Do I have to send my daughter to her dad since he has not been paying child support?

Is a custody agreement and child support paperwork all combined?My daughters dad has my daughter every other weekend , sometimes takes her every weekend. We have child support through court where he is suppose to give me $176 every two weeks. I haven’t received child support in two months and now his arrears are at $1,030.00. Am I allowed to not send her to him until he pays up or does child support have nothing to do with custody ?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/do-i-have-to-send-my-daughter-to-his-dad-since-he-has-not-been-paying-child-support/22296

The fact that you are even asking this question tells me that you know it’s wrong to deprive your child of her Father. Take him back to court.

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You dont use the child as punishment. That’s wrong plain and simple. If he isnt paying contact your lawyer/court, his wages will end up being garnished after enough time of not paying.

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Those issues are completely separate. Definitely send her and encourage that relationship as long as dad isn’t abusive. It’s tough when the other parent doesn’t want to be financially responsible but you shouldn’t withhold her.

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If he’s doing good about being there for his daughter why punish not only him but your daughter as well? All that’s going to do is hurt her. It’s not connected though and you will get in trouble for withholding her from him.

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Nooo do not use her as a pawn… I know it isn’t fair to have to take care of her financially on your own right now but it’s going to hurt her more than him if you keep them apart :frowning:

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Have you talked to him to see what is going on? I’m not a fan of child’s support as it puts other folks in our business - although I do agree it is necessary when there is a disconnect.
Regardless, it’s not the child’s fault, it’s grown folk’s business.

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As long as he’s active in her life and takes care of her when he has her and isn’t abusive, the child should not be kept from the other parent. You have to do what is in the child’s best interest. The issues between you and him are not the child’s fault and by keeping a child away from the other parent, you hurt the child. From a legal standpoint, it is illegal to keep a child from the other parent because they haven’t paid child support. There are things you can do regarding child support such as wage garnishment. You can find a local family law attorney to find out what options you have but for the child, I would never keep the child away from the other parent (unless there is abuse and it is in the child’s best interest).

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Child support is a completely separate matter than parenting time. You legally cannot keep this child from seeing their father because of nonpayment. Court will tell you the exact same thing and if you are keeping the child away from its father you are in contempt. 

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First off if that’s all he’s behind right now consider yourself lucky. My kids dad never paid. He owes over $70,000. He still had the option to see them whenever he wanted just chose not to. Don’t do that to your child to punish him. It’s punishing your child more. Especially when he is actually an active part of their life. Some children didn’t get that.

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Child support is completely separate from custody. Highly do not recommend using the child as a pawn for money purposes, the courts look down on mothers who do.

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Everyone has their own different opinion, but honestly that’s kinda like punishing the child for their dad mistakes. You should get all the back child support, when he goes file his income taxes or something. Try not to be so greedy and let money over power this situation. Your child needs both parents regardless if money is involved.

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Child support and visitation are two separate issues. A child shouldn’t suffer because support isn’t payed. Especially if that child wants to see their father. Take him back to court, but don’t involve the child your personal business concerning support. Set the example you want your child see.

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Yes you have to let him see her….this is one of the pettiest things that a woman resorts to. Be thankful he is around and spends so much time with her.

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Imagine for a moment if it was YOU who wasn’t/couldn’t pay but were otherwise a good parent?
Depending in the state, they will either consequnce him or not.
Minnesota doesn’t, so it just depends on the judicial system. In the mean time, don’t do that to your daughter because all you see are dollar signs.

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This is gross. She is his daughter not a possession. This isn’t a transaction. These are relationships. You will be in contempt if you withhold your daughter from her visitation.

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Yes. Child support and visitation are not connected. You can file an enforcement with your court for the child support.

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Custody arrangements have nothing to do with child support. He can take you to court and you can get in trouble for not following the custody agreement.

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Unless the laws have changed, I’ve always heard you can’t “play child support against visitation”… in other words you can’t withhold child(ren) from other parent even if they’re not paying. That puts you also in contempt.
I’ve been in multiple scenarios of child support - I’ve recvd it, I’ve paid it (when my son went to live with his dad at 15) & my current husband paid it for about the first 10ths of our marriage. The best advice I can give you, is to follow the visitation schedule & in the meantime get with child support recovery & have it payroll deducted. That way when he quits a job or something to not pay, u still get ur $ & they deal with him on the financial side & u don’t have to take him back to court for contempt to get him to pay.

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I personally wouldn’t withhold visitation if child support is the only issue. It would only hurt your daughter. If there is that much of an issue you can take him back to court and either look into garnishing his wages or they’ll give you a lump sum at tax time.

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Why would you think this is okay? Why would you deny your child her father. So you’ve gonna put a price on her lil’ sweet innocent head. Even though you don’t realize it - you are blessed - you have a healthy little girl and a man who wants to be a Daddy - a lot of men don’t give a sh¡t and walk away. You do need to take him back to court to settle this. I understand you need the money to make it. But young one, don’t deny her - her daddy

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It’s not the same, if he isn’t paying then file an enforcement with the FOC. If you refuse to allow him to see her then he can file against you and you could get in trouble. Don’t use the child as a pawn, it’s not healthy.

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It is not legal to keep him from his visit with the child just as it isn’t legal for the father to withhold child support for not getting his visit with the child.
I know it is hard raising a child on your own. Trust me…I know. But it is not the child’s fault. They still love and want to see the other parent. You must do what is right for the child!

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If he’s in arrears then you go to court and file something. But legally you cannot keep her away from him on his weekends. And also you’re being petty right now honestly just cause you haven’t been getting child support for 2 months so now you want to punish him by not allowing him to see his daughter. Man grow tf up seriously cause you’re not going to punish him in the end it’s your daughter that you’ll be punishing. So file something with about the child support since he’s late on it. But don’t be punishing your child for adult issues

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Oh lord so custody and placement are different and child support has nothing to do with either really. The short answer is no u can not with hold placement because he isnt paying child support. The court is the only one who can with hold placement and they will not do so for child support. You can be held in contempt for with holding placement.

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So her other parent is actively in her life and you want to take that away over money…
I’d say go back to court about it, but don’t just keep your child from their parent…

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One has zero to do with the other. Why would you deprive your daughter a relationship with her dad over child support? That’s BS and incredibly sad.

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Not cool, man! Cannot withhold visits for nonpayment! That is an issue for the court! If you do not send her YOU will be in trouble! Also, I’d like to add that he willingly takes the child MORE than the court paperwork says, and your worried about $88 a week?! :thinking::roll_eyes: You are one of the ones who give all baby mommas a bad wrap, lady! :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

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Child support and visitation does not go hand and hand. So yes. Send the kiddo. Has nothing to do with him seeing her

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You can not keep her from him. You will be held in contempt of a judicial order. He can take you back to court for violating the order just like you can take him back to court for non payment of child support

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Your child is not an ATM. You let her continue to go with her father as settled in your divorce decree. You take him back to court.

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You really something else woman, for real. Going to punish your child over some money. And if he’s taking her every weekend more often than not his child support should actually go down!!! You’re shady and I hope your child’s father gets 50/50 one day

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No he gets to see her even if he hasnt paid. I know that it can be frustrating that he hasnt paid. But trust me when I say that your not hurting him when you keep her from him. Your hurting her. Keeping her out of the messy grownup stuff. I know its hard to coparent and emotions can get the best of you. But letting her see her dad and maybe talking to him or the courts about child support when she isnt around. Best of luck.

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Visitation is not generally based on whether or not you receive payment. If you withhold his visitation, you could be held in contempt. You need to discuss the matter with the child’s father and not involve the child in adult matters.

Coming from a mom that pays child support, during covid all salons were shut down (I’m a hairdresser) I got behind. I haven’t seen my daughter in almost 3 years because of being behind. I have talked to my attorney and the father is in contempt of court for not allowing me to see her or talk to her. Child support has nothing to do with visitation.

I’m sure with or without money your child wants to see their father. I went two years while my child’s father was out of work without dime of child support but never did I make her miss time with her father. Children should never know financial situations. They should only know that both their parents love them very much. I am sorry that you’re not being financially taken care of. But please don’t torture your child because of this.

You have to according to court order?? Call FOC and tell them they will put him in jail or pull his driver’s license. Or both if doesn’t make any effort. You should keep your end and let the court take care of him and his dead beat self.

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Absolutely not allowed you will be in contempt, child support and custody have nothing to do with each other when it comes to how much visitation, you can’t keep him from seeing her just because he isn’t paying, and you shouldn’t, that’s selfish in my opinion

What’s wrong with you? Your child isn’t a possession that you can use to get something… her father has every right to his time with her, whether or not he pays. She needs her time with him too. Withholding her from seeing her dad is not fair to her at all.

I’m sure it’s all very frustrating ,but you would be in contempt of court for not sending the child just as he is for not paying. Maybe you should consider giving the dad 50/50 if possible and no child support. You said he even gets her every weekend sometimes vs every other the way child support is calculated those extra days should mean you get less child support. So he ain’t paying but he is doing more visits than ordered if I understood you correct?

Child support and visitation are not related and it would be frowned upon to keep the child from other parent.
My ex doesn’t pay either but he still takes our children every second weekend and one evening a week for dinner… as difficult as it is to not be resentful it’s not the childrens fault and they shouldn’t be used as pawns .
There are resources to help garnish child support but it can be a stressful/lengthy unsuccessful process… my advice is to keep records of anything he does/doesn’t pay and make sure lawyers are aware before your next court date.

Never rely on the child support/alimony payments to ever be paid… make sure you can 100% support yourself and children without that money so when it does eventually come through you can do the extras or catch up on things… it’s stressful and hard… but you got this ! It takes a lot of work mentally and emotionally not to be drug down by these things .

Completely different. Child support helps raise your child and your child deserves for it to be paid but it has nothing to do with the custody agreement. Sounds like he is an active part of his child’s life. Don’t punish your child because of financial hardship.

It should say in your custody or child support agreement that the child can’t be withheld from the other parent due to being behind on child support

He’s wrong for not paying and you’d be wrong to keep her away from her fathers for issues between the two of you. Send her to her fathers.

If you have a court order for custody or visitation then YES you do

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Child support has nothing to do with child custody. You can’t keep his child away from him for nonpayment. It becomes a civil case and you can take it up with the DA to file support issues but if he was granted visitation by a court order you have to honor it or you’ll be violating a court order yourself.

No connection. If your stressing over child support you can set up through dhhs or your local division to get child support directly deposited into a card from his paycheck before he even sees it. Saves time and stress. But do not withhold visitation on the basis of unpaid child support or you can be held in contempt if he decides to fight it.

Let her see him either way! Does he take care of her? Does he feed her and show her love? The stuff that’s MORE important than money? Not saying he shouldn’t pay it but if he’s a loving father don’t use your child against him over $$…so yes you should still send her to him!

Child support is completely separate from custody. An order is an order. And you’d be selfish as fck to not send her just because he can’t pay. That’s wild to me.

In my state child support and visitation have nothing to do with one another and you’re supposed to keep to the order of visitation. You can not with hold a child due to non payment. Take him to court. Pursue the amount. Don’t get your child involved and use your child as a weapon. It’s not fair to your child.

Ok let me break this down for you .
Your child has two parents, they need both parents if possible to be the best self they can be . Ask yourself this if he had paid would you still have issues with sending your child? If not then holding them back for payment is just as bad as he is for not paying. Please remember your child has needs that money cant buy . I do realize how hard it can be to make ends meet without help but your child is not currency.

Times are tough for everyone right now. If he’s been paying and can’t right now. I’m guessing it bothers him too. If he’s good to the child there’s no reason to keep the child from him. Non payment is not a legit reason to withhold kids.

As a mom of child who doesn’t see her father at no fault of our own… if he is active in your child’s life please don’t let child support stop visitation! It’s not fair to the child. My child’s father does not pay court ordered child support and has no desire to see my child. Let him be in contempt and be the bigger person, do right by your child, ultimately the child is the one who is hurt in the midst of it all!

That’s like you saying he has to pay to see his child…Sounds kind of like bribery. So No, the family court issues child support orders, but they won’t deprive the child from seeing their father if he’s not able to pay. He will however be in trouble eventually if he doesn’t start catching up financially… But not by cutting off his visitation.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Sounds like he is a good dad -sounds like you let him visit even when it isn’t t his weekend.

Yes, it sucks that he is not paying. Have a conversation to find out why. If he is an A-hole about it contact your child support services and have it garnished from his paycheck.

You can’t just not let her see him. That would be selfish because this has nothing to do with yout daughter. If it’s court order to pay child support. You file contempt of court. That means he is in contempt of not doing what he is court ordered.

Child support is not a payment to be able to see the child. If there is a custody arrangement/agreement in place, it needs to be followed regardless of whether or not child support is paid.

With holding a child from their parent over finances is not fair to that parent or especially, the child.
Child support payments have nothing to do with a custody agreement unless stated in the agreement.

Child support has nothing to do with a father’s right to be in his child’s life.

Why would you make your child suffer because he doesn’t pay child support? That’s between you and him. Don’t be selfish when it comes to your kid. Your child needs both parents and you and him can deal with the adult stuff

There two separate issues and I’m sorry you know that it’s very important for visits don’t take that away from your daughter money is only part of it. You don’t let her go with dad your doing harm in a big way! Ask the court

Child support has nothing to do with custody.

Take him back to court. Where I am, child support goes through FRO which takes it from their account automatically. And if they don’t pay it within 30 days, they take action against them. Such as garnishing wages, tax returns, revoke their license, put a lien on their vehicle etc. But I’m in Ontario Canada.
If he’s a good dad minus the payments, ask him if he’s going to get caught up. Wait a month or so. If he doesn’t ask again and let him know if he doesn’t pay his court ordered support payments, you’re going to have to go back to court to have it enforced.

If he is an active parent but he’s not paying child support don’t push him out. So many women would LOVE for an active father. Communicate calmly with him about it but why make your child suffer from something that is a right not a luxury? Don’t be THAT mom.

Don’t be that mom… be happy he is in her life and takes her more than his every other weekend… if the money is that important that’s what court is for hun

If he’s taking her regularly and she’s ok why would you keep her away from him?

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No you cannot stop him from taking her just because he’s not current on his child support. And the fact that you’re asking if you could makes you sound terrible.

:stop_sign: STOP that childish mentality!!! You DO NOT keep a child from their parent over money!! Is it right he’s not paying to support his child? Of course not! However, that little girl doesn’t have a price tag on her happiness so grow up and do the right thing for your child! Keeping her from her dad intentionally will have a negative impact on her and SHE WILL RESENT YOU for that! Her happiness is what’s important not how much money you get
So you want to keep her from dad until he pays you money?? Who are you hurting by doing that?? Not just dad BUT Your child!!! You still Won’t have the money and a child now doesn’t have her father!! You really need think of her well being and stop the nonsense!

Let him see her anyway and don’t let it affect their relationship negatively. But do go through the process to get that money! When I was a kid, I hated hearing my mom talk shit about how my dad owed money. It had nothing to do with me.

He should be paying support but you can’t deny him to see his child. I know your children need that money but they need him more. You need to be happy that he sees his child. My ex always made excuses on his weekends and tried to make me out to be the bad guy by telling me I was trying to get rid of my daughter even though she lived with me and I never complained. Take him back to court and let them take care of the child support.

2 wrongs don’t make a right. Do not keep your daughter from her father. So many children don’t have fathers and at least hers is around.

Visitation and child support are two different issues. If he has a court order for visitation… you are in contempt. Don’t get me wrong… he is too… go to the court for help with the past due. Get a withholding order so it comes right out if his check.

You need to stop thinking of yourself. Why take your daughters dad out of her life? I received zero help from the father of my child. But i’d still never take my son from him. He can still be a good dad. Take the support up with him and court. Don’t put your kid in the middle.

That is sad…. Your child is not a paycheck…. Be happy she has a dad that is involved. He’s taking your child MORE than he is supposed to? I would rather have 50/50 and share finances. How about talk to her dad and possibly split custody so you BOTH have parenting time with your child…. It’s not about child support it’s what best for your child…

In most states child support and custody have nothing to do with each other.
But my question is why would you punish your child by not letting her see her father when that is out of her control?
Why would you keep her father from her if he wanted to be involved?
I would love if my sons father was involved but hasn’t been for over 6 years… the fathers choice.
You should never rely on child support.
If you choose to take his visits away you will be in contempt yourself if you have a court order and he can take you to court get a modified petition for more custody and there goes your child support. You won’t have to worry about it then :woman_shrugging:. I’ve seen it happen.

Child support and child visits are two totally separate issues.

Why would you keep her from seeing him because of that? That’s punishing your daughter by keep g her away from him.

You can’t keep your daughter from her father. He can take you back to court for that but you can also take him back to court for not paying child support

Money shouldn’t play a part in whether your daughter sees her father or not…if she’s safe and happy when she goes there and you have no concerns about her wellbeing while being with her father then you need to back off and let him be a daddy

I know in Canada you can’t deny the other parent because of non-payment of child support.

No you don’t get to interfere with his parenting time bc you’re upset about not getting money. You should be following the order and being the best coparent you can be.

If it is court ordered he gets her the u have to let her go regardless if he is behind. The judge told me I can’t pick and chose it’s not my place. He makes the rules. U could take him back to court to get it taken away cause he isn’t paying.

I wouldn’t stop his visit with her just in case he say you gave stop the agreement thru court. Take him back to court since he has stop his agreement to pay

My ex tried for years to bounce in and out of my girls life. But I stopped that. If he is actually there and wants to be a dad, let him. Trust me, it’s not fun trying to explain to a child why their dad doesn’t want to talk to them. Also, $1k behind in support isn’t that bad. I get you need it, cause it would be a major help for me as well but I’m owed like $23k. I’ll never see it, and that’s okay.

Two different things. You can’t deprive daughter or dad of time together because he isn’t paid up in child support. Does it suck? Yes it does. But not a reason to with hold your daughter from her dad. Take him back to court for the past due child support. About the only thing you can do in this situation

Your daughter is not a possession to be withheld especially over some 176 dollars . If he is a good dad and visits are safe then she should go regardless. Your part of the reason baby mommas get bad reputation because this mindset is gross :nauseated_face:!

Homie, my ex owes like 15,000 and if he wasn’t in prison and I didn’t get full custody I would still have to allow him to see our son

Unless you want to go to jail… the custody agreement is legal document from a judge. Child support and custody are two separate things. Why hurt your daughter?

No u have to chid support is different from custody

Child support and custody are two COMPLETELY separate issues. You are not allowed to withhold the child from the other parent just because they’re not paying child support.

No you have to. They will take away his license and eventually arrest him for non payment. But you’ll be breaking the court order if you withhold her. Everyone goes through tough times, have you talked to him about why he hasn’t paid? At least he spends time consistently with her. I drive 300 miles each way when my son sees his dad. No payment for gas, miles, hotels, food or child support. One day my son will know what I did and what his sperm donor did not do. My husband has gotten $50 here and there from child support and the kids are 14 and 18 now…been like 12 years plus since they were together and the 18 he raised for her isn’t even his, yet he still allows visitation with mom when safe. Child support does need to be paid, but Withholding the child is not a good way to get payment.

&& honestly, this type of shit is what gives people the idea “baby mamas are just bitter and only out for money”.

No, notify the court he has not paid. That should automatically be taken out of his check.

That’s punishing the child from time with their father. Don’t punish your kid.

Child support non payment is not a reason to dangle your kid like a carrot
Take it to court and you’ll get the book thrown at you

No you cannot withhold a child for money…
Talk to a lawyer to deal with child support.

Why would that even cross your mind ??? What would you tell her?? I’m sorry your dad owes me money , so you can’t go see him ?? Those are two separate issues , do not use your child as a pawn . Maybe you could talk to him about it , is $1000 worth breaking your child’s heart :thinking::thinking:

Ewwww no Ma’am, you do not hold a child from their parent because they are behind in support.

I think that by Law, the two are separate, and you could be in contempt if you don’t comply.

Yes and that’s nothing. Child support has nothing to do with parenting plan. Don’t be bitter