. He will never talk to any counselors or psychiatrists so it was going nowhere. One even said she didn’t need to see him anymore because there was nothing wrong with him. So now we are back to trying to figure out what to do with this child and his daily actions that make our house chaotic. I’m at a loss too at this point. I’ve read through every single one of these responses and I can say that I have tried every single one and still nothing works. And I do mean every single one - including taking him to show him a jail cell and discussing what it would be like to live there. I’m so afraid that his actions will eventually wind him up there. We have also discussed and been honest with him about a boys home. Before you judge…I used to work for Division of Family Services and I know what go on in them. I wanted to be up front with him about all the possibilities (even though I could not actually do that one). Some days I feel like it’s not fair to my other two children to constantly live in fear of what their big brother might do to hurt them. My other two kids are very smart and have fortunately learned to navigate around their brother’s feelings and know when to give him space. Things are slowly getting better and I think it comes with maturity of the child. My child also went through the stage of being mean to animals. He actually used to catch the black and yellow bumblebees for fun and try to kill them before he got stung. Yes, crazy and something that I do not tolerate! And yes, I’ve told therapist that. My children are taught that cruelty to animals is not tolerated so we had to get rid of all the pets and quit letting him play with frogs until he learned respect. He has now overcome that part of the behavior problems and he has now been allowed to get a pet and is doing well. Although is not allowed to interact with the pet without an adult near. Keep your chin up and know that you are not alone in this battle!

My daughter is autistic and doesn’t have major outbursts unless she’s extremely over stimulated… but my stepson is Autistic/ADHD and was put on Focalin (I think I spelt that right) around the age of 8. The difference was night and day!! Behavioral Therapy and less stimulation in the house throughout the day… will also help. Best of luck, mom! Remember you were chosen for a reason :heart:

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My son was diagnosed with autism when he was 3 ! I got him in the center for autism and they taught me and him how to handle different situations! When this happens tell him calmly you both need your space right now have a corner for him with books and favorite things he loves a fav blanket or anything g that comforts him there ! Also little gadgets he can play with to keep his mind occupied! Tell him when he calms down you can talk calmly to him it will help you both also don’t let him get away with making a mess! Or being mean to others Make him clean it up depending on age obviously ! And if he is mean to others put him in time out he needs to know that is not appropriate behavior! Don’t treat him like his disability is his excuse! They learn differently then everyone else but trust me as they get older they will pick up on you letting things slide and they will use it to their advantages ! Trust me! They are so smart ! Good luck with everything!

You need to get to the root of the problem, my son was like this as well, he needed a very structured routine and a safe space he could go calm down in

Have you tried essential oils? DōTerra oils are amazing and they have kid friendly oils.

Special needs children are ALOT of work and well worth it!!!
I have been through THE WORST… and that’s not an exaggeration. 3 especially difficult years. I’m taking smashed snow globes over my head while I was asleep, several smashed big screen TVs, laptops, countless phones, dead fish, trashed house daily… etc. but guess what? Shes 6… and we survived!! Intense therapy 5 days a week. I fought insurance for 2 years to get her covered, YES fought to get a diagnosed child the therapy she needs that the state would not give. I was constantly calling, having meetings, filling out forms, emailing etc. Autism is HARD!!! My daughter had years of intense therapy, I sat in on every single session (even watched through a 1 way window) and picked up on what the therapists were teaching so I could continue it at home. I spent all of my extra hours (the 4-5 hours that she did sleep) researching how to handle autism. This isn’t a quick fix… it takes years of trial and error- but it WILL get better I promise you. You learn to adapt to the chaos, you learn what triggers them, what calms them, everything. I know it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel… but it’s there. You have no choice but to believe that it will get better.


As far as the messy house thing…
A child comes first. A messy house is no big deal… grow some confidence in yourself and be secure with the cards you were dealt. Who cares what people think of your house!