Ok mommas. How do you keep motivated to keep the house clean. I do all the major stuff fairly often. (Like dishes, laundry, vacuum), But like how do you remember to pick up trash, bottles, etc. My hubby has been getting really frustrated coming home to a “mess” when it’s just some trash or dishes I have yet to clean up. Its literally nothing compared to what it could be, and its usually on the days he has had a really bad day at work (he’s a mechanic. His bad days are from 7 am to 6-7 pm, and we live an hour away from his job) *don’t come after him he is a really great guy and a great father. He helps out a lot and takes care of our 11-month-old son when I need a break. He just gets fed up with the little things, and Idk what to do anymore. It feels like I can make the house almost spotless, and he will find the food wrapper and empty bottle from 2 hrs prior or even 30 min prior and get frustrated about it. I can’t keep everything spotless all the time…I’m worn out.
Tell him to start cleaning up if he hates it that much. He gets to clock out. SAHM does not. The job is required 24:7.
Remember to pick up trash?? For me that’s just natural to pick it up. I think you have to decide what’s important to take care of.
Uhmm he’s a grown man he should be cleaning too. Working or not, you’re not his servant. I understand if you were just not doing anything but him deliberately going out of his way to find stuff? Nope! Tell him to leave his negativity at the door before he walks in.
That is so petty he should be thanking u for all ur hard work not takin his bad day out on u! What does he want u to never leave the house or trnd to ur children? Take a break ur doin awesome he can hire a maid if its not up to his standards cause u got kids to raise and he can fuck right off !!!
Sounds like something else is bothering him and those small things are triggering him…ask him maybe when your both in bed and relaxing” why is he getting upset over xyz
Stop doing so much and he will SEE what you actually do. He is a partner and shouldbe helping no matter what. No one deserves to be complained to when they work 24/7
My hubby cleans up every 30mins after the baby. I let her go and clean up after she is asleep. She will just put back what you clean up. With that being said I can d dishes and washing while she trashes everything. The trash bin goes once a day and folding while she plays. As for cooking thats we’re I am lacking and lazy. Just too tired once I get home from work.
Our household rule: if it bothers you, you clean it up. Does wonders on cutting down on the fighting.
Tell him to check himself at the door.
Offer him to do your job for 3 days.
Tell him life is worth living, not just working and to chill tf out.
Tell him your home is meant to be lived in, it’s not a museum.
Tell him if you feel like spending more time with the kids or chillin, instead of cleaning, that’s what you’ll do. Making memories, taking care of ones self and enjoying life is more important than some house work that will still be there later.
Tell him to take a few days off work and chillax because it sounds like he needs a damn snickers.
To answer your question. Don’t worry about the small stuff. Ignore him, don’t have a come back. He’ll soon stop saying anything. If not, tell him you’d be more than happy to find a job so he can stay home of he thinks he can do a better job.
How old are your kids? Old enough to help out? If so, teach them and make it a game. That way, you’re getting work done and having fun. No stress!! If not, girl, put on some of your favorite tunes and clean & dance!! The earlier you get the major stuff done, the more time you’ve got to relax and enjoy your kids!
I had 3 kids and raised them all by myself and my house was in tip top shape no excuse to be messy.
If your children are old enough give them chores.
Start a daily routine of chores for yourself. To keep a clean house we clean every single day.
Just set yourself a daily routine. Use phone reminders or alarms if you have to.
Put the rubbish straight in the bin when finished eating or drinking is literally the easiest thing to do. No point leaving it laying around to make a job of it later
I don’t have motivation. The house is a mess
For you, try to clean up as you go. Eat a snacksize chip bag, throw the bag away after you’re finished. Don’t put it on a surface. And have your baby “help” you. So they can get into the habit too as they grow up.
For him, if he’s truly having a bad day you should sit down with him and discuss how he can’t take that out on you. That its impossible to be perfect all the time. He isn’t, so why should you be? Unrealistic expectations are hazardous. And to remind him that you’ve been running the house and taking care of the baby the whole time he was working. But now he’s at his real job which is taking care of his child and house too.
On the off chance that you’re not doing as much cleaning as you’re saying because you’re overwhelmed with all the little things of raising a baby and may just be dealing with some depression, please know that it gets better and that I’m proud of you for taking this step to better yourself and your home for you and your family. You can do this!!
I found this and then made my own that fit my housework needs. It has helped…and other household members can & should help with the schedule
I split it into one task a day. Tuesday’s and fridays I do bathrooms. Sunday’s bed sheets get changed and laundry folded. Monday and Thursday sweep and mop. Wednesday I clean the kitchen but like deep clean. Moving appliances and the fridge for grocery shopping Thursday. It’s easier when it’s all broken up throughout the week even though I can do it all in an hour and a half if I focused. I just feel less overwhelmed. It’s also on my phone calendar so I make it a must do for the day.
Always take two things with you before leaving a room. Or you can do baskets for each room. So if you see things that don’t belong it’s a short walk to the bin. Then whom ever that basket belongs to can put it away or you can make it a goal to clear one out each day
Well I had 5 kids and my thoughts were if my husband was going to work to make the money so that we can live and raise the children have a home food on the table the least I can do was clean the house I never expected him to come home and clean up the house
You’re doing your best and sometimes life just gets in the way. You have a small baby so be kind to yourself.
Keeping the house tidy is the responsibility of everybody who lives in it. Him included. It’s hardly going to kill him to pick up a few wrappers. It’s taking longer for him to whinge about it than it would for him to just put them in the bin himself.
The “little stuff” like trash always bothered me when it takes 5 mins to throw it away. And depending on the age of the kids, they should be throwing it away. When I worked it frustrated me so much because it took very little effort. Doing the “big stuff” doesn’t always get done till the other parent got home and that’s ok.
I work and clean …get up and clean
It won’t be spotless all the time. That’s normal especially when you have kids. Try to do a quick clean up before he gets home. He is working long hours. It could be frustrating if the house is always messy. Some days you just don’t feel like cleaning. Maybe let him spend an entire day with your child and see how clean he keeps the house. Just so he can get a taste of what it’s really like. I’ve gotten to the point that the mess drives me crazy so I have to clean to make myself feel better. Having a clean house will literally change your mood. But I definitely understand the days you just don’t feel like keeping up with it all.
I have no advice except a possible amazing blow job to get him to stfu on the other hand I’m totally with u.
Learn to over look the whining. He’s been at work all day and if you know you’ve cleaned it’s probably not actually the wrap or dishes but more so the unwind of a busy days work for him. Now if it’s not just a moan and groan and he is yelling and screaming then spend a week doing absolutely nothing and then maybe he’ll come to terms with a wrapper and dishes and shut up.
Is it just one child? Girl you are lucky if so lol but make a routine. That’s what I do. I’m a working mom so obviously I can’t really clean after I get home from work but on the weekends its a routine thing. It’s hard because I have a 2 year old and a 1 yr old tearing up the house so it’s constant.
My husband used to be like that. He would say you’re home all day so the house should be spotless. Well, after 22 years working for the same employer is that his hours were reduced from 40 hrs a week to 8 hrs a week. Now, that he is unemployed he gets to see first hand everything I do during the day. We have two dogs and three young adults. I would make sure everyone would be taken care of including the dogs meals and I was getting overwhelmed. Now that he’s home is that he now understands why I was overwhelmed at times. So now we coparent and held a family meeting to assign chores. One young adult asked? So, dad with all due respect. Are you going to help mom too? To my surprise he said we are all going to pitch in because we all live here. I’m a happier mom and a happier wife. I’m sure once my husband goes back to work he will appreciate more and nag less.
Tell him to get over it, unless you need to live in a sterile environment for health reasons a bit of mess isnt going to kill him, hes being quite ungrateful, he could come home to a tip
My motivation is My home its my peace so I like a organized clean home.
I’ve never personally like to leave a mess or have dirty dishes all day or dirty laundry out for days ect. It gets me anxious. As much busy as I I’m it’s just how I personally feel about my home.
I do have little ones so it does get messy with toys. But my kiddos are awesome about putting toys away onces done playing with them.
Sit down worth your husband on his day off and talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling and that you are trying help him understand how hurtful he can be. Then work with him to come up with a solution, weather it is coming up with a schedule dividing up cleaning days such as bathrooms done Monday and Thursday laundry done Tuesday and Friday, since you have a little one vacuum and sweep daily… Also if he had two days off one day he should do all of the child care and help with dishes… At least. Remind him SAHMs need a “day off” also. We never get them.
So he’s frustrated but he’s not exactly frustrated at you he’s just frustrated with his day… my husband was like this a lot and it got to the point where I would look at him and say I don’t know why you have an attitude but it’s not because of me so I’m going to walk away and whenever you’re ready to talk to me you let me know… Every single time he told me what the issue was and it was done and over with &&& the nitpicking stopped
Idk. I keep up with this stuff and work 40 hours a week. Just do it if you see it needs to be done
Some days i do nothing
Coffee. It’s the only way for me
If its trash just throw it away…
My ass would tell him to pick it up or shut up I wasn’t made for no weak ass man that get mad about a wrapper while the rest of the house is clean. He can go back to him mommy’s house for all I care.
Throw trash away immediately, straight to the bin
Throw trash straight in bin when done instead of all over place?
If you chose to be a stay at home mom instead Of working it’s your job to keep the house clean, make food and maintain the kids, i work full time and do it all I think that if he’s paying the bills working shifts like that he should be upset
Come play some fun games and win some
If he’s working those hours and you’re a sahm than he has every right to be pissed. Set an alarm and get it done. Toss away garbage as you make it, wash dishes right away and have dinner ready when he walks in the door.
Sometimes things just like up. Its busy work being a mom. Make a day for each chore, take before and after pictures. Sounds crazy but when you have kids and constant picking up soon he’ll see your worth.
It telling him suck it up buttercup. And have him stay home with the children and do what u do . Guaranteed he will change his mind . He should be helping u with house not putting everything on u.
Trash you throw away as soon as it’s empty, and not attacking your hubs or anything but he should cut you a little slack. It’s exhausting taking care of a tiny human and it’s impossible for the house to be completely spotless all the time. You’re only one person, cut yourself some slack too.
With out coming after him umm you are trying your best. House work is a team effort I recommend a clean as you go method. Or a chart per day Monday bathroom tuesday kitchen Wednesday vaccine Thurs laundry etc everyday the basics clean as you go. However the stress and anxiety over small things can take a toll on you. There is a difference between dirty and messy.
What u do is get into the habit of not walking with empty hands if u need to leave a room glance around and see if you can move a to b on the way like i check the table before i walk through the kitchen to go to the toilet and i pick up the empty toilet roll or the washing on my way back etc… such a simple thing does replace alot of mundane or back n fourth like your doing it anyway…
After that then you have to accept that if you live with children you will never have a show home. Tidy not spotless is about the best hes gonna get. But also try to train the kids garbage goes in the bin,washing goes in the washing basket,dishes get rinsed… any kid kindergarten or over is fairly capable if shown
1 child. Can’t keep up? Unless there is an illness affecting your ability to do normal days to day things my guess is you aren’t managing your time well. Put things away as you finish with them. Throw trash into the waste immediately instead of putting on a surface to deal with later. Train your self.
Dont push yourself to hard mama. Maybe think about everything you have to do that day write it down - if you must then, work on it Dont let some of these women mum-shame you. Well planned to do list and time management. I’m sure you’ll be fine hun x
Eat in the kitchen. Teach the kid how to throw things away if they walk…Make sure most rooms have a waste basket…
Is your hubs possibly ocd? I’m not trying to come after him, but this REALLY sounds like a him problem. And women in this thread are being gross.
My whole house is a mess 24/7. I cant stand it, but at the same time my “wonderful” husband gets to go work out every other day while im dropping off and picking up kids, cooking doing all the grocery shopping. Baths and getting kids ready for bed. So i have decided my kids being happy and taken care of is more important than keeping up with the chores and if he has an issue then he can do it when he gets home lol
You need to have a day out with him watching the little one and see what you come home to then
You obviously are doing your best. He is already in bad mood when he comes home. If he wants a spotless house, with no evidence that someone lives there, then he should have not of chosen to have a family. Or he could pay for a maid to come in to clean to his specifications. Or he could move back home and have his mommy clean for him. Lol:rofl: (sarcasm!) Look momma. If your child is healthy, not neglected and your house is relatively clean he should have no complaints. Wrappers or empty bottles should just go in the trash right away. Half hour bf he comes home do a quick run though of the house and tidy. Ask your husband what he would like prioritized bf he gets home? Honestly sounds like he is nit picking over stuff bc he had a bad day and not bc your house is a crazy mess. I’d have a conversation with him abt it. It’s not fair he comes home and then feels okay taking that out on you, bc something is out of place that he doesn’t like. Now, if he is coming home to a whole house all out of sorts I get being upset. But speaking from experience with two children. When they were little I could be cleaning the kitchen and those little stinkers would have the living room destroyed in 5 seconds. Best advice I have it do a quick “pick up” of anything left behind a half hour bf he comes home, if you steadily clean up after each meal and snack throughout the day it shouldn’t be to hard. Good luck momma!!
I get up with my husband at 315 am take my thrive vitamins, they kick my butt into gear to get the house cleaned, laundry done, & a workout all before the kids get up for school. I am a mother of 5. Oldest 3 in their 20s. I know all about letting you home go, myself go far beyond etc. It’s nothing nice on us SAHM. But I will say in the last 5 yrs since starting thrive vitamins, my life has been amazing my home is always taking care of, I can keep up with my two younger ones & grandchild. I am no longer out of shape & hating life. I absolutely love the skin I am in now. be blessed & never stressed
My house is a disaster at the moment (by my standards anyways) my husband will hitch at me from time to time and I always come back with " the baby alive and feed the dogs have food down and you have food, im gonna have dishes in the sink"
Personally, I take pride in my home and I don’t like to live in a mess. So, I clean as I go. If I see something, I pick it up. One bit of advice, make sure everything has a home. If things don’t have a place to go, it’s hard to keep your home under control. If it’s out of place, put it back when done. Surely if trash has been sitting for 2 hours you must’ve passed a trash can at least once in those 2 hours.
I’m a sahm of 3 and 1 on the way during the week I pick 1 room everyday and deep clean it (with general light cleaning throughout the day for the rest of the house) or depending on the day my whole downstairs then the next my upstairs… also my husband will help me during the weekend on his days off if I’ve fallen behind…sounds like he’s being a little harsh so I’d definitely sit down and talk to him
Maybe start counseling now. You both need to learn to communicate with compassion and respect for each other. Something more is going on underneath this. If some trash is bothering him a mature person would just take care of it. Nip this nonsense in the bud.
I’m wondering if he’s mad about something else from work traffic etc and you are his safe space so hes using it. My husband does it sometimes too. I just say I am trying but it’s hard and hand him a beer
He’s due home at 5:45, you pick up that house at 5:30. Do what you like the rest of the time.
Smh, clean that house since he’s supporting you. A lot of women would love to have a man like that. Those kind are rare. I’m 35 and I know what I’m talking about
You may not want to give him Excuses and ask not to come for him but sorry. Hes wrong!
Mine better never come in the house and bitch about a damn thing because the next week he won’t get nothing! No hot meals, no clean clothes and I won’t do nothing for him!!!
I do everything I do because I love them, because I care, you say anything about a couple of things I didn’t do then there will be consequences!
Men think its so easy, they don’t see your struggle, they don’t think about you and your needs, the only thing they think about is them and what makes them comfortable.
In 22 years even through the dreeded toddler years
(house was a disaster) has my husband
EVER SAID ANYTHING!! You know what a great partner does instead of bitching they step up and get that choore done themselves.
They contribute more then paycheck to their partner and children!
I made it very clear from the beginning that I’m Not a maid and I refuse to be disrespected in any way.
If It bothers him tell him to handle it!
The kids are Alive,
the house is still standing, and my mental state is in one piece, that’s what matters, respect that or were gonna have issues.
I also made it very clear in the very beginning that his bad days are no excuse to be shitty, rude or take it out on me, because I’m not gonna sit quietly by and let you trash me, we will be fighting if you disrespect me, I don’t give a damn how bad your day is!
I use arranging things to minimize the appearance of a mess. Pile of dishes? Sort them and work on them as you can. Carry a basket around with you thru the house and pick up as you go along (empty grocery bag in there for trash).
Also, let certain places be a little messy so he gets more used to it. Spotless living room when he gets home, maybe a bit of a mess in the bedroom. Clean dining room and table, a few dishes here and there in the kitchen.
You have a full time job with those babies, housekeeper is your part time job. Could consider getting someone to come help a couple times a week. I’d gladly pay $20 an hour for a couple hours of help.
Tell him… If he dont like then do it your damn self (him)
Your being to hard on yourself and so is he get rid of all the excess kids toys clothes etc not that I can talk 5 kids 8 -16 years old and my place is written off most days hubby used to be the same but over time he realised how difficult and exhausting it was for me
Talk to him explain u do do things but with child it’s like brushing ur teethveating oreos say u will not do a thing 1 day!!! Let him see what it’s actually like when u dont do NOTHING. He will soon appreciate what u do do. Ir write a list EVERY SINGLE THING u do with ur hands. Empty washer put on air fold pick up bowl put in cupboard every single detail x
Yeah reverse the roles for a day. See how well he goes…
Try and make time for the two of you .even if just getting out for couple hours each week…
The only way I could do it was set a schedule for myself…of course with baby things happen…
But on most days it will work…for instance Monday morning sheet day, towels…I do laundry just about every day so never have bunch to do .fill sink with hot water when doing dishes. While they soak do something else…that wAy they only take few minutes to do…
Remember he is exhausted…bitchy…just taking frustration out…old saying…save it for the ones you love… unfortunately…give him a little time when he gets in to relax
Say exactly, to him, what you just wrote! I personally never felt like I got any cleaning done as a stay at home mom, but I always set a timer for 30 minutes before he got home to “straighten up” .
How many bottles and wrappers can there be? If they are his, show him where the garage can is, if your from the day, you already know where the garbage can is, throw away after use.
My housekeeping style could be best described as “there appears to have been a struggle”.
I don’t know of any woman with a house and children that can keep it spotless. You are doing fine, maybe he could understand better what its like
I just dont like a cluttered or dirty house .
Get in the habit of putting rubbish in bin instantly and putting things away as soon as you use it