If you were hiding the message from your ex, you were in the wrong there. Should have told your current partner you received the message and politely declined.
But your partner was in the wrong for snooping on your phone. Throwing a tantrum like a little bish and continuing to act this way.
If you want it to work pay your respects from aways. Don’t go. Especially if your ex has been out of your life for said how many years… they’re an ex for a reason now.
Idk. Both these dudes sound like duds.
Let it go. Physically broke up with you… And he did it over something that wasn’t your fault
Nah cut him all the way off. Live like roommates. Stop answering his questions. Move out. He’s narcissistic and gas lighting tf out of you
You cannot live this way. Your daughter feels ALL OF THIS😒
Cya way out ! You should of been honest
You hid messages by changing the name and then failed to tell him about your ex making contact. You two are supposed to be best friends and partners. Best friends don’t do that to each other. I do find him being super dramatic but he also probably feels like he was nice and it backfired.
If you change names…and hide messages… you deserve what you get.
You should of been honest about the text and invite , he was the encouraging you to reach out.
But in my opinion he is taking issue to far .Looks like he in fact just needed a reason to brake up with you, I can understand that you guys need to stay living together because of the finances but stop having sex with him and acting like nothing happened when is convenient for him , he should NOT get both ways
Your his booth call when needed pack up leave he can buy your shares of the house so you and little miss can move on and start fresh don’t wait for the next fight you may not walk away
It’s better sooner rather than later. Btw, it’ll only get worse with marriage.
You dodged a bullet. Go well the house or buy him out and be done. We don’t give dudes a second chance to reject us. If he doesn’t want the relationship then let him go. There’s a million dudes out there. Or you can go about a peaceful existence without one, since they seem hellbent on bullshit like this 
Let it go! If people try to change for someone else, they will be miserable for ever! You can change who you are and he sure isn’t going to change! I went threw that and he beat me up! That ended that!
U did do something terrible if he already had trust issues… u obviously know that…
But on the other hand u were not being unfaithful…
u should have been able to be open and honest about it all… maybe show him all the messages so he could see first hand nothing was going on…
but it’s his behaviour that made u scared to have normal communication with the family… u should not have changed the name etc and been up front … hope u both can learn from this and move on
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He isn’t going to change-/ this is a picture of your future which will get worse. Get out— He doesn’t trust you- why would he go through your phone? Get out now
Sounds like hes trying to push you away so he can keep the house that you’re half responsible for. Contact a lawyer & see what you can do. I’m guessing you’re going to have to go to court & decide who gets the house or if it has to be sold & split. As well as custody, child support & so fourth.
That bit of temper is right there enough to back away… Anytime a person is coddling another from the day to day truth you have a narcissistic person back away
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It’s not just his fault. He tried to be considerate and said “hey go to the funeral” and then you start changing names and hiding messages. Regardless if it’s just as simple as you declining, why didn’t you just say “I was already feeling uncomfortable, and then my ex asked me out for drinks, but I declined.” I mean, you said you were already uncomfortable about the situation, and you told him about everything else. So, maybe when you hid the part about the drinks, he thinks you’re hiding other things, or you were actually planning to go. Yes, he is being dramatic. But it’s also your fault.
He still has something to gain to continue living with you. That’s my take on it.
Let go ask yourself is he worth it.you sound unhappy,and miserable is that what you want.No of course not.find joy and happiness.good luck.
So many red flags here…
To be fair … This is exactly why you hid it from him in the first place … the red flags were already there…
You were wrong for not telling him about your ex reaching out to you. Open communication and honesty is how it should be. At the same time he sounds kinda coo coo for cocoa cocoa puffs and you might be better getting out of that relationship. Learn and move on.
Just end it completely. Whether or not he was looking for a way out, he’s not interested in providing you what you need now. Don’t waste your time.
Let’s see. He was “supportive” and said you should go to the funeral. You participated in a group chat with your ex’s family about funeral locations and photos. You changed the name of the group because your boyfriend can have a temper. Well, you shouldn’t have changed the group name and you really shouldn’t have been actively participating in your ex’s family chat about the funeral planning.
When your ex invited you for drinks, you should have told your boyfriend. You once again felt the need to be deceptive.
So when he went through your phone, which you didn’t say what caused him to do that because he never does, he discovered your decipt.
If he is unable to trust you or get past his anger, one of you will have to move. That is something that may have to be settled through an attorney.
You should have told him. As someone with trust issues I always tell my bf…best to tell me the truth and let me be upset for abit or I will never believe a word you say again
If you are not a couple he has no say on what you do. You are providing a home, sex and care of his child. Dump him out the door now.
Let it go. He saw for himself that you declined the invitation and he’s this upset…he’s the hit dog…
Let it go! This is a blessing for you even tho you dont see it right now
The next time u go out and he starts questioning u, i would remind him that he lost the right when he broke up with u and its no longer his concern… And why are u being intimate with him? He BROKE UP WITH U… Girl!!! No! He wants to act like that then u act like that too… But u honestly should have told him about the message from ur ex…
Listen to your gut…. Presto sure I can hear it telling you it’s time to let him go.
For one you shouldn’t still be intimate with him unless he wants to be in a relationship, you are allowing to have his cake and eat it too so to speak. Set some boundaries and tell him you don’t want to be intimate anymore unless you are in a relationship. You need to explain to him that you declined the invite and didn’t tell him about it because you didn’t want him to freak out on you and you’re sorry that if anything like that happens again then you will tell him but he needs to give you some grace and trust you because otherwise it’s just going to cause a toxic jealous controlling type relationship and that’s not healthy.
This screams grooming! You need to cut the relationship completely or realize how bad enabling this narcissistic behavior will get now that he has something to go on. It does not matter how long you have been together or have kids you will ruin what life you have left if you tolerate anymore of this behavior and give into it. You have a child to raise and if you can’t be happy in your life how will you’re child. Only thing you will teach the child is how to be in the same situation you are into now. Think about that.
Please listen to me. From one woman to another. Please. I was with my children’s father for ten years. From time I was eighteen until I was 28. We were high-school sweethearts. I worshipped the ground he walked on. Now I’m MAD i waisted so much time on the wrong person. I always wanted a kids, a family, marriage. True love. I had never been with someone so abusive. Coming from a abusive childhood I let some things slide because I thought it was normal. It wasn’t. I saw signs and I ran threw them. We see what we WANT to see. Love has blinders. And mental abuse can take years to heal from. Your ex probably wanted to catch up, nothing more. And the fact you HAD to hide it shows me you don’t trust or feel like your feelings are safe around your partner and girl that speaks volumes!! But your partner took it too far. He is using you to keep house, not have to pay for separate housing and child support as HE plays the field. Please trust me on this. It’s okay to feel a little jealous, acting on it and punishing you is unacceptable. You didn’t deserve to be treated this way, listen to me on this. A child and ten years IS not a reason to stay. You deserve to be treated with respect. Love. Kindness. The fact the threw his wedding ring at you and left you, shows he is a child, not ready for love or commitment. A real man will sit down and talk to you about this. Work threw it. Become stronger. He is mentally abusing you. You don’t deserve this!!! I dealt with this for ten years. Being a good looking woman I ALWAYS get hit on. Always. My ex used to always get mad at me. Like I was provoking it. I was a cashier. Guys see me and leave me a number and have no respect. He didn’t leave me but he got angry. Abusive. Controlling. It got to the point where I wanted my family together so bad I lost who I was as a person. I cut off my family for him. My friends. I had no one but him to try and make him happy and to think I wasn’t cheating. I would never cheat. My ex saw how far I was willing to go to make us work and took advantage of my kindness and love. He fed on it. Just like your ex is doing to you now. He is controlling you. You are on his leash. He has no respect for you. No trust. No love. You are a FREE woman! You deserve to live YOUR life. See your friends. The world. Go to parks. You deserve to LIVE!! This is complete abuse, control, not okay. It took me a long time to realize this and I’m praying you see it sooner then later. Kick him to the curb! He’s using you as a free ride to keep the home, not pay for separate housing, not pay child support and keep you on a tight leash while he does as he pleases. Never stay with someone who cannot let you be you!! Someone who loves you & cares about you wants you to be yourself, wants you to go out and see friends, family. Trust is EVERYTHING. And do NOT be intimate with him. He is minupulator. Talk to your family, parents, reach out, you are NOT alone and you and your child deserve SO much better!!! 
. Please hear this from someone who went threw the same thing! It took me a while to heal from it even after leaving him… you deserve to be happy. Treated like a queen. Show your child a happy relationship! Do this for yourself and your child. Please. He is USING YOU. 
. He is abusive. And you deserve BETTER! He is gaslighting you. The guilty ALWAYS accuse. He has no right to question you period. I rememeber so many nights crying myself to sleep wondering why my ex didnt trust me. What I did so wrong. And I know you are doing the same. I am sending big hugs from one woman to another. This could go on for years if you don’t do something now.
He honestly is probably throwing a tantrum and sounds like a child himself. My bf gets messages from women he blocks and never tells me. Friend requests he declines and he doesn’t say anything. Why should he have to if he said no? You did nothing wrong. You told this man no, he should he proud of you and should tell you so. I’m so sorry. If I were you I’d walk away.
There is no if buts or maybes - you should have told him!!! Trust starts with honesty, and if you haven’t got that? You have nothing! You lied - he may be overreacting a bit, but this is definitely your doing, not his
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Your life doesn’t feel as if it’s your own , you can’t do alot of things that you use to do now because you fear his reaction.
Hes controlling and verbally abusive. You need to get out. You need to get over the fear off been alone and the financial issues and get out.
You’ll be alot happier, you’ll find who you once use to be. Get that spark back and stop walking on egg shells
If you are broken up the you are broken up. Tell him to leave and stop the side sex. How can anything get sorted out either way when there are so many mixed signals. You all need space.
You already knew there’s red flags and your relationship isn’t healthy that’s why you felt like you had to lie.Why would he move out when he has everything he wants.Your still having sex with him and he gets to have sex with who ever else he wants and it’s no cheating since you not together and he’s still keeping tabs on you plus financially it’s easier you guys living together plus he’s probably worried bout having to pay child support.Hes there out of convenience if he really loved you and wanted that happy family life he would be doing it but he wasn’t then and he’s still not doing it plus he wouldn’t have broke up with you so fast over something like that.Your putting you and your child in a unhealthy relationship and environment it’s toxic.You have to be the adult and move forward because he’s not going to and until you do he will continue being a narcissist…You have to do what’s best for you and your child.My friend is dealing with similar situation and it’s had a severe impact on her children and herself.Dont allow him to take your happiness away life is to short to waste on someone that isn’t willing to help fix your relationship/family.
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Why were you so shady with it in the first place, with renaming the group chat and then not tell him about the message? Because you were afraid of how he would act? Okay well then what does that tell you? Time to say 
Maybe u will learn with the next guy ur with not to be sneaky and hide stuff from ur man
Sounds like he’s just using you for a place to stay now, tell him if you’re not together you will not be living together
get your self and child out of there or this will be your life for ever
Obvious there were issues before this incident. If you couldn’t tell him because of his anger, then he’s not the one. Why would he want to get back together with you if you’re still doing things, being intimate together? You need to separate before another child is involved.
First off quit sleeping with him get a good divorce lawyer and start recording when he’s getting shitty with you and girl please get out find another place for you and your child
Keep fighting. I can understand him being upset but at the same time think he’s over reacting. You should have just sent flowers to the family.
Geeeze🤦♀️Don’t waste anymore time with this… You allowed him to start controlling you and unless you start fighting for yourself it’s only going to get worse.
He lacks emotional intelligence for sure. I think the problem is you contacted your ex’s family. Even though your current man says he is “supportive” but the fact you changed your name and not tell your man about your ex inviting you looks suspicious. Sounds like lack of communication. Definitely need a couple’s therapy but if he barely goes with you then the relationship will be difficult to fix. Maybe give him reassurance?
You guys need to rethink your relationship as adults!
STOP being intimate with him!! He lost those privileges when he chose to end the relationship. If you choose to continue to live together, than you both need to set boundaries and stick to them. First and foremost, you both need to set a good example for your child. You don’t have to necessary like each other, or the situation, but you need to have a level of mutual respect. Seeing how he acts now, are you starting to think that you may have dodged a bullet by not getting married? To be honest, I do think you should’ve been up front about the communication with you’re ex and his family. It’s pretty difficult to get mad about sending condolences and reconnecting with people. The messages should have been evident enough that it was all about his mother passing and nothing more.
Run. Don’t walk. That’s control. But you should have sent flowers
If you love something set it free, if it comes back it’s yours and if it doesn’t it was never meant to be!!!
He is using you for everything, he gets looked after and sex and whatever else, why would he change that?
Why didn’t you tell him? If you knew how he was you should have told him asap…also stop being intimate with him. Your a friendly screw to him right now
You should have been honest but at the same time if you are broken up… that means separate lives except for the child. He does seem a bit controlling
I don’t blame him you should have told him as soon as ex tried to invite you for drinks you did this to yourself
I’d stop being intimate with him! If he thinks you’ve broken up, sounds like he’s having his cake and eating it too.
Still living together and being intimate but god knows what else he is doing.
I would leave
Just get drunk every day…
That’ll teach you both a great lesson 
All red flags! Run. Don’t look back!
Just my opinion, but it sounds like your current boyfriend set this up. It was his idea for you to go to the funeral. Then he had second thoughts about it, but instead of telling you how he felt, he is now accusing you of cheating! A card and some flowers sent to the family would have avoided all of this drama.
He did you a favor to break up with you. Move on and go on with your life.
He has someone else is my guess
You shouldn’t have hid stuff. Might as well end it now
You broke his trust. You should have told him your ex invited you out for drinks. Not cool at all. You may not have cheated but you destroyed the trust. That is going to be hard to get back. You sound like you both have a few issues. But be honest. You screwed up.
Sounds like the trust between you is already gone.
Was going to make you his wife? He’s had 10 years, what was he waiting for ffs?
it takes two to make it work and only one of you is really working to make it work so it will not, sorry time to move on if he does not want to work on your relationship
Completely toxic situation… You both need to sit down and decide if you’re getting back together or just going to be coparents… If the later you need to stop having sex etc… Or why would he ever get back together which is your end goal? He’s behaving like a wanker but it sounds like your actions of set of triggers, has he been cheated on before?
You hid something from him so no trust. Stop being intimate with him and find somewhere else to live
You were being sneaky behind his back. Lesson learned.
You should of been up front about it from the start
Its great that you are still good With your ex’s family
But your ex is an ex for a reason
Your partner now holds all the cards
As he will no doubt hold this over your head for quite a while
My question is why are you still having sex with him occasionally
I get that you want to stay because you have a child with him and own a house togeather
But tbh
They are not good enough reasons to stay
Its better for your child to come from a broken home rather then an
Unhappy home
He doesn’t have to leave as he owns as much of that house as you do
Here are a few options you have
A. buy his half of the house from him or vice versa
B. Sell the property and divide any profit between you
C. One of you moves out
And you agree to co-parenting
D. You stay in some sort of relationship where there is no trust
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on both sides. He may have supported you going and sending condolences, but I feel like you knew the family group text crossing lines, you changed the names. Then the ex asked you for drinks, yes you declined, BUT still the name changing and not telling him? Would you have a problem if he done that to you? He could be just like most other opinions, idk either of you, but in THIS situation you took his support to far, you deceived him by changing names, then not telling him about you ex asking you. Sure, avoiding drama and his bad temper, but anyone would be angry/hurt in this situation. Have you done similar things before? If so, explains his decision of being done. He still lives there bc it’s his home too, he still sleeps with you bc you are available to meet his sexual needs. The doing things together, likely for yalls daughter . Work it out and be together or separate totally.
He was strong enough in your relationship to put a side his feelings for you to go to funeral any contact with family you hid under a fake name you know was wrong otherwise you would not have hidden this your ex asking you for drinks was wrong you should have immediately made this known up front to your current boyfriend blocked his number your man has reason to mistrust you apologize for wrong doing on your part the ex must thought he had a chance of you excepting his invite for drinks it’s unfortunate trying to use emotional extortion from the tragedy that brought you together for more than showing support & respect to family members who passed earn his trust back it sounds like you have a good man
Why would you have hid the names if you were being completely up front and honest…and then to not tell him that your ex invited you for drinks??? I think maybe he thinks there’s more to the story
That’s very weird. I would give the breakup as little attention as possible. Stop being intimate, broken up people don’t do that.
Boy wants his cake on the side and a wife at home. The ‘no trust’ is just an excuse. Stop being intimate and move out or move him out depending on who has somewhere else to stay.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t respond to your ex or message back and even if you sent a text saying ‘not interested’. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just didn’t feel the need to bring it up and you don’t have too unless it escalated to your ex constantly not taking the hint then, say something to your partner but, it doesn’t need to be said every time someone ask you out for drinks.
He disrespected you by going through your phone. No one deserves to have their privacy violated. Having someone’s communication and permission is a different story.
I wouldn’t bother with an X at all soooo … dead mom or not
Send your condolences and then don’t go, you don’t need to go. People die every day, you have a life with your new partner. It’s sad that he’s so hurt poor guy just loves you so much. I know we hold onto happy memories with people from our past but if it hurts the person you are currently with is it really worth hurting them so bad over? If so then pack your bags and go to that funeral baby girl.
It’s either time to go separate ways or it’s time that counseling be tried again. If he doesn’t go, please consider continuing to go by yourself. The therapist will give you tools that might help in reestablishing a relationship or tools to help make an amicable separation. Either way, therapy never hurt no one.
Good Luck!!
Blessings.
But why live with you? 
you straight away answer it you are still intimate, dude just doesn’t know how to walk away from your lying ass.
Its ur fault. The trust is broke. U could of told him and he should literally be going to any functions with u. He’s ur partner but ur not treating him like that. Its like emotional cheating, until it becomes physical.
You broke his trust. He broke up with you. But you are letting him control you , use you for sex and family time when he feels like it but no commitment. So pretty much he is single but has you there doing all the things you always did which make his life easier. If he is happy to be your ex you need to leave. Be in control of your life instead of wasting time trying to work out why he ended it. It doesn’t matter. What matters is he did and you need to walk away with your dignity intact .
You are both toxic. And why if you love him so much and care so much about him did even change the name of your ex or Even hide the messages??? You don’t trust your partner but yet expect him to trust you??? How does that make sense to you??? And why if he broke up with you still being intimate with you?? Bc both of you are immature and toxic and either of you should be with each other. Go find a good psychologist and heal , that’s not a relationship either of you should be in.
You did nothing wrong and he sounds immature and selfish. If he has trust issues could be he’s the one who screwing around and this is his excuse.
He’s controlling! Run girl while you can.
Stop wasting your time
IMO he was using it as an escape but continue to stay in case his plan fell through.
Toxic!!! Too much drama!!! Leave !!!
All offers of invitations to go places aren’t his business. Too controlling. And unsecure. Run
I brought my current husband to my ex mother-in-law’s wake and ex was there and no complications at all for anyone
Admit where you went wrong, be more transparent, and if it doesn’t improve, make other arrangements. Maybe he needs a place to live and doesn’t want to be away from his kid? He might just be hurt, he might want an out. I’d just ask him.
Sounds fishy that you would change the name of the group chat so that it didn’t seem like you were getting messages from his family / friends … when that is exactly what was happening ? He is toxic in that he accepted that you were going to the funeral but I’m guessing didn’t really want you to go at all 
I’d say break it off completely and then see how you both feel
He’s as abusive and controlling as the last boyfriend
Counseling for you. Know you’re worth more. Gain self love and lov
If there is no trust, there is no relationship.
Let him go .you did nothing wrong .he is acting childish…you deserve alot better then him …go find a good grownup real man
I’d of told them sorry for your loss and kept it moving. You chose to change the chat names and hide conversations from him so he has every right to feel how he does. He may not be going about it in the right way but you look suspicious af. Unless you stayed in contact with the family or have a kid with the ex there wasn’t really any reason to continue communication with them after giving your condolences.