At What Age Did You Allow Your Adult Daughter to Spend the Night With Her Boyfriend?

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"My daughter is almost 21 and still lives at home. She works as a waitress and pays for her own things but I've never expected her to pay bills so she still has a free roof over her head. She's only been dating this 19 year old boy for a week and asked if she could spend the night. I immediately said no. I think it's inappropriate. She says I should treat her like an adult and she's asked a few people about this and most people agree it's weird I won't allow her to do this. This boy does live with his parents as well and I think its crazy that they would allow this to go on under their roof. I just dont think you have your bf or gf spend the night in your parent home. I feel pretty strongly about this but I do wonder how most parents feel. I was a teenage mom so I have pretty adamant about her not going down the same path I did. I realize she's not a teenager but she's still too young to get pregnant especially since she's still living at home and working as a waitress with no college education. I think a week is too soon to be spending the night even if she was on her own. Of course if she was on her own I wouldn't have a say but I still think that's too fast."

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"I can see both sides. She’s under your roof so she does need to follow whatever rules you have, & only been dating a week is a little early. But ultimately she is 21, & she really doesn’t have to tell you what or where she’s going since she’s no longer a teen. I would give her your opinion, but once she’s over 18 she can still do it if that’s what she wants. That’s just what my mom did with me, & because she trusted me I would always tell her where I was going & who I was with just to respectful. It’s also your house, so whatever you tell her she should follow"

"I understand where you are coming from. But you have to understand that if you try to control her life she may lock you out of hers."

"Shes 21 and can make her own decisions. If you restrict her she will most likely do it behind your back. I understand it’s your house your rules but don't be a stuck up karen that doesnt let her kid do anything. Have some trust in her. I suggest looking at the facebook comments for this post. Have some trust in her. If she wants to be sexually active that’s her choice as an adult. You have to trust that you taught her well enough to use protection and be on birth control. Know that you taught her well enough. She asked you out of respect so dont lose that respect."

"She wants to sleep at his house? She’s 21 and should be able to say “I won’t be home tonight” without any issue. At this point, it’s a courtesy to tell you why she won’t be home, to be quite honest. If his parents are allowing it, that’s THEIR rules. You can set your own rules in your own home. And yes, that includes not allowing overnight guests for your 21 year old daughter. Especially if she’s living there for free. If she’s working, she should be able to contribute. Charge rent. Give her a bill to pay. Something."

"I think it’s very strange that she would even ask permission, my late teen/adult children would just let me know what they were doing. I have one who always asks and I tell her she doesn’t need to, and she says it’s just respect, which I appreciate. My answer is always ‘of course’. It’s not my place to tell my adult kids what their lidlfe choices should be, if they seek advice I’m there for it, but the choices are theirs to make."

"It is her body and she is an adult. Her choice 100%"

"I’d talk to her and tell her your concerns adult to adult and let her decide … Not letting her decide will not end in a healthy way for you … I know easier said than done"

"I think its respectful and considerate of her to ask your permission and your opinion, even though reality she shouldn’t have to. If it were my daughter being 21 she would be educated about safe sex, id let her know in my opinion “it only being 1 week is abit too soon” though I would not use any authority over her and allow her to make her own choices."

"You have absolutely no say literally at all. Your daughter is 21 years old if she wants to leave the house to go spend the night with her boyfriend she shouldn’t even have to ask you. You’re just gonna end up pushing her away."

"I would just be happy that she’s not asking to have him in your home! So what if she goes there? She’s an adult, treat her like one. She has to learn from her own life not yours. She can legally drink, or does she have to ask?"

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