When did you know it was time to leave your relationship? I am stuck right now. On one hand he is a good dad and I would be sad to take the kids from their home…but on the other hand I am not happy and havent been for a long time…I just want to be single…I just dont think its fair to my kids and feel like I am being selfish and only thinking about myself…
When I could see he was still breathing. I was just done and had to leave!
After I had exhausted all avenues …I feel it’s easier to end things when you have tried everything to make it work!! Never easy! wishing you and your family all the best.￼￼
work on your marriage for your kids. they deserve it.
For me, we separated one time for 10 months and found our way back to each other. But just recently separated again. Looking back nothing really changed from the first time and the reasons behind when we first separated. So therefore, this time was the best choice for us both. I became so unhappy and things were not how they should be. We don’t have kids together so that’s a plus. But take my advice follow your heart and weigh all your options. Prayers for you!
For me the only way out would be after I tried EVERYTHING physically possible to fix my marriage. I have 2 kids with my husband. I would exhaust all options first. Relationships are hard and are a lot of work. A lot of falling in and out of love, reconnecting, rekindling. I feel people quit in their marriages so easily in most recent years. If you truly feel like you have done all you could have done, you know your answer.
I left when I felt like, my ex-husband, kids, and myself all deserved to be truly happy. All together under one roof, it became an unhappy home. My ex and I co-parent better separately than we ever did together. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted him to be happy. In return, our kids can be happy.
I went to marriage guidance and they told me to get divorced.
Don’t stay for the kids. But do put effort into staying for your marriage. No one can know your reasons for wanting to be single, besides you, but simply wanting to be single probably isn’t the best reason to leave the commitment you made. I think you deserve to be happy but I think you owe it to your family to do whatever you can to save your marriage before leaving.
Also, you say he’s a good dad, but parenting dynamics are not the same when divorced. You will have absolutely no control over whatever is going on at dad’s house. And you never know what that’s going to be like. When you have to be in a relationship, you parent differently. Like getting the kids to school late is different when you’re dealing with custody. Things can get very tense (to say the least.) You won’t have a say in whether he brings new women around them, or where he takes them.
A retainer for a family lawyer is usually $3K+ in Texas anyways. And my custody battle lasted for years. Like 3 years in and out of court. And that’s just to hire a lawyer. You have to continuously pay them for everything. Every email, every phone call, every random court appearance. Every single hour your lawyer does anything for you, you can expect to pay at least $150. Per HOUR. Do you have a quick question, and want to send an email? If they take a half hour to respond to you, bam, $75. If your ex needs to be served? You’ll be billed. I have spent Half my day in court, taking off work, to deal with a court date, just to postpone the date for a later date. Countless times. And you’ll be a single parent on a single income.
Have you seen this housing/rent market??? are you prepared to deal with that on one income??
Have you seen the DATING market??? The grass isn’t greener- it’s TURF.
Just keep I mind- it’s never easier to leave. Leaving is usually the absolute hardest options, even in an abusive relationship. It’s always FAR easier to stay.
You only get one life and you deserve to be happy, but make sure it’s all worth the entire shit storm it will create for you to leave.
I knew because I wasn’t mad or sad anymore.
The only feeling was relief!
What about being single is it that you’re thinking you want? Asking because I wanted free of my ex husband and to be single. I thought I for sure would enjoy being single and enjoying not having a husband and just being a single mom and living my life and having fun. A year and a half later… guess what? I miss my family. I have had full custody of all 9 kids. Things sucked with my ex. We were both unhappy. But guess what? We both changed the past year and a half. And now we are coparenting and getting to know each other all over again…. We both missed our family even though we spent the last year and a half completely hating eachother. I’m not saying don’t leave if that’s what you think you want, but I would really make sure that it is what you want. Because you don’t always get second chances…. And sometimes you’re unhappy because you stop putting in the same effort you once did or changed how that effort was being put in.
When you can picture your future but their not in the picture anymore.
If you’re unsure and just want to be single I’d seek couples counseling first. If he’s a good dad & partner I’d hold on to that, the grass isn’t always greener , trust me. I have to share custody with my ex husband and it’s harder than you can even begin to imagine.
If he is a good day and you just want to be single make sure you’re doing the right thing …. He may go for full custody
Have you tried councelling? Getting devorced is not easy, 1 it cost money 2 its very emiotional for everyone. But once you made up your mind…its at the end of the day a choice only you can make.
Staying for the children is never the answer.
I stayed with my ex for far too long because I didn’t want the kids having two separate houses, didn’t want them having to go back and forth etc.
In the end I was so unhappy, the kids were affected and I realised I deserved to be happy for not only myself but the kids too.
There was lots of other factors of course but the kids and I went away one weekend and I realised how much happier, calmer I was without him around, I also saw how much I didn’t miss him or need him…
I was gone a month later.
Absolutely no regrets almost 3yrs later, I’ve met someone amazing who treats me and the kids soo amazingly and were expecting our own baby very soon
Don’t get me wrong, it was so hard in the beginning. I didn’t know who I was and I had to rely on family and friends for support and help with the kids but we made it work!
Don’t think the grass is greener on the other side.
I knew it was time when I discovered he was hiding a video camera in our bed room and bathroom… and it wasnt to see if i was cheating or doing something I shouldn’t be either (only 1 other reason why…) 10 years wasted on a pervert.
The moment you decide to come to Facebook and ask a bunch of dumbass strangers? Yeah, about 2 years before that
When I realized that it was easier on my own and I was happier without.
What is it that you think “single” means? Honest question, maybe those things you feel like you’re missing out on, could be something you can ask for and make work? Distance from responsibility for a day, your own space to decorate or do whatever you want.
Just being unhappy isn’t necessary a reason to do something as serious as divorce. If you haven’t tried counseling (single and/or couples), couples retreats, etc then it would be very selfish to take your kids away from their dad and home just cause you want to be single.
Being a single parent is hard, being married is hard - pick your hard.
My ex is a good dad and was a good husband, however, I wasn’t happy in the relationship. We started dating at 15 & 18, were married for 8 years, and together for 12 with 2 kids. We unfortunately just grew apart and when I started working on myself, the things that bothered me became more apparent. I was vocal about not being happy (not the first time) and then I knew it was over. It wasn’t easy by any means, but we both deserve to be happy and the kids deserve to see their parents happy. We get along just fine and co parent really well. Once I made the decision that I was done, it really seemed like all the doors opened and I was able to leave. Everything happens for a reason. Good luck!
Before I would break up my children’s family, I would have to know I did everything in my power to make the relationship work. Unless you can look your children in the eye and say I did everything in my power to fix this, then you have failed them as a mom.
Love is a choice not by feelings even when it’s slacking and hurts, you still choose to love. sounds like it’s more of a you problem and I don’t mean that to be snarky maybe go seek help or get some marriage counseling but it’s hard to survive a marriage when God’s not in the center of it anyways
Kids deserve to see you happy, my child and I both thrived tremendously when I left
Just remember the grass isn’t always greener on the other side
Your kids want a happy mom. I lived with my parents who stayed together for the kids and when they finally announced they were divorcing us kids were so happy, because they were miserable together and it made the home environment negative
Do it for you not the kids. The kids deserve to see you happy. I was miserable for years and finally left and I’m so sad i waisted so many years being miserable when I wanted so much more.
If you know you know. I knew because my ex was treating me like crap and starting arguments with me - bottom line was not happy, and after 10 years of trying I was done.
I guess it depends on ypur reason for wanting to be single. Are you bored, is he abusive, you don’t feel you have enough attention, are you interested in someone else, is he not a good provider? Being single while raising kids is not easy, marriage is not easy, sharing custody is not easy. Make a list of pros and cons. Seek marriage counseling as well, so many times with some hard work marriages can be fixed. I assume your husband doesn’t know how you feel and if this is true maybe counseling and talking with him will bring about some changes.
Personally, I don’t think being unhappy is a sign that you need a divorce. Marriage is tough, especially after you have kids. There’s a lot of growing that you do in your 20s and 30s and you have to grow together. Leaving your home and starting over isn’t going to magically make you happy. Find out why you are unhappy. Do some soul searching.
I knew it was the right decision when I told him I wanted a divorce and everything started lining up for me to make it possible for me to leave. When I went back and tried to work it out, everything started falling apart. Those were my biggest signs that leaving him was the best idea.
I believe everything happens for a reason. And when we are on our right path, the universe (or god) opens all the doors you need to make it possible.
When you ask strangers in the internet
I’m sure my opinion is unpopular, and I’ll be attacked for it, but once you have children, their well being should come first. If your husband is a good provider, isn’t abusive, and doesn’t cheat, then what’s the problem? Do you want to be single just so you can run around? The grass may look greener but you may find out it’s not after you’ve broken up your family. Children have no control over their own lives. You do. Make every effort to fix your family and see to it that your children have two parents that want what’s best for them. They’ll be grown before you know it, by then you can do what you want.
There are just so many factors here. If you’ve done everything you can to try to make it better --hinest conversation, couples therapy, etc – and you’re still unhappy, then you have your answer. But I would definitely try everything before throwing in the towel, especially if he’s a good husband and father.
One thing I know for certain is that staying “just for the kids” is a bad idea. You’re their role model for what relationships should be, and they pick up on things like marital tension/ estrangement/ lack of affection, etc. Nobody wants to make their children endure the trauma of divorce, but they need to see both of their parents happy.
Good Dad, the kids are happy vs I’m ‘unhappy’ long long time & want to be ‘single’ ?
This …where you say you are ‘stuck’…on ending a marriage and dividing a family?
You aren’t stuck. Its seems you’ve already had your emotional bags packed and are more than halfway out the door.
The projection of questioning selfishness …is telling that you are desperate for validation online en masse… that you arent.
Self care for ones own well being & health…isnt selfish.
Neither is questioning if you want to stay married as a stand alone, but its far more complex than that.
Not near enough context overall and no definition of what ’ unhappy ’ means to you here to say one way or the other.
Start with what your expectations of ’ happy ’ are.
If you think its a found, acquired state of perpetual being based on the outside influence of others and life circumstances…you’ve got some hefty work on self to do. Happy…is transient, intermittent, a temporary and situational emotion.
'I just want to be single…& its not fair to my kids '?..means one thing & one thing only, so at least be honest about that for a start. You want and are already ready to ‘mingle’ without the guilt. Notably, you didn’t say you 'want to be a Single Mom '…which mitigates ’ single life ’ , exponentially.
Its sounds like you just want to run away from the whole family life, kids, being a mom too, tbh.
Get some personal therapy and figure yourself out and what exactly is so unbearable to you about the husband and marriage relationship before you start getting any divorce papers drawn up.
Consider couples marriage counselling as well.
For better or worse. Talk to him.
I need more info. Unhappy how? Is he a bad partner, abusive, lazy, sucks in bed, what? Good dad is high on the list of important things. What makes it unbearable to be there that can’t be fixed?
And remember, you can’t be the best parent if you’re not happy. You’d damage your children more by staying in an unhappy home.
Two happy homes are better than one unhappy one. Don’t teach your children to stay when they’re not happy.
Marriage is a bond that should be unbreakable unless you have legitimate reason. Just being single isn’t reason enough in my opinion. Being abused mentally or physically is a reason. Otherwise, no. Counseling, etc.
Grass not always greener on the other side…something to think about!!!
When u have had enough u will leave took me 10 years, before u do id sit and talk about what u need and if u dont get anything from it. Walk away, after all these years i regret it but i couldn’t b unhappy forever. No matter what u do u will have regrets
I would go to counseling if you are unsure. If you are just bored there are ways to spice up a relationship. Have you communicated your needs to your partner? I am divorced after 14 years and 2 little kids (ex cheated). Dating these days sucks. It isn’t fun and mostly just a bunch of liars and cheaters.
When he cheated & got the other woman pregnant.
It’s better for kids to come from a broken home then an unhappy one.
Staying for the kids is the wrong reason to stay.
Your teaching the kids it’s okay to be unhappy in a marriage & to settle.
You stated you weren’t happy. Why do you think it’s your husbands job to keep you happy? Happiness comes from within, not from any one person. If you want to be truly happy, you’re going to have to look deeper into yourself. At the end of the day it’s not our husbands job to make sure we as women are happy. So many people look to others for their happiness when it only comes from within.
when i caught my ex-husband in bed with another woman .
but tbh, if you’re questioning it, it’s probably time.
Really you do sound selfish,￼ sounds like a you problem not him!
If you’re asking, it’s time - as long as you have explored all options to repair your marriage. But that takes two people.
He can be a good dad without being a good partner.
Trust me when I say it’s more beneficial to your children to see their parents separated and happy rather than together and miserable.
You will set the tone for what your children look for in a relationship. Don’t let them think that it’s okay to stay in an unhappy relationship.
Leave, but do what you can to keep some normalcy for the kids. Which ever one of you leave the home, find a place nearby so the kids routines aren’t disrupted and set a parenting plan in place that doesn’t benefit the two of you, but rather benefits the kids.
For me I knew it was time to leave when my fiance(ex fiance now) decided to attempt suicide. My kids and I are much happier now and I’m no longer in a toxic relationship.