Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does it get better? It seems to be getting worse - Mamas Uncut
My experience is that medication made it worse
I have a 11yo that is same way has been since he was 7 and counseling has started to help a little but he also has mood disorder and few others along with ADHD
My 4 year old is pretty similar
My daughter has ADHD. I had her meds adjusted until she was on the right dosage. It took some time but it finally worked.
Was medicated as a child. It’s just a symptom of it. Its very hard for parents and others to understand sometimes the lack of emotion we have. Just be understanding,and remember the child has to live with it for ever and at 34 I’m still learning
Unfortunately yes. My son was diagnosed with both at 4. He’s now 18 and does not behave that way anymore
Yes dealing with this now with a 9 year old we r upping her meds Tuesday she has put her hands on me she cussed at me idk what else to do for her
My son was and still is abusive with me. Just like his dad. He is 44 now.
It’s not necessarily lack of remorse. It’s quite literally a lack of impulse control which makes them feel out of control… so there’s a lot of projecting because it’s hard to tell where all the feelings and whatnot are coming from. It’s hard to cope when it literally feels like a constant tornado in your brain spinning at 200 miles an hour…and sleep is literally the only escape. Imagine feeling totally out of control 24/7 and no one can help you… and you don’t know what to do or what you need.
Meditation, self-awareness exercises and DBT can help tremendously as well as finding the right meds. Also as much consistency as possible while making sure they’re not under stimulated or overstimulated.
It’s a lot of work, a lot of learning, but it’s possible to find a rhythm. There is hope.
Another tip: They may need multiple reminders for different tasks and things. It doesn’t mean they’re not listening or don’t care. It’s literally how their brain is wired. Lots of sticky notes and alarms. A good clean, quiet, and organized coping space with fidgets.
I’ve seen kids diagnosed with ADHD as children and later are diagnosed with Bipolar. I think mania looks like ADHD in children. A lot of people with Bipolar have ODD as well. I don’t think Bipolar is easy to diagnose in young children and is labeled ADHD until they’re older, more articulate and other symptoms start showing. I’m not saying all ADHD children, I’m saying some are being misdiagnosed in my opinion.
He has ODD so I mean of course it’ll be harder for him to show his empathy around you. My brother has ODD and he doesn’t show any empathy for anyone he sees as an authority figure. Everyone else though they get to see his sweet empathetic side… when it’s available I mean he struggles with other things too. Point is though just because you aren’t seeing empathy doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. He’s 6 give him some time. He’s probably not even self aware enough yet to realize the full impact of what he’s doing. If you feel like you need more support for him tell every professional in his life, someone will know something. You can also have him do charity with with you for other children, that way it’s still interesting. I couldn’t appreciate all the things my mom did to build empathy until I was older so just keep working with him. Self awareness is super important though, he needs that for life.
I would adjust meds to find the right one. Teach him how to adjust to being a functioning human and rteach him how to identify his feeling so he can figure out how to regulate them. For instance a picture, with the word for it and things you can ddo to stop those anger feelings . Lots of great fb pages related to this.
Some of the medications can cause behavioral problems. Become aggressive. Don’t know what kind of meds you’re using there are no methamphetamine meds available. Hang in there this is a big hurdle. The older my child got the more she could control it. She took herself off of them at 13.
It’s a roller coaster of a ride good luck momma
Structure and routine are a must
Non simulate medication for him
It is trial and error with meds unfortunately counselor therapist psychiatrist
No that’s not a neurodivergent trait or side effect… my son gets slightly more aggressive and upset when withdrawing from his meds. Maybe he needs his dose adjusted… but the aggression and abuse is a learned habit to release energy and emotions when they don’t know how else to express it. Try the emotions wheel for kids and teaching coping skills.
Really normal. My daughter is the same. You are their safe place where they can let out all those negative emotions. It took me the better part of 2 years and a punched and smashed iPad to get my daughter to cope in healthier ways. We still have trouble with her temper but I’m always trying to remember she still has big emotions and is still learning to control them. I struggle with emotions and I’m an adult.
I have ADHD and was a nightmare as a kid I’m sure. It’s super tough being that child though too. Everything is overwhelming, you can’t focus, you can’t put in to words how your brain “itches” it’s so jumpy and erratic.
At 6 years old I was bullied, I hated myself for how I was always on edge, always fidgety and never sure of myself.
However, I was never abusive to my parents. I think it’s probably a lack of impulse control, I am unsure if ODD can cause lack of remorse, perhaps there is something else going on?
I would say, it’s tough as a parent, but it is tough as a child too. People assumed I was dumb because I couldn’t focus, but actually I WOULDN’T focus on stuff I found dull. When I was diagnosed and treated and they understood me, I went from refusing to read “spot goes to the bank” to reading “Lord of the Rings” at 9. I wasn’t dumb, I was bored.
Just one example of how one person taking the time to understand my brain and my thought process changed the way I was treated, viewed and taught later down the line.
My niece, now 11, was diagnosed, when she was 4, with a mood disorder and also has anxiety, ADHD, sensory issues as well as depression. Takes a whole lot of meds and sees a psychologist and a psychiatrist. She use to have these terrible meltdown, hitting, screaming and breaking things. This could go on for anything from 10 mins to an hour. The meds have helped. She still has them but they are very much less now. Keeping her in a strict routine and being consistent with discipline and consequence works
My son (6) and daughter (7) both have ADHD. My son sounds more like your kid. So therapy has really helped him learn how to control and understand the big emotions they feel. But also doctor recommended melatonin to help with sleep at night coming off the medication and it was a game changer. Without the melatonin he is super Moody and mean. With the medication during the day and melatonin at night for sleeping he has really adjusted well.
Join a support group/page for ADHD parents is prob best advice for this. Keep in mind hes more confused than you. I became brain/mental patient at 43 yrs old and its horribly confusing i cant imagine what this is like for a child
He doesn’t lack remorse, he lacks self control, ADHD is the source of no self control, he can’t help that his brain doesn’t function to have impulse control. Maybe try giving him things to keep his hands and fingers busy to redirect/reduce negative behaviors
Aside from the fact that it is hard to get adjusted to meds and finding a good dosage, maybe you can look into play therapy, it helped my daughter between 4-7 when she was really aggressive. We tried medicine for close to 2 years and it was doing more harm than help so we went off of them. Prayers for you Mama
Maybe think about therapy talk to doctor who treats ADHD and odd keep an eye on triggers to help identify the issues.
My son was diagnosed with both of those at age 7. After a lot of trials and tribulations, along with a lot of tears and arguments, we found the right meds and therapy with his doctors that worked for him. He is now 25 and hasn’t been on meds in quite some time and he’s well-mannered, polite, and respectful. Despite all he went through, he grew up to be quite a wonderful adult. Don’t give up hope. Just work closely with your child’s doctors to find the combinations that will work. Good luck!!
Look into the effects of these meds on children’s brains. Look into CBD Oil for Kids
Drugs kill empathy in our brain. Even Tylenol or ibuprofen.
What medication? My daughter was on vyvanse and after a year she started getting violent. She’s on focalin now and we have had no issues!
Also she had ADHD and odd as well, and she was 6 when vyvanse took a turn on her. Talk to your pediatrician
It’s the medication! Take the kid off of it!!
Has he seen a developmental specalist? We hadn’t seen one until last year my son was diagnosed with autism and adhd Long ago and Odd last year. The Odd is his hardest to deal with his outburst his lack of remorse or empathy. My son had tried many medications nothing works as of yet.
It’s the medication. Most ADD and ADHD medication is actually methamphetamines. Which is the exact reason that my 9 year old ADHD son does not take that kind of medication. If you’re willing to try something else chillax by OLLY is an all natural supplement for children and it has helped my son a lot.
Picture for reference
Children aren’t born with the knowledge or understanding to be abusive. So perhaps take a look at the example being set. Not everything is diagnosis dependant. Sometimes it’s how you’re handling the situation that’s causing the issues.
My son was diagnosed with the same, same age. Tried several meds, they all made issues worse and caused weight gain which added depression. In the end, we quit the meds and stuck with counseling. It became pretty clear, pretty quickly, that he felt he wasn’t being heard. He just needed someone to talk to. His sister, 2 yrs younger, was a late talker and needed early intervention and he felt she was getting all the attention. So he was acting out because even negative attention is attention. He just turned 13 and he is the sweetest, most loving boy and so wise beyond his years.Do want to add, he would never show remorse while angry. But even at his worst, once the issue had passed, my son was always very remorseful. Doctors are quick to put kids on meds unnecessarily… but there are kids who need them. Find a really good counselor who cannot prescribe and take their advice. If a psychiatrist is needed in addition to counseling, do what you must. Best of luck to you and your son!!
This is my 8 year old he was diagnosed at 5 in kindergarten. Impulse control is a huge issue for him. Therapy helped alot with teaching control and coping techniques. My son is also medicated which has also helped tremendously
That’s part of ODD. Have his meds reevaluated. If he’s gained weight or had a growth spurt they will not be as effective
No not normal. My oldest has ODD and ADHD. My guess is to change medication. The one she is on has worked wonders. Only changes have been occasionally upping the dosage as needed. She was mildly “abusive” sorta before medicine. Her meds have helped.
Aside from being diagnosed with those, you’ve got to keep in mind that your child is 6. At 6 they’re still very much learning how to learn and process their own feelings. Now add in the chemical imbalances in the brain, they’re working overtime, trying to get a grip on all that is overloading their little brains.
At 6 they can’t even comprehend half of what is happening.
I was a small child when diagnosed with ADD, Bipolar and manic depression. I am 37 now and my diagnosis’s have gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, and it’s all been trial and error my entire life with medications, to figure out which worked, which don’t, what needs to go up, which needs to go down, what has to go work with this one in conjunction with that one.
It is not easy. Not on the parents, not on the child, or the child as they grow up.
I do recommend intense therapy with a child psychologist, whatever help you can get, please utilize it.
I was this parent and I got therapy for both of us, I even took parenting classes to help, my 7 yr old world beat me in public make scenes was hostile 24/7 but we finally found him a therapist he liked and shuffled a few meds for a few years…he’s now medicationless no more therapy and at 15 he’s the best teenaged boy I ever could’ve asked for…get him help now don’t wait, the right therapy and system can do wonders.
We were told last year that the red dye added to foods can make children with ADHD, ODD, etc very angry. We now watch ingredients and have cut this out, and there is improvement.
Definitely not. It’s probably the pills.
These medications make it worse! Major pharmaceutical companies make bank on these dangerous pills !
If he has ODD, that’s exactly what it is… oppositional defiance disorder.
My son has ADHD and ODD. He is on medication, but we have had to change his medication several times and adjust his dosage to find something that works. I would talk to his doctor to see about changing the treatment plan.
Try cbd probably better than the meds my son also has both and is 9 but he does have remorse afterwards. He is not on anxiety meds busparone and it helps more than anything in the past ever did. Also helps if I make him go to bed early. I am also going to ask if my son can get a sleep study bc I heard a lot of kid diagnosed with ADHD and odd actually can be having sleep issues. I want to be sure.
I know this isn’t related but I am so glad to see others who struggle with thier kids the same way I have felt so alone. Like I am a bad parent like I have done something wrong for my kid to act this way. All our family will just say spank his butt he will learn but no spanking him only throws fire to the flames he gets worse it taken a while to figure out the right things that work and don’t. It’s still not a walk in the park but it has been easier. I am praying for y’all momma don’t give up keep advocating for your baby. Keep trying for all options or drs until it helps.
Mine was diagnosed at 5 and is 21 and never got over being “mean” and no she didn’t live in abusive home.
My son has this also☹ Yes, he was being very abusive, and aggresive towards me and teachers at the school. We were dealing with suspensions and severe aggression. I did try him on a few different medications for his adhd, unfortunately I feel it made it way worse. I took him off during the summer and things have been getting better. Also went to councilling with him , and that made a world of change. The therapist also taught me some things in how to handle and respond towards his defiant behaviour. This has made such a positive impact on his behaviour. In regards to his adhd I went to a natural path. He takes a few natural medications which helps his mental clarity, and helping him feel calmer💖 Wish you luck…this is a very hard thing for you both. Hope I was able to help in some way.
My little cousin has both ADHD & ODD also, and he was horrible when he was younger honestly, no offense. Not abusive (to my knowledge) but very controlling so his mom would have to do as he says when he said it, and just would not sit still or listen AT ALL. She had to stop giving him food/drinks with red dye also, I guess it affects people with ADHD/ODD. Maybe that could help. My cousin’s (his mom) doctor prescribed her xanax because she was dealing with a lot with him and her own mental health on top of it, it helped her cope and she ended up getting addicted to them but is better now. He’s 14 I believe now and he is literally a genius and a very good kid. He makes straight A’s, is in beta club, 4-H, you name it and draws amazingly, and has very intellectual conversations. I would say give it some time or get him re-evaluated. Good luck momma!
My son has ODD and I think the meds made him worse especially with the violent tendencies. They also cause suicidal thoughts so pls make sure you read about the meds and keep an eye out for signs.
That’s the ODD my son has it . Could be how you handle his behavior . Also medications can sometimes make it worse . We didn’t use meds just counseling til he refused it .
I’m sure a unpopular opinion but none of the meds worked counseling didn’t work cbd didn’t work so I talked to my Dr and decided to try delta 8 drops and they work like magic for my adhd, odd kid they work like magic for my adhd autistic child with mood disorder, and they work like magic for my daughters anxiety and depression and pain from ball injuries that still give issues.
Contact NAMI for resources.
It does get easier.
My children grew up and moved out of the house in a blink of the eye!
Yes mine refused MED’s older age 35 yes off & on !
All I can say is, it got better for us. Has been on meds since 6 and is now 9. Hang in there❤
Some medicines make you angry. After all it’s messing with the brain more dopamine less dophamines. Sometimes it takes a lot of moving medications around or upping and sometimes lowering doses Sometimes the diagnoses changes be ready for that one
Have you tried Strattera? It’s the only ADHD med that’s not a stimulant. It worked wonders for my ADHD/ODD child. You still have to do behavior therapy and more though, and you have to work on having endless patience and repetition.
Basically good behavior has to be put in muscle memory. Executive function has to come from outside as it’s not existent from the inside. Lots of clocks, alarms, notes, written lists, posted rules, calendars, schedules and review.
There’s a lot of feeling out of control, so allow your child as much control as possible but paradoxically as few choices as possible to avoid her/his feeling overwhelmed. Do you want eggs or cereal? The blue pants or the green pants? Shall we go to the grocery store or the bank first?
Break down tasks into the smallest pieces. Don’t say “behave yourself at the table.” Say “Please keep your elbows down. You can tap your feet if you need, but don’t swing your legs or kick the table. Please use a fork or spoon to eat your potatoes.” Etc. “Pick up your dirty socks and put them in the hamper” vs. “Pick up your room” Likewise, be prepared to switch activities every few minutes. Circle back as often as you need to get things done. Five minutes working on letters, five minutes on numbers, a minute of jumping jacks, then five minutes of other homework, then repeat as often as needed until completion. Having timers or clocks for a visual of how long it is helps. Take wiggle or dance breaks when doing chores. Putting on music and dancing can be fun for you too!
Lots of physical activity, artistic outlets, tons of structure and not too much down time. Fidget spinners, poppers or stress balls can help with fidgetiness. Work with the school and your pediatrician/therapist to get a school IEP. You may have to be vigilant about getting your child the help they need at school.
Get as many other adults in her/his life as possible so you get a break and help, and s/he can try to emulate her/his more neurotypical peers. Scout leaders, coaches, tutors, neighbors, relatives, friends and parents of his friends can all take turns dealing with your child. A mini or big trampoline, indoor swimming are good to blow off steam. Martial arts is fabulous also, and many instructors will work with you on improving behavior and reactions.
Fairly rigid schedules, lots of warnings before transitions, minimal everything so there’s less to deal with (clothes, toys, furniture, “stuff.”) and fewer decisions to make. Talk/play therapy with a child psychologist. The more you do now, the easier it will get over time.
My kid felt bad because he was always getting in trouble. Catch her or him being good. Have a chore chart with a couple of things s/he can accomplish easily, and let her/him enjoy all the gold stars s/he does get. Look as hard as you can for things s/he’s good at and doing right. These kids need all the encouragement and positive recognition they can get so they don’t feel like they are destined to always be “bad,” especially if they feel they can’t help it.
Give rewards for good behavior, like going 15 or 30 minutes without talking back. Maybe use gold stars, and a special prize after three hours‘ worth, like something from the dollar store, pizza for dinner, a trip to the ice cream store. Be careful about using food, especially sweets, as a reward though. As he ages and gets better, lengthen the time to an hour for a gold star.
Good luck! My kids grew into wonderful, productive adults with early intervention. Thankfully we could afford the psychiatrists, private school, tutoring, karate lessons, meds, etc. If cost is a problem, your medical plan should cover mental health, and check if there are scholarships or discounts for lower income families for various classes and activities. I saved money by eating out or ordering in very rarely, cooking quick and easy recipes from scratch, eating a lot of vegan and vegetarian meals and taking advantage of free entertainment like concerts in the park. Bonus: no one objects if you go off to the side or back to jump around and “shake your sillies out when you’re at a program outdoors. Museums and other places often have low cost or free kids programs.
Ask your child to think about solutions to her/his unruly behavior. These kids are often whip-smart, and their answers may surprise you. Short, weekly family meetings where you voice concerns and solve problems together were also helpful. See how much you can say yes to, even if it’s only halfway. We can’t have pizza every night, but we can have it once a week, and let your kid pick the day. Maybe Mondays when everyone has to get back in the grind.
Watch your child’s diet and eat as healthily as possible. Of course you WILL wind up at McDonald’s occasionally. Here are easy healthy and fairly quick and versatile recipes:
- 90 second pack of brown Basmati rice, heat up a can of Goya black bean soup (we didn’t like any other brands). Lime juice & finely chopped onions on top make it taste even better.
- 90 second brown Basmati or other rice + microwave packs of Indian food. Add cashews, shredded coconut and/or raisins if you want.
- Meal in minutes: cooked short pasta (like bow ties or rotini, but not spaghetti), add sun dried tomatoes, chopped up, feta cheese chunks or crumbles, and cilantro leaves. Toss with oil from the tomatoes or add olive oil. Good hot, cold or room temperature and good at picnics.
- Easy salad: to frozen or canned (drained) mixed vegetables add equal parts mayo & Dijon mustard. Eat chilled or at room temperature.
- Quiche: beat 3-4 eggs. Add meat, vegetables, onions & cheese. Works great for leftovers. Any combination or none of chopped ham, pepperoni, sausage, salami, hamburger, crumbled bacon, shredded chicken or pork. Add any of the following: celery, artichoke hearts, chopped spinach, shredded carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage—you can even dump in leftover salad—use whatever’s on hand. I always add chopped onions, but you can use dried minced onion from the spice section to save time. Shred a couple TBSPs of whatever cheese you have as long as it includes one sharp one like sharp cheddar or blue cheese or Parmesan, or use Gruyere to be traditional. Add 2/3 cup cream or half and half and pour into prepared pie shell. Bake 40-45 minutes at 350. Eat hot, cold, or room temp for breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner.
- Do the same with frozen vegetables, cooked hamburger meat, onions & either tomato paste or condensed tomato soup/bisque in a pie shell.
- Or make a chicken pot pie with frozen mixed veggies, chopped or shredded cooked chicken (you can even peel the breading off leftover chicken nuggets), onions & cream of chicken, mushroom or celery soup, undiluted. Add parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme if you want. Put in pie shell & bake until cooked through, about 30-45 minutes.
- Oatmeal (add fruit and cream vs butter & syrup) or grits (add bacon & cheese and/or shrimp) for dinner. Avoid sugary cereals, waffles & pancakes except occasionally: the carbs & sugar may set your kid off.
There’s studies regarding red40 and gluten in children with ADD/ADHD/ODD. Cutting those out have shown a dramamtic decrease in severe problems in roughly 90% of the children involved.
It’s about how it effects their brains and breaks down in their system. Honestly, I’d look into those two and looked into the data that’s out. It can’t hurt to try.
Keep a journal of his food intake and behaviors for 30 days.
2nd month, cut out red40 and gluten. As close to 100% as possible. Still keep the journal regarding food and behavior
3rd month, to back to regular diet and journal it. That’s will help you see if there’s enough of a difference to keep going.
mine does this. well did. hes 9. everytime he did it i would take away one thing of his and he would be the one to miss out on rewards. its taken roughly 2.5 yrs of constant “being mean mum” but he’s starting to get the idea. I feel for you <3
My kid takes clonidine, is that one of the ones that can make you angry?
ADHD whisperer is a great page to join