Custody modification pending - need advice
LONG POST ALERT - sorry in advance
My ex husband and I have been officially divorced just over a year, and living in separate towns for about a year and a half now. My son just turned 2 when I left.
A little background - my ex was extremely verbally/emotionally abusive. He was controlling and what I would consider a narcissist. Regardless of what he did to me, I made a genuine effort to keep it separate from our child. I am confident that I went out of my way to keep their relationship in tact, FaceTiming at bedtime and more despite living 5 hours away. I was cordial and gave coparenting my best…
Fast forward to today, my ex hasn’t seen our son since Christmas, so almost 9 months ago. He is 9 months behind on child support, which started after claiming he had a “slow month” at work in January…it’s been a different excuse each time we’ve spoken since.
He had a very well paying job, and although he was going on 3 months past due, informed me in March he was quitting to pursue his own “already very successful business”. This type of irresponsible (& in my opinion selfish)behavior was a pattern I witnessed the entire 4 years we were together. My credit was destroyed from him, and he constantly lived a lifestyle of splurging on expensive things before paying bills and then having to pawn them out or resell when he wound up too short. His job paid well over 6 figures and he still wound up living paycheck to paycheck…Before this year of no showing, he only exercised his custody weekend twice. I found out the second time he had our son, he had him at his girlfriends house the entire weekend, whom he’d known only month. Which was Against our standard custody agreement. On top of that, he lied to me about giving our child his antibiotics while he was sick. My son was sick for 2 months after that weekend, and what started as strep throat turned into pneumonia.
He has kids from a previous relationship, and I realized early on he didn’t seem to provide for them. at the time we separated, he hadn’t seen his other children in over 2 years. He gave me a “My ex is keeping them from me” story to explain this somehow while we were together but I’ve realized it was all a lie to make himself not look bad. Without going into the mountain of other worrisome events, just know that he is a proven liar, has a track record for not being a stable, is not a supportive parent, is volatile and unstable…but he randomly texts me still, sometimes after months of silence, to ask to speak to our son and telling me I am alienating him. I just don’t want to reopen the line of communication that hasn’t existed in 9 months if he is going to be this way, and try to come and go as he pleases while paying LITERALLY NOTHING TO HELP TAKE CARE OF HIS SON.
He has given every excuse in the book for his inability to pay, and using the pandemic to his advantage as why he can’t provide anything. He broke every rule of our custody agreement before hand, and since he has not seen or paid support for our son in over 6 months, he’s guilty of child abandonment in our state. I found out the other day he has been posting frequently all year on his Facebook, which I have blocked, and he appears to be living it up. going to bars while he claims to be broke, and Traveling/gambling, buying a motorcycle, going to SIX FLAGS AND THE ZOO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK. He’s a 34 year old “man”, but acts more like a rebellious child…I never thought I’d be considering this idea, but he is too reckless and irresponsible. after everything we’ve been through and what I’ve learned, I cannot fathom the idea of my child alone with him. If something were to happen to me, he would automatically be his sole responsibility…that idea literally terrifies me. At this point, I feel in my heart that it is not in my sons best interest to be around him.
I just can’t take the on and off inappropriate guilt trip texts from him, when he hasn’t lifted a finger to help or even tried to see him this entire year. His effort consists of asking to FaceTime once every month or two.
Given everything I’ve said and have the backup to prove, do you think I am wrong to fight to remove his rights?