How Do I Break This Pattern of Constantly Needing Male Attention Because I'm Not Attracted to My Husband?!

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"I'm a genuinely and lovely attractive married woman. I have everything I could ever want in a husband however I have never felt any major chemistry or sexual attraction. Sometimes I get male attention and it feels so good to flirt and feel that major attraction and sexual tension. On the odd occasion, these interactions have turned physical and it’s not even about the sex for me, it’s the flirting and sexual tension/build-up from someone I’m really attracted to that makes me feel excited. But always ends and makes me feel worse. Usually, because of someone catching feels or worrying about catching feels. I find that the men that I find really attractive, seem to be into me until they get what they want and then ghost me a bit which ultimately makes me feel unattractive and not good enough. Yet I know I have this person at home who thinks I am the most amazing and gorgeous. But that sexual attraction for me is soooooo important and isn't there. I want to break this pattern. This isn't what I want for myself or my husband. I really need some advice. Please don’t judge me, be nice"

RELATED: How Do I Tell a Woman I Don’t Know Her Husband Is Cheating… With My Mom?


The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"No judgement but maybe you should allow your husband to be with someone who really wants and desires him. Seems like you are chasing things that belong to others. If you are cheating on your husband then you no longer love him and he deserves better"

"My advice is to leave your husband. Let that man go and find a woman who not only appreciates him but is attracted to him. If you’re not willing to do that, I suggest counseling because you have some things to work through. You both deserve to be happy and it’s obvious you aren’t. It’s time to move on."

"If the attraction isn’t there and you are seeking it from other people, then you should not be in your marriage."

"Does your husband know about your lifestyle and is he okay with it? If so, I’m not really sure what advice to give because you will never gain sexual attraction to him if you haven’t by now. If he doesn’t know and you’re actually cheating with all these men, you need to come clean and give him a divorce because he deserves to be with someone who does appreciate him for everything he is and not just what he does."

"No judgment but either count your blessings and behave or let him go and let someone else have his devotion!"

"Get a divorce find someone you want that wants you"

"Soooo wrong on so many levels! You need to let your husband find real true love and you need to get yourself some counseling. That is really damaging behavior…to your husband and yourself! I'm not trying to judge but you are old enough to know cheating is so wrong and you've done it more than once…that man deserves better and you are not it!"

"I think you really need to come clean with yourself and your husband. Obviously, there’s some kind of void inside of you and it’s beyond not fair to be cheating. Marriage isn’t a fairytale it’s hard work with both people being on the same page. I’ve been with my partner for 15 years and yes sometimes you might feel like the grass is greener on the other side but if you’re tending to your own grass it can be just as beautiful if not. Better."

"You need to tell your husband and then get some therapy or something."

"Awww that’s a bit sad. Please seek professional help. Might be some unresolved trauma from your past."

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