How do I cope with my husband not wanting another baby? My husband had 2 boys with his ex girlfriend when they were really young. Had his first boy when he was 18 and the second 2 years later. The boys are now 9 and 6, we get them every other weekend and I love them to pieces. Him and I have been together 5 years, married for 1. We just brought a daughter into the world 2 months ago after having a stillborn daughter in 2019. I absolutely love being a mommy and not 100% sure if I want another child but have been thinking a lot about it. My husband is completely against it and says he’s done because now he has 3 kids and doesn’t want anymore and he thinks he will be to old by time we have the next. (He’ll be 29 this year) I’ll only be 24 in may and I am just upset that I feel like I don’t even have the chance to have another child if I wanted to. I kinda feel like his ex took that opportunity from me because they had children so young together. I understand things happen and it takes 2 to make a baby, I get it… I know I married a man with 2 children and that’s not a problem for me at all, like I said I absolutely love those boys and look forward to our weekends together. I just feel robbed and like I may regret not being able to have another child. How do you deal with this without feeling some sort of irrational resentment towards husband and ex?
I say that if you just had a baby 2 months ago, now is not a good time to talk about it… he’s probably saying no because he clearly has a baby right now. I would wait at least another year or two and he may change his mind. And since you just had a baby, I’m sure your emotions are all over the place. Enjoy the NOW with you all as a family.
You just had a baby 2 months ago. Enjoy that baby. They grow up too fast. You need to wait for that conversation for a later time.
I was thirty when I had my second and 33 when I had my third
I would definitely enjoy the time you have now with baby. Thinking about having another baby 2 months after having one is very soon. To a man could be stressful on the mind. Maybe wait a year and then sit down and have a conversation about it. A lot can change in a year.
First off, this is in no way shape or form the ex’s fault. They were in a a long enough relationship to bring 2 kids 3 years apart into the world. At the time she may of thought it would last a lifetime. The only person telling you no on another child is your husband. No one else, dont cause un needed drama between you and his ex even on accident, it could affect their boys. You already said you were not even sure yet and you just had a baby a couple months ago. Enjoy this time with your new child. And in a couple years see how you feel then. If you still want to have another child then reopen this discussion. If he still feels he doesn’t want more then you will need to make a choice on your future. A lot can happen in a couple years. I wish you the best of luck and congrats on your new baby.
If he doesn’t want another don’t force him or make him feel guilty. It should be something you both agree to either way…
This is hard. Definitely something that should have been talked about in the beginning.
mine was 28 when our first was born and 30 with our second so he’s definitely not “too old.” but we’re in the opposite boat of he wants more but i don’t right now.
give it a couple years and then decide whether or not you want more, the toddler years are rough and might change your mind.
Enjoy your baby now. Later talk to him and tell him how much you would like to experience carrying his child once more and maybe he will relent.
Enjoy your new baby with him and just give it some time yall are still young. He might change his mind and want another . Goodluck to you and your family ⚘
You must have a newborn that most only dream of to even be thinking long term thoughts of another. I remember being extremely exhausted with all 4 of ours for the better part of a year at least. That’s a great thing though! I bet you are an excellent mommy and step mom as well. Revisit the conversation on down the road a ways. As long as nothing is done to either of you to medically stop a pregnancy, the door is technically still open on the subject
Don’t be greedy!! GOD has blessed you!
Honestly I think bringing it up so soon after having your LO; probably brought up some negative memories OF having two little ones so young back to back. The relationship also clearly didn’t last. I think he just doesn’t want to rehash any of that, and the chance of one day having just weekends with another two little ones.
I myself didn’t want kids past a certain age, I had my first so young there was no way I wanted any past 30.
I understand you’re still 24, but honestly just enjoy the time and enjoy your little one AS much as you can. It goes fast. Create an unforgettable bond. Go out, explore together, go to stores while you just have one. My first one was 5 before I had another one, and we are CLOSE. I then had my other two back to back and by no means has the bond been as easy, the trips out are harder, the strain on the relationship is sometimes detrimental (mine ended terribly)
My husband and I are both 32 and we are pregnant with twins my 4th and 5th and his 2nd and 3rd we also have a one year old. He was dead set on not having anymore but with 3 girls I really wanted a son. So it took me a few months of convincing him. I know exactly how you feel though. Right now he is probably overwhelmed. You need to decide if you want a second one for sure and if you do then bring the conversation back up when you know you’re ready.
My husband said no more than 3 the entire time we been together (10 years) after we had our third he still said no more absolutely not he’s done. I’m 32 weeks pregnant with number 4 and our youngest is 4, we have three girls now and this gender is a surprise and he’s super excited! Give him more time than just having a baby.
You had a baby two months ago. Revisit this in like a year
Take some time out to enjoy your kids you have now and talk about it again at another date. Maybe when she is a year old
I think you are rushing it you just had a baby your body is not even ready to have another baby yet you’re not even healed from your last baby. He might just want to see how everything goes because having a baby 24/7 is a lot different than having kids around every other weekend. It’s full-time it’s a lot more demanding especially with the newborn it’s a lot and it’s really hard on couples to find their new balance and their new normal. I think you should wait at least a year or two and then approach the subject again. Don’t be in a rush to get to the next step enjoy your newborn take It All In enjoy the moments you have with her. You have plenty of time to have another baby you are very young. I would respect what he’s saying and leave the subject alone see how things go with your family and marriage and other step kids having a baby there, then if you still feel this strongly then approach the subject again in a couple years. Don’t call strife in your marriage rn. He could easily change his mind in a year or two but right now he’s trying to get through the newborn stage as You are and making sure your financially okay with another kid to support. I feel like it’s a lot of pressure on him that you may not realize.
Wait 2 years and revisit it. Y’all do have 3 together now.
My husband said he was done the entire pregnancy and right after our 14 month old was born. But we’re trying again at less than a year until 40. Wait and talk it out with a little more time and space from newborn.
I have an 11 year old. We had a stillbirth Jan 2021. And we had our rainbow July 2022.
Wait it out. My first two are 13 months apart and me and hubby weren’t sure if we wanted kids. Survived that and after many nos 3 years later we had our third( and only planned baby lol) and 2 years after that we added one more. When we got together 12 years ago we agreed we wanted dogs and a farm. 4 girls 2 cats and stuck in town ATM. Very very far from what we had planned. YOLO make the best of it and take it as it comes.
My opinion… you are very young and baby is very young. Do not pressure him now for another baby. Give it some time and when you feel like you are actually ready to have another have a discussion then. He may be feeling overwhelmed currently. Enjoy your life as a new mom
My Husband said absolutely not for 3 years. Like I mean he said NO and wasn’t happy when I would bring it up. We had our 1st at age 33 and 2nd two years later. He finally caved after getting baby fever and now we have a 16 month old and we are 40.
You’ve got one child together so it’s not like y’all don’t have a piece of both of you. I’d leave well enough alone and enjoy what you have before you start resenting your husband.
Get a puppy or a miniature cow. Works every time
Girl you are young & just had your baby. Enjoy her and calm down lol. You’re only 2 months in. Experience this motherhood.
29?! He’s so young. I had mine at 31. Lol so it’s only been two months. Wait till baby is a bit older and swe how you feel
Had my last child when I was 38
Give it time. You both are still very young and have plenty of time for babies. Enjoy the experience of your 1st for a while. If you feel like you want another down the road, talk to him again. Explain your feelings about why and what it means for you to have another. He may hold firm, or agree, or, you may change your mind after the terrible 2s hit lol. Just put it on the back burner for now and see how you feel a little later on. Remember too, your hormones are still not back to normal.
Don’t get your hopes up for him to change his mind, it will just hurt your feelings down the road when he doesn’t.
These are big emotions and there is nothing wrong with seeking counsel to deal with them in an appropriate manor.
You guys are still young. Plenty of time for him or you to change your mind.
My uncle just had another baby with his new wife at like 47 lol
My goodness you have a newborn you don’t need another baby right now people change their minds all the time I only wanted two kids and now I have 4. Give it a couple years and talk about it again
Give him time. You all have a new born together at the moment. Let your body heal first for the recommended 18 months and then revisit the conversation
I have a 16,14,10,6,3&4 month old…their is plenty of time. I’m 36. Also accidents do happen. Give it time,no rush
My husband also said no! Then along came this one number 5 when number 4 was 17 months old. He has 2 from previous, I have 1 then had two together.
It’s taken me almost 4 years to maybe want another one and I’m the mom
Dude my husband is 46 and still begging me daily for a 3rd. Tell him 29 ain’t nothing
Give it time, he may have a change of heart.
You just had a baby two months ago, give it time. Talking about having another baby while you still have a baby is probably making him feel a lot of pressure
It is something that you probably should have discussed before you two got married. I feel for you but I also understand where he is coming from as well.
Enjoy the baby and the boys that you have. You have time to think about another baby
This should have been a discussion before marriage & before having children with him. Also, having a still born is traumatic, as you know, so this may have a lot to do with his decision too.
You should have discussed this at the beginning and please when a man says they don’t want a second listen because they will be so cold if you end up having another one enjoy your daughter now he may change his mind later just take one day at a time
Both parties are at fault for not discussing this sooner - should have been something you talked about BEFORE getting married.
I’m doing surrogacy, for now, to full that void. It was also a dream of mine for various reasons.
I’m still 70/30 on wanting one more, hubs is probably the opposite
Give him some time, he may come around. My husband and I are 32 and 38 and we had our first and only so far at 24 and 30. We both want a8, and are hoping to try again soon, but you guys are DEFINITELY not too old. I know that’s the reason he gave, but I have a hard time buying THAT is what it really is. Maybe it is, but also I’m wondering maybe it is more financial. He’s got a lot of kids between the two of you already. Also. It has only been two months since the most recent one was born. Calm down. He may still be trying to settle into having a newborn in the home, and he’s not wanting to add double the trouble right now. Come back to this at a later time. It’s too soon for him, period.
3 kids is a lot of kids! I understand his feelings! Besides it cost a lot
Too old bull . My father was 40 when I was born . My husband and I hVe been married 40 years . Our youngest who is 29 now was born when I was 36 and her dad 33.
My partner is 40 next year, I’m 37 and we are talking about having a baby. My girls are 18, 10 and 6. My 6 year old has a chromosome deletion and autism and that hasn’t stopped us from taking about having 1
Don’t pressure him into it that’s not fair to him.what if you have another an then he dosent care to be there for it like the other it happens
Do Not trick or trap him. It never ends well. Enjoy the children that you DO have. I would wait awhile and maybe ask later.
Usually a conversation before marriage…
If you just had a baby your hormones are all up the spout take 18 months to get your body back to normal u may think differently then or is it the fact your husband doesnt want anymore cherish what you have after what youve been through hun she is a little miricle xx
First of all, you can’t force someone to want more kids. That’s why it’s one of the big things you have to discuss before marriage. That being said, wouldn’t you rather have a smidge of resentment towards him, than he have resentment towards a child he doesn’t want?
Some people can’t have kids at ALL. Having one should be something you feel grateful for.
This should have been discussed before getting married. At this rate, open communication to decide how you both want to move forward is all you can do. Is it a deal breaker for you? I wouldn’t pressure someone into having a child they don’t want or feel prepared for. But this has absolutely nothing to do with his previous relationship. You weren’t in the picture. They couldn’t have possibly predicted what would happen in the future. If you can’t shake the feelings of resentment and choose to stay in the marriage, I would definitely recommend counseling to help you work through your feelings so it doesn’t end up impacting the entire family, especially the children involved.
He may change his mind and he may not but your latest is only 2 months old. My husband said he didn’t think he wanted another one after my 2nd baby. We have 3 now Life and opinions change with time. Also, its not the Exs fault. Enjoy that baby
I think you’re putting too much thought into this. You have a 2 month old. And YOU don’t even know if you want another yet. Calm down and enjoy the one you’ve got for a bit.
First, I offer my condolences on your first daughter.
I was understanding where you were coming from before you said “his ex took that opportunity from you”. No. Your husband had a life before you and regardless of their ages, they brought those children earth side and you knew that when you met him. You should’ve sat down with your husband before marriage and discussed any grievances you had about that.
This might be something he won’t change his mind on and you have to have a deep conversation for that. I have 3 myself and often dream about 4 but we are financially comfortable with 3 and I know 4 might push it. You are also probably on a love high with your new baby, understandably and could also not feel this way in a few months or years. I recommend marriage counseling so you speak with someone unbiased and willing to let you both speak your piece.
But definitely not by blaming his ex.
Both of your feelings are valid. However, you holding resentment against his ex and trying to blame her is totally wrong. You weren’t in the picture when they had their kids. She didn’t do anything wrong to you. You need to discuss this with your husband, but you’re still only a couple months postpartum. A new baby can be stressful for everyone and he just may be overwhelmed too. Maybe wait a little while for everything to balance out and sit down and discuss everything.
All I can think is if some of y’all turned this around and the MAN felt this way and was talking this was about his wife it would be a completely different story lol if he doesn’t want anymore then he doesn’t want anymore
Honestly you gotta look at the bright side of things. I have a 8year old with my ex who I have sole custody of. My bf refuses to have any at the moment he wants to wait another 5 years before even considering it even tho I have health issues that can cause fertility issues. By the time he’s ready I’ll be even more high risk and may not be comfortable trying… my way of coping is looking forward to the future I can have with my daughter such as taking her traveling and stuff I never got to do growing up.
You can’t resent the ex lol you came in knowing children were there. You should have discussed this with him before marriage so you were both clear. Be thankful you have one at least
My husband turns 49 in a couple weeks. We have a 4, 2 and almost 4 months old. I have a 10 year old from a previous relationship. Age is just a number. I’m also 38
His ex took that opportunity from you because THEY had children? Really? And if you’re not even sure yourself… maybe just enjoy your new baby and husband. If he doesn’t want more and that never changes… that is his choice. You just need to decide if you want another child more than him.
I’m the type that would tell her m you want another child eventually. And you’re not getting on birth control. Let him figure out the rest.
Why are you guys talking about more children? You just had a baby 2 months ago. You yourself are raging with hormones.
There is truth to the saying. There’s a time and place for everything. Right nows not the time. Stay and enjoy your baby and then when your more back to yourself and he’s had stability in the life with your daughter. Then have the conversation. I’d recommend a year or two later.
And also I’m going to sound like a c. u. n. t. But you don’t get to say his ex robbed you of children. That’s a disgusting way to think. Those kids are his blessing and she is apart of that past. Those kids deserve better from their stepmom. This has nothing to do with the coparent mom and those children and everything to do with what emotions you are having a hard time processing. But you keep thinking about that, then that energy is going to come back and bite you in the ass one day.
Give it some time he might change his mind having a baby that young right now he’s probably overwhelmed but that could change is the baby gets older. Just enjoy the baby you have for now and keep making memories everything else will fall into place
His ex did nothing to you.
You should’ve had this talk with him long before you married him.
YOU’RE not even sure if you want another baby/you said so yourself.
Unfortunately it’s something you have to eventually accept or not. I wasn’t done. I had 2 by 25 and my previous husband got fixed before we were married as he wanted to be sure he didn’t have more. We divorced and my current husband is 44 and doesn’t want any so I’ve had to let it go. Sometimes it’s definitely a stomach curdling feeling to think about but I just remind myself that I made that choice too when I got married knowing he didn’t want any.
He says no. End of conversation. If you need more kids, you’ll need another .
First, he ex didn’t rob you from anything. They BOTH decided to have children prior to you being in the picture. And this was a discussion y’all should have had prior to getting married. You can’t make him to hav another child. So either be ok with one child, or find someone else who wants a child. It’s harsh, but it’s the truth.
I would not bring a baby into this world like it is right now… Everything is going to hell in a handbasket. Please think of what those children has to live in and after we are dead and gone its going to be 10 times worse then what it is right now
Maybe at this point he may not can afford another one, he’s already got 3 , takes lots of money to raise children,enjoy what you have !
Perhaps the conversation should’ve been had before marriage
This kind of stuff should be discussing when you are dating and getting to know each other so you can have a idea on what to expect, you can’t force him or resent him for not wanting more children .
But anyway, you are putting too muy energy thinking about the future when you should be enjoying your baby .Taking about having another baby when you practically just had one is insane , wait 2-3 years and maybe he will change his mind
It may be that he is still upset or scared that you recently had a stillborn baby. Have you and him talked about this? Men grieve and don’t like to talk much about their feelings. Also 29 is not old. I had my last kids (twins) at 35.
Your absolutely allowed to feel that way. But he said No! No means no!
I think it should be said…
The girlfriend has no responsibility in how your husband feels. He is the one saying no more, not her…
Keep communication open and give him some time.
Sorry for your loss. But his ex didn’t rob you of anything. It’s not her fault.
First of all the ex didn’t take anything from you, try not feel that way, it’s ur husband that doesn’t want anymore not her, that resentment won’t help any situation or relationship within your family life
Second give it time, u never know what the future brings, my husband only wanted 1, then 2 then went for another , after each one he swore he was done, 3 kids in for us now and both us have been on of broody, even though I feel I’m to old ( I’m 40 hubby is 33) to talk about another baby 2 months after birth can be very hard to process as your still very much in the new born baby exhaustion stage
Enjoy your baby, don’t miss out on this time only thinking about the future.
I’m gonna assume when your husband was 18 and with his ex, you guys didn’t even know each other so don’t make something that has nothing to do with you about you. At no point in time while they were making babies did they say “let’s rob my future wife of a second baby”. Do not create drama where there is no drama.
Let your hormones level out before having serious conversations that can effect your future.
To late now but this is why we need to have conversations with potential partners before things get serious, none of the oh they only want 1 child, I’ll just convince or trick them into more, that’s what we call manipulation.
Now if you want dramatic possibly unrealistic advice, buy a house next door to ex girlfriend and you’ll can have 3 kids together lol warning this would only work if all parties involved are mature, have boundaries and only want what’s best for ALL the kids. It’s okay and I’d even say important to be friends with the other baby mama.
His ex didn’t take a thing from you. Knock that right off.
The ex did not take anything from you.
He’s right, HE HAS 3 kids now. And why on earth would you blame the ex, she came before you and that’s just how it is.
Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a conversation About this did you guys ever talk about your plans for amount of kids to have before?
This is something you should have discussed prior to getting married, especially if less/more than x amount of kids was a deal breaker for either of you. Why would you resent his ex? It’s not her fault that he doesn’t want more kids with you, she & their kids were before your time & you sound really immature for even bringing her into it. If you try to trap him into having another child he’ll potentially grow to resent you & even the child(ren). You’ve gotta pick & choose your battles, or you can divorce him & find someone who has similar family dynamic desires to yours.
Blame the ex, seriously?
Your boy should have wrapped up, knowing he would meet you and YOU would want his kids, rather than have them grow in another uterus.
He may change his mind. I said no more after my 4th but I met my soon to be husband and he had no kids. As our relationship progressed, i wanted to have one with him. He was completely ok with not having a child of his own and taking on my 4. We decided to start trying at 32 and had a son at 33.
I had my last baby (#4) at 38. You ha e lots of time. Just ask him not to rush into a vasectomy and offer to get an IUD instead. Tell him you would be happy to drop the subject for another “x” year(s) but would like to revisit it then to discuss. Feelings change in time (or they may not) but just enjoy your daughter right now and put this on the back burner.
You think his ex took potential babies from you???
That’s crazy to me.
I can empathize w wanting more children. I’d give it 6 months and readdress the issue. Nagging him daily won’t help him want more children at all.
Did you not decide on this prior to marriage? He has a right to not want more kids.
Eh let it ride,jut cause he’s saying that now doesn’t mean forever,wait til she’s 3 then talk about
He may change his mind once baby is a little older! I had my first at 20, he had his forst when he was 21, his second at 22, we got together and we had our daughter when I was 25 and he was 23, i was done. I signed papers to get my tubes tied, he talked me out of it and said if i didnt want anymore he would get fixed bc their was less risks for him so i said okay and got the mirena, he never went and got fixed bc mirena worked great for us. When i went and had my mirena switched after 6 years i cried and knew i wanted one more, and here I am 31 and him 29 due with our last in october. And we were both totally against more for years! It is very possible for him to change his mind, but not likely while there is a baby in the house.
honey your hormones are wild right now, just focus on your baby and leave the future to the future , things change
Maybe He’s Thinking about the Future Financially for the children YOU already have. Think about it this way, That’s THREE driver’s Ed courses at 500.00 a kid, That’s THREE Cars, THREE proms, THREE graduations, THREE college Tuitions, THREE weddings . Kid’s are EXPENSIVE, and unless you are Amazingly well off There’s almost always a financial sacrifice to be made when having more. Think about what ONE set of braces cost, What taking 3 children on vacation cost, on top of the daily expenses of running a home and any unforseen medical expenses or Repairs plus saving for retirement. I would bet My Gremlin bell These are the things your Hubby’s thinking about. Especially if He’s the sole provider. Give him a Break Momma, Enjoy the New edition to your Family. Let your body HEAL. Give Daddy a chance to adjust to being a Girl Dad bc as Girls we know that comes with a certain amount of financial challenges all on its own ( LOL) YOU just never know, HE very well could be the one to catch the Next Baby Fever in the house!
Honestly I was in your husband spot. I didn’t want anymore after I had my 9 month old. I was set on getting fixed. My husband talked me into him getting fixed instead once baby hit 6 months. Well I went in for a routine visit am found out a few days before mothers day this year that I am now expecting our third an last. I’m 29 he is 31. We are for sure done this time an he just got his apt for him to get fix a month before I deliver the last.
I’d feel the same, honestly.
That said, I don’t know if he’s being honest with you- I find it unusual for a man to think at 29 they’re “too old” to have more kids, sounds like a cop out.
I suspect he wants neither the mounting expense, nor your attention diverted away to children for the foreseeable future.
This is a tough conversation and I wouldn’t be okay with a full-on baby embargo … but perhaps give it a little time before re-approaching it with him.
Focus on your new daughter and his boys for the moment, and return to this a bit later perhaps?
But if he is lobbying to get a vasectomy - well you really can’t wait long, can you -
I’d suggest a family / marriage counselor as well, to help navigate the situation in as healthy a manner as possible for all involved.
I was going to ask what you discussed vis a vis children prior to marrying - but it doesn’t much matter now, I suppose.
When one party desperately wants children and one party vehemently doesn’t … neither can / should be coerced or cajoled into an arrangement they don’t want.
It’s particularly horrible for the children - imagine being a resented child, or growing up where your existence was a topic of painful contention.
At the same time, that biological imperative is VERY LOUD AND HARD TO IGNORE - and you are also a person whose needs and wants matter.
I wish I had better answers , and I wish you all the luck x