How Do I Deal With Family Pettiness During My Divorce?

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"I'm in the middle of a divorce and I moved in with my parents and I work from home. So I've only been at my parents house for a few days and I have been miserable.. My sister by herself is really nice and considerate and I enjoy being around. My sisters friend also lives with us and she anticipates on moving out some time after December. Anyways.. Like the past few days I feel like I'm constantly attacked and gained up on. Like it's petty stuff really. I was about to explain the difference between a pie pumpkin and a regular pumpkin and I was interrupted and was told I was wrong and said why. Even though I never gave the explanation. Then we were talking about shampoo and I was told it was horrible for your hair and should by the expensive stuff… Then they brought my dog into the conversation (she has not moved in because of her anxiety and I'm getting my room ready for her) and they said ugh I don't know how we can handle 3 dogs when we are perfectly handle 2 (which they don't they just leave them constantly alone). I'm not trying to sound petty. I've been very emotional because it has been a horrible year this year… I was diagnosed with PCOS (no babies anywhere near my future), the divorce, and I don't want to deal with the pettiness… Please be nice it hasn't been the easiest time for me and I already feel like crap…"

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"Sounds like you’re going through a lot. Maybe see if you can get into counseling to help you through this time and heal. I’m sorry I don’t have anything in regards to the pettiness, but counseling does wonders when starting over!"

"I would maybe try to limit conversation with them. If they are going to act like that just don’t engage in conversation. Or when they talk to you just give an answer that doesn’t bring the conversation further. And kind of just ignore what they say. Unless you think telling them to quit it and stop acting that way will work."

"I would ignore them completely if they try to talk to you together. Tell your sister that you will not talk to her and when her friend is around because you won’t take her disrespect. You have enough to worry about then the pettiness of her friend. Hang in there and focus on saving money for your own place. Good luck momma"

"A combination of birth control and metformin helped me conceive with pretty severe PCOS so dont just give up"

"Stand up for yourself or dont talk to them. Its not a requirement to join in any petty drama, family or not."

"You need to have a conversation with just your sister because it sounds like the friend is the one that is initiating it with the help of your sis. Talk to her and if the behavior doesn’t stop ignore her and her friend completely. It’s less petty than what they are doing. Just make sure you talk to her first."

"I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. Have you tried talking to them? If you’re afraid of being interrupted maybe write a letter? If I were doing something that upset my sisters, I’d absolutely want them to come to me."

"Get therapy, talk to your parents and or maybe stay elsewhere"

"I would just try not being around when they are together. Maybe talk to your Mom alone and see what she thinks of the situation, you might be pleasantly surprised…"

"Its hard dealing with bullying type behavior. Set goals for yourself and try to not engage with them. Just focus on you and what you need to do, one day at a time. Also let your parents know that they should encourage the friend to move out, that its difficult with the three of you. Btw, theres good treatment for PCOS, I had it also and its fairly common."

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I’m probably not the one to give this advice, bc I tend to fight pettiness with pettiness. On the dog situation, the first thing that popped into my mind was “well, I’m sure you can ignore and neglect 3 dogs just as well as you do the 2”—and I know I would have said it.:disappointed: To cut you off and say “you’re wrong” when you didn’t even say what you had to say? I was thinking “good thing you are moving out in December—it’ll be great to get out there while you still know everything…”:roll_eyes: I know this isn’t the best remedy, to sink to their level…. But sometimes allowing them to hear how they sound themselves, maybe they will want to avoid conversations with you after—just as much as you want to avoid it with them now…. It won’t stop the pettiness necessarily, bc ppl are who they are, and apparently the friend brings that out in your sister when they are together.:weary: But if it can encourage them to steer clear of you while she’s still living in the house, then that’sa small victory for you—imho. Eventually she will move out and your sister won’t be constantly exposed to that on the daily. After awhile, she might get tired of that negative bs herself—once she’s not being bombarded by it everyday in her home. Distance often provides clarity.
Sorry you are going thru so much right now. Hugs n I hope it gets better soon…