Welcome to life with preteens and teens. My 13 year old is the same way. I have decided to ignore the huffs and puffs and complaining. If it’s not done right the first time she has to do it again.
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I make my kids do stuff over if it was half assed. They learned quickly to try and do it as best they could the first time. They stopped complaining when I did that!
They have learned that household tasks are shared so that we function better. Everyone makes the mess, everyone pitches in. No one gets paid.
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Cut anything extra off, internet and cable, take all electronics from them and hide them, they can have paper, pencils, and crayons. The want entertainment they can read a book. Take all toys from them and leave them with their bed and 2 changes of clothes. I talked to a police officer at school and he told me to do this and my daughter had a drastic change. She didnt even get dessert, no one in the house did. My kids at that age knew how to load a washer if I needed them too. Tell your kids one time, you have to wash your own clothes, there is everything you need, now you do it. They have outside toys, either forbid them or sell them or give them away. I dont play with my kids, we all work together and internet and cell phone is dependent on 1) your attitude and 2) are you doing your chores. My kids help with dishes since I cook. My son takes the trash out. They dont need anything extra till they earn it. My kids know I will take the internet with a quickness. I mean if you dont show them and they go out into the world they will say, “bad parenting” nope, aint going to tell me that. My oldest moved with her in laws 4 states away, she knew how to do everything and works and is in nursing school and raises 2 babies. Her and her fiance just bought a house. I told my kids you act right you have privelages if not you can have the basic needs until you are 18 and move out. Get tough momma. Its hard but it worked for me.
they’re going to complain to matter what you do. as for doing them half assed…for example: dishes. if they are half asked (not clean, not put away where they go ect. ) my step dad would pull every dish in the house and make me wash them all, dry them and put them away. I stopped half assing it after the 2nd or 3rd time.
my kids are 2,6,and 8 the older 2 are the ones I’m worried about right now so when I tell my 6yr old to gather up all the dirty laundry so I can throw it in the wash… if they miss some I make them do it again. my 8yr old is to bring the garbage out to the can. if he half asses it he has to do it again, if he argues or throws a fit he a) has to do it again and b) loses his electronics for a week.
my kids have set chores, if I ask for something to be done that isn’t one of their chores AND they do it right away, right, and WITHOUT arguing they get $0.50. if they don’t do it right or argue about it they have to do it anyway without being paid.
my kids are slowly learning but it’s definitely a process. I’m trying to come up with new “punishmets” as I type this. but having been a teenager ourselves we need to consider how we behaved back then, what our parents did, how what did and didn’t work for them, modify where needed, (because sometimes what our parents did doesn’t go with how we want to parent our kids)
Please let me know when you find the secret to this, I imagine it’s floating in the fountain of youth! 
They’re old enough to have some autonomy. Reposition your ask: WE need to get X, Y, and Z done, which means we each get one job. X requires steps 123, Y requires steps 456, and Z is big, but only has 1 step. Which would you prefer to be in charge of?
Clearer expectations, seemingly fair division of labor, and a degree of control over the choice. Once you shift from “I’m going to tell you and you’re going to do,” to “Let’s get this done together and you get to choose your part” it gets easier to get their compliance.
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Have you tried positive reinforcement? All this sounds so negative so of course their whole view around chores is going to be a negative one
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Make a visual chore list. When everything is done, they can have their priviledges…video games, screen time, phone, whatever.
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My last baby of 7 is now 16 and has reached a stage where when I ask him he pretty much gets right on it without the complaints…went through the same thing though…I promise it does get better…wait until they are going through it and you can sit back and smile as they tell you their same stories! My older children are starting to go through this stage and I just smile when they tell me!
Take ALL their privileges away. ALL OF THEM. Let them earn them back. Turn off the WiFi in your house at a certain time (for example 2pm) and don’t turn it back on until ALL their work is done. If you have no intention of following through - don’t bother threatening them with it. They’ve already got your number.
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Welcome to teenagers lol 
Stop cooking. Stop washing their laundry. Stop buying them things. Stop taking them places. Stop doing what you do that keeps them from thinking they’ve got it made.
If my kids are asked to do something and it doesn’t get done properly…they’ll just do it again until it’s done right.
Like when I hand them clean, folded laundry to put away, and they’d just stuff it any which way in the drawers. Ok. So they’ve been taught how to do it properly, now I just dump every article of clothing from every drawer. Sounds crazy. But, I’ve only had to do that ONCE. They learned quickly that if I say something, I mean it. You need to take control back now. If you are on a summer break, use this time to teach them how to do what you need done the right way. Or show them, it’s gonna be a long boring Summer if they don’t. Good luck 
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I’m with the group that recommends withholding game, phone and Internet time until daily chores are done. The kids don’t get electronics until you or the other parent confirm chores are completed correctly. No exceptions, even for school work. It is ridiculous how entitled kids are today. Their attitudes at work in service positions really shows. We need to do a better job of teaching responsibility and compassion.
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Good Luck! It gets worse before it gets better. Remove privileges and withhold $$ for fun stuff until the chores are done. Hopefully they will eventually learn. Or they will make a terrible employee someday on a real job.
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Teenagers complain about everything, teenage angst and I dont know many people who do chores singing zipidodah.
Take EVERYTHING away… and I mean everything… toys, tv, phones, clothing they like, (leave them the clothing that fits, but the stuff they don’t like to wear anymore, the ‘uncool’ stuff) blankets, pillows, don’t cook for them, make sure there is stuff for them to make sandwiches, they can drink water from the tap, and don’t do their laundry, etc… they can do chores to get items back…
You just need to be stronger than they are… make sure stuff is locked up someplace, so they can’t sneak and get it back… if you have WiFi, change the password and don’t give it to them…
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I have gotten my child the GoHenry debit kid card. Has his name on it. The app has chore list and you set the price of how much each chore is worth. They have the ability to check it off and then on the set date you send them that amount. My son doesn’t have a problem with chores but I am trying to teach him how to use and manage money and cc. He has actually done more chores than what I listed to earn more.money. check it out. GoHenry.com
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I have expectations of 3 chores a day. 3 things to be helpful around the house. If you don’t do it, you get NOTHING!! No phone,pool, friends, tv, riding bikes. Nothing! You aren’t following through is what it sounds like to me. Have everyone turn on their phones until it’s done. I also put everything they leave out in a tote. You have to do an extra chore to get it back. There is even crocs in there now. Guess they will learn to appreciate their shoes and put them away!!
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Good for you I used to pick up what they left around and put it in a bag .They had to pay me to get it back.
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All teenagers are that way. They will try you and figure out what they can get away with
Omg saying like my daughters
When they ask for something tell them yes as soon as they do this, that or whatever. If they don’t do then they don’t get and it is their fault.
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Get them involved in the decision making and punishments when they mess up you’ll find kids will try and be pretty hard on themselves. Have a sit down ask what they would like to be responsible for (all our kids did different things and we refreshed it with aging and about every 3 months) and ensure your clear they will be held accountable when not done. Come to an agreement on that consequence and do it with them to start so they can see how you want it done. We would reward for extra chores with allowance in the home and had it listed so they could see and check it off. We didn’t hover but would give a reminder hey don’t forget your chores today this puts it on them and the chore should be reasonable for their age. Every weekend we would hit up a store and they could shop or elect to save their money also teaches money management. Their room ext. is not included as it should be done anyway and their space. I’m talking chores we as adults are actually responsible for, they didn’t ask to come in life you brought them and they are not our slaves. We teach them how to be clean, cook, organize whatever not dictate it causes tension. I like the IOU…. If they didn’t get done with their stuff and ask for something I say IOU a no because unfortunately you choose not to do your chores…no arguing no nothing.
What do they like? Have them earn it through chores. My son likes video games he earns them through maintaining a clean room and doing his dishes and laundry. You could do a chore chart and each chore equals like one episode of their favorite TV show… etc.
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Start acting like them!
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You correct that attitude immediately with discipline and then you stop doing everything or start throwing their stuff away
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How can they get you to accept what they do without complaining??
If they do the job you asked, be glad. You don’t get to control their emotions. You can’t force them to be happy when they aren’t. Completion of the task should be sufficient. Don’t micromanage their reactions.
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Stop giving it back until they stop acting like that. They’ll usually be unhappy but they can take the time to do it right if they have nothing else to do. Lol
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Sounds just like my 12 and 14 year old. It’s so frustrating
send them to boarding school. One run by nuns. In Europe. That should do the trick!!
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Welcome to motherhood. It’s only gonna get worse.
So start teaching work ethic & money management 
Do you like to work for free? Do you expect your child to move out & work for free?
Pay them.
Each chore beyond their bedroom gets a set price & they get paid on Friday based on how much they do thru the week. (Decide prices & post it beforehand. Vacuum -$2 per room, dusting $2 per room, bathroom $5 for the whole room, trash $1 per room, ect.)
Get a chore money basket. Leave a pen & strips of paper. When they do a chore they write their name date & what chore they did. On Friday add it all up & give them pay.
Then teach them that they need to put 10% for savings, 10% for charity, & the rest for spending.
I did this with my girls from an early age, then both started working during high school, & paid for half their own cars, phones, clothes & know that they have to work to get money to do what they want, & often donate to our local animal shelter.
It’s an invaluable tool to better their life & you don’t have to yell to get a clean house 
Not gonna happen! They get it from watching us!
Lol you don’t just ignore them complaining its just for attention, just tell them to get on with it. Or make it interesting for them reward them. My kids do it and so does the bf I just tell them to get on with it 
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Stop doing for them…only provide the necessities
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It is your fault they are entitled and lazy. When they complain tell them you understand they don’t want to do chores but you NEED their help and appreciate it when they do as you ask. Never dismiss their feelings acknowledge how they feel while telling them part of growing up is learning to clean and do things you don’t like but you gave to do them anyway.
Stop giving them what they want. Make them earn the things they want by earning an allowance if they dont do the required chore their allowance drops. They complain the allowance drops and refuse to do as asked. They do the chores with out being told they get a bonus.
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You started too late with them, for one thing. They should have been given responsibilities as early as possible so they knew what was expected of them and how to do those things correctly, even if you do have to show them a thousand times. Telling your kids NO is good for them. It shows they’re not always going to get what they want. And don’t trade favors. None of that “Well you do this and you can have this thing you want.” No. It should be more like “Did you do these things I asked you to do first? Because if not you’re not getting anything.” You have to stand your ground no matter how much you want to give them things. They’ll soon realize they get nothing if they don’t do their part.
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You can’t I have kids that age n I just tell them to shut it n get it done
Well they seem pretty smart. They can huff and puff half do the job and still get paid!!! Who would not like that!! Mom, Mom, y’all are in control here. Sit down have a meeting apologize for contributing them to their triffilness and promise to do better. Make a chore list with times it must be completed rewards and consequences. Keep it simple so that you can keep up with the expectations. Expect some huffing and puffing don’t engage simply explained that they have a choice do it or suffer the consequences. Hang it if you do it right they will grow up and move on!!:)) right Menah:)))
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Easy when they ask for what ever they need or want just say No
Quit giving them things. Tell them why. Take pictures before and after. If it’s not done to perfection. Then they do it over. Do not give into they’re weimns.
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Yup my boys, 13 and 8 right now are the same way. I feel bad when they miss out on things, or going places.
We’ve been dealing with it for a few years.
You can’t kids are kids
Agreed sounds
Like my 12 year old 
My suggestion is this…take their bdrm doors off, only leave bed, dresser an clothing in their rm strip them of EVERYTHING. It works believe it.
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Charge them for turning on lights. Seriously.
Because your discipline sucks thats why they don’t listen… Lol
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They are kids. Every kid behaves this way if you give them an audience. Ignore the noise and do not accept an unacceptable result. Do a Dr Phil and remove everything and make them earn it back!
Make them earn the things they want. Want to go to a movie, clean your room. Want to go to a friends house load the dishwasher, wipe the counters and sweep the floor.
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It’s kinda late to change but it can be done , you must stick to your rules and any restrictions you hand out .
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How about positive rewards instead of negative consequences?
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Easy. Take away their electronics. Let them earn tokens for doing chores. Allocate how many tokens it takes to buy time to use them. That includes tv time and gaming.
There are seven of us boys and no sisters we all learned at a young age that we wasn’t the adults and we didn’t run the house our parents did , when they said do something we didn’t talk back or complain we done as we were told , we were not asked and we didn’t do it right we got our butts spanked we were not given a choice to do it or not we didn’t get to eat till the chore was finished and done right the Bible says if you love your child you correct him other if you don’t the you don’t love them This is what JESUS taught that’s why HE corrects us
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If they want something which most kids that age do they must earn it. make a chart on how much you would pay for doing whatever and then let them add up the money to get whatever it is they want.
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Correction comes in many different ways but never by being abusive that is not love
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My 16 year old now. Kid doesn’t make it to school,which they have to wake up and catch a foot ferry or catch the ferry to another place for school. She skips school, wants to sleep. But I ask them to help clean up, she gives attitude, I took her phone away, as I’m the one paying the bill. She was working before to help pay it, as it’s a contract phone. But she hasn’t chipped in in about 9 months. She gives attitude, and goes on about mental health, which I tried finding counseling for her, she didn’t keep up with talking to the counselor. Now she goes behind my back to my oldest kid to get anti depression pills. I only disregarded them as I read it wasn’t the thing. My opinion was no, you shouldn’t start them. But she got her sibling to make an appointment. I’m beyond frustrated at her, as she took off saying to people I kicked her out, which I didn’t.
l get paid over $ 175 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 20744 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Go to This. https://DollarBenefits724.pages.dev/
You hover over them as they do the task you’ve asked them to do. And when they say they are done you check to see if in fact they are done and if they did a halfass job you tell them what they did wrong and how to fix it. They will always complain no matter what because they don’t want to do it. But you really need to stay on top of them until they learn how you want it done. I work in janitorial and do inspections all week so my son knows how I want the bathroom cleaned and that if it’s not done right he will be doing it again. He’s also one of my employees.
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Kids are going to grouch. That’s the nature of the beast. I think there are too many things to distract them nowadays. I’m wondering if the trick isn’t to give them set chores for each day of the week, then have small things they do daily like taking the trash out and so forth. The rule is, they get those chores done every day or they do nothing else until they do. And if they don’t do it right, they have to do it twice. That’s how it was at my house when I was growing up. Those were the days when we used Comet scouring powder to clean the bathtub. The first time I ever did it, I didn’t realize how much you had to rinse to get all the powder to go down the drain. I must have had to clean out that tub a half dozen times to get the tub free of powder! It was that lesson that taught me that if you’re going to do something, you might just as well do it right the first time instead of rushing through and having to go back and fix it. I was about 9 or 10 at the time. Your scheduled chores may be heavier during the summer than during the winter because of schoolwork. But you can still insist certain things get done on weekends. Tell them it’s just part of living in a home as part of a family. When you’re a baby, you aren’t expected to do too much, you are too young to understand. But as you grow up, it’s part of being a responsible grown up. They’re going through part of the stages of growing up. That means pulling their weight as part of the family unit.
Make them RE DO what you asked the way you want it done
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You have to supervise and teach them how to do things? Do the things with them… have u gradually increased their workload over years and formed these good cleaning habits? Cause tbh i huff and whine and bitch when I gotta do the dishes or something too 
My girls know what is expected of them, when it needs to be done, and how I expect it to be completed. There wasn’t very many days of having to sit on their bed without anything to do, only allowed to get up to use the bathroom and get their meals. Every now and then I might ask them to do something out of the norm I will usually get them something small I know they’d like which they get when there done (just like me purchasing something special for myself) There is never usually too much of an issue.
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Stop buying them things they want. Stop giving them money. Shut off the internet for them. They wanna half ass chores, you half ass dinner. Set out a can opener and generic raviolis. They eat that or they eat nothing. No snacks no pop, nothing but water and the bare minimum for there supper. Don’t ground them, take that crap back. Cell phones, game systems, ect. They can buy it back off you if they do the chores they were told to do are done with no attitude and done the way you want it.
A good chore for them is laundry. Make them do their own laundry. If they can’t find something they want to wear, it’s their own fault. If they share their own bathroom, make them clean their own bathroom. Make them.responsible for letting you know when the soap/shampoo/toilet paper etc is running low. If they run out, it’s their own fault. (Of course, keep a supply on hand). If they like to eat, and most people do, (haha), make them clean the kitchen. At their age, they should be able to start helping you cook. Designate one night a week when they are responsible for fixing a meal. Whichever one cooks, the other gets to clean up after.
Instead of penalizing for poor behavior, motivate by rewarding good behavior. Instead of threatening to ground them or take things away from them when they don’t act appropriately, reward them with things they want when they do act appropriately. Those rewards can be simple … they don’t have to be expensive gadgets or expensive clothes. You know your kids, and what is important to them.
Motivating kids to do the right thing, just because it’s the right thing to do, can be difficult … but a trip to a homeless shelter or to a children’s hospital ward can sometimes help them to understand how good they have it, and community service (for the whole family) can build better relationships between children and their parents. Maybe adopt a family through your church … a family in need who can use some help. Maybe help the kids volunteer to do some errands or chores for some elderly folks in your neighborhood.
A good bonus system can work … for the chores they do successfully to your specifications, they can earn money. Teach them how to manage that money.
Kids today are so unprepared to take care of themselves when they grow up because parents are too busy to spend time teaching them … they buy their kids everything, or give their kids money to spend or expensive electronics, just to keep their kids occupied. A family is a team … building team spirit results in a win-win situation for parents & kids.
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Following, could do with this info!
Kids don’t magically become entitled and lazy. Try being a better example. Find yourself a parenting class and ask your individual therapist to work on communication skills with you
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I would ask them to help you specifically with certain tasks and just make it fun. Play some fun music and make it a family thing. If they start complaining just tell them to stop. Gentle reminders of expected behavior can help incl saying in advance of a task… At this time we are going to clean the bathroom and I expect us to not complain and just get it done. Tell them the less they complain the faster it can get done and you can get on to whatever fun activity is coming up next.
Should’ve started with that at a young age 
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How long are things “taken away” if it is just the day and they get it back tomorrow, they won’t do what you want done, there is no real consequences.
My son lost his bedroom door for a week once because he was asked to do something and huffed and puffed and slammed the door.
The door hasn’t been slammed since.
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try rewarding them😂 i go to work for 2 weeks and i get a “fat stack” Make em put effort in and pay up for their hard work(new toys, games, money, allowing more to do) something like that usually would work
(they have to understand that you have to do something in order to receive something)
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Stop giving in to them! Stop with the doing laundry. Stop the snacks. Stop any extra you do for them don’t run them places. No cell phones, unless they pay, no video games that runs your electric up!! Oh believe me they would not win this battle! They will grow up depending on others (You) live in filth, be disrespectful, fell no one has the right to tell them what to do! Wouldn’t work in my house!! I’d feed, cloth , make sure they got medical,any extra they would earn and not half assed!
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You can’t they will winge about it every time mine are 14 and 18 and my God if I ask them to do dishes they winge so bad, they do it but complain the whole time
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i wish people would realize if you spare the rod you spoil the child as in rotten fruit
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This is what I did to my 2 boys. I told them that they had 3 days to clean their room. If I have to clean it on the 4 day then the only thing that was going to find in their room were their bed and dresser every thing was going to get throwing out. Once I did that I never had any trouble.
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A therapist once told me if you do for a person what they are capable of doing for themselves, they will grow to resent you for it.
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Pay the kids? What? I don’t think so.
The only problem now is the lack of respect. Thank goodness they are still good kids around 
No reply necessary, asking for a friend.
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You made ur bed so lie in it 
Next time they want dinner huff and puff about making it then half ass make it. Same goes for their laundry and anything else you do for them. They want to go skating complain about it. Take them have them out their skates on and stand up then say y’all have to leave.
I use taking electric devices away till job(s) are done.
Kids being kids, the horror lol make them redo it until it’s done correctly but they gonna have attitude about it.
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I started my children with chore charts when they were 3 (potty trained). We picked chores together, but some of their chores included brushing their teeth, practicing buttoning and zipping, playing with the dog, as well as more traditional chores like picking up their toys or wiping water off the floor after their bath. The chores changed and became more detailed as they grew up. They didn’t even have to do their chores each day (although some became mandatory, like doing their laundry as they grew older). On the chart I would put a / through the chore as it was completed. They could cash these in daily… each / counted for 30 minutes of screen time or a dollar at the Dollar Tree. When a / was used I simply made it into an X. My boys are all grown up now… 33, 30, and 23… but they are all responsible, hard-working adults, so maybe all the time I put into those chore charts has paid off 
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The common-sense approach I find is the best way. Ask them to list all things you do for them. Then start acting the way they do when they list each.
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You are a smart mom. 
If they don’t do it right the first time play come do it again until it is right until they do it right they go no where they do nothing no phones no computers no TV NOTHING!!!
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I think you’re going about it wrong. Find out what encourages them and use that. Reward instead of punish. Have a small amount of things they are responsible for doing as part of the household (like keeping their own room clean, brushing teeth, showering, homework) use rewards for “extra” chores. You can use money or outings or time, whatever motivates them as a reward, put up a board or chart or list on the fridge of things they could do and what the reward is when you check that one has been done in full.
Wish I could help you out but my boys 15 and 16 do anything asked of them without any complaints.
Give up
It will do your head in
I can’t get my grandkids to clean up
Lol
I DK but when someone figures out please let us all know
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They are preteens and that’s what they do. Try rewarding instead of punishing so they have something to work towards and no it’s not going to be done perfect they are still kids after all but as long as they put in honest effort and come close to what you want then cut a little slack but to always expect perfect and only punish won’t get you the results you want.
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A household is a family run enterprise, either they help out or they don’t get their Landry washed or their beds changed or their lunches made or an allowance. Ect ect. 11/12 yrs old do they have a phone you pay for ? Take it away, a computer that you pay the internet for take it away, they need to learn that everything must work together to keep the household running smooth. Be firm and get all adults on the same page before approaching the kids Be firm and don’t give in. Soon they will realize that they need to be part of the team to keep the household running smooth
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Short answer: 
NO they will complain atleast for the next 3yrs…. And during that time… DONT LET UP!! Keep the rules & boundaries AND consequences… make sure they are clear on the consequences… don’t worry it’s part of the age, but you have to make sure they have discipline boundaries and consequences. And they will turn out to be awesome young adults… 
good luck 
btw I would rather take care of 60-year-olds then deal with a preteen 
but all 3 of my kids made it!!! 
Learn to ignore them, be stern show them who’s the parent. If you ask them to wash dishes and they have ass it have them do them again. Take phone, computer etc away till the do as they are told. If the talk back flick their lip and tell them don’t talk unless your spoken to. I have 4 grown kids thank goodness I didn’t have these types of issues I taught them how to pickup when they started walking.and made it fun. Moth ers these days are way different.
Simple. Switch of TV internet. Don’t give them the luxury they need. Also try. If u need something work 4it. Don’t always giving them things unless the basic emergency like food that’s cooked n medical treatment. Also give dem a cold shoulder now and again.
I don’t understand the trend of parents who never teach their kids from your to help. Heck barney had the pick up or tidy up time song. My 12 and 17 year old do the chores I ask when I ask, because I have taught from them from young to help. If they cannot pick up their stuff laying around after asking nicely for it to be picked up, they don’t need it, so it can go in the bin. You only have to do that once or twice. Also, sit them down and ask if they think it is fair to treat your like you are nothing.
Mom’s please teach your kids from young, so you don’t struggle with this shit when they are older.
Who taught them that it’s ok to feel entitled and lazy? Kids learn by example Think about that
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Just tell them when they are finished with whatever you asked of them then they will be able to do whatever they were doing.So don’t make it seem like if they don’t do it they are going to get punished but instead they will be rewarded with what they were doing or want to play with as soon as they are done so it’s on them on how fast they want to be able to continue playing.Being consistent with it helps tremendously or if your not they won’t take you seriously.
Take them to the Ole woodshack out back !!
I tackle this like a team, we literally huddle, “ hey we all want to have a nice home, that means we ALL need to take on tasks. Everyone has a specific chore. The team gets it done and I point out how nice it is when it’s all done, now we can relax and enjoy our home!
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Ignore them. You do what you can. What is not done they will soon learn you no robot. If you dont have time to cook. Tough. If wDhing is not done tough. If you can’t coll6them from school. Tough. They can walk . I walked fir years to a hool it never killed me.it was quite nice. Especially walking in the gutter in the rain watching the water run over your shoes. Getting wet was nice as you steamed when you got to school
Take away game systems until it’s done right. If you have to go down and correct it, it’s 3 days. And stick by your word!!! Or they will call your bluff every single time. Don’t buy them anything they WANT!! that’s a biiig no no! Show them they have no right to feel any type of entitlement, they are the children and it’s time to be responsible and help your mother and father, that’s the least you can do…
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