How do you deal with family issues? I just need to vent but also need some advice. I have two siblings that don’t bother with me, or my kids. I live about an hour and a half away from them and don’t see them much. But they have children and I constantly ask about them, send them Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc. However when it comes to me, my children are not asked about, nor are they visited or sent anything, not even a birthday card or acknowledgment. I try to maintain my relationship with my siblings and miss my nephews and nieces but I feel like I am the only one trying. I explain to my kids I have siblings but they know nothing about them aside from pictures because even when I have invited and tried to include my siblings in my children’s celebrations, they show no interest at all. Would you keep trying with your siblings relationship for the sake of the kids or would you just back off until the bond is reciprocated? My heart longs for a bond but my mind is telling me I’m just gonna always get hurt by being the only one putting in effort.
I agree with Carolyn Santiago
I know the story I have friends who is like sisters my daughter had grandma and pa not by blood but love us like their own
Talk to them and tell them that this is how you feel and what you want long term with them. If they aren’t on the same page as you and are not interested, you’re free to move on and build a happy life without them.
I think thats hard as i couldnt imagine not seeing my nieces but then i wouldnt want to put the effort into my siblings when they dont even acknowledge me xx maybe arrange for your nieces/ nephews to visit for the weekend occasionally then you only making an effort with them xx
I’m going to keep being Aunty to my nieces and nephews as long as I’m allowed. Expecting everyone is going to treat you the way you treat them is how you break your heart. Keep being you and don’t expect from anyone.
The family you create is more important than the one you come from.
Stop putting in effort to people who don’t give you effort back. A relationship is a two sided thing. At the moment you’re not maintaining a relationship, you’re just making yourself hurt more. Spend the money and effort on your own family.
I love family from afar… I have always been treated differently than my siblings and I won’t allow my children to feel that hurt. I also never speak poorly of anyone around my children. It isn’t their burden.
Live your life. That’s all you can do. You do what you do for the kids cause you love them. They will always remember that.
My kids don’t have a relationship with any of my siblings and I have 5 of them!
It use to bother me, like a lot. But honestly it really doesn’t anymore.
I gave up after years of seeing them spend time with other peoples kids or other people in general. They’d easily go 12 months without hearing from them. & when they did it just felt forced and done out of guilt instead of genuine interest.
My kids aren’t missing out though, they don’t miss people they don’t know & the family that is around for them spoil them and love them enough to make up for it anyway.
There is no point trying to force a relationship they clearly don’t care to have. One thing I stopped being was a chaser, don’t do that. It’s not fair to yourself, because at the end of the day, if they wanted to they would.
Time to back off… They’re prob just caught up with their own lives right now… Kids, work, family (partner and kids)… Not everyone has the spare head space for more… Maybe you need to focus on yours, and chill.
I would have a honest conversation(not argument) with them. Tell them how you feel. Ask them if they’re interested in having a relationship with you and your children. Tell them you need to set expectations with your children. You might not get the answer you want, but you should get an answer.
You can’t make people reciprocate. You have 2 choices. Continue to put the effort into the relationships with the kids, so pull back. Either decision is going to be tough on you. Are you willing to continue to give, give, give and never receive? Look at how much energy you’re expending. It bothers you. It upsets you. Have you had enough and it’s time to concentrate on you and yours? Sometimes letting go is the answer. Good luck.
You just love your kids more. My relationship with one of my siblings is very toxic and I do wish it was otherwise but its healthier to keep my distance. I value my health more.
Why swim oceans for people who can’t even jump a puddle for you ?
It really depends on how long this has been going on. If it has been once or twice I would try a few more times, however if this has been years then I would just stop. It is up to both parties to try to have a relationship and it looks to me like you are the only one that wants a relationship with them.
If youre the one always trying…allow them a few mos space. Dont do the gifts for them ne more
.n see how long it takes for them to call…or notice. Seems harsh and I know its hard when you want family around. But im realising we tend to care…so much…n being the only one only leads to disappointment. Strong boundaries are important…esp within families. Have youever explained to them the hurt you feel ?
You’re trying and they simply don’t care. If you’re sending them gifts in hopes they’ll return the favor, stop. You’re stressing yourself out. Find peace with the situation bc they obviously don’t see family the way you do. And that’s ok. Focus on your family and your kids and if your siblings happen to reach out at some point in the future, try again.
I mean why don’t they talk to you? Do they talk to each other? If so what happened in life that they exclude you? I’m not blaming you at all but There’s too much not here to offer any real advice. If they’ve made the decision to cut you off just respect it and move on with your life. If it’s just distance and everyone is busy, try and sit and talk with them and say your piece…see if y’all can get together every once in a while. Express your feelings and see what theirs are.
I have been in a similar situation. Talking to them may be the obvious first step, but it is also the hardest one. Only take that step if you can’t find any other. In the worst possible case scenario, being told to your face that you don’t matter to them or they don’t like or want you would be incredibly painful for someone caring like you. I know that because I found out the hard way myself. It’s likely that there is a reason for their behaviour and it may be nothing to do with you in any personal way, but is there a mutual friend or relative you could talk to instead? Someone who could sound them out and perhaps soften the blow, if there is one.
Do them like they do you an your kids forget about gifts an cards for them see how they react
I’m really and truly sorry, but no response is a choice AND a response. For whatever reasons, you and your family are not important to them.
Pay attention to the family/friends who make an effort for you and let go of the others.
I’m sorry you are being excluded, but I would back off. I would definitely stop with the gift giving. Maybe send a Christmas card to the family and let it go at that.
I have 2 daughters just like this. one down east the other about 15 miles away. never see them and that is fine with me. I have disowned them years ago. started with 4 then added my husband for 5, lost one (cancer) now I have 2. not bad odds
Your working hard to keep the family bond that only you care about. I’m sorry but dont waste time on the people that dont send this love back to you.or your children. It’s sad but true. We had the same thing with my step daughter. My daughter worked so hard to be a good sister to her. After my husband passed she realized it’s one sided. The step daughter never gave her father time either. Makes her a waste.of time. That’s hard reality they are too self centered to pay attention. Sending love to u and kids. U sure dont deserve it.
If a person has to beg for attention - in ANY type of relationship - then it is not a relationship: it’s a one way street.
Walk away and enjoy the family you have.
Your better off without them you make a good Christmas for your kids you don’t need them
I would stop if it was one sided. As much as it’ll hurt, it’s not fair to you. If they reach out, you can still pick up where you left off. No hard feelings but I wouldn’t be putting in so much effort for no reason
If it was me I’d stop with any gifts maybe do a card in mail and that’s it. Maybe try asking them what’s going on. And why there excluding u n ur kids. If it’s the traveling maybe see if they can make a day u n ur kids go there n met up and have a lunch date or something.
But personally I’d cut them all off. And make ur kids a new family with friends
I would talk to them n see what they say.
Try to have an honest conversation first. Maybe there is something unresolved? Maybe there is something you don’t know about? Exhaust all options before just giving up, because they sound that important to you!!
Break away. They show no interest and it’s not fair to you or your children
Ditto I just gave up after losing our parents & other fam members too much dysfunction I demand peace it’s so sad and breaks your heart so many feelings involved with people if they don’t feel the same way you cannot make them that’s what I’ve learned the hard way maybe it’s time to just do you ?
I have 2 full brothers i havent seen in years. One of them would come if i invited him to things but i hated always feeling like i was doing all the work. He was super honest with me he doesnt care about my kids. He doesnt even like kids. He had an accident with his only child and got himself fixed. He works 5 min away from my house mon-fri but like i said i havent seen him in years. My youngest brother i havent seen since he was 16. I leave him alone bc while i had custody of him i think he was grooming my then 4 yr old daughter. I have many more baby girls since so i leave him alone. I have half brothers i never grew up with. I talk to none but have had more interactions with them recently than my full brothers. The brother that works 5 min away lives with his now gf and her parents and i always feel wierd when i would visit because i barely know the parents and dont want to intrude on their home. So i stopped trying. He doesnt reach out on his own. I know he doesnt care about my kids. So i just have no family. My dad has been dead since i was 11. My mom has had dementia for 15yrs. Any aunts and uncles have their own lives and children to care about. I have the family i make. Ive come to terms with it.
I was always the one to do everything while my kids are ignored. Now I do nothing. Last year his mom asked where her Christmas present was. I said, didn’t get ya one. How’s that feel
Stop all you are doing. It will never make them care.
Sometimes kids get caught in the middle of adult drama. Personally, I would keep trying.
I’d say just stop wasting ur time and money on them. It’s sad I get it I have the same thing with my sibling too . It’s been 20 years of it our oldest kids are 1 yr a part went to the same school in highschool and didn’t talk to each other either . It is what is it darling not much more you can do just do u and your kids momma
I would back off focus on letting that go and when you distance yourself if you don’t hear from them unless they bitch at you for backing off you’ll have your answer
Stop trying. No more gifts…no more attempted contact. If you have done something that created this… then you might try to talk to them… if you didn’t do anything… don’t even try to talk to them.
I have more aquired family who is much closer than my blood family.
Let them miss you…if they don’t…you haven’t lost anything.
Speak up let them know that you miss them and you really want to know if you have done something to upset them or what is really going on I mean with any relationship there has got to be communication so like the old saying goes a
A CLISED MOUTH NEVER GETS FED BEST OF LUCK TO YOU HUNNY
Give them the effort they give you. If they don’t gift your kids, don’t gift theirs. They get what they give. They will keep taking gifts because they know they don’t have to do the same back in order to eat them. Time to cut ties and losses to tell ya the truth. It will save you some money AND some heartache.
Why would do that for their kids if they don’t do it for yours?? Stop wasting your time and energy. If they cared they would have showed up for you and your kids.
I’d stop. Message your siblings and say that while you live your nieces and nephews, you’re just and your children don’t understand why you guys don’t show any interest in them. No acknowledgment at birthdays or Christmas seeing as you’ve always acknowledged their children. So from now on you won’t be sending anything through as it isn’t reciprocated or appreciated
Stop sending presents. They don’t send them for your children so you save that money for your kids.
Stop phoning and buying the kids gifts. Tell or ask them why they dont include you in anything
Stop sending gifts, stop asking about their kids, stop inviting them to every event. I never once was invited to an event or even had presents sent till I literally was a bi**h about it. When my oldest sister made a trip right past my house to go to my mom’s place, not once did she get a hold of me or stop in and see my kids. I told my mom before my sister went back down state to tell my sister thanks for the stop in to see your nephews and niece and check up on me not and not to contact me for nothing. I blocked her but not my niece and nephew cause they can’t help what their mom did. My kids only knew of her and what she looked like nothing more then that and now when they ask me if I have siblings I said long story, well one I kicked out, two kicked me out of their lives and when you’re older I’ll tell you all about it. It’s hard at first but once you think of it as ADHD “what’s not in your view or eye sight everyday, you’ll forget about it.”
You don’t have to stop being a part of your nieces and nephews lives just because your siblings don’t want to put forth effort to be a part of your kids lives. It’s not the kids fault that their parents are dicks. Don’t lie to your kids- be honest with them about your siblings behavior and let them know that they aren’t missing out on anything special with their aunts and uncles.