Hi I would like to post a question about my children. I need some advice about how to get my 11&12 year old to help out without complaining, they don’t listen, they huff and puff whenever we ask them to do something, they do the task half assed just to Get it done. How can I change this? Nothing seems to work. I’ve grounded them, taken away things, made them do extra chores. Nothing gets through to them. It’s exhausting because I feel like they don’t deserve anything and I don’t want to keep saying no but they don’t help out ever. They have no problem asking for things. They are just entitled and lazy
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get my kids to help without complaining? - Mamas Uncut
My 7 yr old son acts like this. Taking the ps4 away usually does the trick.
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It gets worse with age lol
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We change the wifi password regularly. Because if we dont the kids will sit upstairs on the internet and do absolutely nothing.
They absolutely still complain but they do it now knowing that they do not get the wifi password until they do their chores.
I make them earn it. They’re not going to stop complaining. They’re just not.
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My 11 year old does the same thing.
Make a list of things that need to get done. Each task has lap book or game usage. Not done no toys. No going any where. Give a time frame.
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Just wait….it gets better. Lol.
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Tell em when they helo out with basics such as dishes etc you will then help them out when they come to yah for all the stuff they want.
Idk set boundaries
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That’s all kids these days. Sigh. I tell mine to either help out, or they aren’t doing, going to do anything fun or what they want like see friends etc. I stop doing for them and it gets my point across. Hold on momma!
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Maybe make it fun instead of threatning to take things away. Set up a chore chart with some prizes like a lottery ticket and when do they do a certain amount a week they get $5 or maybe an ice cream trip or extra screen time etc. If it’s more fun for them to get rewarded with anything maybe they won’t complain as much.
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If you find out, let us all know!!
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I take electronics until their tasks are done, ya know… mainly picking up after themselves… controllers, tablets, phones, etc… the longer you huff, puff, whine, and complain, the longer it is before you get them back
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Youre always gonna hear complaining. My oldest is 12 almost 13 she would “forget” To do stuff. I took her phone away for a week which is her life. She doesnt complain anymore knowing it could be gone again
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There is no cure for this. You just have to get through it & look forward to the day they move out 
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I take away things if my children don’t want to help clean. They also know to not ask me for anything unless they work for it. So my children will instead ask me if there is anything that needs to be done, so they can work for something they want. So having them earn things also gives them a purpose or goal to work towards. I wish I could change my wifi password- because that seems like a great idea to get the kids motivated to help first thing in the morning! Lol!
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This is the million dollar question!
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“How to get kids to help…” Ok, I know a little about this.
“…without complaining?” Oh. Nope, I’m out.
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Chore charts with prizes when completed (or maybe something they want to do or have) sometimes will work
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More kids are like that , you need to be very consistent with your method of discipline, do not given anything, make them work for it .
Make a daily list of the things they have to do , and do not allow them to play inside or outside or even watch tv until they have it done properly .
If they do well for the whole week given a little reward to encourage them .
Treat things they want the same way.
Welcome to a Mom s life
So in my house it’s give and take, if you don’t want to help around the house that you live in don’t ask me for anything. You want to go to the park? Clean your room and bathroom or whatever it may be. We can stay home all day and clean for all I care of we can help each other and we both get our way. And I explained we all share the house and the responsibilities and I’m not the maid. When I make dinner the kids help with dishes ect. This applies to games and cell phone time as well. But them again I don’t let my kids have a lot of screen time, always after dinner.
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Everyone should contribute. Maybe have them help you with some specific chores, it will help to bond while you teach them why you ffg onit the way you do. When they can complete it on thier own they can then alternate doing those tasks with your complete confidence. Add chores as they grow. You are teaching independence, a discussion about this may help.
Dude, nobody WANTS to do chores. As long as they’re helping, I’d let it slide. If you wanna withhold privileges until things are done full asssed instead of half, that might help too.
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Gee, how did they get entitled and lazy? Children aren’t born that way. Ever heard the expression you reap what you sow?
Time to hover and make sure they actually get it DONE.
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I started getting my children to do small things at a young age so they were prepared to help more as they got older. My oldest is 9 and acts like it’s the end of the world when I ask her to put her clean and folded washing in her drawers. Simply things I’ve been expecting them to do for a while and still met with the same attitude. I think it’s just a kid thing
They will always complain, u just keep pushing anyway
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I must be ruthless cause once I took my sons wii and sold it with him right next to me. I don’t play. I do everything for y’all (6 of them) at least you can do is a few chores!
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Family’s work together. My kids clean when I do generally. We also do random quick house pick ups. They have lists of personal responsibility chores and one house hold chore they are responsible for daily And they can earn money or bonus screen time (they can only play games one day a week) doing extras. My kids can complain if they like so long as they get the chores done. If they do not do it correctly they redo it tell its done right.
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Take away interent,tv and give them bland food to eat. Make them run laps or do extra homeowork and go to bed earlier. I wouldnt guve them any luxuries at all until they do their chores
Tell them suck it up buttercup. Getting in a routine now will help them in work life and every day life…Won’t get fired from jobs for not doing what they need too and won’t live in a messy home when that time comes. If they get married in the future their spouses appreciate the help and effort in the home. They are definitely old enough to do chores and not complain about things they will definitely have to do in the future in their own homes and overall lives.
Have a family meeting and you all be there. Tell them that things are going to change and that they are old enough now for chores. Have a list already made up and give them each turns picking which chore they are responsible for. If the chore is done as expected and as often as you say then they will earn credit for either screen time or going to a friends house, what ever they are wanting. But it has to be done to your standards. If they don’t do their assigned chores then they will be responsible for doing theirs and the other ones chores. And any extra help they give you will be extra credit. Assign a point system or someway to keep track of their progress. Its worth a try. Kids at that age are so hard to parent. Good luck !!!
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That’s how kids are. If they’re complaining but it still gets done then what’s the problem? My son complains each but guess what he does what he’s told. He’s 14. He mows does dishes laundry garbage cat litter sometimes cooks supper even yes he complains but he still does it. Do I punish him or not give him anything just cause he complains ? No. Do I not give him anything if he doesn’t do what he’s told ? Yes.
How about positive reinforcement ? You’re only punishing when they don’t do what you want, not rewarding when they do what they are told.
Try passing the buck too, when they don’t want to do something, tell them the truth, you don’t want to do it either but it has to get done .
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I have 5 kids. Ages 22yrs old to 5 yrs old. Right now my 13yr old is deep in the complaining and mouthy age. So I’ve kept firm. Accountability and integrity are important, not just instilling it but talking about it, over and over. And in different ways. That’s why we have them help out right? We want them to be responsible human beings, engaging in their own lives and of those around them? For the greater good right? Talk about it. And not just in the heat of the moment, when you’re upset and they are too. When they’re happy, when you are, when things are going good, it helps them see all sides of it. Just one moms opinion. Good luck, not every day will be a good day but that’s ok too. Love them, give your self some grace and them too. We’re all only human 
Kids never help unless forced. It’s not fun, so they refuse. There has to be a punishment/reward system.
You have to figure out what matters to them . Once you do that you hold the keys. BE CONSISTANT!! If you threaten and then give in, you have lost the game. Do not feel guilty. Your job as a parent is to teach them how to live out in the world on their own successfully. Not be their friend.
Sorry to inform you if ya didn’t teach them when they were younger they feel entitled and that’s because you created that. Never hurts any child to start doing chores when there very small then they get more and bigger chores as they get older
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It seems to be the age. I have 11, 12 and 13 year olds and they complain and huff and puff but they get the chores done. If they keep it up while doing the chores we take their game and phone privileges for the rest of the day.
Ignore it. The more attention you give it, the worse it gets.
“Do it well the first time or you’ll he redoing it”.
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It’s better when you get them involved from a young age so they grow up knowing that chores are part of daily undertakings.
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It is called Parenting…you are leaving out the part where you continue to reward this bad behavior by buying them “wants”. Aannddd, not spending time with them to enforce what you are asking them to do. Therefore…this sounds like they are searching for your attention. You reward them because of your absence.
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Show them how you expect things done. They might not know. They’ll always complain. I complain about chores sometimes too. Keep on them. Like literally hand folded laundry to them and follow them to the bedroom to make sure it’s done correctly. They’ll catch on eventually. I do this with my 13 yo still. She gets mad but it gets done. Good luck
stop trying to be their friend, it’s called parenting that you require things to be done to receive things in return. Don’t do certain chores you don’t get the goodies you want.
The work needs to be put in when they are small and are still wanting to help than it becomes just a part of who they are, you cant expect a magic solution
I read in a child psychology book a long time ago and this is what helped me with my 3 kids when they were on that path: It’s called “Mimic”. Every time they ask for something start whining and look at them and say “Do I have too”? I"I don’t want too"… Every time you go to wash the dishes whine about it. Every time you do their laundry whine about it. Have a fit. Every time they stomp their feet slam a door. Go right behind them and do exactly that. When They look at you and say “I hate you mom”. Look at them say “Good that let’s me know that I am doing my job as your mother. I love you any ways”. OR you could reverse everything. Stop doing their laundry and let their laundry build up in their room. Don’t do the dishes. Let things pile up for 1 day. Let them see for themselves how blessed they are to have you as their mom. Let them see the difference between a mother who cares and a mother who just lets things go. If and I mean only if neither of this works… Take everything out of their rooms. Beds dressers clothes toys etc… Nothing but walls and floor 1 blanket and 1 pillow. Unplug every electronic, turn out every light so no one is able to turn them on. Do this for one day and show them how blessed they are to be able to have things, a roof over their head, food to eat, clean clothes to wear etc… One of these 3 will definitely work. I had to do all 3 of these things according to child. My son is by far my most stubborn child. My oldest is now 15 and is OCD. My other daughter is 13 and is getting there. Both of my daughters help and now know what to do without me asking. Rarely do I ask them for help since they are now old enough to help a lot more. My son is only 7 and I am having to take him to therapy. Recently found out he is ADHD/ Dyslexia. He will only help me if he sees his sisters helping me or it’s just the 2 of us. Very rare does he help his dad (bonusdad).
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I have an 18&8 year old they both still huff and puff but they do it without being told again. If they do a half ass job they know they have to start all over and it ends up taking longer so they learned to do it right the first time.
I taught them get the job done and then you have fun.
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My kids have set chores and are not allowed to watch TV, play video games, play with friends until there chores are done daily. They get it done so they can have a life! Lol 
but a year ago I was in the same boat as you. I work, cook, clean, and do it all. I needed help. Plus my kids are the reason for the messy house so it took time but now when I get off work my house is spotless and it feels great. Kids hate cleaning but they understand why it needs to be done. If we have a messy house, no friends over period. Seems to work great in my home! FyI, my kids complain all the time every time they clean but they do it so…
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Sounds like my 9 year old her friends and her were on the phone the other day and she’s talking while cleaning her room right I peek out the door way to my daughter she’s looks at me big eyes 
then changes topic this other 9 year old girl loaded the fish washer cleaner her room and cleaned her bathroom my daughter knew once that phone hung up she was in for a talking she did not want to get off that phone and kept 
… still a pain but now I use it as leverage if your friend in the same grade and age can do it so can you !! Lol 
Invite there friends over while your house is how they left it
The way you made them so now unfortunately you have to break them of that habit. Going to be hard but don’t give in because they know they can break you if they huff and puff enough.
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I don’t believe in allowances. I don’t get paid to do dishes so why should my kids.
I make a list of chores. Unplug the WiFi. And tell them. They can have WiFi back on when the list of chores is completed and completed right. Works every time.
Also telling them they need to do chores for special activities, going out with friends, going to movies or what ever they like doing. Use chores as a way to earn extra time up past bedtime. Each chore earns them 10 minutes of being up past bedtime up to thirty minute. Three chores. Equals thirty minutes
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All kids do this. Both of my boys help out around the house (still complaining, because… kids) But they have no choice. If they don’t do what I need help with consequences are losing their things like phone, Xbox going to the creek or wanting to go fishing or 4 wheeler riding. Until they do some type of chore for me they won’t be able to do these things. I don’t have to yell and it’s understood they will automatically lose these things. I have done this since 5 years of age and they are the MOST helpful now! Still grumble over it but the job WILL get done. Make sure IF you take something THEY HAVE TO EARN IT BACK! NEVER GIVE IT BACK WITHOUT SOMETHING DONE IN RETURN. ie feed the dog, load dishwasher, sweep the floor or clean a toilet. The house runs smooth when everyone pitches in…remind them of that!!
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Bwahaha I’m sure all parents want to know that. When you find the solution … enlighten me too please
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I was always told you can bitch and complain at the same time as your doing your tasks… as long as you are completely your duties. Hell I’m 38 and I STILL complain sometimes when I’m doing stuff
And also I feel like alot of us push our idea “adult thinking” onto kids way too young. We may THINK that they should be thinking and perceiving things at a certain level… but they are STILL FXCKING 11 AND 12 YEARS OLD! What may seem like a half assed cleaning job to you,may have been fully adequate and acceptable to their 12 yr old brain, to them they got it done. Just bc they see us clean or do it a certain way doeant mean the same thought process goes through their head as ours…
I am guilty of this also with my 8yr old sometimes, so I have to remind myself on certain things that it doesnt all relay the same to her…
And I tell her you can complain while you work
Set a good example and know they do eventually leave.
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I give my kids an allowance.
They have a chore list of things that they need to do in order to receive their allowance. Their allowance gets docked if they do not do their chores or do not do them well.
They use their allowance to purchase things they want.
It only takes a couple of times of getting docked before they figure it out and do everything properly.
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Give them the same energy when they ask you for something. And remind them why you’re doing it. Why my sons huffs, I tell them huffing isn’t going to get the job done, and you’re still doing it. Kids don’t like chores plan and simple. But everyone has to pull their own weight. So, just get it done and they can go back to their business
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1 cup, 1 spoon , one of everything. If they don’t clean em they don’t eat…
When I was a kid my mother made me do things over until they were done right. It didn’t take me long to figure out it was faster to just do it right and be done with it in the first place.
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I tell my kids life is about doing things we don’t want to do, so lets make the best of it and its their mindset about it. If they huff and puff and think how bad its gonna be its gonna be its gonna be bad but if they just get up take a deep breath and tell themselves i can do this in 15 min and try to keep a positive mindset about it it wont be to bad. They know what their chores are and if they do them without being told and no complaints they get allowance. But if I have to tell them to them to do it no money. They get $1 a day and they huff and puff I take their technology for the day. I feel like it’s the best of both worlds, positive reinforcement with the money and a punishment for the huffing and puffing and complaining.
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Make them help others. Homeless need care bags, nursing homes need activities. Show them how they should be grateful and appreciate what you give them. If they don’t then take everything out of the room just mattress and change of clothes. Make them earn it back. Teach them to help others and be grateful.
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Stop belittling. Stop yelling at them. Stop putting them down for not doing it the right way. Have a conversation. Talk to them about how you feel, find out how they feel (and actually listen to them and believe them ). Then work together. Do all the house work and chores together. If they do it side by side with you, they’ll know how you want it done. Also the more hands working together, the quicker it gets done. My advice is to stop punishing them and work with them. Authoritative parenting isn’t the answer in this situation. You’ll find better results working with them and communicating with respect. Good luck mama.
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They are called kids for a reason complaining to do chores is inevitable. Try setting in a reward system If they do their chores you’ll let them have one treat or something else that they’re excited about maybe if you try that they be more motivated and it will start to get them in the habit of doing it.
You say the children are entitled , who made them that way? Stop giving them what they want and just give them what they need anything else make them earn by doing chores, we all huff when we don’t want to do something yet we still have to do it , if they do something half ass then they earn nothing , teach them to have pride in what they do and when they do a good job praise them and reward them. Yet I don’t believe in rewarding children for cleaning their room or bathroom if they have one , keeping their clothes neat and off the floor, if they do that I go in with a trash bag because if they can’t respect their own stuff they don’t need it or deserve it…: Good luck
Learn to have control it’s called tearing those buttons I never paid my kids to cleanthats the problem these days you don’t want to be a parent you want to be there friend what are you teaching them I got my butt busted and turned out ok
I had my 12 year old rewash every single dish in the entire house when I kept finding dirty dishes put away. No electronics. No fun. No nothing. Not until chores were done. I’ve been known to shut off wifi. I’ve cancelled family events too
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I don’t normally do allowances, but since it’s summer and we are home together all the time, I’ve made a deal with my kids. If the help me throughout the week and don’t fuss and fight they will get 10 dollars at the end of the week. However, they don’t get money for cleaning their rooms. Only with chores outside of their rooms. If they fight all week, no money. If they don’t do one of the chores I dock a dollar. Seems to work so far. I make a list of things to do, they pick which ones and write their names beside them that way I can check them off. Good luck momma. It took us a few weeks, but we are getting there.
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Erm… They sound like typical kids and it’s down to you as their parent to have to find the right way… When you do let me know 
Turn it into a game. “Whoever picks up the most ____ gets to pick the movie/game/snack/dinner/etc tonight!” Then you can participate too and challenge them. It’s fun, silly, and friendly competition. You could set a time limit and everything. Adjust it as needed for the task.
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Ya kinda answered it yourself. They are entitled and lazy. Yoou don’t like saying no. Soo you either be the mean mom n step it up and say no everytime until they kick their butts in gear or you just get comfortable at how things are and keep being their maid. I just went through this with my 11 & 6 years old. I had to be mean mom consistently until they finally started doing what was told. I literally ignored their every want. You don’t listen to me, I don’t listen to you. That simple.
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My kids were never really huffers, puffers, and complainers about household chores, when they were toddlers I started the whole clean up everybody does their part thing. they would help me pick up their toys, help me put clothes in the dryer help me put recycle in the bin etc etc. When they got old enough to do household chores with out help they didn’t really complain they did their chore(s) I raised my kids to understand that’s these are just the things that have to get done and as a member of the house it was part of their responsibility to help. ALSO a No rewards parent for household chores in my house cleaning up doing dishes laundry yard work etc those are just things that had to be done because they are part of what makes the household function and run. You said your children were entitled and lazy (u raised them) so you might just have to live with the huffing and puffing while they’re doing the chores you want them to get done and if it is not done to your satisfaction make them do it again until it is I would let them huff and puff all they want as long as they’re doing the chores and getting them done the way they’re supposed to be. And if they don’t get done like they’re supposed to be or done at all then the very next thing that they want to do wouldn’t be allowed and that’s just the way it would be you as a parent have to put your foot down stand your ground. So they won’t continue to be entitled and lazy
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Do what we did we took everything beside bed and bed stuff out their room we use Monopoly money list how much they get paid for doing chores how much each stuff was get bk …took them while get all there stuff bk I didn’t ask them do chore they did chore they got paid they wanted toy bk or TV bk they save until they got enough then when they got all their stuff bk after months , we went to really money and once week deep cleaning we list explain what we expected and explain out side need stuff like food , clothes anything they wanted they need use Allownce for we no longer going buy them what they wanted bc of their mouth …if they want extra money we make them do extra work
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I did read here one advice… every time they don’t do something don’t tell them off or don’t even say anything, open little “reward” book write there “not done that or that” one point and next they want something like go out to cinema with friends or need a lift to sleepover… anything. Open your book and go like … oh seems like there is a point here so it’s no for now, but we use these point-and vice versa if they do something good that is extra positive point they can use when they want something. Hope it makes sense:)
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How do you think they got this way?
If you figure it out lmk! Lol
My 11&12 year old are just like this. They would rather I take stuff away from them than for them to do anything at all. Like they literally would choose to sit in their room all day staring at the walls than to clean anything around the house. I found with my 11yr old she has ADHD so I understand her brain / reward system works a little different. I make sure not to overwhelm by asking her to do 1 task at a time. Sometimes something as simple as vacuuming her floor can be a challenge. So I’ll go sit in the room with her and give her company. Little different things work for each child I just have to figure out what that is in the moment when requesting something of them.
My father always made me redo the same chore over and over if he wasn’t satisfied
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We have a sticker chart that works wonders, they earn a big toy or prize at the end of the month, like a 5-10 dollar toy, if they still refuse then they lose privileges like electronics
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They don’t have to like it, they just have to do it. Logical consequences are always good. They can roll their eyes, or complain, but the chores need to be done.
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Give them an allowance to do what’s expected. They will like having the money and if they don’t do the work they don’t get paid.
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Cut off internet until the chores get done the correct way and tell them if they complain, it will be off even longer. Also, take phones and video games away. Your the parent and your in charge. They need to understand that. Grounding and time outs do nothing. Hit them where they will feel it…internet, phone, games. Don’t bribe them with money. Thats not good. You never bribe kids, it makes you look weak and shows them that they can hold your wallet hostage. Chores are expected. They live there and need to help around the house. It’s expected and don’t deserve rewards.
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They sound entitled. I would have a conversation letting them know you won’t be doing anything for them until they shape up. Teach them how to do each chore, make a chore list and stick with what you say. Christmas and birthdays don’t have to have gifts, they don’t have to go to extra curricular activities, etc. Read up on tough love.
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Let them complain. As long as they do it who cares.
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wow sounds like my 11 and 15 yr old
Not sure that’s possible.
Should have started long before this age
Make a daily chore list. Whatever needs to be done before they can watch tv or play video games or play on a tablet or whatever fun they want to do. Chores come first.
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Let them complain. As long as they do the chores it doesn’t really matter their attitude when doing them. If they want to be upset about it, let them. It’s them that’s going to have a bad time doing it because of their attitude not you🤷♂️
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I seen on episode on super nanny about giving kids two choices. Would they rather put the dishes away or vacuum the floors. Take out the garbage or change the laundry. It worked for me. Goodluck
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Change wifi password and don’t give them the new password or put it in until chores are completed
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If they do it half fast and incomplete make them do it over again and finish it & explain to them when they get old enough to get a job if that’s how they do their work their likely to get fired
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I have to cut off the wifi, take all electronics, only have the record player playing while they clean, and it gets done. No friends, no snacks, nothing til it’s done. They won’t have time to complain if they’re busy trying to earn everything back.
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Are you close with your kids? Having a close relationship helps a lot with kids listening. They need to actually care about your feelings and you them.
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Stand Your Ground as parents we tend to get frustrated and make threats that our hearts are not equipped to carry out.
My suggestion is to start the day with giving what’s expected
If Saturday is the day for all household chores
Collect all devices by 8am turn off the wifi and give out the chores and a time they should be completed
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Biologically speaking they ARE supposed to be lazier and mouthier at this age. Maybe it might help you to learn about what their body is going throughout developmentally speaking, so then you can tailor your parenting style and discipline to better suit the situation. Just blindly throwing punishments at the wall hoping one will stick is just bad for you all, you’ll get stressed out and they’ll get worse. If you can look at it from all angles though it will help you pinpoint. You’ve got the environmental aspect observed and tucked away so I think look at the biological then compare and see if a different way presents itself. They may also need more time outside the house for both structure and your sanity.
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Make a chore list. Don’t allow them to have any of their electronics til the chores are done. Let them complain. Let it go in one ear and out the other. If they don’t do their chores they don’t get their devices or go anywhere. And if they do if half assed make them do it again until it’s done right. This will teach them responsibility.
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