How can I tell a neighborhood kid to legit get out of my personal space? She’s constantly asking for stuff and trying to come in my house and I can’t even go outside and chill with my kids because she’s right there. All. The. Time. Sometimes I entertain her bc I feel bad her mom isn’t active with her but at the same time SOMETIMES I NEED MY SPACE. Am I rude to tell her to go away? She’s 9. And we are in military housing. If You know You know.
This is a conversation to have with the mother, not the 9 year old. Sure it will be uncomfortable but the kid needs to learn they aren’t always invited and that space is vital.
I’ve never lived in military housing so I don’t know but I have been that kid that desperately needed a stable adult figure in my life so from that perspective I encourage you to be gentle and lead with kindness. It takes a village…sometimes we need the village and sometimes WE ARE the village. With that said, your mental health matters too and you certainly don’t owe anyone anything. If it were me…I’d spare the kids feelings. If I didn’t have it in me to hang out that day maybe I would take my kids for a walk or to a different space instead. Do you have a backyard you could hang in that’s more private? Also please remember you are your kids’ primary example of compassion and kindness. Good luck, sounds like a tough spot.
There’s two ways to go about this.
I used to buy chalk and leave it out. Other peoples kids can annoy me… But I always try to remind myself that maybe they don’t have anyone that pays attention to them. Or they could just be really overly friendly/annoying. Either way, hand her some chalk when you go outside. Or cheap bubbles. Something to keep her occupied. Sometimes we need to get to know someone a little better. Or, just tell her to go home, you want to spend time with your own kids.
I used to live in low income housing and this happened a lot. We couldn’t play outside without a swarm of my kids taking things from my kids, asking if they can have a popsicle, suckered, cookie too. Most of the time I would ablige and include, sit out there and moderate, entertain. But there is also nothing wrong with boundaries. Saying “For now, we are having some family time without friends. When we are done, Hannah will come find you to play.” You are allowed to have boundaries, even with children. You will have to repeat yourself a lot at first, but they will get it after awhile.
A conversation with the parents. She just want attention that she’s not getting. You are not wrong to feel this way.
Yes you are rude. And selfish. Which together makes monstrously ugly. She is crying for you to fill a need that she trusts and believes you are able to. Clearly that is too much for you. You don’t even possess a mature concept of boundaries. Do not have children, you are a monster. Go find a space away from children to be the monster you are.
Sincerely, a child born on base. If you know, you know.
I had the same issue. Finally had to tell the kid that she is not to come over unless invited cuz it was family time for us.
I just say to kids. Sorry the girls can’t play today. If that would not work which is has so far. I would talk to the parents and just say we love having her around but sometimes it’s just to over stimulating for my girls. We would love to set up to where when they can play I can come over and invite her over for a bit.
Maybe try dates and time… Or if your door/curtain is open… she may come over… good luck…
Maybe talk with parents.
But as military as well, all the kids are always playing with each other outside.
Tell her, “I will talk to your mom about a time to have an inside playdate”
She could also be lacking some attention at home.
Make a special sign on the door if your busy, like a bee. Not available when the sign is up.
Come up with a signal… like if the garage door is open then she’s free to come over and hang out. If not, then even if you are outside, then it’s family time and she can’t play. If she has a clear understanding of when it’s OK, hopefully it will help. If not, then you’ll have to address it with her parents.
Why not set some rules? Tell her times when she can visit & tell her to visit other people or stay home at other times.
￼Could you drop her off at the library sometime and pick her up later?
Talk to her mom about getting her into programs like sports, Scouts, classes, etc. where other parents could drive her if her parents can’t.
Do you attend religious services? Maybe have her join you and put all the kids in Sunday school or the equivalent. If she can make new friends the grown ups can distribute her neediness so no one is burdened.
Poor thing to be so neglected. Are there any resources on base you can talk to about getting help for her family? Is the foster grandparents program still around? Are there lonely older folks in your area who would love to have a child around?
Talk with the mother if you didn’t want her away all the time you could tell have her come over on certain days of the week so you know what days she will be coming over to play.
Sounds like the poor kiddo just wants a mother figure in her life who’s active. I guess talk to her parents.
Tell her you’re having family time no guests right now
Hmm, that one is really tough.
This post saddens me I was this kid.
I would ask her to go home and she may come back another day cause today you are busy
Simple not today sweetheart, it time you leave we are having family time
You cant w out hurtinv her feelings. Why arent your own kids keeping her occupied