Don't feel comfortable with my ex's new GF

So my child’s father and I split up a few months ago and things were very hard he wouldn’t work with me on anything only against me. He used to let me call my daughter every night to say goodnight or ask how her night was the days she was with him since I agreed to 50 50 custody with out court but than he stopped letting me call her etc. I have never refused any phone calls of his to her and still don’t he has recently got a girlfriend within the last month and decided that he’s too busy with “work” that he can’t do 50 50 anymore I’m fine with it because more time for me I just wish he wanted the same. Since he brought his girlfriend around my daughter last week and didn’t tell me until after she was around her even though we had an agreement to meet someone if they were going to be around our child this was last Thursday she met my daughter And has only been around her 2 times and last night I found out my daughter was going to sleep at this girls house where idk where it is or anything at all so he’s jumping into his hard what do you think I should do? I get I don’t have a say when she’s with dad but I’m not comfortable with my daughter sleeping at this girls house when she barely knows her she’s only 3 and what if she doesn’t feel comfortable to ask to go to the bathroom or something or since she has a big dog at home she plays with what if this girls dog doesn’t like that she can play with my dog comfortable and gets bit etc


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Don't feel comfortable with my ex's new GF - Mamas Uncut

Go get a set in stone custody order before this gets messy.


My son’s father and I went to court to establish 50/50 legal and I have full physical custody, he has visitation. They made us go to mediation and you can have anything in the agreement. We agreed that our son would either be sleeping at my house or his house, no where else. If he moves I need to know where and I can visit to check to make sure he has everything our son needs. I’m not sure if you can get an emergency order if it’s that serious to you, but you have some options.

I feel for you. I’ve been there, thankfully at the time I had sole custody of my daughter but still allowed her to go to get fathers house, when I did, the gf was there and then overdosed while my daughter was there. You have every right to feel how you do. With the world we live in, we have to be over protective of our children. I would definitely try reaching out to the gf and explain how you feel. She’s probably just as nervous as you. If that doesn’t go, then I’d definitely talk to a lawyer.


I understand your discomfort. Just because he’s rushing into this it doesn’t mean you have to. Call him up and let him know you’re happy that he’s found someone but remind him of your agreement. Let him know that if he wants to stay at his gf’s house that’s fine but maybe not your daughter until you’ve met the gf and are okay with it. Ask him how he’d feel if you took his daughter to stay overnight with a stranger to him. It’s not controlling, it’s genuine concern. Offer to keep the daughter extra if he wants to stay at the gf’s but don’t demand it. Just talk to him. Express your concerns. At least let him know that you would appreciate letting her say goodnight to you so you know she’s okay.


GET A LAWYER get custody figured out ASAP

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Just an FYI… if you were never married and live in MA, then the father has no rights, therefore, you make all the rules until something is court ordered. He will need to take you to court to change any prev “agreements “. It’s a good thing that you are not one of these women who uses their child as a weapon against their fathers, and wants him part of her life, but if it were me, I would not allow my child around the GF until I’ve met her.
Good luck …

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Consult a lawyer about the custody agreement


Always get everything in writing and notorised if you don’t have a court order. If he’s being a jerk take him back to court.

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We never did anything official but I did speak with a lawyer and since I was the major caretaker not just supporting him but taking him to the Dr. Handling school ECT legally I was the main guardian and he had whatever rights I gave him. I only had to let him know that I would perdue this action if need be. He didn’t push the issue.

One, there’s nothing wrong with him having a new girlfriend already. Some people move on quicker than others. Two, I think you both need to go through court just to have a custody plan set in place and child support if it is needed. Three, tell him you need to meet this new woman he has around your daughter. If he doesn’t set up the meeting, reach out to her. Don’t look at her as someone trying to replace you because odds are, she really cares for your little girl, but she needs to be able to connect with and contact you in case your daughter needs anything while she is with dad’s girlfriend. This can be a very simple situation and coparenting can definitely work. You’ve got this. :heart:

Sincerely, a mama and a step mama. :heart:


Ummm so y’all just broke up a few months ago and he already is with someone and having them meet your daughter. Hell no! If my husband and I ever divorced I would be very clear that my son doesn’t meet any new girlfriend until they’ve been together 6 months. You do not know someone well enough after a month to be bringing them around your child. Men & women alike need to stop putting new flings as a priority over their children.


I have to agree with Denise make sure to get everything you want and need a parent that’s important in writing to cover you, I am having a hard time with son’s dad now I feel like my son isn’t as much as a priority as I think he should and I’m only assuming this but I’m wondering if his wife is thinking well now I’m here you can spend the time with me and I don’t think that’s fair not to my son and I don’t honestly know his wife she’s never really honestly had a conversation with me she will stand there when I pick my son up but she doesn’t say anything I’m sure she’s great and very nice but it would be nice to have had that respect when my boyfriend has met my son’s dad numerous times now and they seem to at least be respectful and they shake hands and talk whatever…

I think you should meet her . Even exchange numbers ! Unfortunately you can’t control what the other parent does, and that can be nerve wrecking. So control what you can! I’m also a step mom and her Bio mom tried everything to keep me away from her daughter. Lol 5 yrs later we communicate and its gotten so much better ! Good luck mom


Go get this legally sorted. You can’t control what he does but you are the parent, so control your child’s safety.

I recommend reaching out to her and getting to know her… As a step mom, it has always been so upsetting that my step daughters mom never wanted to get to know me and just hated me without ever even engaging in a conversation with me… Sit down together, with Dad included and TALK! Ultimately if Dad wants to have her in their lives, there isn’t much you can do… But atleast having a conversation will put your concerns on the table and give the opportunity for a plan and some boundaries to be put into place… And you also need to come up with an agreement, but get it filed with the court so it is set in stone

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I get this. 100%. I feel this in my soul from experience.
Unfortunately, you cannot dictate who your daughter sees when she’s with her dad. Except for extenuating circumstances like a child predator for example.

Been there, done all this and to put it in a nutshell there is not one thing u can do, bottom line, unless something untoward happens like if she does get dog bitten (which probably won’t happen) I totally understand ur concern. Just try to remember that he loves her too ( and hopefully is a good daddy) but when it’s “his time” there’s not one thing u can do legally to protect her when she’s with him.

I would get a court order, that you both agree with in reference to custody, etc. Always good to have.
That aside, you need to get over it. You cannot control what’s going on with your ex, and who your daughter will be around. Unless you suspect abuse, you need to relax, and let her have her time with her father how he sees fit.
Personally, I would ask for her number and reach out. Just so that the gf knows you’re available if she ever needs anything. Plus, it makes you seem less crazy and more open to co parenting in a healthy manner.
This may or may not be a long term relationship for your ex, but offering up open lines of communication will only benefit you both, and your daughter.

Ok I totally disagree with some of these comments they’re just rude. First of all. Second of all. Hell no. If you have kids at all you would be more understanding to what she as a mother is goin thru the world is an ugly place you do not just trust your child with just anyone… the hell? So heres the thing it does suck bc without a courtorser you don’t have any say so & unfortunately not everyone can co parent. It doesnt matter how often you talk to the other parent if they are not willing to co parent then it can not work. Co parenting only works if both parents are willing to co parent… now. I agree 100% take it to court. Get every thing in the court order from phone calls to visits to the fact that your child is not to be left alone with said girlfriend until they’re able to co parent 100% with you. It’s sad really that so many people struggle with co parenting bc your love for your child should be so much more then your dislike for one another. I’m so thankful that my kids were raised to co parent and if theres anything in the world that makes me smile it’s the ability to parent that both of my girls show daily. Prayers to you and all involved.

These people who are saying you’re trying to run his household, uh, NO. You don’t know this woman, your ex barely knows this woman. You don’t know if she’s a former, or current, drug abuser, if she has any known pedophiles in her family, nothing! And yet he’s letting your baby daughter to sleep over at her house?! No. No, no, no, no, no, no!!! I don’t allow my kids to spend the night with their friends if I don’t know their parents. This is utterly ridiculous. Your ex should be setting up a meeting for the four of you, including your daughter, so you all can get to know each other. Phone numbers, addresses and such should be shared. I would come right out and tell him I’m not comfortable with my daughter sleeping over at his new girlfriend’s home. You aren’t trying to run his household, you’re looking out for your daughter’s safety and if he doesn’t get that, then it’s time to go to court, sweetheart.

Unfortunately, there are alot of situations that divorced , single , separated parents have to go through. Co parenting is absolutely the way to go. Especially since you can not control or decide who you want her ex to be with. If I were you I would get close to his gf for your child’s sake and work it out , and go through the court if he doesn’t want to take any responsibility anymore. That way it will be more peaceful.

The hardest thing in the world is acceptance especially if you can’t control it. If you trusted the person to do all this in the first place then trust him to take care of your daughter no matter who’s around. Focus on you.

I feel your pain, my daughter had to visit with her father’s gf, I had no choice but I was upset when I found out the gf would get drunk and fall asleep with cigarettes. Ex won’t listen.

Get a court ordered custody agreement as this could get very messy without one. Also consult with a lawyer. You can put pretty much anything in a custody agreement as long as it’s passed through court and he’ll have to comply or gave the consequences, as well as you having to comply with any conditions he sets. Even if it’s an agreement between the 2 of you, you still need to get it through the courts.

Do you have a custody order in place? Short of a custody order, you can’t do anything about what your child’s father does on his time with her. If you have an order in place and he’s violating it (not taking the child when he’s supposed to), you can file contempt. You’d be hard pressed to get a judge to agree with you on anything involving the gf…you’ll just come off as controlling. Was the agreement to not have the child around any new SO for a set amount of time put in a custody order? If the answer is no, you’re sol. I’ve been in the same predicament and it does really suck. I feel for you. But your time is better spent on maintaining the things you can control, none of the things I’ve seen in your post (other than him not taking child on his time if there’s a custody order in place) are things you can control.

Hope you have more then 3grand to get mediation smh. Dudes these days have no respect for the mother of their child . my ex went through 3 girlfriends after our breakup before he found one I didnt mind at all. (Not that he waited for my approval) and bc he is a mommas boy i expected i didnt have to expect my son staying at his gfs house when he could live off the grid at his moms house w his new gf so I was ok w it at least i know the family and the dogs in that in that house. My advice to you is to be prepared to spend lots of money for court order. $3grand bare minimum $6Grand for a really good lawyer. Also court like documentation . keep a journal of times and dates said events At his new girlfriends house happened that way if he tries to tuen on you and blames an accident that might hapoen due to said dog … You have back up stating no she wasnt with me and that mark looks so and so days old matching the time you had her. (Trust me I was turned on when I moved in with a family that had dogs 5 of them and they tried to pull that crap on me so dont let it happen to you…)

Remove all the drama - if your agreement is legally binding at 50/50…he has no grounds. If you have yet to go for custody…do it.

I think you should go to mediation or court . Put in the parenting plan that you want phone calls etc . That’s how mine is

I know it’s hard, but unless court papers say he can’t do something you can’t stop it.

Keep the child away until you assert that you need to meet this woman first …honestly I wouldn’t let my child go nowhere

You didn’t go to court so these agreements you made won’t hold up if it ever does go to court. I’d probably file and have everything pertaining to the parenting plan documented and court ordered.

If hes already changing your agreement that yall made outside of court, it’s time to go to court. If he cant respect you to keep open communication about the changes hes making to the agreement, dont respect his desire to keep it out of court. In some states, custody is determined by who has physical custody of the child till court orders have been established.

Your ex is an ass and thinking only of himself. He definitely should not be bringing your child around his new girlfriend. If anything the opposite. Your child is already trying to navigate this new life of her parents not being together and living in the same house. She shouldn’t have to have added stress and confusion with a new person in the mix . Both parents should he focused on getting a routine set for this child. It sounds like your ex makes it difficult.
I do recommend getting legal advice. This way a parenting plan can be in place sooner rather than later.
Unfortunately you cannot control what your ex does. What you can control is continue being your childs safe space. As she gets older she will know who the safe space is and who isn’t. Kids are not dumb

Girl…bye. You just tryna run his household from yours and that is a NO NO. If there is no court order stating any of these things, you have zero leg to stand on.


Ugh…I’m sorry you are going through this …I’m a different type person and this is how I’d handle that …1 she wouldn’t stay at his gfs house period …2 honestly I wouldn’t want the gf staying with them either until they been dating longer 3go to court talk to a lawyer etc …4 if he argues with u about your terms until court is settled keep her home with u he can visit her there …but I’m a overprotective B*tch when it’s my babies…good luck with whatever u decide to handle this

Get an attorney and get it all in legal writing.
Right now he can do whatever because you don’t have a way to hold him accountable or putting the child needs and best interest 1st.