Question for everyone… do y’all wake your significant other to get up throughout the night to help out with baby even though they are working through the day?? I’m basically a sahm because I can bring her to work with me and I only work 5 hours a day BUT our little one has gone through a sleep regression, had a virus, and now teething within the last two weeks and I AM EXHAUSTED throughout the night but my significant other doesn’t think he should help throughout the night because he’s working during the day… im just curious as to how many women out there that are in a relationship/married handle the night shift alone?
Me and my husband took shifts and rotated
If you’re exhausted he can help. PERIOD!
I do night shift but he does morning shift so I get a sleep in. Once he gets home from work he jumps straight in the shower and takes the baby with him. Basically when he’s home and awake he helps out
On his nights off, he should be helping. When I hit my limit, my partner takes a turn. But every weekend morning, he lets me sleep in
I did, but then we agreed one day of the weekend I get to sleep in. He brought the baby into me to feed then I’d go back to sleep
It needs to be a balanced compromise. If you need help, he should at least be offering it somewhere and not just expecting you to get through on next to no sleep and be okay with it.
If I’m getting sleep and baby is being settled enough to get through w then I’m all good, I don’t need help. But if I’m struggling I most certainly expect him to help me. It’s not fair to just expect that we can just survive without proper rest and care. It’s just as much his baby as it is yours.
Half the time he wakes up before me because I’m old and he isn’t
My husband always helped me with the baby. I was on maternity leave and he still worked but it didn’t matter. He’d wake up with our daughter and take her to the living room and hang with her until she fell back asleep so I could rest. Our kids are older now (14, 13, 7) and he still wakes up with our puppy to take her outside. somethings never change! Maybe ask him if he can be more involved for your own mental peace. Even if it’s just a few times a week. It would really help you out. Good luck!
If he works throughout the day no but if it’s the weekend where he is off then yes, absolutely.
Both my husband and I would
Wake when the kid was up and whoever said I’ll get it did very 50/50 sometimes we would even stay up to keep each other company and after a few months my husband did the night most of the time and I did
Mornings that way he could
Sleep in a bit after waking up with our daughter all night
It should be as 50/50 as possible if one parent needs a break of some sort at any point the other parent is home then the other parent needs to pick up the slack
I don’t plan to, but I plan to breastfeed so it’s easier to be the only one awake. I was a single mom for my first, so I know what it’s like to have no night time help
No I’m just back to work after a year off on maternity. Hubby is up at 3am for work. I have went for a nap a few times on the weekends for an hour when he gets up in the mornings but that would be it
You work it out between yourselves. If he’s working full time and needs to drive then you suck it up. BUT then if he has a couple of days off then he needs to take a night shift. You both need rest. The person who needs to drive a car takes priority though BUT the mum does need a bit of respite x
Be kind to each other, these early days are tough on everyone x
My husband has a rotation shift that allows him to be home 3 days ine week and 3 the next. I’m a SAHM but we had the agreement that one day a week he got up with the baby and I got to sleep.
It took two to make, it takes two to care for
They are a parent and they should be parenting as well. And yes that means night time too. You both work and it sounds like you do the bulk of the childcare so the bare minimum they should be picking up more of the work so you aren’t the only one constantly sleep deprived. It’s not healthy physically or mentally.
yes, and idc. WE have a child, not just me
And he was the bread winner. To be honest being a stay at home mom is harder than work however I just always felt it was mommas job to care for babies the first year.
I was one of the lucky one I breastfed for first few months and they always went straight back to sleep after night feed, wasn’t long and they slept all night, my second daughter was a real sleeper she would sleep till nearly lunch time when she reached 3 or 4 months
He is a parent and a spouse. You both should be supporting each other in challenging times. When one of you is exhausted and in need the other needs to step up. And for the record, 5 hrs a day equates to 20 hrs a week which is part-time. Add that to full-time SAHM and that’s a job and a half!
I’m sorry but working doesn’t exclude you from supporting your struggling spouse who trying to care for your child.
I was SAHM for 10 yrs with 2 kids. My husband always stepped up when he saw I was in need or I asked him to, or I was to sick to manage. We are a TEAM.
Most nights I did it myself. But if I needed help/rest I woke him up real quick
If you need help, you need help. My hubby was working long hours but would never have refused if I was unwell or just exhausted. I rarely asked him but he would insist because it’s his child too and he knew I needed some rest here and there.
When i was a sahm and husband was working 70 he weeks it was me most the time but he would get up too atleast to help. He would change diaper and get bottle ready before waking me up
I did it alone because I was on maternity leave. Plus I was nursing anyway. Both my boys nursed every hour and a half around the clock for the first 6 months. I was a zombie. But I made it through somehow.
My husband was on 12 hour shifts through the night so even if I wasn’t nursing, he wasn’t home to help at night anyway.
Not really during the week as he works shift work so one week I have him home and the next he’s gone for nights but on the weekends he’ll stay up late and take a night feed while I take the later one in the night or early morning. Though he’ll also let me sleep in
Nope. I breastfeed. No need for it
Not really since he works & I stay home. My husband helps on nights he doesn’t work the next day tho & lets me sleep in on weekends
You shouldn’t have the responsibility of waking up your SO. They should be responsible for getting their own butt out of bed to help with their child.
Me personally, no. He offered when he got up but I always let him go back to sleep. I felt my job as a sahm was the kids no matter the difficulty and his was to provide. However, when he was home on is off says, he always took the baby during the day so I could sleep. He can’t provide if he’s sleep deprived too. But that’s just me.
Younger-in the trenches with a new baby-me would say he needs to wake up and help with that baby! The older me with older kiddos thinks that if I’m feeding the baby - breastfeeding - and I’m a light sleeper my husband isn’t. I may as well let him sleep because he is running his own business and kicking butt at work every day. It’s give and take. Now that they’re older they only want to spend time with dad when he’s home so I get that alone time I craved so much.
Depended, if he had the day off he would get up. Sometimes he’d sit up with me while I was feeding or would feed the baby. When I was on maternity leave with my youngest I would nap with them or be cleaning the house. All depends I guess, if he was back doing 12 hour days and I made him get up during the night then he had to drive to work tired and something happened I’d feel guilty. Maybe he could help on nights when he’s not working the next day I feel it would just depend what time he goes to bed/wakes for work the next day and how long he’s at work for.
Nope. I breastfeed all 4 so what was he suppose to do. Boob and a pampers changing was all that was needed. He gets up early for work. I always let him sleep.
I feel it’s just mean when you’re asking for help to basically say not my job. He’s the parent too. And if my spouse was struggling and asked for help I most certainly would.
I go to work, partner is the stay at home parent. My shifts are 12 hour shifts that are anywhere between 7am to 4.30am. I don’t get up to the baby
I was working construction getting up at 5am and getting home at 630pm ( sometimes later ) our daughter wouldn’t sleep at all at night so I would stay up till 1-2am and then my gf would take over from there so I got a few hours sleep for work. It’s hard but both parents need to share the load of child care
No I did not with all 5 of them. Can’t exactly tell you why but he sleeps very soundly and doesn’t hear anything anyways
I hardly woke my husband up to help. There were a few times our daughter just wouldn’t calm down unless he held her or there were times he just got up and helped but it was mainly me🤷🏻♀️ it didn’t bother me cause I’m a stay at home mom and that’s my job. My husband was still very hands on during the day and his days off with her
Yes. He is 50/50 in everything. Every with the kids and the housework no matter his hours or how hard he works.
I’ve done night shift by myself for 4 kiddos. Work from home during the day, and care for 2 under 2. His job is strenuous and demanding. I’m not waking him up unless an emergency.
A baby is brought to this world by two people. Regardless of who is working outside the home, they’re also responsible for waking at night with the baby. From someone who was a SAHM as well as a working mom at some point, I was still responsible for waking with the baby. My career didn’t change that. The workload does not fall onto one person because they don’t go out and work a full time job.
You bring the baby with you to work, so you do work two jobs at once (your job and taking care of baby). You need help and your partner is supposed to help you. Him saying he shouldn’t have to is incredibly selfish and shows that he doesn’t understand or respect how much you actually do. Even mom’s who don’t have a day job, staying at home and taking care of the house and children IS work and anyone who says otherwise is delusional tell your partner that they need to pull their weight and help every now and then because you’re also human and you deserve the chance to tend to your basic needs, like getting some damn rest
My husband is our SAHP and we’ve always both woken up to take care of our now toddler. We also alternate who gets up with her/who stays in bed when she wakes up before the alarm. SAHPs still need good sleep and the support of their spouse.
My son is 1 in a week … And his dad hasn’t helped once, whether he has been working or not … The past 10 days have been the worst … teething and RSV which landed him in hospital … plus I had a stroke when he was 6 weeks old …
With our first no, I almost went insane. Our 2nd he was first shift until 1, I was 1,3,&5 am. Usually I would feed him at about 10 PM and hand off to my husband. He will get the baby to sleep, usually the baby would sleep until about one. ￼ we went in for our one year check up and the baby was in the hundred percentile for everything so the pediatrician said that I didn’t have to feed him during the night anymore and surprisingly the doctor was right he didn’t need it and started sleeping through the night.
3 children and I’ve never woken my partner up to help with any of them because he has to wake up early to go to work and I didnt.
Why waking him up if you are already awake , that makes no sence to me .
But , the baby is a responsibility for both of you not just you .
You should have a conversation and make a night plan so you get to rest and sleep .
If he doesn’t want to do it hire a night sitter to help you out some days during the week and make him pay for it
I don’t. We got 3 kids that take turns waking up at night lucky if only the newborn wakes up once. Otherwise I’m up anywhere from once every night to 7+ times. I don’t mind it.
No, BUT my son has slept with me and nursed since day one (he’s 18 months now) and my husband and I have separate rooms (it works for us), so it’s always been easier for me to just do it myself. It’s not like he could be much help with his useless nipples lol
Most night i did help my late wife watch over our kids even though i was a very busy man then
Yeah my husband can help.
I don’t only because he’s strictly boob so it’s just easier for me to feed him on my own and do the diapers and what not but I’m use to it my oldest son dad was never there my daughter’s dad thought it was a woman’s job and my about to be 7-year-old 4 year old and 7-month-old with my husband now have all been breastfed so for me I’m just used to it but every family is different and feeds different ly honestly he should be able to help from time to time
One time when she was teething but I told him to go back to bed cuz why should both of us be up. He works I’m a sahm.
I personally did not expect help with our baby I breastfed and the baby wants mommy Breastfeeding and baby in the crib connected to my side of the bed only way to do it !!! If able to breastfeed of course.
Im single and have been since pregnancy now
But your husbanf is an asshole partner and a shitty parent
Yes - while I was recovering from a c section and needed help to even lift baby, and we were both on leave from work.
Now no, I breastfeed so I don’t see any reason for us to both be awake. If I was sick, or it was a particularly tough night, or needed something though I wouldn’t hesitate to ask.
When I was on maternity leave and hubs went back to work I got up at night because I could nap when the baby napped. When I went back to work full time we alternated night feedings/diaper changes. Saturday mornings he let me sleep in, Sundays I took the kids to church so he could sleep in. I breast fed and bottle fed both kids.
Nope. Your husband doesn’t get to make the excuses at his job to why he is over tired or not preforming to expectation. 5 hours compared to his 8-10-12 hours isn’t comparable. What is reasonable is to back off on the house chores and maybe cooking dinner and ask that he pick up the slack in that manner when he’s home/before he’s in bed. Anything to help each-other. But one of you has to be the main money maker and it appears it’s him and therefore he should sleep.
Dad should definitely get up and help the mother of HIS child
Through out the night
Why does it always have to be on mom
Youre not a sahm. You work and have to take care of your baby at the same time which is way harder…When our daughter was an infant my husband worked 5 days a week and was going to school on saturdays and he would get up with us everytime our daughter woke up.
Wake them you’re tired too. This is why mothers experience such bad burn out. Honestly having responsibilities outside of working is just part of adulting. Baby needs included. You work too, yet you’re up. Won’t kill him to get up and help.
So you are working 5 hours a day AND watching the baby while you are working-as well as at home-and he thinks he shouldn’t have to help during the night? Tell him to grow up and be a parent. That responsibility is not just yours.
I usually do all the over nights during the week because he works and then weekends or days off he will help out…if there’s a night where I’m feeling extremely exhausted I’ll nudge him awake and ask him to help.
My husband and I both work FT, and he’s always up later than me, so he takes care of the girls if they wake up anytime between bedtime at 8 till about 2, and then after that, I’ll get up with them. We take turns and support each other.
I stayed up and did the late feeding and hubby got up with them in the morning. I’m a night owl and he’s a morning person so it worked for us.
I breastfed, so I was up anyway, but if I needed help, my husband would always get up.
I know some people need a literal schedule or routine where they take turns on night duty… so if that’s what you guys need to do, then do it. My brother-in-law and his wife did that, I think - they would take turns being the one that had to get up at night.
I’m a SAHM, my husband gets up with our baby in the morning so I can get a little more sleep and pump. Night shift we rotate who gets up. You are still working and taking care of a baby all day, rest is important for both parents.
I absolutely wake him up anytime of day/night when I need help. We both work. I work 2 jobs tho and he works 1. When I’m home from work I have the kids, when he’s home from work the kids are in school. I have them a lot more than him and do not feel bad at all when I can’t take anymore and wake him up. Sometimes he gets a little irritated with me cause he’s tired too. But he ALWAYS helps when I do ask.
Tbh if he works in the day then he should sleep at night really, but it doesn’t hurt him helping you out now and then or maybe doing weekends for you
My oldest 2 biological wouldn’t wake up for nothing so unfortunately it was all on me. My youngest Dad ( my husband) wouldn’t let me get up at night. He would hear our son and be up before I could even roll over. If you are exhausted and need a break then speak to him. Tell him you need sleep and would greatly appreciate him taking a turn with the kid(s) for night time needs. It’s always best to communicate you’re needs with each other as we (men especially) aren’t mind readers.
I never had to wake my partner; he’d always jump out of bed first and tell me to go back to sleep and if it wasn’t something he could handle then he’d come get me - he never came and got me.
My husband always helped me. He traveled for work but still had to work at the home office when he was home. He would get up and get anything me or the baby needed at night but I would do the care, as in feeding, or staying up with the baby. He helped all he could but I did the primary care at night so he could sleep. I was a SAHM at that stage
I’m a SAHM the first 2 years with baby, in addition to working full time.
I wake my husband to handle the night shift if I’m too exhausted to do it myself.
I pulled thru. I did all the baby night shifts myself. I only got some breaks when its my husbands off nights from work. My husband works very hard outside and he has to drive 1hr to work and 1hr back… for all for Us… so I do not wake him up unless it’s a serious emergency.
Your SO helped create that life, they can help get up in the night to help you. Your body is literally working double time on empty.
I usually did it myself but if I told him I was exhausted, he would handle it
We worked opposite shifts for quite a bit so we didn’t need a sitter or if we did it was a short time. My husband works long days, in the heat and on his feet sometimes 6-7days a week. I usually got up throughout the night. Our son was not a sleeper, still at 14 is not !!. I look back and wonder how I made it through. There were times I had to be to work at 6am and baby was up all hours of the night… sometimes I think I was barely functioning.
I worked 1-3 days a week when my kids were babies and my husband (who worked more than 40 hours every week) still switched nights with me every other night without ever complaining one single time.
Those are his kids too and sleep is important.
If he doesn’t want to be woken up during the night then he needs to give you a solid 8 hours during the day. For example he comes home from work & is on dad duty while you sleep. Being a SAHM is work. Your job shouldn’t be 24/7 while he gets his sleep time.
Nope. I was a sahm till grade school started and unless there was a sickness it was me. I loved it though. He had to wake up early and was our source of income so there was no way we wanted that jeopardized. We can scream sahm work too and that’s true but we can’t be fired if being late to work etc.
You BOTH need to take turns. It sounds like he just doesn’t want to be a father. If he works during the day then doesn’t want to do anything with the baby at night… when IS he being a father? Making money doesn’t make him a father. He can also pay child support without being involved.
My husband would get up and change nappy - then I’d feed and get back to sleep. He would then get up with them first thing - so I could try and get 1-2 hours of decent sleep
If you work, you’re not a sahm. You’re a working mom. He can help take care of his own child.
Our daughter is 8 months old now, when I was working I still got up during the night with our daughter, I became a sahm and my boyfriend is a truck driver and only home on weekends. So needless to say I’m all the shifts lol when he is home he helps take care of her of course and spends time with her but he doesn’t get up at night.
My husband and I have a similar work situation except I work full time as well but we take different nights I take Sun-Wed and he takes Th-Sat when the baby does wake up when it’s not our night one will change the baby’s diaper while the other gets a bottle ready and then whoever’s night it is stays up to feed baby while the other goes back to bed. We didn’t create these babies alone we shouldn’t be doing it all alone.
I do night shift, but if she is having a hard night, my husband always jumps in to help. On the weekends, he does early morning so I can sleep in
My husband has always worked hard jobs out in the heat there was many nights he took our children to the living room and told me to get some sleep I wud wake up recharged and find them a sleep in the living room.
My hubby worked 10+ hrs a day and still got up every night with me and our twins. Your husband suxs. Get a new one
I worked and my now ex-husband also worked but he always managed to sleep through it all and left me exhausted and resentful. Just one more nail in the coffin.
nope. but my husband is a truck driver so i always just did it myself cause he didn’t need to be exaughsted while driving big ass trucks🤷🏻♀️ plus i naples during the day when babies napped sooo
I usually wake up (lighter sleeper). But he usually wakes up on weekends with the kids. If I’m just exhausted though I wake him. We both work full time.
If I can’t handle it, due to being overwhelmed or just plain exhausted I will wake him up. But otherwise we made a schedule that works for us I take the night shift and he takes the baby for a while in the morning before he goes to work while I sleep. It may be anywhere from 2-4 hours but it works
I did the night shift alone with all three of my children. He just didn’t want to help. Working all day to me is not an excuse idk why men think like that like moms don’t need rest too. I was always up in the mornings with them too so sleep was always pretty non existent for me
When my son was born, his dad and I both worked full time. I did the night shift because his job was more physical than mine was and honestly I wished I asked for help and communicated better. I ended up getting burnt out. My mental health took a dive. My work performance suffered. My hair was falling out. I wasn’t eating well. I completely lost my identity. And I ended up with a lot of resentment toward my sons dad too.
If I work early the next day I ask dad for help. If he has work before me, or got off work late, I don’t ask him.
I was a SAHM and my husband got up anytime I needed him. However, I got up 99% of the time. We both got up with sick kids
My husband never did when he worked and I was a SAHM.
We both work full time and I just willingly do all night shifts - it’s just easier bc she prefers me bc she’s breastfed
I was a sahm. I didn’t work. I did almost all night shifts bc I wanted to.
But, if your exhausted n need rest, tell him! Or call someone to stay w by while u sleep. As for teething, alternate Tylenol and Motrin. Works wonders. Eventually baby will sleep through the night.
And I hope baby feels better soon!
I breastfed and my husband would get up at night. He was in the army and school. I was just in school.