I need some serious advice on if I’m being unreasonable or “controlling” with my husband. So I’m 28 weeks pregnant so I can’t really go to the bars with my husband and drink with him right now and my husband kind of over the years drifted away from a lot of his other friends due to them starting new jobs, moving away and starting a family of their own. One of my close friends who recently moved back to our state from another state due to her leaving her sons father has been saying she wanted to go drinking since she hadn’t went drinking since she’s had her son. Well my husband and her started making plans to go to the bar together without me… well a couple years ago she drunkenly became quite flirty with my husband, nothing to agressive but it was very obvious that she was flirting with him. She apologized to me so many times after the fact and blamed the alcohol and since shortly after she moved away and got pregnant and had her son I kind of just brushed it off. We stopped talking for a little period of time because the vibe was a little weird but when she was going through some hard times she came to me and I felt the need to help her and be the person she felt safe talking to about her problems. Well since she’s been back she’s been trying so hard to get my husband to go out drinking with her and he encourages it and I did express my discomfort for it a couple times to my husband but he’s saying I just need to trust him and I’m overreacting. I asked why we couldn’t just go to a restaurant bar so I could go with them and just drink water and eat while they had drinks and it was basically a “no” because I had to stay home to watch my friends son and “the bar environment is just better then a restaurant”. I got so upset with my husband and told him so many times that I just didn’t like the idea of them going drinking together alone and he’s being very dismissive of my feelings and said I’m being controlling and he never thought I was like this because Ive never told him he couldn’t go drinking with friends before this and we’ve been together for 8 years. Am I overreacting? I love my friend but I just know how flirty she gets when she’s drinking so I’m really torn.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I being controlling? - Mamas Uncut
You are not being controlling you were just Noticing some big red flags, why can’t they go to a restaurant bar that sounds like a perfect place for all of you to be able to get together I would be a bit suspicious if they did not want to include me
But why does she need to go drinking with your husband, it’s weird.
The lack of respect they’re having for you is not ok . No means no . You’re not comfortable and offered a solution . Going to dinner where a drink could be ordered . Your friend sounds like she belongs to the streets . Sorry
if she blames alcohol on the way she acted towards your husband… then why would an innocent friend wanna go drinking alone with him again
Wait. You can’t go because you have to stay home to watch your “friend’s” son? Your husband is definitely being inconsiderate of your feelings and if it is just automatically assumed because you can’t drink you’re the babysitter that’s taking the disrespect to another level.
you’re not controlling, they’re being suspicious as hell.
Your a big girl, do what ever ya want…sounds like she has ulterior motives, make your own plans, tell her you can’t sit for her.
He’ll no n that ain’t a friend
Tell your friend that you will be going and just order what at the bar. Tell your “husband” you made up your mind and that you will be going regardless of what he says. And that you will not be left out. He’s your husband, and she’s supposed to be your friend. Your friend can not just force her child on you because you’re pregnant.
Hell no. First of all, she can find someone else to watch her kids. You don’t go watching him so she can go drink with your husband. Second… He’s your husband and she’s your friend? There’s no reason you couldn’t go with them and drink water or pop. If they’re telling you they don’t want you to come… There’s a reason and I would go with your gut. There’s something up. You need to sit down and have a discussion with her and tell her how you feel about it and then it’s not going to happen anymore
Its obvious double standard, if another man had got drunk and hit on you then years later wanted to go drinkin with you and leave him at home he’d throw a shitfit
Leave that man and stop associating with her she is not your friend if you told him it made u uncomfortable and he said no ….he’s hiding something ,big red flags
Why are u watching someone else’s kid while ur husband goes and drinks with her that’s crazy
No honey your not being controlling they’re been disrespectful. And if you don’t put a stop to this now she will be screwing your husband soon, I’m sorry to be blunt but this has disaster written all over it
Oh hell no.
I’d be mad. Nothing about this seems right. Why are both of them so pushy in going drinking together? Why do YOU have to watch her son? Why did she encourage to go drinking with him and not someone else? Why is it that when you expressed discomfort in it that he dismissed how you felt and basically said just deal with it?
Absolutely no reason he needs to be going out drinking with her. They can hang around the house and drink while spending time with you.
I’d be MAD.
It’s not unreasonable to feel that way, and it’s not controlling. A married person and a single person, of any gender that might be attracted to each other, do not need to be hanging out in that context…I think that almost anyone in your position as the spouse would feel the same way. I’d definitely be upset if I was asked to stay home and babysit another woman’s kid while my husband and said other woman went out “drinking” together. That’s just a recipe for potential trouble.
I’d be blunt and point blank to both of them. I’m going with, find someone else to watch your son because you as a human being like being including in activities with other adults as well. You are not her child’s keeper, and they did not ask. Do not make demands
Both of them are in the wrong. She isn’t a friend. At all. And your husband isn’t being a good husband.
Wow! I cannot believe this. So basically you’re the babysitter while your husband goes out with another woman. And they are adamant that you don’t accompany them. Step back and think how that really looks. Your husband and this woman plan to do more than drink. It’s actually quite sickening.
How bout you take your friend to the bar and be her designated driver/wing woman and your husband stay home with the kid? People can go to a bar and not drink, even when they are pregnant, and still have fun.
But they probably won’t go for that because they’re either already having an affair or are heading towards it.
I’d put some distance between my family and my ‘friend’.
“In vino Veritas” (loosely translated, in wine there’s truth, or something to that effecct…) Bottom line, can’t blame alcohol for that kind of behavior… may be time to evaluate the situation as a whole, but at the end of the day do what’s best for you and your kid(s)…
I would not watch someone elses kid so she could go drinking with MY husband at a bar !! ! His ass would be out that door and they could live with each other if he went that route that is so damn disrespectful…you need to put your foot down
Um no. You are not over reacting. On what planet would it be ok for your friend whom is single and your husband think it’s ok to go to a bar together to get hammered while you are babysitting said friends kid.
He is already with her and you are being used by both of them is my opinion
Thafuck? I just cant even wrap my head around what I’m reading……girl please don’t let him treat you like that. She trying to get in his pants and he’s letting her disrespect you on top of his own disrespect!!! On top of that while they get all fuckin friendly they want you to watch the kid??! Do you have stupid written on your forehead or something??? Holy shit. Both of their worlds would be rocked with that kind of audacity if I was in your shoes. The amount of petty would be 10000%
WTF did I just read… I’m sorry but noooo… don’t take care of her son, cut ties with her completely, fuck her, and fuck him too.
that would be a no. period.
F NO would I be watching some chicks kid while she goes out drinking with my husband oh hell no !
Your husband should not want to go drinking alone with a female who isn’t his blood relation. This is sketch.
They’re probably already messing around
There is no reason you cant go along,you can drink none alcoholic drinks
Hire a damn babysitter and go with them or it doesn’t happen. I don’t go drinking alone with my friends husband. That’s just asking for trouble
I wouldn’t be comfortable with it considering she was inappropriate last time.
Some one gave the correct answer - go with them - you don’t have to drink booze - soft drinks are available. If she drops out of the picture you will know she was after your husband.
I made up my mind at “my husband and her started making plans to go together without me.”
Hell no… not ok
Trust your gut… your feeling this for a reason
Crystal Ayala Lol thoughts? I feel like hell no. You are the only female I’d allow this with and even then I’d be like I’m going too
Sounds like they both got feelings for each other if he said no to you going with. If there’s no trust there’s nothing
Um you have to watch your friends child while your husband and friend go out? Thats a red flag all day. You arent being controlling at all he just trying to put the blame on you so he can go. I wouldnt do it if I was you. Seriously.
You are not, but your foot down!
Hell no! And I would tell your “friend” that you aren’t going to watch her son either. Def some red flags
Hell no. She can find another baby sitter and you can go with them. Full on bar or not. You can drink non alcoholic drinks. Tf!!!
If you arent a controlling person then that should show him HOW uncomfortable it makes you
Let them go, then show up you can catch them in the act because I guarantee there is more going on.
Absolutely not. For one you are not her free babysitter. Just who does she think she is. My grandma always told me that drunken actions are representative of the sober mind and in this case it seems like my grandma is right. I don’t want to be harsh because you’re going through enough. If they aren’t messing around now, they are going to be. This woman and your husband have zero respect for you. She is not your friend. With friends like that, you certainly don’t need any enemies. I have no words for your husband but his behavior and encouragement is gross on his part.
Oh dear sorry to say this but I think they are having an affair and I’d be suspicious that he is the father of the child. Maybe that was the weird vibes. Did he go away on any “trips” not long after she left the state? Start digging.
I certainly wouldn’t be the 1 looking after her son for them to go out together.and your not overreacting.x
Wtf… so he prefers to not take you to a place where he can drink with no problem while you are able to drink a non alcoholic drink… he wants to take your friend instead… mmm they seem to be messing around or wanting to… just clearly tell him “I’m not taking care of anyone’s kids, I’m your wife and I’m going with you, I can drink water while you drink what you want but if you want to go with MY friend so bad maybe we should separate since you don’t care about my feelings , you expect me(YOUR WIFE) to care for her kid and you are choosing to take her over me?” You can also say “Is not about trust, but you choosing to take her when we have the option of a restaurant bar doesn’t seem right from my partner, I expect respect and you are not doing that” DO NOT WATCH HER KID!!! THATS HER RESPONSIBILITY ,NOT YOURS! And SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND, A FRIEND WONT KEEP PUSHING SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, AND YOUR PARTNER IS A JOKE! I WISH YOU COULD SHOW HIM WHAT I SAY, I WOULD TELL HIM THIS RIGHT IN HIS FACE, HE SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!!
You are not being controlling at all. You’re not giving him an ultimatum, you’re not telling him no…you’re trying to include yourself in the plans and you’re trying to express how you feel about the 2 of them going out, with VERY legitimate reasons and he is dismissing everything that is not specifically them going to a bar alone together. This whole situation has red flags planted throughout. Best case scenario, neither of them have much respect for you.
Nope not me I’d flip tf out
No!! They are trying to go on a date while you babysit. The fact that they are so insistent on you not going is a problem on top of the flirty past. That’s not controlling, that’s setting a boundary. You even came up with a back-up plan that could involve everyone and it was shot down. Why can’t you and the friend go “drinking” (obviously with you drinking nonalcoholic) while your husband stays home and babysits??
Theyre either already cheating or planning to
Yeah, NO!!! My husband wouldn’t be a husband after that nonsense.
You are not overacting at all.
Pregnant with my oldest I was still hitting the bar regularly with my husband. He loved me going along, no worrying about who would be the DD anymore lol.
This is the reasons why I don’t want female friends
Wtf! Over reacting my A!! Get rid of your friend, and reevaluate this husband/ wife relationship
No it’s very odd that he wants to go drinking that badly with your friend and you just can’t go cause you have to watch her son. Both of them are being sketchy.
So… everyone’s already said it… they are trying to go on a date together. You might just beat ur friends @$$ and peg ur man to show who’s boss just sayin lol
A true friend will not go out with your husband while you stay at home babysitting. Your friend wants your husband.
Typical cheater’s move: GASLIGHTING: “he’s being very dismissive of my feelings and said I’m being controlling and he never thought I was like this because Ive never told him he couldn’t go drinking with friends before this …”
Hell no!!! This is over the line
Especially while you’re pregnant! Wtf!
I mean why can’t you still go to the bar just not drink?
So they go out to a bar a most likely cheat while you stay home and babysit? Nope! Don’t agree to babysitting if they’re going to cheat they could at least not make you watch the kid while they do it.
Should probably check their messages, sounds fishy, absolutely don’t trust them.
Your husband should respect your feeling and never put you in such a position.
You’re not overreacting, she’s YOUR friend! Go out with her and have non alcoholic drinks and have a good time together. Let your hubby watch her son for the night it’s weird as hell for him to want to go out with your friend alone
I mean I go to the bar and drink Dr Pepper and eat bad nachos with or without my husband they are right the bar vibe is different if you love and trust your husband then take a step back I had to learn that not all men cheat and sometimes friends are nothing more then that
Nopeeee. She’s no friend and he’s no man. They’ve already crossed a line that cannot be brought back. You need to cut her off and tell him that if he attempts to go, it’s over. You’re being forced to babysit while they go on a date. How do you know they’ll be at a bar? Sounds like a plan to sleep together if they aren’t already. Trust your gut and put a stop to this now. I’d also start snooping to see if they’re talking behind your back. This is SO wrong!
Honey I was in that situation. I am not with that man anymore and I don’t talk to that “friend” anymore!
Why dont you tell your friends how you feel, she should be aware of her crossing the line before and to be honest she should be going out with you and not with him. Let him babysit her child and you two go out.
No your not overreacting.
But, I think I would ask why he wants to go at all. I would think he’d want to stay with his family or wife. It is important that you trust him. But, why is he forcing it.
Tell your friend your not sitting with her child while she’s out trying to get your husband drunk. Who’s driving home? They are both drinking.
Uhm no, you are not overreacting. First of all, that is weird and inappropriate for your husband to leave you home to go to a bar to get plastered with another female, who has previously been inappropriate with him. If I can’t go he doesn’t need to go. No way in hell am I staying home, pregnant, to watch some girl’s kid so she can go to a bar with MY husband. No ma’am! Your husband is disrespecting you by even entertaining this idea. I bet he would not like it if the roles were reversed. If he goes through with it, drop the kid off with someone else and make a surprise visit to the bar, bet you will not like what you find. I get it, I get flirty when I drink too. However, I always surround myself with people who keep me in check if my husband cannot be there. I would never go to a bar with a man by myself without my husband for this very reason. Why put yourself in a position to open a door that should stay closed? Your husband is in the wrong here, not you.
He is cheating with her …
Thats way OVERBOARD …
A friend of urs an ur husband are more than Buddy buddy…
Who knows where they end up after having a few drinks could in a motel or anywhere else…
Hell no why arw u Babysitting for her while she goes out an have a great time with ur husband …
COME ON BE REAL!!!
U ARE A WIFE AN PREGNANT DRAW THE LINES…
Nope. You are NOT overreacting. That’s a big hell no. Get new friends dismiss her.
She wouldn’t be my friend anymore after flirting the first time. No way are you over reacting.
Affair n Um why are you the babysitter. If she wanna get out she can stop using u
Tell your so called friend to kick rocks. She sounds like trouble and a manipulator. Specially after she already crossed the line before. Again this is her being very inappropriate “convincing” YOUR HUSBAND to go drinking with her knowing what happened the last time. She imo seems like she has ulterior motives or she would not be crossing this line again. I wouldn’t trust her for nothing. And I sure as hell wouldn’t be watching the kid. Tell her to get her own damn babysitter if she feels the need to keep placing herself in your husbands path and it always involves alcohol. Something is just not sitting right here. Red flags are really flying high. And for your husband to go along with it and gaslight you is double red flags. He should have obviously said politely no thank you. Then him have the nerve to say you are being controlling and dismissive of your legit feelings cause of what happened last time is unbelievable!!! You are no way even close to overreacting you 3 all know what happened and if you had not been there the first time would your husband had been a real husband and shut her down or would he have fallen into the trap?Sorry not sorry, this home wrecker knows exactly what she is doing and if given the chance to be alone with your hubby without you she will do it again! And because you are not there to stop it from happening what does she really want? And why is she doing this to her friend again? Friends do not do this to each other. Something is very off. But for your husband to say your overreacting and trying to not do the right thing and make it a night where you all 3 can enjoy a nice evening out speaks volumes of him. The no would not have set well with me. If you can’t go as well to enjoy yourself with them then no, he cannot go either. It sounds to me they have something to hide. Tell that woman to find her own babysitter and that she needs to find her OWN date your man is taken and honey he’s not a carnival ride where everyone gets a turn! Distance yourself from her immediately something just isn’t right here.
You are absolutely not overreacting… And that girl is not YOUR friend, your her friend. Please don’t trust her.
How about you and hubby go out for dinner:couple: and she stays at home and looks after her own dam kid:family_woman_boy: . No way would that sit well with me and given the history:exclamation: she is out of line even suggesting it:x:. Bye friend.
Uhhhhhhhhh honey no youre not overreacting at all …
She is not a friend and your spouse is an !@#hole.
Your mad at her but why? Your husband could say he’s good if not at the restaurant. Your husband knows your feelings and his dismissing them. That’s a red flag
Tell her to look after her own child, and go out for dinner with hubby. If he doesn’t like that then you really have a problem.
Oh HELL NO! Especially since she flirted in the past and now she wants to go alone with your husband?? Something is definitely going on! The fact that your husband is acting this way is making me believe he may be into her as well!! No respect from either one! I’d say you go with her alone stay with her I’m out!!
So they make you babysit her kids too? You will be raising your baby alone. Might as well start now.
Don’t you dare watch her son while she goes put drinking with your husband who does she think she is! Husband is cheeky too expecting you to do it. No way draw the line how vile of them both
I really wish she would comment back and tell
Us what she plans to
Do! At least she knows it’s not normal and she’s not
Crazy for feeling this way.
You need a new friend because she’s not one.
Sounds like they’re going on a date and using you as the babysitter in plain sight. Fuck that. My husband wouldn’t even be in communication with another woman to that degree where plans are made without me. He has a female best friend that was in the picture decades before he met me and I know that line would NEVER be crossed on either end. The fact that she’s YOUR friend AND has shown interest in your husband before but thinks this is okay now is vile to me. I’m 33 weeks pregnant right now and get included in my husband’s plans still all the time. They’re is more going on here than they want you to believe. Drop her, she’s not your friend. This is a recipe for disaster. Like a pre scheduled affair that they already plan to blame on alcohol.
I’m not even going to sugars coat. That’s fucked up. If she wanted a night out you think she would invite YOU. There’s something that doesn’t sit right there. It’s the persistence.
Nicole-Rose Oxtoby I can’t even picture us pulling this kind of move. This would piss me off!
Hell no ,I wouldn’t baby sit so they could go out,she is supposed be your friend not so much his , she already has had a bite at cherry ,no way would she get a chance to bite it again ,you all go out or or no one goes out, ask your hubby would he let you go out drinking with a male friend once your baby is born ,I bet the answer would be no ,tell him to go and live with her if he puts her needs to drink over your feeling . No women should come before you, tell him to stay home and baby sit while you both go out for dinner and drinks ,don’t you need a girls night
Omg no all the red flags I would have stood my ground the first time and let her know that what she didn’t wasn’t completely unacceptable. And now on top of her still being inappropriate y asking a married man who has a pregnant to a bar is completely wrong what the hell? And to watch her kid I’m nope you’ve gotten played so bad and made to feel delusional! Plus she’s a fellow woman who’s been pregnant before the last thing you want as a pregnant wife is for your husband to be at a bar omg please tell her to fuck off and to never set her eyes on your family again!
Is that baby of your friends his??
She don’t sound like your friend to me!
You both need to stay away from that friend if husband says no he wants her around “LEAVE”
Kick him to the curb!!
Why can’t you go to the bar, you don’t have to drink alcohol, they do serve Virgin drinks, ginger ale , club soda. Why the hell would you watch her kid when she’s moving in on your man? What the hell kind of husband is he to not respect your feelings.
Well technically your controlling what he can and cannot do so there’s that. If you trust your partner then I don’t see why not … on the other hand bars do serve water as well so get a sitter and make it a good night out
Not overreacting. Thats a bad situation to allow for cheating.