I think my 12-year-old son is gay. He has never really come out and said it, but it’s just a feeling I have as a mother. I am completely fine with this if he does decide to tell me on his own terms. But my family, however, would not be very accepting. They are all huge Christians, and I don’t want my son to feel some type of way. How can I prepare myself to handle my family if my son is gay? I am honestly 99% sure he is by little comments he has made, so I just wanna make sure I support him 100% when the time comes that he decides to tell me. Advice?
Whether he is or not your an awesome mom for accepting him and doing what you can yo ease the hurt of others who may not.
Treat him as your son as for your family if they cannot love him for who he is then it’s their loss
Hugs to you both. You’ll be fine, mama.
Just support him that’s all matters. . . If some families are not accepted the way he is then they can go hell neways
You start by letting them know that your support is with your child and if any of them have anything negative to say about it, they can leave your life.
Tell your family whatever year it is and get over it or dont speak about because no matter what it isn’t there business to speak on . And support him 100%
As long as he has his mom he will be okay. I can not Express how important it is to have a parent who’s got your back.
Don’t tell them anything it’s not their business if they don’t like it it’s their problem and if they have anything derogatory to say about your son tell them they are not welcome at your home again. Xx
Support him. Fk your family if they cant. End of story.
Just love him no matter what
Give him lots of support and I would cut off anyone who has a problem with it and won’t respect it.
Tell them to worry about their own kids, he has all the support he needs from someone whose opinion matters
First off, let me address that you are a badass momma.
Second, I’m sure he knows the stigma that comes with being gay already. It’s very known, prolly why he hasnt said anything himself. He maybe trying to get you to ask him about it if hes making little hints. Just tell him to be prepared for their reactions or comments and know that all that matter is if he loves himself and that you love him too.
You can’t control the reactions of your family. All you can do is make sure he knows his mum loves him and has his back 100%.
I know that sounds rough but it’s almost 2020 and it’s really hard for gay and lesbian kids to come out I’m glad you support him 100 percent. Stay strong for him and always I mean always be there to listen when he needs to talk
Tell them he’s your son and as a Christian it is their responsibility to love him too. If they can’t then don’t be around them.
I’d say first of all, just stick by and support your son no matter who he chooses to love. Make sure he knows that you will NEVER stop loving and supporting him. You can’t force everyone to accept everything about him but I how they would at least have respect and still love him. If I was in your shoes I would have a hard time having a relationship with people, even if it was family, who made my child feel less than.
Also PLEEEASEE don’t tell out him before he’s ready (if he’s even gay)… Just make sure he knows he can come to you for anything without judgment. Lots of love to you momma!
Don’t tell them anything! It’s up to him if he ever wants to come out to family, otherwise it is not their business.
Just make sure he knows he’s in a safe place with you, and that you love him unconditionally. If he talks about it with you, remind him not all people are kind and accepting. I wouldn’t tell him to expect anything one way or another from your family until you know how it’ll go for sure. Be there for him
Ths fact you want to know how to handle them is great, just support your baby, be his voice too, kick ass mama
They aren’t Christian’s if they judge him. Remind them of that.
You support him no matter what he is your son and if they don’t support him then you don’t deal with them. It’s a choice you have to make!
its 100% not their business and doesnt need to be announced either. dont bring it up to him but make sure he knows he can tell you anything. and when/if he brings home a boyfriend, treat them as a couple the same exact way you would if it was a hetero relationship. when the holidays roll around and/if he has a boyfriend, include them!. he doesnt owe an explanation to anyone. not now not later not to you or ANYONE. and if your christian family doesnt support then start doing things with YOUR family. not the whole family.
its not your job to understand, its your job to accept and support and love UNCONDITIONALLY💛 proud of you for loving him despite your family background and good job for looking into advice. that shows you care
Just be supportive of him and when he is ready to share with you, you can talk about whom else he would want to know. Then go from there
If they have a problem then … family LOVE you unconditionally. No major preparing, because at the end of the day he apparently has a wonderful mama and he’ll be A ok with that.
Dump the family. If they can’t support him, he doesn’t need them in his life.
I hate that you have to say I support this BUT. I would say there is nothing you can do if your family chooses to be close minded. Honestly he is probably prepared for that. He needs you, and your support. The world is an ugly one. When he chooses to express how he feels I’m sure you’re the main one he wants on your side. And honestly if your family can’t accept your child I’d distance myself and child away from that during his fragile years. Let him get a backbone before he faces it all. Congratulations on being a loving supporting mother. You’re one in a million.
Tell them to go fuck themselves, because Jesus preaches love and how your son chooses to love is not their place to judge.
Accept your son for who he is and be his mom. When individuals do not understand tend to stay away!!!
I was raised in a very strict Christian family, and I believe any true Christian has no right to judge another, or treat someone differently because of their sexual orientation. I don’t believe God would want someone who’s gay to be hated or treated any sort of way. Your family doesn’t have to like it, but they have no right to treat him differently. I know my parents always loved us no matter what, even if I did something that would be considered a sin.
He just needs to know you love him and support him no matter what. You also may need to be prepared to stand up
To your family for your child. As long as he knows your in his corner, everything will be okay
If they can’t accept him the way he is (if he is) then maybe you should cut ties with them for him. In every situation choose your kids. Always. He needs support not the opposite.
If they are really Christians, they should know they aren’t put on this earth to judge, only love, even if they don’t agree with it. My daughter went through this, I of course support her, don’t care who she loves as long as she is loved by the person she’s with. Some of our relatives unfortunately aren’t so supportive, and you cannot always protect them from people, especially relatives, but if he’s got a strong support system from you, those that don’t accept him won’t matter that much in the end.
Other family members opinions do not matter. He is YOUR son and as long as you’re accepting and loving, that is all that matters. If others can’t love him for him that’s their problem. He’s your baby not theirs.
Have his back 100% as long as he has his mother’s love that will be his strength. Good luck, what a lucky boy to have a mum like you xx
Let him do this on his own
Don’t question him about it
He’ll figure it out sooner or later
My son didn’t come out until he was 23 years old
If and when he does figure out he’s gay, be there for him
The rest of the family will either accept him or they won’t
But having his mother’s support is huge
I’d tell them all you have the susspision without him around and tell them if they have a problem keep it to them damn selves!
Honestly my nephew has only come out to me so far but I told him whoever don’t like can kiss it just stand behind him and have his back stick up for him and tell him no matter what your sexuality is I love you because it’s who you are and I’m very proud of you finding out who you are in life and it takes a lot of courage to say who you are I’m gladly going to support you and as your mom I’m your biggest supporter
If they are “huge Christians”, as you say, they will show him nothing but love, right?
I say be prepared to walk away from them all.
If they can not accept your child…then bye
I’ve never been in your shoes mama. But I’m stopping by to so I’m so proud of you! He’s lucky to have a mom like you.
It’s your job to protect your children, even if that means family.
With that said if he does decide to come out to you DO NOT tell him it’s best if he keeps it from others bc of their opinions…that will def. Make him feel ashamed.
I’m pansexual & have plenty of LGBTQ friends so it was easy for me to have conversations with my kids letting them know it’s ok to like other genders than your own.
If he decides to tell you, you don’t tell your family anything. Let him decide when and who he wants to come out to. If that time comes then you stand by your son, just like you are now. If it never comes, then keep your mouth shut.
His sexual orientation doesn’t change who he is as a person. He’s still the same boy they have always loved. Continue to support him 100%.
He is a child of God and should be accepted
Sometimes you would be surprised how family reacts to a child being gay. My son is gay and it has never been a problem with our family. We have a little bit of everything in our family also. Christian’s, Republicans, Racist( he is also bi-racial). And if they love your son they will love him no matter what, and if they dont it is surely their loss. But dont let them be mean to him or talk down to him. He doesn’t have to put up with any of that shit!!! But you just love him no matter what.
If they don’t like it then don’t go around. He’s 12. They’re supposed to be adults and need to act like it. But YOU don’t get to come out for him or decide when he does. That’s something only he can decide. He just needs to have you back him up
I am a Christian. I don’t have to agree with someone’s choice in life to still love them. His family should love him gay or not.
All u have to to is ensure they feel loved and supported with no actual change to your behaviour.
My 15 yr old who believe she is trans… I don’t believe she’s quite there but she has told me she would feel better as a guy. Ok neat.
It changes nothing for us, we do see her differently, I support her mind set. The only thing is. I’m encouraging she waits a little before she decides to go ahead with any permanent changes. High school is a rough time.
Tell him that you love him. Tell him that you will always love him. Tell him that you are his biggest fan and will always be there to support him.
It doesn’t matter what your family thinks. You love him and he is your number one priority. The he’ll with what they think.
Love and support your son.
Honestly I think it’s crazy that people still feel like this is something that “needs to come out”… I mean if any of my kids ended up gay…I don’t feel like it’s something they need to announce to anyone. Shit just bring ur partner home just like u would with the opposite gender. But I get where ur coming from because my kids father would definitely not be as supportive as I am. He actually has a gay daughter he doesn’t approve of it … And him and I cannot discuss the matter because we disagree 100% … Just be as supportive as possible and try not to make a huge deal about it. What others think doesn’t mean anything!
Can we please just note that they are not real Christians if they refuse to accept him and keep loving him?!?! I am a Christian and hate when people claim their Christianity all the while living with hate and unacceptance in their hearts. This is why Christians get a bad wrap!
Well just like he is, drop little hints. Like, “oh pride is coming up im so happy people are finally comfortable in their own skin.” Maybe not that exactly but you will know how to talk about it without implying you think he’s gay
Kid first. If family doesnt support him, you choose him over them. Any day.
Not very Christ like to judge people not accept people for who they are. If they don’t accept your son they are hypocrites.
My son is gay. My family are Christians. We all love him. Remind your family when the time comes that God said to love thy neighbor. He didn’t say to only love them if they fit your version of perfect. He said love them all
My daughter is gay we went down and visited my very religious family,and my youngest sister mentioned she didnt like someone because they were gay, i was like you, and was like how do i handle this, and in a breif moment i said calmly and said," ya no i have always thought that was a very narrow way to think. I support anyones choice in how they feel." I knew my daughter was gay, but i wasnt going to out her but she turned and said, " yea and it is very hard for us because we cant help how we feel, and just because im gay does that mean you love me less?" My sister did nt no what to say and when she did she outed my daughter an me and my daughter stood tall together and when asked she said yes alot of them accepted her and even was like do u like any one. Please know this, their where some that didnt agree but i looked back on that breif moment that family or not my kids are even above them and if they couldnt accept them for who they are then id rather not deal with them at all. My daughter new that, and she actually thanked me.
While now your my family and over here we don’t care as long as your happy…so sending lots of love:kissing_heart:
I’ll just leave this right here.
Tell them he who without sin cast the first stone
i reckon show him that you love and support him and stand with him so regardless, no matter anyones opinions or beliefs wether its family or strangers he’s still loved for who he is!
Dont let them around him.
Just make sure you are there have his back and teach your son to hold his own because there will be people who will judge and you are not going to be there teach him to be the bigger man and walk away and ignore it ain’t worth his time
Sit down with him and let him know he is open to talk with you at any time with no judgement
Good job! I can’t tell you how to handle your family bc I barely have any let alone would care about opinions. Your son is lucky to have such a supportive parent.
I’m a Christian & so is my husband & MIL… my son (who had just turned 14 at the time) came out to us… as u said…I already knew & had known forever… its definitely a mom thing… but I flat out told every single 1 of them & ppl in our church… U WILL NOT CONDEMN MY SON TO HELL…we will love him & treat him like a human being & let God work on him… it was rough for my husband at 1st but its been 2 years now & hes grown to be waaaay more understanding… my husband said at 1 point he felt like he failed as a parent… I told him NO… HAVING A GAY CHILD DOES NOT MEAN U FAILED AS A PARENT… DISOWNING OR TREATING UR GAY CHILD LIKE MEANS U FAILED AS A PARENT… good luck momma… & just remember to remind ur son u r ALWAYS in his corner
Just let him know that you support him and ALWAYS have his back. Keep that negativity away from him. You’re an awesome mommy!
Any family that don’t support my child being gay ain’t family no more.
Well, obviously they are not “huge Christians”
Just love him for him . Nevermind anyone else’s opinions.
Forget your family. Build a support system around you with friends and family who are accepting. When he is ready to let you know, you would have people to stand by you and your son. When he comes to you and opens up, teach him that the world isn’t always kind and but to focus on those who are. It will be alright. Just allow him to be comfortable and never force him to places where people will bring him down. We as parents have to stand strong and protect our children in all ways possible.
YOU are the only one that matters.
They have no right to judge your child. You and ur son don’t need the negativity I would distance ourselves if they can’t accept him for who he is. It’s bad enough other People judge and a lot of children are taking their own life because of it so why let your family be a problem as well
Be there for him, and if you ever hear anyone say anything negative about him, tell them where to shove their opinions. It’s hard sometimes with super judgy religious families. My husband and I are athiest and are raising our children to be open minded and we will support what ever they want to believe in. We however do have a rule that our children are only to go to church with us present, we dont mind taking them if they where to ask, and don’t mind going to all types of different religious ceremonies. We want them to have a well-rounded exposure and not be pressured into a certain belief system. My husband and I come from Baptist and Methodist families, grew up a street apart and live in the same neighborhood as majority of our family. So it’s absolutely annoying to constantly be judged and condemned. We have had to put our foot down many times over the past 11 years of marriage, and it’s been annoying but we have stuck to our guns and our beliefs. Just love your kid for who he is.
If they are true Christians then they will not judge. And as long as you are with him, family should not care as long as he is happy and loved. Had the same problem with my brother. He didnt think anyone would expect him. But we all did and he is happy now.
Love him unconditionally, stay strong and remind them that God doesn’t make mistakes. Also, and this is my favorite…
Judge not less ye be judged.
My family are Jehovahs Witnesses and handled me coming out terribly. Know that this baby you gave life to is far more valuable to you than any distant relative. When you know in your soul the mom that you are to that boy you will not need any help in what to do with your family.
If your family won’t love and support him because of his preference in gender maybe they shouldn’t be around him. It doesn’t matter what they think anyways. You are mom and as long as you love and support him their opinions shouldn’t matter.
When my grandson told me I was not surprised but I love him to the moon & back he & his partner has taken great care of me in my old age love your son for himself tell anyone that God will take care of this not you Stand tall you do not owe any explanation if they do not understand that’s ok keep their mouths shut
If they’re real Christians. They’ll love and accept him as he is. Give him lots of love and support!
I knew from a young age my son was gay… when he decided to come out, I smiled and said I already knew… gave him the biggest hug, and said I will always Love and Support him. Always made him aware some people might not feel the same, but that’s problem not yours… he’s now 20, in a loving relationship with his partner job, and living life…
If they are “huge Christians” they would love and accept him no matter what. You’re son is your #1 if anyone does not accept him and they treat him any other way than you, as his mother feels is fair, then you should drop them like a bad habit. He is your child and if someone is treating him wrong because of the way he is, they should be no family of yours.
When he comes out, you tell him you know already and that you love him no different than you did the day he was born. You’re welcome to also tell him that anyone who doesn’t love and accept him doesn’t have to be in his life and that includes your family. Tell him that you will follow him where he leads, even if that’s out the door of grandma’s house on christmas eve. You share his heart on this and no one has a right to make him doubt himself or feel shame for being who god made him to be, not for one second.
Either they accept him or they don’t. If they don’t, it’s their loss.
I have uptight, bible thumping, Trumphole “Christians” in my family, but even they know better than to deny family for whatever their preference is. They may express their opinions, but they know better than to not accept people.
This isn’t really advice but more of a statement and I hope it helps
… I just wanted to say that you are an amazing mother for reaching out and trying to support him in his journy before he has even come out… navigating the family situation may be tough but it isn’t anything that he won’t face from other ignorant people. It will just hurt more that it is family treating him that way. There really isn’t anything from my perspective that you can do to change how they act, if they act that way to begin with (I really hope they surprise you). Continue to raise your son to own his truth and who he is… show him that you support him no matter what and that you will always be there when he has trouble with the rest of the world. Sometimes people are just ignorant… they can’t accept something that they themselves do not fully understand and It’s unfortunate that it will never fully change. Keep being a good mama and keep trying to protect your son… forgive yourself for not being able to protect him from everything… Sometimes, you just can’t… even though It’s a mother’s greatest wish to <3
Let them know if they step off they can step out. Respect goes both ways.
Best you can do is make sure he knows no matter what anyone else says you support him. You can’t control other people, but you can be there to build him up and support him when others dont
Love him the same as you would for his taste in clothes.
You drop the rest of your family then. You don’t need that negativity in your life and your son sure as shit won’t need it so if they try to condemn him you write them off.
I agree with Elyse do that
You stand by your son and cut out anyone who might be toxic to him. you let him know that he is loved and if people in his life can’t love him for who he is then they don’t belong in his life. They are the ones that need to change, not him.
I would love to be prepared with counteracting statements on any bible passages that are commonly used as antigay statements. There loss if they want to throw a family member away for there sexual orientation. Great momma for supporting your child.
When my Uncle came out to my Grandma… I guess she said “I know. Let’s go to Walmart.” Just a totally casual comment. Like “Yup… I’ve already known and I still love you the same. We have errands to run.” My family still talks and laughs about it
They’re loss. As long as you support him thats all that matters.
You love him unconditionally and he needs all your love to help him live his truth when he comes out. Sounds like you’re a great Mom!!
Regardless of how your family may feel what is actually important is for your son to feel like YOU are on his corner.
Your family may or may not come around. If they don’t, you don’t need them. Simple as.
I would talk to him first and have him confirm it before saying anything
Make sure you tell him you love him no matter what. At least your being supportive… he’s gunna feel happy that you are there for him no matter what. Some parent can’t even deal with that.
They either accept him or they can fuck off. I love my family but if this was me. My kid first 100%. I would drop all those mofos so fast. If they cant support him and you than they dont deserve you.