How can I help my daughter with separation anxiety?

Sounds like an issue at day “care”. Is she verbal? Can she tell you? You have no idea who is there all day, who the workers are, who they let in after parents are gone, etc etc etc.
That’s why I avoid it like the plague.

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I’d try to find a friend in that daycare for her to spend time outside of the class with so when she’s there she’ll have someone to play wiht.

Any chance if u were to have someone else drop her off would make a difference? Like if I drop my daughter off somewhere she throws a fit but if my boyfriend does she is fine

If she’s fine after a few minutes then don’t worry about it, she’ll out grow it

She might be being mistreated… daycares have a bad reputation for a reason

They take things harder sometimes with big feelings…As they get older they are able to speak and communicate better it’s easier… Look up sensory processing… It’s interesting and you would understand the frustration better… good luck :four_leaf_clover:… It’s lack of being able to communicate … Makes things hard… I promise you it gets better!!

Victoria Brooke Wood

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Time and consistency

Send her to a Catholic school.
She’ll snap out of it.

Keila Beehler. Read this. Some of the comments have good ideas

I actually had pillow cases with my picture on it for my grandaughters it helped…

Drawing a heart on each of your hands.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I help my daughter with separation anxiety? - Mamas Uncut

As a daycare provider, I would recommend a simple routine. Remind her that it’s going to be a hug, a kiss & a goodbye wave at drop off. No crying. She’s a big girl & her friends don’t like when she’s cries. DO NOT LINGER! Do the routine & leave. This shows her that her behavior is not getting the attention she wants (it sounds like she’s putting on a show for mom if it ends as soon as you leave) Also, this is a very common thing - you are not alone!!


Daniel tiger has a song called “grown ups come back” my son loves to sing. And everytime we leave the house he gives his daddy a hug, kiss and high five. Cant miss any of those :joy: try making up your own special routine for when you drop off and do it again when you pick up


Talk to her on the way into daycare “mommy will see you after school” give a quick hug and kiss then LEAVE. For the love of god, as an educator of multiple ages, just kiss and leave your kid. The longer your hang around the more stress it is for the kid and the educators!!!


Had this problem years ago with my son(he’s 45)
Kids can read you…when they cry of course u feel guilty for leaving them. He would quit crying as soon as I was gone. Babysitter suggested, give him a hug, say have a fun day & leave…be consistent everyday. It worked, only cried a day or two…good luck U can do this!!


When you drop her off try not to react. Let her go as it’s supposed to be as in the daily routine and don’t baby her and ignore the bad behavior and screaming. It’s HARD… goodluck

Maybe encourage her to make friends so she would be more excited to play with someone at daycare? Or maybe you can schedule a play date with someone to ease her off the attachment to you.

Tell her good bye, give her a hug and wave and leave. Do NOT linger or “wait right outside” drop her off and run like the wind. She is only doing it to get a raise out of you and it sounds like it’s working.

Same issue with my 4yo. He likes school; he just likes me more. So I’ve had to set “rules” and hope they work. Remind him on the way not to cry today (he always does anyway), then we do 5 hugs and kisses, a high-five, and fist bump. He always wants more kisses but started out with the actual number bc then he’ll say just one more. Breaks my heart :broken_heart:

My son was the same way. He would cry and put up a fight everytime i wanted to go somewhere or to work. No one not even his dad could hold him without him crying and screaming. My mom told me she was going to take him for 2 weeks for me to get a break. After the 2 weeks my son was a while other person he wouldnt cry when i leave he would give me a kiss and i would go to work.

Try give her something that belong to you like a small cloth, picture of u & her or a small stuff animal that has you purfume or a familiar smell that reminds her of u or home! Tell her when she get to missing u she has u with her! Best of luck💖

I draw a heart on her arms to remind that I’m always with her… and she asked me to draw a watch on her wrist pointing at 3 o’clock because that is the time I pick her up…

I have 3 children. My oldest did this for a short period of time while in daycare about the same age as your little one. I tried everything and the one thing we found very helpful was to give her something of mine, like a sweatshirt, sweater, or other article of clothing that they are use to seeing. Something familiar that smells like you. Tell them I will be back to get this when I pick you up, so take good care of it for me. It feels familiar and they feel responsible…win win! Best wishes on finding something that works for you.

Big girls still cry, women cry, men cry, boys cry, crying is human. We have a toxic culture of shaming people for their emotions, especially when they cry or show emotion, the result of that being everyone just shutting down emotionally and carrying that trauma into adulthood. Some kids will always cry when they get dropped off by their parents because they’re just not ok with daycare or babysitters, that’s just their preference, but we don’t take that into consideration, some kids are just born sensitive and needing to be around mom or dad 24/7, that’s also basic natural instinct, the young stays with mom until it’s safe, as with many species. We have an unhealthy culture where we expect others to not show emotion because it makes us uncomfortable, and it makes us uncomfortable because of the above reason, we expect children and parenting to be convenient for us, and let’s be real, that’s not realistic. In my culture, we have a teaching that everything is about and for the children and future generations, that every move we make is based on whether that will benefit them or be good for them or not, and this is why. Make space for her, make space for her emotions, she may not ever get used to separating from you, because to children, it’s unnatural and goes against biological instinct and law, and also make space for your emotions, because this is also so stressful and difficult for you as well, and I think that’s the issue. Signed, the girl who cried getting dropped off at daycare every single day. I was that girl, and I’m advocating for kids the way that I wished someone would have advocated for me.

Sounds like your babygirl hates it there. :woman_shrugging: been a year and a half and she still screams like that?

If it’s mainly and worse at the daycare that would make me concerned. Maybe try touring some new ones with her or trying a preschool


Can she talk and tell you what’s up? Mine was like that at daycare and I found out they were abusing her.


Have you tried letting someone else drop her off?

Trust your instincts and keep an eye out for other warning signs of something bad going on, but My son did this for two years in preschool and I know nothing was going on. It’s just his personality. My son has always had a harder time with transitions, trying new things, and leaving my side. As he’s gotten older things have greatly improved, but he is still struggles with it sometimes. In kindergarten he cried every day for a couple of months, but with his wonderful teacher and guidance counselor they helped him through it. He developed a wonderful relationship with them. Now in second grade he still has his tearful days, but he loves school. He says he just gets upset because he misses us so much. Hang In there! I know it’s not easy and it breaks your heart. I think it’s completely normal, especially if your child just has that personality.

The post does say when the child is left anywhere so I’m assuming with friends and family the child does the same also. And stops after the mom has left. It’s clearly not a phase thing either since the child has done this from what can be assumed since the child has been going to daycare. In which the parent does state the child has been to more than one daycare now.

My daughter is 6 and she still has a bit of separation anxiety when I drop her off at school (she had good an bad days since kindergarten). Some days she isn’t to bad, a few times for a few days she may just walk in with no tears or tantrums.
I have noticed when she has different teachers it make it worse.
We give her a hug an kiss goodbye an usually the teacher needs to shut the door an then usually asks her if she wants to do a special activity an have a rest as we walk to school an she will stop once I have walked away, I think she try’s to do it as well as she try’s to ask to stay home. An she needs reassurance of what time I will pick her up. Some mornings she has tried saying she is sick. There’s been a few times when I notice there’s no point if she is a tired mood. But the more quicker the drop off the less she will be upset. .

What helps with my daughter & I is to “fill her emotional cup.”

I wake up early enough (which is not always easy, so don’t get me wrong) so I can go into her room and cuddle with her before we start the day.

For 10 mins before the busy day, we are the only thing that matters in that moment.

I feel like it gives my daughter a sense of security, that mummy is not too busy to love you, but we have things to do.

What may also help is getting a bedtime story about daycare to read at night, so maybe your little will become more excited to go.

Have you considered that the daycare might not be a good one. My 3 year old son started daycare 3 months ago and first day he was super excited, second day less excited and third day he started screaming horribly as soon as we got in the car and knew we were heading there. And the crying and screaming didn’t stop until I dropped him off and left… When I picked him up he would immediately ask for something to drink as he was dehydrated. Took him out of that daycare after he had been there 9 times and put him into a new one that I originally wanted but had to wait for a spot to open up. And my son loves it. He is excited to go there. He loves his teachers and the kids in his class. He now says “I don’t want to go to the blue daycare anymore I want to go o the brown daycare”. The old daycare was a blue building.
Listen to your kids.