Am I over reacting or is my husband being shady?

This relationship done honey! Dust yourself off and stand up and look at powerful woman standing on the other side of the mirror! You literally have done everything by yourself so keep doing everything by yourself and say bye bye to the waste at the bottom of your shoešŸ˜‰

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Tell him youre moving back with him to the state hes been living in for a year. Tell him youre tired of living apart. Tell him you already found a job out there.Watch his reaction and listen to his words very closely. If he gets immediately volatile and argues and gives you 10 reasons right away why you cant do that then im pretty sure hes got another life and possibly another wife in the other state. If not he will be happy but might give you one or 2 possible hurdles.

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No you are not overreactive ā€¦you have every right to have concerns .esp with him gone so much of the time and given the fact that you have to be the one to initiate every sexual advance .he should be excited and longing to spend time with you .he should be more willing to help out with the kids .excuse me but you did not get pregnant by immaculate conception did you ? He is being very selfish and i make no apologies for saying so . the truth is the truth .he more than likely has another horse in the stable .after all if he didā€™nt he would be after you hammer and tongs .take the blinders off .

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Girl there is a saying. I can do bad by myself!!! Go ahead and file for legal separation. You have told him how you feel and he has responded. Basically you a single parent. So make it legal!!! He is a petty man. Iā€™m all for making marriage work. But it wonā€™t if only one of you are invested!!!

Heā€™s been living like a single man with all the time in the world to work out etc. and he wonā€™t baby you for having to work, keep the house, and homeschool the kids. Pack his bags the next time heā€™s home.

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Next time he is home you take off for the day for some ā€œmeā€ time, meet girl friends, go shopping, go for coffee/wine, spa day, hell book in for an overnight, leave him with the kids for 24-48 hours and see how ā€œeasyā€ he finds it! Bet heā€™ll not be able to wait to get back to his ā€œbachelor-typeā€ lifestyle!!

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He has gotten use to being a single man. That is too long to live apart. You have become a single mom.

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sorry and sadly to say def sounds shady. :disappointed:. u two need to have a serious talk asap. with all of this itā€™s not something he can just blow off. and if he wonā€™t discuss it with u thatā€™s the final sign u should need to fully convince u of what u already believe:( if he has screwed up the only way u can fix it is if he discusses it with u. and if u want to fix your marriage step1 he needs a local job asap. working away like that is a terrible idea even for the most loving strongest marriages

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Are you just looking for someone to tell you what you already know? You are not over reacting, but you do need to start acting. Start working to get yourself ready so you are not left empty handed when he walks out. Build up funds that you have handy for when itā€™s needed. Prepare for what may be coming your way.

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Oh honey, dont be so naive.you already know whats going on.You are carrying the weight of your household already.Find you somebody that will love and care about you the way a SPOUSE should.My mom always said,ā€œyou can do bad all by yourself!ā€ ā€¦:wink::heart:

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Change the locks on the doors, get your own bank account, put utilities in your name, contact real good legal counsel. Leslie Westervelt had the best way to find out. And youā€™re already doing it by yourself. You donā€™t need someone to drill holes in your boat. Just find some time to listen to your favorite music, shower and drink water to hydrate, eat something delicious, find your favorite smell, breathe deep staying calm, remember to eat an elephant one bite at a time. And youā€™ve got this.

My question is why hasnā€™t he moved his family with him A YEAR LATER?? Something is
Definitely not right

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From my personal experience, it sounds like heā€™s ā€œgas lightingā€ you. Always trust your instincts and donā€™t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Your feelings are valid whether he thinks so or not.

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See an attorney in family services ā€¦ get child support for the 4 kids and tell him not to bother coming home since he doesnā€™t really care about your feelings or his childrenā€¦he sounds like an insensitive jerkā€¦ send him packing ā€¦you will be happier! Been thereā€¦good luck ā€¦you got thisā€‹:heart::pray:

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Trust your gut. He is in the wrongā€¦ He is being shady. With him being gone - he has his alone time so he should be with you and the kids when he is homeā€¦ he doesnā€™t respect you if he is still talking too other girls and you guys have already talked about itā€¦

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Sounds like he is up to no good and a lier. Trust your gut because itā€™s usually correct.

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A divorce is easier said than done and I get that. But your already living alone and now he is just abusive. Good luck. Sometimes itā€™s hard to see past all the pain while your in the middle of so much of it and chaos. Take the jump and tell him to go fk himself. When you love yourself enough in this way not only does the universe move mountains for you the freedom and joy you will experience is profound.

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Youā€™re not overreacting. Saying youā€™re controlling and petty is a classic tactic. Iā€™m on special assignment for work- so Iā€™m gone during the week And home on weekends. My husband and I make most of that time together. He should be thanking you for holding down the fort while he is gone, and yes give you some reassurance youā€™re doing well. Itā€™s a few words for goodness sake.
Not sure if heā€™s the marriage counseling type- but the work situation makes that difficult.
If it were me, first thing I would do, is the first wedges home- Iā€™d take off for a weekend by myself and let him take care of the kids. Give yourself some ā€œmeā€ time. And no he doesnā€™t get a say. You deserve that.
Then think about what you want to do- and prepare yourself. No harm in seeing a lawyer and knowing your options. And a little prayer helps! Good luck to you

If all this is true, it is obvious that he is disrespecting you and the children. Iā€™m sorry, but itā€™s your fault for allowing him to talk to you like that. No way i will allow my husband to disrespect me like that. He is doing all of that because you allow it.

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Gas lighting. Time to get a good lawyer. You and those babies are better off. He has another girl and another life.

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Since I read the line he thinks itā€™s not that hard to raise 4 kidsā€¦ I am very sorry you have to deal with this but seriously this is pure ignorance. If you are able to leave please do. He seriously will drain you emotionally because he just does not care.

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If heā€™s following people he slept with ditch his ass. Especially if heā€™s become distant.

Sounds to me like he is not your partner as someone who is should be there for you in all ways and he is obviously not. You are not overreacting, sounds like itā€™s time to hold him accountable.

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Donā€™t let him convince you that youā€™re crazy. If he truly cared about your feelings he would try to reassure you. Womens intuition is real donā€™t quiet that voice its rarely wrong.

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You are by NO means overreacting

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He has major red flags

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Start your planning now! If possible start putting money away in a secret account and not at the same bank you already have an account. As someone else has said, photocopy everything, screen shot Facebook and Instagram posts. Play along if itā€™s not too painful because I think you know the truth and you need to plan accordingly. Good luck.

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Heā€™s been living away from the house for an entire year with visiting on the weekends and you arenā€™t suspicious?
Iā€™d be DIVORCED!

With his behavior and living another life. Girl you have been played as a fool.

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Get out while you can before he is able to make you feel any worse! Heā€™s cheating for sure! Been there, the writing is on the wall!!

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Nope if ur not allowed he shouldnā€™t be either And the kids wtf they are his too it ainā€™t easy he should be supportive

So much for ā€œmy husband is a blessingā€ā€¦

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Show up and see what heā€™s up to

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Waitā€¦Hold on a Hot minute, Heā€™s been LIVING in Another state for a YEAR and coming home every other weekend JUST long enough to knock you up Again? HELLO OOOOOO

Trust your instincts ! Player

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Sounds like heā€™s up to no good

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Girl sorry but there is someone else. You deserve better

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Screenshot EVERYTHING, set up a secret email account and send it all there. It may be useful later. Heā€™s definitely up to no good.

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I know itā€™s really hard, but you already know the answer.

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No you are not over reacting at all. Completely disrespectful.

You already knowā€¦ your instincts already told you :heart: be strong :muscle:t3:

Run as fast as you can hes disrespectful

I would guess heā€™s cheating hun Iā€™m so sorry but I have been through it

If you have to ask this, leave.

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Intuition! Find your PEACE!

You need to part ways, honestly. There is so much more in this life for you!

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No body can can u what yo do sweetie. U have to do that on youā€™re own

Investigate and confirm. Hire someone

No youā€™re not overreacting heā€™s clearly being an ass and is more than likely cheating if after being gone so long and not even wanting sex :slightly_frowning_face:

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He is clearly an a*hole and you are a dummy, donā€™t let him disrespect you and your home like that. You arenā€™t his side chick.

Kick his butt to the curb

Listen to your gut, you know what to do

Hes cheating on you.

You know the answer. I know itā€™s going to be hard but I know you know why you need to do. Prayersā€‹:heart::pray:t4:

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I believe you already know the truth and the answer. Baruch Hashem hunšŸŒ¹

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Sounds like gaslighting smh.

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Always trust your gut!

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You arent overreating. Hes gaslighting and manipulative. Hes disegaged from you probably convinced himself his family is a burden. It sounds like he has stopped caring for your heart to think handeling all those kids alone all week isnt hard. Especially when his ass helped make them and gets to play fantasy single elsewhere. Hes being shady but you know this. Its why you asked. Your i tuition was given to you for a reason but men have a way of turning our emotions against us. I would not back down on his bull. If you have to make him say it then do it. You deserve honesty from your partner. Jusy ask himā€¦baby if you wana pay child support, just say that!:woman_shrugging:t5:

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It doesnā€™t sound like youā€™re overreacting.
You are entitled to feel whatever comes naturally to you. Itā€™s your marriage, you know it better than anyone else, and for that reason, I would trust your gut.
My fianceĆØ and I had the same agreement about social media, no fb friends that weā€™ve ever hooked up with or tried to hook up with.
4 kids is a lot, even if the older 2 were mature for their age, helping you with chores and the 2 younger children, that would still be a lot.
And if my S/O didnt want to touch me or anything, Iā€™d feel insulted too. Iā€™d feel insecure and unwanted. We actually went through a phase like that.
I wouldnā€™t automatically jump to the conclusion of he is cheating or that you should leave him. But maybe your husband is stressed too. Maybe he misses his family and wishes he could be in your position instead, so out of resentment, heā€™s lashing out and not feeling the sexual attraction bc of the emotional and mental disconnect. ?
Might be worth a shot to have some deep conversations over the phone during the week. Maybe phone sex? Or just get into a really heated argument, say everything brutally honest and then maybe itā€™ll lead to some passionate make up sex?

GIRL no. Not in a million years. Hes disrespecting you and gaslighting you into feeling like you deserve it.
You AND your kids deserve so much more.

You deserve validation. You deserve respect. You deserve loyalty. You deserve intamacy!!

Please show him you wonā€™t tolerate this because there are a million other people out there willing to WORSHIP the ground you walk on amd love your babies while doing so.
Donā€™t waste any more time !!!
If youre certain you want to make it work I suggest you DEMAND couples therapy. If hes not willing to work on that I would say hes already mentally gone and is using you because he know you wonā€™t go anywhere.

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Iā€™m usually not the one to jump to this conclusionā€¦ but Iā€™d say heā€™s cheating. Does he HAVE to work that far away?
If heā€™s not being sexual with you ā€¦ he could be getting it somewhere else.
You are his WIFE. He should want to make you feel secure and go to any bounds to do so.

Usually when theyā€™re acting like youā€™re crazy and itā€™s all in your head theyā€™re deflecting.

The answers a d proof are there. Dig a little. And donā€™t back down.

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Girl the shadiness is strong here. If he was a real man, he wouldnā€™t need those other women to build him up. And heā€™d go to the gym n not have to beat it to death when he got home. Like my 19 yo son does that mess. But heā€™s not a father or a husband -

I would say itā€™s time for a divorce. You wouldnā€™t need him if your doing it all alone anyway. There are much more men out there that would treat you better.

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Youā€™re definitely not overreacting, something is definitely not right. Nomatter what his reasons are, heā€™s not doing his part in the marriage as a partner, or as a parent. Marriage is being a team and supporting eachother. He seems to only be caring for his own needs.

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Oh my dear, donā€™t worry so much about what is happening within your home at the moment but; believe me that your husband is having a doubt about your attractive friendly personality, heā€™s thinking that heā€™s seen you all;
But i think that youā€™ve just seen the actions and reactions telling some stories that you obviously wouldnā€™t want to hear, but at the same time ā€œLife is not what you think it is rather, what you see;ā€ try to call his attention and bluntly tell him that heā€™s gone too far in making you think so much of which was not normal, tell him why itā€™s dangerous to continue with such;

But if it continues, my dear Pretty Princess, youā€™d got a life that you own no one any penny to live; live your life and enjoy it with people that will add quality value and happiness in your world.
Tnx and be of good couragešŸ˜

No ur not overeating heā€™s just under reacting n not caring donā€™t ignore those red flags any man that cares would show it and make youā€™re needs a priority not brush them off it sounds like heā€™s deflecting and doesnā€™t care Iā€™m srry girl but thatā€™s just not what a man does when he loves you you deserve better then that do not put up with that

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Your first part of the situation is suggestive of cheating too many red flags. Itā€™s a mutual respect thing re the girls/social media heā€™s out of order for doing that.

Stress, especially during these times is definitely a part of all of us, butā€¦ honestly, If you have to ask YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE to delete old flames off of social media after engagement, marriage, having four kids?.. sorry hun , but I believe the problem may have started long before him working out of town, before marriage, before having children ā€¦ :woman_facepalming: :frowning:

I have always stated I DO NOT NEED YOU, I CHOOSE TO BE WITH YOU! Might be time to re-think your relationship. Happy apart is better then kaos together. Especially when children are involved. Trust is #1

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You deserve better. He is distant on more than one level. Iā€™d recommend therapy.

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So your parenting alone, homeschooling the children alone while caring for a one year old. Keeping up the housework and running the errands. While working 30 hours a week and have the children handled while your working. He sounds like he comes home when he feels like it ?? He gets to hit the gym ?? (While your busting ass) comes home and he isnā€™t in to you ?? Then doesnt have enough respect to have old flings on his social media? Ohhhh hell no!! Guess whatā€¦ your doing everything alone. You donā€™t need him! Hes bringing nothing to the table. Unless its money but he would have to financially have to care for his children no matter what. And guess whatā€¦ those weekends hes free ge could spend time with his children and you could go out and get laid :rofl::rofl: your to nice sweetheart!! You have alot on your plate, keep up the good work!

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Sounds like a selfish self centers prick how dare he treat you that way donā€™t put up with it you deserve a break when he decides to be at home thatā€™s what you should do take yourself out for the days he is home & let him deal with the family or just tell him to piss of

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Sounds harsh but it seems like he has checked out. When you decide to share a life with someone and they are struggling you gotta acknowledge your partner and when he says things like you shouldnā€™t need reassurance, you should probably remind him that doesnā€™t need all those woman on his Instagram or Facebook reassuring and following him. Healthy and mature people who are gone for long periods of time from their families donā€™t say those things to the spouse that is keeping it all together in their absence. If he doesnā€™t respect your relationship or you enough to see when you need support he shouldnā€™t be allowed to access the good things you bring him. Please donā€™t lower yourself for him and donā€™t allow his ego and selfishness take over your life! He needs to be supportive of you and your needs. Asking someone not to be in contact with ex lovers or potential lovers is not a controlling or petty thing, especially if he wouldnā€™t be okay from the same behavior with you.

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I think this man is cheating. Heā€™s disrespecting you and being sooo shady. My petty ass would surprise visit him in the other state on a regular basis.

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Even if he isnā€™t cheating, what heā€™s telling you isnā€™t right. Basically do it all yourself and Iā€™ll just worry about me Iā€™d what heā€™s saying. Yeah kids are hard and itā€™s even harder when you are the one running the show solo. If you have to do it all yourself, you should just be by yourself. Bye boi!

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If you know God fast and pray so your spirit will tell you but God gives us Discernment and that is what is going on your not nuts your right on it ! Tell him he must go your are not taken it because Liars do not win they lose ! Will be praying for you my sister in Christ ! Grapevine ministry International were we pray till it comes to pass amen

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I would not be ok with my husband being gone so much

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Itā€™s sounds like YOURE the other woman :frowning:ā€¦ run!

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Why didnā€™t you move with him to where he works? Or why did he accept a job so far away?
He has a whole other life in that other state. A life with no wife and no children. Do you have a shared bank account? Or separate? If you guys have separate bank accounts and are living in different states itā€™s time for you to either tell him its not working and you need to find an alternative like you and the kids move to where he is or he finds a job closer OR you end things and he can have the kids every other weekend and pay child support.

Yikes, I dont think youā€™re in the wrong here at all. Sounds like he wants to have his cake & eat it too.

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Time to say bu bye to him. Pretty obvious heā€™s cheating

Kick him out and donā€™t look backAnd take him for support

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Sounds like cheating should probably the least of your worries. Youā€™re doing a lot by yourself. How long can you sustain yourself within a marriage without mutual support? Heā€™s showing you who he is.

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Set you up a fake FB and nail his ass to the floor

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Follow your gut do whatā€™s best for you so you can be 100% did your babies

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You arenā€™t overreacting at all. Iā€™ve been in slightly similar shoes and I know itā€™s a really shitty feeling. I think you guys need to have a really serious talk but I understand thatā€™s not exactly easy when he says things like that or acts that way to youā€¦like heā€™s just brushing it off or making you feel bad, crazy, or wrong for bringing it up. Or the whole making you feel inadequate because you are ā€œcomplainingā€ about it being hard with the kids. Let him fā€™ing take on the role of care taker and now teacher for 4 kids in that age range. Guarantee heā€™d be stressed beyond compare. I wish I had good advice for this. My first thought is to tell him wtf time it is and that you are not gonna be treated that way or spoken to like that and that if he canā€™t respect you then why is he with you? But I also know that itā€™s not always that easy to just put your foot down and even when you have maybe he still just brushes it off like its stupid.
Whatever you do, just know that you arenā€™t wrong or crazy or stupid etc etc and that you have every valid right to feel how you feel. And do not let him get away with this shit for too long. The longer all of what you described goes on, the worse itā€™s going to hurt you. Sooner rather than later you need to have the make it or break it talk and tell him you arenā€™t going to tolerate any of that and if he wants to work on the relationship itā€™s now or never. Iā€™m rooting for you. You are a damn warrior raising 4 kids and being teacher and working. Donā€™t ever doubt yourself.

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Sounds like my ex , so dodgy and hiding things , I wouldnā€™t trust him

Iā€™m sorry but I donā€™t know any good husband who would speak to his wife that way :disappointed: and there is so much shade! You are doing everything yourself anyway, It may take a while, but youā€™ll feel so much better in the long run! You can do better! Trust your gut and donā€™t waste your precious time with a jerk!

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His ass is being shady as hell !!!

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Sounds like he is running around on you I had one. Say goodbye

Heā€™s got a side piece thats stroking his ego hard!!!

Sounds like cheating to me

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he has a whole other life. thereā€™s no way a man coming home on weekends or every other weekend and not want to have sex

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What would I do??? Geez, girlā€¦Iā€™m pretty sure you know the answer to your question. Those are aaaallll classic signs of him being unfaithful, but thatā€™s not even the worst part, he is being a narcissist and he is being a horrible father if you are handling the kids on your own. You guys already acting like divorcee parents might as well make it a reality and not have to worry if he is being unfaithful or not, heā€™s being a p.o.s, bottom line.

Kick him to the curb. Sounds like an immature jerk? Wants his cake and eat it too.

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First off stop trying to tell grown ppl what to do. He knows itā€™s not appropriate yet and still he does it. That alone speaks volumes.

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I donā€™t have children but I think you should tell him to stay where he is at you and them babies deserve so much better then a little boy who wants all the attention and not show yā€™all none keep your head up mama your doing amazing job :two_hearts::heart: FYI I donā€™t know how I became apart of this page but Iā€™m glad I could give you advice :blush:

Nope! Hes being shady and selfish and im sorry probably sleeping with someone else

I caught my man messaging girls he had slept with asking for ā€˜one more timeā€™ so I kicked him out because I now know my worth :kissing_heart:. Kick his ass to the curb! Xxx

He. Is. Cheating. Period.

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Heā€™s a pig headed cheater! Get STD checked and file for divorce. Claim abandonment and take every damn dime he wishes he had!

Huge red flags my dear!!!

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