AITA for not letting my brother take my kids out?

So my brother has like 6 kids and his daughter birthday just past (she turned 2) he stopped me last night and said he wanted to take my kids out with him and his family to do something for her birthday and said he’ll just call me ………this morning I was talking to my sisters and my boyfriend about it cause I’m not sure about that and my sister said he was already taking her 2 kids so I said idk about him squeezing 8 kids in his car plus my 2 then taking them to a public place I’m just not comfortable giving he literally has a infant and 2 toddlers to watch plus all the bigger kids to keep track of my son has a sensory issue (he can’t handle a lot of public places wit a lot of ppl) and don’t even really like my brother anyways my sister and my boyfriend told me I’m not giving him enough credit but my other sister agreed with me am I being rude about this?


Your child, your rules (boundaries).


Instead of telling him no say “I would love to help you celebrate her birthday just tell me when and where we should meet to celebrate.”


I would let you brother take the kids. I would trust your brother if he says he can do it and see how it goes for the 1st time. If your really that uncomfortable then offer to help with all the kids and go with him.

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Girl those are your kids! What you say goes!


If he can’t transport them safely then I would say no your NTA.


Maybe go along. I mean, it is your niece’s birthday party.


Always follow your gut especially when it has to do with your kid

You are here to protect and care and for all ur children to feel safe if other ppl get hurt feeling about that , that’s not ur problem, you are there mum do what’s right for you and the kids :blush:

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Not being weird at all. What I can’t understand is why all the parents are not going as well to make it a fun family thing.


Yes. He’s trying to get the cousins together for a fun birthday party. Yes there are a lot of kids. Instead of saying no….maybe offer to go with so you have 2 cars and another adult to help.


No. But it doesn’t matter if it is rude. Your priority is the safety of your children, not someone else’s feelings. Besides, he is overextending himself.

You could take your son and monitor his interactions. True, your brother’s car isn’t big enough and he already has his hands full. Plus, you can determine when your son has had enough stimulation


You are only showing a serious concern for your children. I would trust my instincts on that with all that is going on in this world today. It is better to be safe than to be sorry.


No if your not comfortable your not comfortable end of story

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I think it’s your call. If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it. I personally think the fact that he doesn’t have enough room to safely get them there would be enough for me to politely decline.


Does he drive a school bus?

Lets start there.

Offer to go as some additional help?


Offer to go with them to help with your kids, you drive them, and if your sensory issue child needs to leave you can take him home.

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Listen to your gut! I’d say something like 10 kids are a lot. I’ll be happy to go with you to help out.

Never question how your doing things with your child. Not theirs. I agree with you

I would like it but if it make you that uncomfortable go with them.

Why not just ask how many adults are going and how they’re all traveling?
I mean there is more than one car in your state right?

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I would probably offer to go along too and help me track of all the kids. Seems like his heart is in the right place but I wouldn’t feel comfortable either with one person supervising that many kids that’s a lot for anyone


I’d say let me drive some kids too. I want to be there for my neohew or neices whichever birthday too and want to help out.

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Poor brother just trying to be nice to y’all. You could have volunteered to help him out some. He was excited. Sounds petty since “you don’t really like him”. Your boyfriend is right.


My son has sensory issues and would be overwhelmed in that situation too. I’d just offer to meet them there, simple. Don’t even make it a big deal. It is what it is.


I would offer to meet him at his destination with your children and stay. There’s no way he’ll have room for every child to sit in a car seat or booster seat! It’s illegal not to have proper seating for children. That alone is a good reason to meet him there.


I would volunteer to go. Kids shouldn’t suffer because of their parents.


Talk to your brother about it and tell him your concerns. Just be honest

It’s still your call…maybe offer to have a lunch or dinner with all of them in a place you think your child would be comfortable some other time to make up for it…or other activity that the kids could be all together…it is a nice gesture from your brother it means he loves the children to be together and have fun and build memories…hopefully he would understand if you say no…and your other sister has point maybe trust him a little bit and allow it…up to you though…

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Nope……you should take your own children and stay the entire time. He is asking for disaster watching all those kids! I would never let my kids go, I wouldn’t care who thought I was being rude……

No. Why can’t the adults go?


Don’t let the kids come because the way you feel about each other… he obviously wants all the kids together. Maybe go just for a half and hour then leave with your kids if you not comfortable leaving the kids with him

Yes you are cause family is important


Maybe you should just go with them.

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I’d offer to go along to “help” because 8-10 kids and 1 adult sounds like a lot… hell I won’t go shopping with my 2 without another adult to tag team. Seems like a recipe for disaster. If he doesn’t want you to come, neither can your kids. Simple as that.


You sound exhausting tbh. :woman_shrugging:t2: cue all the whiners :roll_eyes::joy:

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Offer to go and help? Does his partner have another vehicle they use? I feel like a phone call and more conversation with your brother would have been a better way to go about the whole situation.

Ur children, ur decision is my opinion. I have one child and another one on the way and if i wasn’t comfortable with a family member taking them, it wouldn’t happen


He just want his daughter to celebrate her birthday with her cousins and I think that is so cute, do not say not , just tell him that you will feel more comfortable if you are there to help him take care of all the kids, specially your son in case he gets overwhelmed or something

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NTA- keep your kids safe. Gut feeling are right. If you could go that would be nice. If not don’t feel bad for saying no

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Why can’t you go in your car with your kids? Or he just wants to take them all by himself? Is he crazy lol :joy: I wouldn’t let my kids go.He won’t even have enough seatbelts let alone enough ppl to supervise


Nah but I’d offer to go with so the kids don’t miss out on cousin time


I mean, did he intend to take your kids and his kids and your sisters kids all at one time? I don’t know how that would logistically even work with a car? Are you sure he didn’t mean just him and your kids? Maybe I’m just confused by this post :thinking: but if by some chance he does actually want to take 8-10 children somewhere by himself I and has that ability, yeah I’d ask to come along.

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He wants to put all these kids in one car? That’s illegal


Is there any particular reason
You don’t trust him ?
Perhaps you could go with him
To help look after your nieces/nephews
And your child

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Yeah your a ****** I hope he never ask to take your kids out again :ok_hand:

Have you spoken to him yet??? Do you know where they’re going and how? You are being very judgmental and yes, not giving him enough credit! And you don’t really like your brother! Ok. That’s not if your kids concern as you clearly still have a certain amount of business with him so the children shouldn’t miss out on time together just because you don’t like him or trust he can pull a gathering together

Your kid. Your rules. Period. If your mama gut says no. Stick with your gut…


I wouldn’t send my kid with anyone who is already watching 8 kids in a public place. Even if there are 2 adults that’s too much


So then offer to drive your kids yourself and offer to be another set of auntie/momma eyes on the kids. Don’t be so nasty

Can you offer to go with them?

Go with him. Make this a family time event. Adults have good time and the kids get to know each other.

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Basically, what everyone else said.

If he was planning to take 10 kids, in one car, by himself, then yes. You have a right to be concerned, simply by the fact that not all of them would fit in cars eats/seatbelts.

But instead of just saying no, you could have offered to go with him - it sounds like he was trying to get all of the kids together for his daughters birthday.

Yeah I’d say no too tbh. 8 kids being supervised by 1 adult in a public place, it’s a no for me lol Most people can’t even handle their 1 kid. I can handle up to 6 (mom of 4) but I know my limit and would be concerned for safety reasons-he only has 2 eyes, 2 hands and there are experienced child traffickers everywhere…
:100: agree with you.


Why not go with them, more adults to watch the kids and your child will be more comfortable in your car and with you being there

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May common sense prevail. That would be way to many to keep track of.


Sounds like your gut is telling you to keep your kids at home. So that’s what you should do. Or go with him.

You do what your instincts( g u t feelings) are telling. You… I agree with you…too many other children for 1 person to watch …and your son needs / deserves to feel comfortable and SECURE in his element at all time. Myself , I would pass., Maybe at a later date invite him and this kid to join vpu and your son , in your to make up for it.

Trust your instincts and stand your ground when it comes to the well being of your kids. Offer to go along and even help him plan the outing. Assure him that you wouldn’t want to miss the fun. If he or his family still get butt hurt, then oh well.

Why aren’t you and sisters going too? It’s your nieces birthday

Why not talk to him directly about it and ask him how he would transport them all or say you will bring them. Why not invite you also? Weird he wouldn’t invite you also. Tell him you aren’t comfortable with him only taking the kids and you would want to be there with them and would love to attend the party also.

I would say that you should set your personal feelings about your brother aside as he just wants to do something nice for the kids. It’s a birthday, it’s about the kids and your children shouldn’t have to feel excluded.

That being said, if you’re concerned about safety regarding the ratio of adults to kids, I would just offer to meet them there so you can be there to supervise your own children. I wouldn’t want them to miss out entirely though.

The answer is right there,
I know being a mother we all care for our children.
But the minute you said you didn’t even like your brother then why even ask?
Just saying

From a personal point of view, so I have 5 children and regularly take my nephews with me on days out so 7 children all together. It’s hard work but it’s so nice to see them all together. I’d be devastated if my sister told me I couldn’t take them because she didn’t think I’d be able to care for them properly.
If you’re really concerned ask to go with him or meet him there xx

Just go with to help. Drive so you can safely transport all the kids

Not once was the age of the other kids given maybe some are older and no boundaries mine are now 12 and 13 so I would allow them to go when they were little like before age 7 I would have offered to attend or to help with said event that way know body felt no type of way and my girls weren’t excluded. Now if this was my bio mother asking to do this I would still at this age say no see I know who will keep my babies safe Nd who wouldn’t and I know from my experiences as her child that’s a hard no for me she has never ever even kept them all night or for an hour alone so not enough info to say here

Yes you are being rude about it he is the child’s uncle and had offered to spend time with child and the child to spend time with other children in the family on a special occasion if your worried about not enough space in car or enough adults offer to go with them to help etc but don’t deny him the time etc

Why don’t you just offer to go and help.
He wants all the cousins together.

Im a mamma bear so i totally get being cautious. Can never be to safe in this crazy world.

Just offer to go and tell him their probably won’t be enough room to haul all those kids in one vehicle.

Wait how does he intend to fit fit TEN passengers into ONE vehicle???
Besides, There is no way one adult can watch 10 kids simultaneously, in a public space. It is humanly impossible .

Offer to go with and let some of the other kids drive with you. That way your kids are being transported safely, they get to hang out and have fun with their cousins and your little boy can call “time-out” when he gets overwhelmed.

Sensory issues? Like autism I would say don’t put your child with sensory issues through that from experience it doesn’t end well as I have 2 with autism and one has big sensory issues.

Offer to help with the transportation and supervising the children.